Life in the MidWest - humor

Discussion in 'Homesteading Questions' started by cc-rider, Apr 13, 2005.

  1. cc-rider

    cc-rider Baroness of TisaWee Farm Supporter

    Messages:
    2,138
    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2003
    Location:
    flatlands of Ohio - sigh
    Midwest. . .)

    Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop
    when Easterners and Californians cross-states such as
    Illinois, Ohio, Indiana, Wisconsin, Nebraska, Kansas,
    Oklahoma, Iowa, Missouri, Minnesota, North Dakota, and South
    Dakota, those states' Tourism Councils have adopted a set of
    informational guidelines. In an effort to help outsiders
    understand the Midwest, the following list will be handed to
    each driver entering the state:

    1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more
    work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

    2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you
    drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a
    four-wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get it out
    of the way.

    3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven
    years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

    4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our
    women will get you whipped... by our women.

    5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry
    to us if a flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We
    have a name for those little trout you fish for...bait.

    6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

    7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards
    are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might
    hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

    8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a
    fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.

    9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu.
    Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's
    Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

    10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown,
    wet, and served over ice.

    11. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car you drive on
    weekends. We're real impressed. We have quarter - million
    dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.

    12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in
    town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's
    yellow. Don't you dare honk at us.

    13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they
    want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute?

    14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too--and turtle. You
    really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait
    shop.

    15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over
    it. Don't like it? Interstate 70, 80, & 90 go East& West--
    Interstate 29 & 35 go North & South. Pick one and use it
    accordingly.

    16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer or
    fishing season. It's a religious holiday. You can get
    breakfast at the church.

    17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called
    being friendly. You probably don't understand the concept.

    18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water
    hazard. It spooks the fish.

    19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you
    over for driving like an idiot...his name is "Sir"...no
    matter how old he is.

    Now, welcome to the Midwest. Enjoy your visit.
     
  2. gleepish

    gleepish Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    97
    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2003
    No matter how many times I see this one... it makes me laugh :haha:

    Thanks!
     

  3. nodak3

    nodak3 Well-Known Member Supporter

    Messages:
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    Feb 5, 2003
    Love it love it love it!!!!
     
  4. bgak47

    bgak47 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
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    Location:
    Oklahoma
  5. moopups

    moopups In Remembrance

    Messages:
    7,102
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    May 12, 2002
    Location:
    In beautiful downtown Sticks, near Belleview, Fl.
    While that is relevent to most places here in Florida has a #20; The 'he needed killing' defence is still valid in rural areas!
     
  6. Little Quacker in OR

    Little Quacker in OR Well-Known Member

    Messages:
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    Joined:
    May 9, 2002
    Location:
    Oregon
    :haha: :haha: :haha: You KNOW I am sending this to friends and family in CA!!!!! LOL

    LQ
     
  7. Ana Bluebird

    Ana Bluebird Well-Known Member Supporter

    Messages:
    1,898
    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2002
    Location:
    MO
    If this has been around before, then I missed it. Thanks for sharing, I'm going to run copies right now.
     
  8. almostthere

    almostthere Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    989
    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2003
    Location:
    Indiana
    I love that, I've never read it before. :haha:

    I can relate to them, but a few I might have to add to "my" list would be:

    When the town closes down for the parade, get over it. Every one in town is either in the parade or watching it. Same goes for when the high school has a "thing" and the owner of the hardware store closes so he can participate. Enjoy the day or go home.

    When the guy at the grocery carries out your stuff without asking and not accepting a tip, he's not flirting. We operate on a different set of manners out here.