[sisterpine]

Yesterday DAB (dear addict brother) called and said he was a hundred miles away from my place, in the desert, stuck up to his axels in the mud. The police could not pull him out and the tow company would not come if he did not have a credit card in hand. I easily told him to ask his friends (whom he had gone to visit) to help pull him out.

I was able to do this without beating myself up because my daughter taught me something that I taught her and then forgot. He is not calling last because he has tried everything he can think of...he is calling me first because he knows I help people and it is easy for him.

Today, the same brother called and said his blood sugar was way low and he could hardly walk....I should go to the store seven miles away and get him a bottle of something or another. I struggled with this one...as he is an insulin dependent diabetic. Then daughter reminded me that I am likely the first call again and I told him I could not help him today. Then he said he has syrup at home for things like this.

I want to get this tattooed on the back of my hand "you are not the last call, you are the first" because it makes keeping boundaries so much less stressful. I am sure I am not the only one with a broken family so thought I should share my newly refound wisdom! Blessings, sis

 

[Molly Mckee]

Good for you, you didn't do the rescue and they figured it out. You both gained respect and pride in doing the right thing!

 

[mellba]

Good for you. :nanner: This is a lesson I need to learn.

 

[TraciInTexas]

I'll go with you when you get that tattoo! I need it, too.

 

[Terri]

YUP! Good call!

As a diabetic myself I can tell you that sugar on a teaspoon works excellently well on low blood sugar!

They tell us to use the measured doses from the pharmacy but I do not see why. Once the sugar takes effect we have to test our blood sugar and make adjustments anyway. And I have never been tempted to over eat plain sugar.

 

[am1too]

Yesterday DAB (dear addict brother) called and said he was a hundred miles away from my place, in the desert, stuck up to his axels in the mud. The police could not pull him out and the tow company would not come if he did not have a credit card in hand. I easily told him to ask his friends (whom he had gone to visit) to help pull him out.

I was able to do this without beating myself up because my daughter taught me something that I taught her and then forgot. He is not calling last because he has tried everything he can think of...he is calling me first because he knows I help people and it is easy for him.

Today, the same brother called and said his blood sugar was way low and he could hardly walk....I should go to the store seven miles away and get him a bottle of something or another. I struggled with this one...as he is an insulin dependent diabetic. Then daughter reminded me that I am likely the first call again and I told him I could not help him today. Then he said he has syrup at home for things like this.

I want to get this tattooed on the back of my hand "you are not the last call, you are the first" because it makes keeping boundaries so much less stressful. I am sure I am not the only one with a broken family so thought I should share my newly refound wisdom! Blessings, sis

I told my family the bank is closed.

 

[Forcast]

yep we could maybe get a group discount at the tattoo shop.

 

[Forcast]

my daughter and I are having a hard time getting along of late, she wanted me to baby sit but she was not willing to help me unload the car the other day so I said no baby sitting today. She asked again and I finally said I will baby sit my hours for your hours, you help me get stuff done around here for an hour I will baby sit ONE HOUR, she decided she would take the kid with her after all. And I didnt feel bad about saying no this time. Others just dont think our time has any value.

 

[Jan in CO]

I too need that tatoo! I've gotten better at telling gd and her husband that no, I can't babysit the new baby so you can run and visit friends every day and leave the baby for hours longer than you promise to be gone. I'm not feeling guilty at all. Just don't let yourself be used, but be available when there is a sincere need.

 

[TraciInTexas]

... Others just dont think our time has any value.

Strangely, I keep hearing the Hubster say, "Since you aren't doing anything, I figured..." :hairpull:

 

[Maura]

Sisterpine, it sounds like that those hooks he has in you are dissolving. You are doing great!

 

[libertygirl]

I removed this because it really had no relevance. Had myself a moment. :smack

 

[libertygirl]

Same here...

 

[Miss Kay]

I'm sorry LibertyGirl. I have no grandkids and most likely never will but that hasn't stopped me from "adopting" a friends kids. They have no grandparents and they enjoy coming here so much. I just bought the girls some cute little princess dresses for Halloween and can't wait for them to spend the weekend with me to play with them. You have love to give and there are kids out there that need it.

 

[ceresone]

My favorite saying, as of late--is "Not my circus, not my monkeys"--Daughter has her daughter and 3 kids living with her-They caused strife awhile back-now oldest GGd is talking of not going on to high school--"Not My Circus!!
good for you, Sisterpine

 

[Classof66]

My daughter works in management. Several weeks ago we were talking about something and I used the "not my circus, not my monkeys" phrase, and she loved it. She said she was going to remember and use that one!

 

[Use Less]

I can understand how difficult this must be for you. My DH (we live apart), has few people he can call: doesn't make friends easily, cuts them off due to something they do or so, or alienates them. He has decided my entire family are against him. So when he calls me, I still mostly say no, but I feel sad, bad and mean-spirited.

 

[Skip]

Thank you for the post. It's a good reminder.

 

[Ann-NWIowa]

Enabling someone is bad for them and being a co-dependent/enabler is bad for you.

Even if you are the call of last resort, its still not your problem to solve. Actually, they could call 911 which will get police and welfare people involved and that might end up providing the help they need to turn around. If you run and solve the problem, it will continue as they will not change and will be calling you again and again and again.

I love seeing so many saying NO.

 

[Forcast]

I too need that tatoo! I've gotten better at telling gd and her husband that no, I can't babysit the new baby so you can run and visit friends every day and leave the baby for hours longer than you promise to be gone. I'm not feeling guilty at all. Just don't let yourself be used, but be available when there is a sincere need.

No if its a true need I will but not for the 6 hour waste the gas money crap. But thats a new thing, always loved to watch the baby when ever I was asked ,dropped everything. NOw that he is almost 2 its real work keeping up with him and since I feel its work I should be paid hahaha or they can help me with stuff around here. Oh they will promise to help me tomorrow but their tomorrow never comes. they dont even say thanks.