[Laura Zone 5]

Men, I would really appreciate your honest insights.

What makes (what appears to be) a normal man turn into a different person when he gets into his late 30's / 40's?

Story after story I hear the same thing:

He's not the man I married.
He dresses like he's 18 years old.
He's having an affair with a woman 10-25 years YOUNGER than him.
He acts like a child.
He is so irresponsible / makes bad decisions and he was NEVER like this.

3 different people yesterday talked to me about their 'woes' with a 38-48 year old men.

What makes a family man, church man, job holding, mortgage paying man wake up one day and decide that dressing like he's a teen aged boy / having an affair with a woman young enough to be his own daughter / and destroying his family ...........what makes a man do this?
What's going on in his brain?

I am NOT bashing.........I just don't understand.
I want to understand.

 

[Ramblin Wreck]

Heck, I don't know. My forty year old niece just kicked her husband of 15 years to the curb (her 4th husband we think...and we really liked the first one a lot), bought a new Camaro (and you ought to see the driveway she has to drive that thing down), and is basically worrying my oldest brother and his wife to death. We're also worried about her/their fourteen year old son. He's being very quiet about things.

For whatever reason some people grow old with grace. Some have to buy the Porsche (or Camaro or $70K loaded truck). I took the middle ground and got a Kubota tractor. Go orange.

 

[FarmboyBill]

Some people go kicking and screaming to the grave. I was one of them. Never quit my job, or kicked the wifie out cause of IT. Just tried to hold onto, and use what I still had that looked youthful. Encouraged wifie to do the same, which helped keep us together OVER THAT. I never went to town on non farm business, that I wasn't dressed to the 9s, looking as young as I could. At farm related events, I looked like Old MacDonald. I knew that one day that is all I would likely look like, but I fought it as long as practical.

You ask why? I don't know, other than afraid of losing something that, once lost, couldn't be gotten back.

NOW< IF youll tell me why women cut their hair short once there married, Start wearing plads, and stripes instead of solid colors, why there breasts go south a few years after marriage, why they wear loose clothes, Maybe we ll both learn something about each other sex

 

[simi-steading]

Something tells me it has to do with genetics and reproduction and such..

Men aren't so much like deer, or wolves, to where the Alpha is kicked to the curb since they aren't as reproductive and able to provide good offspring..

OH WAIT.... If you can't fit the part physically, might as well act like you can..

 

[Ardie/WI]

I'd post my opinion but I'd get super infractions or banned! ound:

 

[sherry in Maine]

simi steading, who are those people?
Obviously, I live in a cave.....and dont have tv, rarely go to movies, etc

 

[Laura]

Falling levels of testosterone freaks many men out, especially if they're married and their wife is peri-menopausal.

 

[Jim-mi]

Sherry . . those are the Hollywood "image" of what absolutely every one should look like.
Don't you look like her . . . . . . . . . . . . .LOL
At my advanced age I can out do him . . . . . . . . . . . LOL

All this junk TV provides an image that all too many sheeple try to become......


I have no idea who they are.......not a tv watcher........

 

[simi-steading]

simi steading, who are those people?
Obviously, I live in a cave.....and dont have tv, rarely go to movies, etc

Sharon Stone... Not sure who the guy is, but he's obviously a much younger boy toy... A pup as the cougars like to call them...

What I'm getting at is, no wonder men get freaked out.. the women their age are looking at the younger breeding stock... so need to feel virile and chase after the younger girls..

It's all evolution, genetics and natural instinct

 

[MoonRiver]

That's probably about the time guys start asking themselves "Is that all there is?"

 

[Ardie/WI]

That's probably about the time guys start asking themselves "Is that all there is?"

I'm sitting on my hands to keep from responding.........

 

[Ramblin Wreck]

I'm sitting on my hands to keep from responding.........

Don't hurt yourself!

 

[Ardie/WI]

Don't hurt yourself!

[email protected] RW!!

My uppermost response to Laura's question would be that the men in question are horse's rears. And, dressing like male teenager makes then look ridiculous.

Iffen one of the ladies here are looking at that type of man as date/marriage material, run like the wind.

 

[FarmboyBill]

Dawgs, I remember singing that song after I got married. AND, When it was new, I didn't like it.

 

[doingitmyself]

In my business i see this phenomenon a lot. And don't kid yourself it happens to both sexes equally.

Men and women simply change throughout their lives, ( surgery, injuries, illness, finally growing into themselves) their goals, interests, perception of who they are, what they need, a million different factors change. The problem is many times these people should have never married to start with. How many people think about if their partner will support and nurture changes in their lives in 20, 30, 40 years? Some couples marry for the right reasons, they are the ones we all see at fair, grocery store, bowling alley, or strolling down the walking path hand in hand on obviously still very much in love 20, 30, 40 years later. :thumb:

Some folks just can not, or will not talk or express themselves, that's a huge reason things go south. Other folks are Narcissists, that's obviously not going to work too long for most people.

Furthermore, In my humble opinion men and women often seek help and advice from the absolutely worst sources. Dysfunctional buddies and gal pals, bartenders, hairstylists, whacked up moms, mean spirited dads, internet forums, or facebook! :buds: What the.....!!! Our parents should be a good source of advice but not all parents were good spouses. If there are problems in a marriage many times its just smoothed over with quick fixes like a VACA or new car, different home, and lord help them a new baby!!! :facepalm:

Rarely does the couple seek couples marriage counseling as counseling is hard, uncomfortable work. Lots of younger people, especially now with a disposable mentality, want quick easy fixes. Sometimes the selfish partner just wants some "strange", :facepalm: what a crock. If that partner simply expressed to his/her spouse the need for varitey or whatever and had worked in the past to nurture an awesome relationship with the spouse most likely they would be more than happy to oblige.

My last thought is that "cheaters" suck, if it ever happened to them with someone they truly loved, the memory of the pain would keep them from doing that to someone else.

 

[Vahomesteaders]

Well I'm in my mid 30's. Been married 15 years and don't ever plan to change. But statistics show is the woman who changes more. It's the woman who lacks sex drive. It's the woman who hates the rut and wants more out of life and end up having affairs. Men do to but today more women are filing divorce than men airing irreconcilable differences. Meaning he don't like my cooking and can't pick up his socks so i quit.lol

 

[Darren]

That's probably about the time guys start asking themselves "Is that all there is?"

There's some truth in that. Of course the mystery that is common to all women is not without appeal. When young there's no sense of mortality. The future has no end. There will always be a tomorrow. Some men do not go quietly to the grave. That's putting a very harsh spin on it because it makes it seem like many have given up. That is not the case. There's a comfort in the long known that's delicious on many levels. For the men that enjoy that, a long term partner is everything in every way.

For the woman that is hitched by word or law to someone that can't handle the thought that the days are running out, don't fall into the trap of comparing yourself to the younger woman. We all belong to a cohort with a normal upper and lower range of years. The men looking outside of that range should be pitied if anything. The short term soothing of what is an inability to accept reality is another fact of life. It's youth by association and possibly another, unexpected, subconscious, chance at another child.

When it comes down to it, most of us aren't important to humanity. It's though our children that we may potentially have made an important contribution to the future.

 

[Vickie44]

Recognizing you own mortality causes attempt at " youthful " behavior. Sometimes it can be endearing .

 

[Darren]

There is recognizing mortality. For some understanding that hopes and aspirations will become dust is negative. What if it's a chance for a merging with Gaia, a term not entirely fitting but close enough to indicate an enormity that transcends anything

 

[MoonRiver]

That's probably about the time guys start asking themselves "Is that all there is?"

I wasn't referring to the wife or girlfriend.

What I meant was at some point, for many people there is a subconscious and maybe a conscious awareness that what you thought your life would be like and what it actually is like are drastically different. How one handles that kind of personal conflict shows the kind of person you are.

My experience happened when I was around 50. I remember playing Peggy Lee singing Is That All There Is? over and over again for about a week.