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Lovin' my Fam
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Discussion Starter #1
I know I have ranted before-
my MIL isn't keen on me never has been - I have over looked that- taken care of her and FIL who adores me-
We were celebrating DH's bday today- my mom and my MIL and FIL came for lunch- yesterday MIL called to see if she could bake a cake I said sure- anything but a pumpkin cake cause I made one already (glutenfree) and then said I was making Pheasant Potpie and Italian Wedding soup for lunch-
she said "ok" this was at 10 am yesterday
today she shows up and says " don't be mad- I already had 2 hotdogs at home before I came- I won't eat game food or Italian wedding soup - I don't like either-"
I was speechless- she knew what I was making all she had to do was say- I don't like either can you make something will eat? or even bring her own meal- she sat there not eating- it was so uncomfortable- and DH was TORKED OFF...

after they left- I told DH - I hit my breaking point- I am done- I made an incredible meal- and healthy- since the Italian wedding soup was with quinoa and kale ...and the Pheasant potpie was with all our garden veggies and all from scratch ingredients-

I told him - I am NOT going there for Thanksgiving he better figure it out and tell her- I am done-
she didn't eat out of spite- if I had a nickle for every time she chastised my boys for not trying a new food or what was on their plates- I would be able to buy a coach purse-
 

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I know I have ranted before-
my MIL isn't keen on me never has been - I have over looked that- taken care of her and FIL who adores me-
We were celebrating DH's bday today- my mom and my MIL and FIL came for lunch- yesterday MIL called to see if she could bake a cake I said sure- anything but a pumpkin cake cause I made one already (glutenfree) and then said I was making Pheasant Potpie and Italian Wedding soup for lunch-
she said "ok" this was at 10 am yesterday
today she shows up and says " don't be mad- I already had 2 hotdogs at home before I came- I won't eat game food or Italian wedding soup - I don't like either-"
I was speechless- she knew what I was making all she had to do was say- I don't like either can you make something will eat? or even bring her own meal- she sat there not eating- it was so uncomfortable- and DH was TORKED OFF...

after they left- I told DH - I hit my breaking point- I am done- I made an incredible meal- and healthy- since the Italian wedding soup was with quinoa and kale ...and the Pheasant potpie was with all our garden veggies and all from scratch ingredients-

I told him - I am NOT going there for Thanksgiving he better figure it out and tell her- I am done-
she didn't eat out of spite- if I had a nickle for every time she chastised my boys for not trying a new food or what was on their plates- I would be able to buy a coach purse-
It's a pity you didn't have the presence of mind to point that out to her (I wouldn't have either. Always realize what I should have said/done the next day).
 

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Lovin' my Fam
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Discussion Starter #6
All I said was " am not mad, I am upset that I don't have anything you can eat! can I make you something else? I offered to make her Pasta or anything she wanted - she refused- and her cake she left for DH- which he won't eat cause of the sugar- he is scared he will get type 2 diabetes like both his mom and dad-

she didn't win trust me- I was very apologetic- saying I had no idea- cause I had NO IDEA- she wouldn't eat- that she would eat 2 hotdogs before coming over- WTH?
my SIL told me tonight she ranted to her last night about me cooking gross food-
I give-
my last straw was broke today- done- 11 yrs of just "taking it" and being the one who has to take care of her- I am DONE-
I told DH - this too
 

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Lovin' my Fam
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Discussion Starter #7
I'll take yours over mine any day. I won't get into it, just want you to know that I feel for you.

So was her cake any good? If so, did she leave the leftovers for your dh since it was his birthday?
I bet I can give you a run for your money- this is literally one of the most non- insane things she has said or done to me-she normally refers to me as the word used for the female dog
 
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Lovin' my Fam
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Discussion Starter #8
If you let on that it bothered you than she wins... I would have ate happily and enjoyed the meal whether she was eating or not!
which I most certainly did and so did my FIL lOL
 

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If I need a Shelter
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My MIL has to watch my wife cook everything to make sure we are not trying to slip something in her.

big rockpile
 

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BeckO3, so very sorry that this had to happen. It sounds like you put a lot of thought and effort in to making a wonderful meal for your DH. She sounds like my late MIL. Seems like they always try to start something right around the holidays, huh. Hang in there! We know what a great person you are!!!
 

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Lovin' my Fam
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Discussion Starter #11
thank you all so much!
 

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Becka, sorry this happened to you. Makes me appreciate my late MIL more and more -- never said a bad word to or about me. I hit the MIL lottery with her.

However, after 11 years of "taking it" and being referred to as you described, it is long past time for your DH to take control of the situation. There is no way he should be allowing anyone to be treating you that way, not even his own mother.

I remember that DH's grandmother was not a fan of me when we first got married. Told him that I was ok "for a ---- Yankee" and let me know that I wasn't her cup of tea. I don't know exactly what DH said to her because MIL called me out of the room but DH's grandmother never said anything insulting to me again.

Your DH needs to be the one to confront his mother and demand that she treat you with the respect you deserve as his wife.
 

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I can sympathise, I have two MIL's.. (divorced and remarried) one is an angel and the other is bleh, not bad just blergh. My grandmother however.. what you describe there sounds exactly like her, except she would complain to everyone she knows about how she didn't like dinner, and how you/I always cook stuff becasue she doesn't like it
 

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I don't know. The b word might be a bit better than the loose woman who stole her son and frequently pointing out that our children don't look anything like their father or anyone on his side of the family. Although she did say our oldest looks just like my father, a man she never met or saw a photo of.

And her son would not see or recognize how this woman was treating me and our children for over 25 years.

I'm just glad we live 3 hours away.
 

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My late m-i-l pulled a lot of carp on me early on in our marriage. Dh called m-i-l on it big time. Things didn't get better for many years, but she no longer targeted me because she knew her son wouldn't tolerate it. We once walked out in the middle of a meal -- dh got up from the table, got our coats and the diaper bag, came back into the room and said we're going. Another time dh refused to go to their home for Christmas Day because she was giving me a bad time about spending Christmas Eve with my family. In later years we had a good relationship. The key is your dh needs to step up and draw the line and make sure she doesn't cross it.
 
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That is the exact key. DH has to yank MIL's leash.

My Ex never did, and I was miserable for 16 years. Until I finally left him and never spoke to her again. She has since died. Apparently, HATE is an internal poison.
My next MIL was given the polite one-eyebrow lifted a couple times, and has been a peach since.
They only do what we allow them to do... But it is DH's place to speak to her, as her son.
 

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Lovin' my Fam
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Discussion Starter #17
DH almost always backs me up- we are the ones who live closest to them- since his Dad has parkinsons and dementia- we have to go over there a good bit- I used to be able to tolerate her- ignore it maybe- well I am done ignoring/tolerating her -tired of every telling DH and me that we are saints for putting up with her crap-
another problem is DH's daughter- my step daughter- she is alot like her mother- she can be controlling-
last night apparently she let DH have it on the phone for 45 minutes cause he called her to ask about when she was coming to Thanksgiving- and that we were not going to MIL house we were going to the Church to eat and serve - and he wanted her to come with us-
well- apparently that didn't go well- and he was really upset- and wouldn't talk about it- ughhh-
DSD is 26 yrs old- she is an adult- if she wants to go to MIL house and endure a horrid dinner- then I say let her- we don't have to-
My Mom never says a word- she is fine with us eating whenever showing up when we tell her to- and she loves the idea of going to the church and eating and serving and doing clean up-

sometimes I am just not sure when to put my foot down and when to just suffer thru something-
I feel like DH should say we will help you guys when you need help- but we are done suffering thru this crap-
 

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It is all about control and attention-seeking. Our mother got to be like that, or maybe she always was. At least one aunt and one sister are going right down the same path. I stayed in a difficult marriage a long time because I didn't want to be a complainer like my mother and felt guilty about being controlling. I now realize it was more of a healthy kind, like wanting the dishes washed "my way" because his way leaves food and grease on everything, or trying to "control" expenditures by not buying third or fourth back-ups to things we already had. He has his own version of trying to control me via whining, casting blame, blowing up and making threats.
 

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Prayers & good thoughts Becka, we all know you're a sweetie.
My only advice is get a teflan suit. Just coat yourself in teflan. Smile.
DH's best friend's wife it like this. 'Bout 150 lbs overweight but will NOT eat anything at my house. I refuse to let it bother me. Figure she's doing herself a favor by at least not stuffing her face when here.
:)
 
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I figure the less folks eating at my house, saves my grocery budget for me! LOL!

My current MIL does not walk around my house (yayy, I don't have to worry about undies drying in view), does not stay more than 15 minutes (yayyy, my day can resume), and has never so much as drank a glass of water here (yayy, no extra dishes to wash!) so I am grateful for the lightened load...

Others might find this an affront, but I find it a fact for which I can be thankful!

Imagine the additional work load were she to come in, wander around, sit down on the couch, and want fed... ;)
 
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