My grandmother was found outside this morning.....

Discussion in 'Countryside Families' started by ginnie5, Jan 10, 2007.

  1. ginnie5

    ginnie5 wife,mom,taxi driver,cook Supporter

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    She's 93 and really needs to be in a nursing home. My mother is not able to take care of her. But my mother is unable to live without Grandma's SS check so she keeps her at home with her. this morning or sometime during the night Grandma, who can barely walk with a walker, made it outside and down the ramp. She then crawled up under the porch. No one knows how long she was out there or why she went out......she doesn't remember going out. They took her to the ER and have given her warm fluids thru an iv to warm her and xrayed her and have found no broken bones which I think is a miracle. She's still cold to the touch they said and complaining about her hip hurting. Whatever pain meds she gets mother will take if at all possible. Its amazing that my dh's grandma who also has no assets was able to get in a nursing home when mil could no longer care for her but my grandma with no assets supposedly "can't" get in a nursing home because she has no $$.....my mother's words. This makes me furious. My grandmother, who has always helped anyone she could is suffering because her stingy daughter wants her SS check to live above her means. I want to go see Grandma, but that means seeing mother.......which right now I'm not really in the right frame of mind to do. I'd also have to take all the younger kids with me and after having everyone sick I really don't want them in a hospital. Maybe tomorrow I can go when one of the older girls will be home.
     
  2. Lisa in WA

    Lisa in WA Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Can't you and/or the doctors report this to social services? I think you have an obligation to report this.
     

  3. diamonds

    diamonds Well-Known Member

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    I am so sorry..Horrible situation for Grandma and alot of worries for you.


    If she is determined to keep her at home can she get what is called a driveway monitor? Place it inside instead of outside. The alarm would sound if she got near the door. Even door and window alarms would work. They can be found at Dollar General or walmart for about $5.00.
     
  4. DocM

    DocM Well-Known Member

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    Your county has a senior advocate, and or a dept of adult and family services. You have an absolute obligation to report this abuse. I'm surprised the hospital isn't investigating on its own.
     
  5. ginnie5

    ginnie5 wife,mom,taxi driver,cook Supporter

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    I'm hoping that the doctors will recommend she go to a home. My only other alternative to to put a call in to elder services in her county. To talk to my mother would accomplish nothing except the spewing of cuss words directed at me. I've been disowned more times than I can count and am basically thru dealing with her due to may things. Breaking my handicapped sister's wrist is one. Actually that might help in getting Grandma out of there...need to call my sis and talk about this.
     
  6. DocM

    DocM Well-Known Member

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    Definitely don't confront your mother! There are people who will help you with this. I hope your handicapped sister isn't living with her too!
     
  7. Helena

    Helena Well-Known Member

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    I don't see any reason why she can not be placed into a nursing home. Even without any money her medicare/medicade will pay all her bills...that is what it is for. You need to call social services and get her into a safe place..at once !! I wouldn't be surprised if the hospital does this and she isn't allowed to leave the hospital for home. Since you know about the situation and it is unsafe I would think you are obligated not only because you are related but by law. If I knew of this situation personally...I would not hesitate to call myself immediately. For you Mom needing the $$ from her SS...too bad. She's a big girl and should take care of herself..even if nothing else have the county send in home health aides to assist with her care...but a nursing home is the best place for her. Have the social worker at the hospital talk with you now !! She will be well taken care of and kept safe and warm. Do it now !!!
     
  8. kesoaps

    kesoaps Well-Known Member

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    Oh, I'm so sorry, Ginnie! Please call and get your grandma the help she deserves, and don't confront you mother over it.
     
  9. Tracy Rimmer

    Tracy Rimmer CF, Classroom & Books Mod Supporter

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    Call the hospital. Tell them the situation, and tell them that you need them to do something, because you cannot. The hospital should then call in either a social worker or whichever agency they feel necessary to ensure that your grandmother is receiving appropriate care.
     
  10. SeptemberWolf

    SeptemberWolf Well-Known Member

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    Yes, by all means call the county or get hold of the hospital's social worker. Your grandmother might fit into the category of "vulnerable adult", and in the circumstances you describe, social services will have to investigate and help out.

    Financial exploitation of elders is one of the categories of 'vulnerable adult' or elder abuse. the other part of the picture is the stress it places on you. I hope you can find some help on this.

    All the best.
     
  11. Karen

    Karen Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Abuse should not be tolerated, and this situation is abuse. It is your obligation and responsibility to report it. It is no different than if a child was in the same situation. Grandma deserves respect and protection -- you have the power to give her that. Call the appropriate agency ASAP!
     
  12. ginnie5

    ginnie5 wife,mom,taxi driver,cook Supporter

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    ok I called the social worker at the hospital.........she shut me down real fast. Grandmother was treated and is being released from the emergency room. The social worker said "oh yes I know the woman" and would help me no more. so I made another call to dss. The lady I talked to was very nice and is talking to her supervisor....but.....it seems they want more than one instance of Grandma leaving the house and wandering off. I told her that there is a report on file with the sheriff's office concerning her abuse of my sister last summer and that we experienced abuse growing up. I also mentioned that my mother is not physically able to bathe grandma due to her own health issues. She's supposed to call me back. Dh is worried that there are going to be repercussions to me since I gave them my name. It would not be out of line for my mother to show up here raising a stink. I have the sheriff on speed dial if need be. I simply will not answer the door to her. Call blocking stops hang up phone calls nicely. I don't know what else I can do. I can't go up there and forceably remove Grandma. And she won't leave "her baby" willingly. Not to mention there is no telling what mother would accuse me of in the process. Christmas before last I invited her to our home for Christmas and she accused us of trying to blow up her car........I have to keep my children safe from that kind of thinking.


    Social services just called me back and they are investigating. I hope that they do keep my name out of it.
     
  13. SeptemberWolf

    SeptemberWolf Well-Known Member

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    In Minnesota, there is a law that people reporting suspected abuse are kept CONFIDENTIAL. If a person violates this, there are legal penalties. I am so sorry you are having difficulties. What a rotten situation for you.
     
  14. tamsam

    tamsam Well-Known Member

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    Ginnie I hope your gm doesn't live in Lancaster Co. I had problems with them years ago and ended up going to the govenor to get them moving. As for the social worker at the hospital, call and talk to the hospital adminastor. Any social worker or agenecy is susposed to either report complaints to a higher person or investagate them selfs and file a report. Believe me I have been there and done that. For your gm safty don't stop even if you have to get the news media involved. Good luck and keep us posted. Sam
     
  15. happycat

    happycat Well-Known Member

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    Call social services again and tell them you fear what your mother may do if she learns you are the one who initiated the call. I'm sure they are used to handling touch situations.

    The timing is perfect for them to investigate, seeing that your grandmother was recently hospitalized. I hope she recovers and can find a better, safer living environment. Your mom, on the other hand, sounds like a real piece of work.
     
  16. via media

    via media Tub-thumper

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    I'm sorry this is happening. Even though it may become difficult for you (with your mother) to pursue the matter, it sure sounds like your grandma deserves to have someone like you sticking up for her.

    ((hugs))

    /VM
     
  17. Spotted Crow

    Spotted Crow Well-Known Member

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    Oh boy!!!
    Prayers for GM and Mom needs a kick to the moon!
    Calling DSS and the State was the absolutely correct thing to do.
    I'm presuming mom is in her 50's/60's so there's no reason that she can't do any sort of work...just being a sponger.
     
  18. ginnie5

    ginnie5 wife,mom,taxi driver,cook Supporter

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    well they did not release Grandma....it seems when they tried to get her to stand she couldn't. They saw no broken bones when they did xrays but apparently there is a possibility that she has had a stroke. Sis said her bp was 150/116 and that is really high for her. Hers always has run low. I know that the social worker was planning on seeing her today. I don't think they will disclose who made the complaint. they know that I am concerned about her finding out its me that called. Legally they're not supposed to but you know how those things go. Mother is 59 and has heart problems and is on disability. she lives above her means however. She loves to shop and has more clothes than any one person wear in a year. Belks is one of her fav places to shop. Not clearance either. Eating out and smoking are also a huge expense for her. Its kinda funny though...the social worker called me to check the address (I got the numbers the wrong way) and within 10 minutes my sis called to tell me that they weren't releasing her after all.
    All the good memories of my childhood revolve around my grandparents. They raised me till I was 3 and my mother remarried. My Grandma said her and my paw were worried that I would die I screamed so hard when they took me away from them. All through the years growing up with Mother, Grannie was always there trying to make things better. As soon as I was 16 I moved out of mother's house and went to Grannie's. It breaks my heart to see her like she is now. she was a strong woman and still is. We're packed in here like sardines until this addition is done but if there was anyway possible I would still bring her here to live. Dh and the kids would help and the kids would have a blast having her here. They loved the stories she used to tell. They were the same ones she used to tell me growing up. Every weekend we went to their house. I remember going to bed at night with the screen door open and a breeze coming thru. We'd lay in the bed and she'd make up stories to tell us or tell us about her growing up. It was a wonderful time.
     
  19. WindowOrMirror

    WindowOrMirror ..where do YOU look? Supporter

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    She'll know who made the complaint. Don't let that worry you. Someone has to do the right thing, and since mom isn't, you must.

    I am of the strong opinion that children SHOULD take care of their parents late in life and that no one should have recourse to "public" dollars (read: private dollars that were 'jacked' from our paychecks). However, if someone is abusing a parent, things must change, and quickly.

    R
     
  20. crashy

    crashy chickaholic goddess

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    What a mess!!! I know its tough for you but you MUST keep her out of there next time who knows what the out come will be and there will be a next time.
    Do not give a care what your mom thinks or says its not about her. Grammy deserves better care than that.
    So sorry you have to go through that.