Hello to you all,
I hope this open letter finds you all well and in good spirits. I am doing fine but i little troubled. I have been feeling the weight of life pushing down on me hard here lately. Some of you reading this may know that my work had offered me a promotion. Better hours and more money. I went to my work today and had lunch with my familly, and i spoke with my G.M. about the proposed promotion. I had told that i had decided what i was going to do. I told her that i could not accept her offer. She was very suprised with my response. I explained to her that i can not wait to leave. She wanted me to stay at least 6 more months. I told her if i did that i might as well wait another year. I can't wait another year. I feel the pich of these hard economic times already. I'm afraid things are going to get worse before they get better. Sharon (my G.M.) said she applauded me for my descision and was thankful that i was up front with her. I could have taken the job and then just left anyway, but im not one to go against my word. I don't have much in this world, but word is as good as gold. I plan too keep it that way.
The big move is comming ever closer. 30 days as of this writting. I am starting to feel very anxious and a bit worried. It is a big step, and if things dont go as planned or if we are not able to adapt im unsure of the out come. I have feelings of being trapped where i am now. I can't survive here. This city is really starting to bum me out. There are just so many what if's. That's life i guess. I try to keep imagineing how people felt 100-200 years ago as they left the towns and headed for the unknown. To scratch an existince out of the wilderness. I realize its not the 18th or 19th century and things will not be as hard as it was for them. It will be difficult none the less. I'm all balled up inside, sometimes i feel like i just want to scream and run away. My dad, whom i hardly speak with but is still my dad. I have spoken to him about my move and what i propose to do. He thinks im an idiot. He told me to take the promotion and to get a bigger apartment. He said if they want to promote me i should take as there will be more promotions down the line into management. Dad says you have a 4 year old son who needs taking care of, a wife. How are you going to support them. You cant live in that camper. What are you going to do without electricity and hot running water. My dad says what if you go down there and a tree falls on you or something? Then what? It's hard to rationalize with him as well as others that are against our move. I try to explain things to them, but its no use. I get so frustrated with it all. I am at wits end with these people. I dearly love them my dad and a couple close friends. My stepmom thinks im a complete moron, backwoods hillbilly that will never amount to anything. She will not hardly even discuss it with me. I beleive she dosen't care one way or the other.
I have so many plans and ambitions. Seems like it is just too much for one man to do alone. My wife will be there helping me, but she is limited in her abilities of hard labor. She has scoliosis(sp) and is not able to do heavy work. She has harrington rods i think there called on each side of her spine. So much of the physcal hard labor will be on me. It should not be any other way. I am the man of this family so i must do what needs doing. I am no stranger to long days and back breaking work. Working in the elements. Maybe i just doubt myself and my abilities too much. Maybe i just need to stop thinking about it and just wait till i get there. I worry myself too much. I constantly have different scenerios running thru my brain during every waking minute. I try to figure them out and try to plan ahead for them. People i speak with sometimes bring things up that i did not consider, and they put me on the spot. I generally have a good answer, but not a perfect one. So back to the drawing board i go. Sometimes i just don't know.
I have been feeling the need to get back into the church. My father-in-law is a baptist minister. He and his wife moved to Las Vegas almost 3 years ago to start a church. There church has grown by leaps and bounds. They(my wifes parents) think that i am also a nut, and assbackwards. They bring up much of the same kinda stuff that my dad says to me. My wife has not told them about our move yet. They will be here in the second week of June. After there visit is when we are leaving. I beleive she will tell them then. I am not looking forward to it. There will be alot of harsh feelings i beleive. Her dad will proably pull me aside and try to drill some sense into my head. He will say something along the lines of, dont go to the mountains stay in the city, stay where the people are. Try and better yourself. I think they really want us to move to Las Vegas. No way! I like trees, and grass i like water. Not sand and dust and rock. So what there are zillions of people there. That is not for me. I would die shortly after moving there, im sure of it. Back to the church thing. I beleive in God and Jesus. I am not very well read on the bible. I cant recite verse or any of that. I just try to be a good person. I try and love my enemy but it is very difficult. I try to do unto others and all that. I most deffintely beleive in heaven. There has to be a heaven. I am in hell right now.
I just need to get to where i and my family can breathe some fresh air. I can roam the woods and watch my garden grow. I love to garden and i haven't planted a single seed this spring, i feel lost without having any soil to dig my hands into. I can almost smell the compost now. My son can't play at our little cottage there is no yard. Traffic screams past constantly. The blare of sirens fill the air. LOUD car speakers BUMP,BUMP,BUMP,BUMP....give me a break. I can't stand it anymore.
Well if any of you have read all this i thank you. I just need to let a little that is inside me out. Sometimes i just want to sit down and ball my eyes out. I would proably rip my hair out if i didn't already shave it all off. I don't know what all of this means, my ramblings. But it feels good to let it out.
There i'm a little better now.
Be Good
Jagger
I hope this open letter finds you all well and in good spirits. I am doing fine but i little troubled. I have been feeling the weight of life pushing down on me hard here lately. Some of you reading this may know that my work had offered me a promotion. Better hours and more money. I went to my work today and had lunch with my familly, and i spoke with my G.M. about the proposed promotion. I had told that i had decided what i was going to do. I told her that i could not accept her offer. She was very suprised with my response. I explained to her that i can not wait to leave. She wanted me to stay at least 6 more months. I told her if i did that i might as well wait another year. I can't wait another year. I feel the pich of these hard economic times already. I'm afraid things are going to get worse before they get better. Sharon (my G.M.) said she applauded me for my descision and was thankful that i was up front with her. I could have taken the job and then just left anyway, but im not one to go against my word. I don't have much in this world, but word is as good as gold. I plan too keep it that way.
The big move is comming ever closer. 30 days as of this writting. I am starting to feel very anxious and a bit worried. It is a big step, and if things dont go as planned or if we are not able to adapt im unsure of the out come. I have feelings of being trapped where i am now. I can't survive here. This city is really starting to bum me out. There are just so many what if's. That's life i guess. I try to keep imagineing how people felt 100-200 years ago as they left the towns and headed for the unknown. To scratch an existince out of the wilderness. I realize its not the 18th or 19th century and things will not be as hard as it was for them. It will be difficult none the less. I'm all balled up inside, sometimes i feel like i just want to scream and run away. My dad, whom i hardly speak with but is still my dad. I have spoken to him about my move and what i propose to do. He thinks im an idiot. He told me to take the promotion and to get a bigger apartment. He said if they want to promote me i should take as there will be more promotions down the line into management. Dad says you have a 4 year old son who needs taking care of, a wife. How are you going to support them. You cant live in that camper. What are you going to do without electricity and hot running water. My dad says what if you go down there and a tree falls on you or something? Then what? It's hard to rationalize with him as well as others that are against our move. I try to explain things to them, but its no use. I get so frustrated with it all. I am at wits end with these people. I dearly love them my dad and a couple close friends. My stepmom thinks im a complete moron, backwoods hillbilly that will never amount to anything. She will not hardly even discuss it with me. I beleive she dosen't care one way or the other.
I have so many plans and ambitions. Seems like it is just too much for one man to do alone. My wife will be there helping me, but she is limited in her abilities of hard labor. She has scoliosis(sp) and is not able to do heavy work. She has harrington rods i think there called on each side of her spine. So much of the physcal hard labor will be on me. It should not be any other way. I am the man of this family so i must do what needs doing. I am no stranger to long days and back breaking work. Working in the elements. Maybe i just doubt myself and my abilities too much. Maybe i just need to stop thinking about it and just wait till i get there. I worry myself too much. I constantly have different scenerios running thru my brain during every waking minute. I try to figure them out and try to plan ahead for them. People i speak with sometimes bring things up that i did not consider, and they put me on the spot. I generally have a good answer, but not a perfect one. So back to the drawing board i go. Sometimes i just don't know.
I have been feeling the need to get back into the church. My father-in-law is a baptist minister. He and his wife moved to Las Vegas almost 3 years ago to start a church. There church has grown by leaps and bounds. They(my wifes parents) think that i am also a nut, and assbackwards. They bring up much of the same kinda stuff that my dad says to me. My wife has not told them about our move yet. They will be here in the second week of June. After there visit is when we are leaving. I beleive she will tell them then. I am not looking forward to it. There will be alot of harsh feelings i beleive. Her dad will proably pull me aside and try to drill some sense into my head. He will say something along the lines of, dont go to the mountains stay in the city, stay where the people are. Try and better yourself. I think they really want us to move to Las Vegas. No way! I like trees, and grass i like water. Not sand and dust and rock. So what there are zillions of people there. That is not for me. I would die shortly after moving there, im sure of it. Back to the church thing. I beleive in God and Jesus. I am not very well read on the bible. I cant recite verse or any of that. I just try to be a good person. I try and love my enemy but it is very difficult. I try to do unto others and all that. I most deffintely beleive in heaven. There has to be a heaven. I am in hell right now.
I just need to get to where i and my family can breathe some fresh air. I can roam the woods and watch my garden grow. I love to garden and i haven't planted a single seed this spring, i feel lost without having any soil to dig my hands into. I can almost smell the compost now. My son can't play at our little cottage there is no yard. Traffic screams past constantly. The blare of sirens fill the air. LOUD car speakers BUMP,BUMP,BUMP,BUMP....give me a break. I can't stand it anymore.
Well if any of you have read all this i thank you. I just need to let a little that is inside me out. Sometimes i just want to sit down and ball my eyes out. I would proably rip my hair out if i didn't already shave it all off. I don't know what all of this means, my ramblings. But it feels good to let it out.
There i'm a little better now.
Be Good
Jagger
