mom..after all these yrs

Discussion in 'Countryside Families' started by tamatik, Nov 23, 2006.

  1. tamatik

    tamatik Well-Known Member

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    My boy left home awhile back.To "visit" some friends b4 school started,While there he informed me he was staying and would get a job and do school too.He was 15 now 16.(please..al you who saw my original post..save the "I told you so,s"Well no job,his friends dumped him and he didn,t want to come home cause I,d make him go to school.(I well remember my rebelious days)I gave him a ticket to his grandparents.He has never met any of his family.They welcomed him and when they enrolled him in school he left.Went to my (carreer criminal) sister..Stayed a week or to and went to stay with his new G/F.Now the parents of said girl will be taking him and dropping him off at the YMCA.Like an unwanted puppy.I have told him he should come home.Its a bigger badder world than when I was a kid.He declines..Finally he made contact with his mother who abandoned him at 3months old.His mother has had no contact with him all these yrs even tho I kept in touch with the grandparents{on his mothers side}Now she tells me "yes he contacted me but "Its too late,his mind is poisoned against me,"All I ever told him about his mother is that she left.I told the mother its time to step up to the plate and help him.
    JEEEZ I never expected the (edited) storm that followed.Her mother wrote Demanding to know why I had contacted the daughter and who the edited) am i to ask her to help him.Plus a million defamatory words discribing my brainwashing against her daughter.and what did I do to have him move out in the first place.His mother called last yr after her husband died and didn,t even remember his bday.She said she wanted to make contact.I told her maybe he could come for a visit.Sheesh..She mumbled and stumbled and generally said No, all I want is to email.I passed on her email to him and never heard another word till he told me he made contact.My contacting her was merely to have her help out and maybe talk him into getting back in school or work,or home.Talk about running like a scalded hound.
    This is why I never wanted him to contact her at all.Now I have the mother and grandmother b*tchin and moanin about how alienated he is and he could never be a "real" son or grandchild because its too late to change his way of thinking.Perhaps..But I would have at least expected"foolishly" that they would offer some guidance and encouagement for him to him to make a good decision.
    This is not the first son abandoned by the mother..She left a 2 yr old to come live with me way back when..I had told her at the time that she should bring her son as we had lotsa room and he would be welcome.She declined saying "He is too spoiled" and basically just turned her back and left him .History apparently repeats itself.Her track record has never lead me to believe that she would be much of a mother but I,m still shocked at the obvious lack of interest.Not even curiosity?
    This is the last contact I will have with these people but I can only imagine the boys self esteem issues after all this.I guess I,ll just wait till he hits rock bottom and go from there and hope he don,t get into trouble or worse,befor that happens.After raising him all these yrs(poorly, it would seem)I can,t help but worry, worry worry.
    Gord
     
  2. sisterpine

    sisterpine Goshen Farm Supporter

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    Cripes it must be the time for lost children huh. I am sorry your son wont come home where it is safe and I am sorry you and he are not getting along. Expecting much from bio mom and bio grandmom is not wise. They were not there before and will not be able to be there now. Sounds like some mental health issues as well. You are all in my prayers today. sis
     

  3. TedH71

    TedH71 Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Not sure if CPS (child protective services) can force him to go to school. In Texas, you can ask the judge to send him to one of those schools where they're far more strict than you would ever be. Some good comes out of those schools...some don't.
     
  4. tamatik

    tamatik Well-Known Member

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    In canada here they won,t force him into school
     
  5. Terri

    Terri Singletree & Weight Loss & Permaculture Moderator Staff Member Supporter

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    Well, you knew the birth family had issues. :shrug:

    As for the young man, in many countries they are considered adults at 16. And, yes, sometimes they just leave.

    A nephew of mine bounced around some. Last I heard (a few months back) he was living with his GF and their baby, and he was working. The job would have been MUCH better if he had finished school, as he is a born salesman, but you have to have certain writing and math skills for that.

    Still, he *IS* working and he has started a family.

    Go ahead and worry. When our nephew left our place and moved to his Fathers and then bounced around, I had nightmares for 8 months. He was fine, of course. *I* was not doing so good, but *HE* was fine! :p
     
  6. mpillow

    mpillow Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Whats more important knowing him and seeing him or making him go to school? I for one hated school from a social point of view.

    Get him to come home and get him working....let him see his peers pass him by and make his own conclusions...

    If he's drugging get him busted....get him a goal to want to achieve...

    If you can...kidnap him deep into the woods for a couple months and get to the survival level w/ him....

    Teach him that he can be his own person quite unlike his mother's family....if he so chooses....
     
  7. 3SistersFarm

    3SistersFarm Well-Known Member

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