More of my ramblings........

Discussion in 'Homesteading Questions' started by Jagger, May 20, 2004.

  1. Jagger

    Jagger Well-Known Member

    Apr 25, 2004
    Ohio...but not for long
    Hello to you all,
    I hope this open letter finds you all well and in good spirits. I am doing fine but i little troubled. I have been feeling the weight of life pushing down on me hard here lately. Some of you reading this may know that my work had offered me a promotion. Better hours and more money. I went to my work today and had lunch with my familly, and i spoke with my G.M. about the proposed promotion. I had told that i had decided what i was going to do. I told her that i could not accept her offer. She was very suprised with my response. I explained to her that i can not wait to leave. She wanted me to stay at least 6 more months. I told her if i did that i might as well wait another year. I can't wait another year. I feel the pich of these hard economic times already. I'm afraid things are going to get worse before they get better. Sharon (my G.M.) said she applauded me for my descision and was thankful that i was up front with her. I could have taken the job and then just left anyway, but im not one to go against my word. I don't have much in this world, but word is as good as gold. I plan too keep it that way.

    The big move is comming ever closer. 30 days as of this writting. I am starting to feel very anxious and a bit worried. It is a big step, and if things dont go as planned or if we are not able to adapt im unsure of the out come. I have feelings of being trapped where i am now. I can't survive here. This city is really starting to bum me out. There are just so many what if's. That's life i guess. I try to keep imagineing how people felt 100-200 years ago as they left the towns and headed for the unknown. To scratch an existince out of the wilderness. I realize its not the 18th or 19th century and things will not be as hard as it was for them. It will be difficult none the less. I'm all balled up inside, sometimes i feel like i just want to scream and run away. My dad, whom i hardly speak with but is still my dad. I have spoken to him about my move and what i propose to do. He thinks im an idiot. He told me to take the promotion and to get a bigger apartment. He said if they want to promote me i should take as there will be more promotions down the line into management. Dad says you have a 4 year old son who needs taking care of, a wife. How are you going to support them. You cant live in that camper. What are you going to do without electricity and hot running water. My dad says what if you go down there and a tree falls on you or something? Then what? It's hard to rationalize with him as well as others that are against our move. I try to explain things to them, but its no use. I get so frustrated with it all. I am at wits end with these people. I dearly love them my dad and a couple close friends. My stepmom thinks im a complete moron, backwoods hillbilly that will never amount to anything. She will not hardly even discuss it with me. I beleive she dosen't care one way or the other.

    I have so many plans and ambitions. Seems like it is just too much for one man to do alone. My wife will be there helping me, but she is limited in her abilities of hard labor. She has scoliosis(sp) and is not able to do heavy work. She has harrington rods i think there called on each side of her spine. So much of the physcal hard labor will be on me. It should not be any other way. I am the man of this family so i must do what needs doing. I am no stranger to long days and back breaking work. Working in the elements. Maybe i just doubt myself and my abilities too much. Maybe i just need to stop thinking about it and just wait till i get there. I worry myself too much. I constantly have different scenerios running thru my brain during every waking minute. I try to figure them out and try to plan ahead for them. People i speak with sometimes bring things up that i did not consider, and they put me on the spot. I generally have a good answer, but not a perfect one. So back to the drawing board i go. Sometimes i just don't know.

    I have been feeling the need to get back into the church. My father-in-law is a baptist minister. He and his wife moved to Las Vegas almost 3 years ago to start a church. There church has grown by leaps and bounds. They(my wifes parents) think that i am also a nut, and assbackwards. They bring up much of the same kinda stuff that my dad says to me. My wife has not told them about our move yet. They will be here in the second week of June. After there visit is when we are leaving. I beleive she will tell them then. I am not looking forward to it. There will be alot of harsh feelings i beleive. Her dad will proably pull me aside and try to drill some sense into my head. He will say something along the lines of, dont go to the mountains stay in the city, stay where the people are. Try and better yourself. I think they really want us to move to Las Vegas. No way! I like trees, and grass i like water. Not sand and dust and rock. So what there are zillions of people there. That is not for me. I would die shortly after moving there, im sure of it. Back to the church thing. I beleive in God and Jesus. I am not very well read on the bible. I cant recite verse or any of that. I just try to be a good person. I try and love my enemy but it is very difficult. I try to do unto others and all that. I most deffintely beleive in heaven. There has to be a heaven. I am in hell right now.

    I just need to get to where i and my family can breathe some fresh air. I can roam the woods and watch my garden grow. I love to garden and i haven't planted a single seed this spring, i feel lost without having any soil to dig my hands into. I can almost smell the compost now. My son can't play at our little cottage there is no yard. Traffic screams past constantly. The blare of sirens fill the air. LOUD car speakers BUMP,BUMP,BUMP,BUMP....give me a break. I can't stand it anymore.

    Well if any of you have read all this i thank you. I just need to let a little that is inside me out. Sometimes i just want to sit down and ball my eyes out. I would proably rip my hair out if i didn't already shave it all off. I don't know what all of this means, my ramblings. But it feels good to let it out.

    There i'm a little better now.

    Be Good
  2. pumpkinlady

    pumpkinlady Well-Known Member

    Sep 3, 2003
    NW PA
    We are here to listen any time. I hope your move goes well and that you and yours start to live a full and enriched life. Money isn't everthing, your God, soul and family are. Best of luck and rant away....Laurie

  3. Balancedmom2003

    Balancedmom2003 Well-Known Member

    May 20, 2003
    Hang in there Jagger!

    It will all come together. I understand that pinched feeling. I get the same feeling alot here lately. You did the right thing by turning down the promotion. I wish you and your family the best of luck and good fortune. Use the summer wisely and get yourself a shelter up...the rest will fall into place. Stick together as a family unit with your wife and son's support you can do anything you set your mind to.

  4. heelpin

    heelpin Well-Known Member

    Nov 18, 2003
    Jagger, first of all I want to say that I admire you for what you are doing and I'm going to file your post away and read it from time to time, its an inspiration to me and a reminder of how lucky I am to be where I am and not stuck in some city job. You have realized something that most people never see and they toil their whole life just to have more stuff that is worthless in my opinion and they call this success. What is success? Its being able to do what you want to do and when you want to do it, that is true success, the so called success is slavery. Man, stop your worrying, you are going to make it. Please keep us posted as to what is going on once you make your move, you have your priorties in the right order in my opinion, I wish I was where I could be there to lend you a helping hand. Good luck, I'll be thinking about you and praying for you.

  5. MomInGa

    MomInGa Well-Known Member

    Mar 30, 2004
    I believe you sum it up right there Jagger......

    I'm impressed when I see strengths. It takes a lot of strength to do what you feel is right and to battle the doubts, concerns, and thoughts of others. You certainly may make mistakes and life might become a different sort of hard....
    but would it still be hell?
    I dont know, you will have to decide that.

    Life on Earth should not be hell. It takes strength to do what a man has to do (or woman) and take care of his life and the life of his family. It sounds like you have that strength. Your post shows it. You have already been battling.

    Whatever you decide to do, listen to your inner voice. Step away from the emotion, and really listen..........
    It's hard I know, but it is so very important.

    I'm impressed Jagger. Not that it really matters how I feel about someone, but I'm impressed when I see someone thinking hard to come up with the right answers for those he is responsible for, and their life.

    I really, sincerely wish you good solid steps in your decisions. I have this feeling you will ultimately walk a sure and steady path.
  6. FolioMark

    FolioMark In Remembrance

    May 10, 2002
    illinois but i have a homestead building in missou
    Jagger you are having the Homesteaders version of First Homebuyers Regret. I know the feeling well. You lie in bed with a thousand plans running through your head...planning the house over and over board by board....planting the garden seed by seed. Where to put this...How to do that. And you about go nuts. There is a solution to that and in your case it comes in exactly 30 days or perhaps a bit sooner. That awful syndrome will start to fade when you pack that first box into the camper. When you put that huge sack of useless rubbish out on the street for the trashman or the other city dwellers to root through. it will fade even more when you drive the camper around the corner and that old apartment is out of sight. It wont disappear completely, but that first night you sleep on your own land, you will just happen to notice the stars in the sky as you lay there going over the to do list...and you will be distracted by the sound of something rustling outdoors in the leaves. Each night when you lay down tired but happy, you will discover that you dont even get through the first page of that mental to do list before you fall asleep. And that list isnt near as burdensome as you check things off or discover that they take care of themselves and didnt require your intervention. Youve made the right decision dont worry it will all work out and as you say....its not the Wild West ...just a quiet corner of the Ozarks. The big city will still be there with all its troubles if you ever need what it has to offer, but I wouldnt worry about it. See you and the family soon I hope. Just remember some day when you are sitting under your own fig tree and you own all you survey, you will be able to tell the nay-sayers....I TOLD YOU SO. ;) :p
  7. I am very concerned about your state of mind right now. The human mind can only take so much before it snaps and you sound vey near the breaking point. Do you have a trusted friend or clergyman that you can go to and talk about all these plans that you have made?
  8. countrygirl26

    countrygirl26 Active Member

    Apr 26, 2004
    ohio soon to be missouri
    I'm Jaggers Wife....
    I believe he is venting toay, because he has had the past two days off of work and he is about to go insane. It is so beautiful outside, yet we are stuck inside, because we have no yard to just pull out a lawn chai and sit and listen. Even if we did all you would see is smoke and all you would hear is loud sterios from cars.
    He loves to be out working in the dirt and soil. He is a diligent hard worker and I am proud that he already has 3 or more job prospects in Mountain View, Missouri. I have no problem with no running water or electric. The only thing we use electric for right now is hot water, tv and computer. I loved it when we lived in the Ozarks before and built a small cordwood cabin. He practically built it all himself, because I was always working and that was a regret of mine. That and that we had to come back to Ohio because of my mother in laws illness. We didn't think we would be coming back, but we did.
    If my family wasn't visiting we would be gone already. I can't wait to just sit around the camp fire after working all day and listening to the critters around us and not hear sirens, cars and loud noises all night. It will be nice to actually be able to see the stars for once.

    I know that from experience when we lived in the mountains before and had no electric or running water our family spent alot more " quality time" together. Having no TV bothered me at all. We became radio junkies at night. What was so nice is when my son got up he could go run and play all day and I wouldn't have to worry about him running into the street or someone snatching him. I also liked that he would be in bed by 8 or 9 and he would be up at 7 or 8.

    I can't wait to leave. I am counting down the days as well.....
  9. Desert Drifter

    Desert Drifter Member

    Feb 5, 2003
    Jagger,now is the time to rely on your inner strenghts and to keep a positive attitude.All the doomsdayers you are surrounded by is definately no help or encouragement.From your post you have given the decision you have made a lot of thought and not going off half cocked with no idea of what you really want in life or how to achieve it.Providing for one's self is a responsiability but providing for a family carries a much heavier burden when making important decisions.This makes for some apprehention when making these type decisions but with a good plan and the support of your wife,Grab the ball and run with it.You can't plan for every thing that might come up but that is what makes life more interesting.A hard days work for yourself on your own land you will sleep like a baby and in the morning feel proud of what you have accomplished.Near impossiable to get that kind of feeling working for someone else.I am a firm believer that with your health a person can achieve anything they put their mind to if they want it bad enough.Weather you go to church or not GOD is always with you just don't forget to talk to him often.Just remember YOU are the one responsiable for you and your family and after all the advice you recieve good and bad the decision you make that is best for you is what counts.Be patient and keep a positive attitude and your dreams will certinaly come true.
  10. mightybooboo

    mightybooboo Well-Known Member

    Feb 10, 2004
    So Cal Mtns
    Best wishes to you.You can always come back to city life if it doesnt work out.You can also work at a steak house in your new area.Let us know when you arrive and your progress.Ive lived without utilities of any kind,hauled water,battery for lights.It can be done.
  11. kidsnchix

    kidsnchix Well-Known Member

    Oct 2, 2003
    the Natural State
    I'm so happy that you two are getting ready to make your move. We're still sitting here in town listening to cars, sirens, etc. and counting down the months and days till we can get out of here.

    I love the quiet of the country so much that I don't even mind not having some of the modern conveniences.

    Good luck to you. I know you're gonna make it and love doing it.

  12. moopups

    moopups In Remembrance

    May 12, 2002
    In beautiful downtown Sticks, near Belleview, Fl.
    It all boils down to: Do you belong to the world or does 'your world' belong to you? Not rocket science. No need to get in your own way, just do it. I have been homeless, I have been without friends, I have been without any support; you have vast advantages over what I have survived; just take as much money as you can with you - and no debt. If your debt free your 90% ahead of everybody else.
  13. LiL OHNNL

    LiL OHNNL Well-Known Member

    Dec 11, 2003
    New Salem NC
    best of luck brother!
  14. GeorgeK

    GeorgeK Well-Known Member

    Apr 14, 2004
    People tend to be Urban, or Rural, and generally one cant stay sane in the other's area. My family thinks I'm a nut because I live on a farm in Kentucky and they all live in Cities in other states. What they call progress, I call smog and traffic jams. They think the idea of butchering your dinner, is grotesque, whereas I think it's honest. A country boy doesn't belong in the city, just as a city boy doesn't belong in the country. Be true to yourself, and your wife and kids. They are your priority
  15. Mel-

    Mel- Well-Known Member

    Mar 30, 2004
    I agree. Some ppl are city ppl, some ppl are country ppl and neither can live in the others world and be happy. You can't explain to them why you aren't happy in a city anymore than they can explain to you why they aren't happy in the country.

    My brother just sold his country house to move into the city, not because he really wanted to but because he has a daughter in a wheelchair. He did what was best for his family and you are doing what is best for your family, no real need to explain to anyone else. You've done this before so you know you can do it again!

    My above mentioned niece has the rods attached to her spine also but because of kyphosis instead of scoliosis (scoliosis is the spine curving side to side, kyphosis is where it curves in and out). Isn't it a marvel what modern science can do. I thank god every day that my niece was born now instead of 30 years ago when she would have died from her birth defects.

    Good luck in your move. Personally, I think anyone who would move to las vegas is nuts!

  16. JulieNC

    JulieNC Well-Known Member

    May 29, 2002
    I know it's not the same thing at all, but I well remember when my husband and I decided to make a radical life change. I would give up my partnership in a prestigious law firm (I was the main bread-winner), and we would move to NC with my husband taking a job with a start-up company. Our income would be cut in half, and I'd go from working at a demanding, well-paid job to staying home and homeschooling our children. For him, he'd get paid more than he had been before (which wasn't saying too much), but there were no assurances that the company would last more than two years.

    We agonized over the decision (especially since it meant moving away from my parents (who lived 45 minutes away and we spent every weekend at their farm) and my sister (who lived two blocks away). It was gut-wrenching, but we decided that we weren't getting any younger (we were in our mid to late 30's), and if it was a disaster, we'd still have time to start again.

    We were so excited thinking about the prospect of such a major change. On the other hand, I'd often lay awake at night wondering if we were doing the right thing--cutting our income so substantially, moving away from family, starting all over . . . plus, once I was out of the work force for a year, I knew I'd have to pretty much start all over with the law if I wanted to get back into it. My mother was supportive, but my father (whose opinion I really value) told us we were a bunch of &*^@ irresponsible idiots. (He changed his tune very quickly, though--well before we actually moved. He loves us, afterall. :) )

    When we finally moved, it was exciting but scary. I think it took me a good 6 months before I stopped waking up in the middle of the night thinking, "Oh, no--I have hearing today that I haven't prepared for." (Kind of the lawyer version of that dream where you're getting ready to take a final exam in a class you've never attended. :) )

    It's been 6 1/2 years now since our big change, and I can assure you that we've never been happier. It was a bit rough in the beginning--exciting but scary. Now it's just soul-satisfying.

    It is human nature, I think, to be a bit apprehensive about change, especially big ones. Even though you want it and you really believe it's the right thing, there's often that little, niggling doubt in the back of your mind that says, "But what if . . . ." The way I combatted that was to think, "What if we stayed, and I continued to work at my job, and the kids continued to be in day care, and I continued to spend less and less time with them, and . . . ."

    Life involves some element of risk. You and your wife are of one mind on this, and you're both willing to work and sacrifice in order to make this dream a reality. I'd say with that alone, you have a good foundation. But, then, you already know that. ;)
  17. You're gonna make it man. Just keep us all in the know. You have a lot of friends here. Some of us are gonna need to glean some info off of you( primitive skills and all ), so please stay in touch. I'm so excited for you and the family.

    regards from TX

  18. dale anne

    dale anne Well-Known Member

    Apr 28, 2004
    howdy jagger...3 years ago i was a yankee living in philadelphia with my own biz and hated it......i always wanted to move to the country and decided the heck with it thats just what i am going to do!...I moved to arkansas..I had worked in stables so had a lil knowledge of when i sold everything off i was also in the middle of a divorce so dont be fooled into thinking i came out with alot of money..cause i didnt....i got on a plane with 2 bags of clothing..tooth brush so on and 11 thousand dollars stuffed in my purse...with the other money i had paid off all my debt..around 30 grand...gave my mom a lil money and bought a truck that would be waiting out here for me upon arrival<used truck>.....i got here and already knew a cleaning biz in a small town like the one i was moving to,<with a friend till i got on my feet.>......wasnt going to i went to school while i still had money and became a cna...not alot of money but it was something...i did that for 2 years while getting my livestock togther ...last year i stopped working outside the homestead,<but still keep my cna certs up>
    i sell replacement rabbits,chickens,eggs,goats..also have stud service for on....i dont make great money but i wouldnt change it for the world...and as far as raising children in the mountains,country,back woods....tell them nay sayers it is a better life for them...they learn work ethics at an early age...not so easy to get drugs.....people are kinder.....dont get bombarded with local news showing shootings,rape,muggings...schools are better.....children learn to be self much good is done with children in the country....schools are smaller...classes many activities are geared towards children in the country because of distance between houses...they have play days..that include horse riding,hog yer child may get chiggers or poision ivy but it will be far fetched that he will be involved in a drive by shooting! is a big move and i had questioned myself for a few months but just keep going and it all pans out...and church YES!.......tell yer wife i also have sp and blown disk in my back..iffin ya takeit slow as to lifting bending and such work a little at a time ya get so ya can do alot more then ya me i do just about everything around here when i need to....i can even run the tractor...just wait till ya see yer wife on a tractor with dust in her hair..sweat running down her face and dirty overalls....ya gonna think ya fell in love all over again...lmfao....good luck to y'all...dale anne
  19. whiterock

    whiterock Well-Known Member Supporter

    Mar 26, 2003
    South of DFW,TX zone 8a
    a friend of mine (now deceased) sold out in the city and bought a lake lot with a mobile home. When I visited we would go out on the lake and look at the high dollar lakeside mansions. He always said on these trips, "Reckon those rich folks have as much fun as we do?"

    Well, do you reckon those rich folks are as happy as the poor ones who live as they wish? I looked at my pay stub yesterday and realized that my withholding was almost twice what my take home was when I started teaching. I still am in the same position I was due to inflation but I do what I want to do. I could have had a job making what I do now 30 years ago.

    Judge success on YOUR principles, not on the principles of others. Reckon they are as happy as you'll be?

    I was raised to believe that a man should do what he believed was RIGHT.

  20. diane

    diane Well-Known Member

    May 4, 2002
    South Central Michigan
    So glad to hear you are making the leap!! I remember well the look on folks faces when we moved into a tent on our land with three children...2,4 & 5 while we built our house. Cooked on a campfire, carried in water from a public well, dug a hole for an outhouse. My oldest started kindergarten from that tent. I suppose today we would get turned in to protective services but we went with what we had and didn't look back. You can do just takes certain kinds of independent cusses to say ENOUGH and make the move. My husband and I were just visiting a daughter and had to drive through a city. We both decided we most likely wouldn't survive a year if we had to live in one. I get too crazy being penned in and so does he. Will keep you in my prayers!!!