Ladies- Can you make it if you lose Hubbys's money?

Discussion in 'Countryside Families' started by ceresone, Jan 3, 2007.

  1. ceresone

    ceresone Well-Known Member Supporter

    Oct 7, 2005
    I mentioned this on another post, and i wish a lot of you would think about it-and make preperations, if it does indeed happen.
    my brother went to hospital for routine knee surgery- and his heart stopped about 15 hours later. he was dead 17 SIL has him hooked to life support, because she says she just cant make it without his money!
    background, they've been married 50+ years, he was in the service, and provided well for both her and their children. he has a nice pension plan, they have no bills-but she has several children in their 50's that have never worked--just lived off daddy.married, and unmarried.
    you cant imagine the feelings my sis and i are having, while she keeps his body going.
    but--even if you dont reply to this--think, plan and prepare for the time you may have to make it without the money you're used to having- in the blink of a eye-life can change.
  2. Sherrynboo

    Sherrynboo Well-Known Member Supporter

    Mar 19, 2005
    I am sorry to hear about your brother's situation. How sad. I can only imagine the grief your side of the family is going through. My sister has said before that if her husband was in a condition like that that she would put him on a machine to keep the check coming. I am hoping she was kidding. Although I have a husband, I have never been dependant financially on him and never plan to be. As I have tried to impress on my daughter, you have to have a contingency plan in case you should ever need one.

    Sherry in GA

  3. Ninn

    Ninn Custom Crochet Queen

    Oct 28, 2006
    Susquehanna, PA
    I dont understand one point. What is the point of keeping the check coming in if you have to use it to pay the medical bills that keep him alive so the check keeps coming? Isn't that kind of pointless? If there were hope for him to recover, that would be one thing. Seems to me she is just digging herself a deeper hole to climb out of later.

    She will still receive benefits from his military plan, just not his whole pension. That just means his kids, married or not, will have to get off their collective butts and get a job and help support their mother for a change.

    As for me and mine? It wouldn't be easy, but we could make it. It would just mean that my plans would have to change again and my priorities would be different. With the grace of God and the help of family, I could get through the worst of it and learn how to manage on less. Isn't that what I'm doing now anyway? Learning from all of you how to manage on less? Don't think much would really have to change for me. Maybe I am just lucky.
  4. townmouse

    townmouse Well-Known Member

    Oct 14, 2003
    I am a SAHM, homeschooling 4 boys with special medical needs. Dh is the sole provider (he also partially supports his elderly mother, and all on one blue-collar income).

    If he dies, we have a ton of insurance and some union and veteran benefits. If he goes crazy and leaves me, I believe he would continue to support his children.

    If I lose him thru death or stupidity, I'll work as a medical transcriptionist (I am trained in this) so I can stay home with the boys til they are all educated and grown. They would have to get jobs as teenagers, as well as find financial aid for college etc. I would also sell this house and move to KY where the living is cheaper and I'd have lots of extended family support.

    I think if a family values their lifestyle (whether homeschooling, homesteading or whatever) it makes sense to plan for the future. We all have plans but things can change and we should always have a Plan B.
  5. ceresone

    ceresone Well-Known Member Supporter

    Oct 7, 2005
    The VA and medicare are paying the bills, so she still gets his checks.
    however, if he's transferred to a VA hospital, i'm thinking they will keep his checks for his care. pitiful, isnt it-when thats all we can hope for.
    these are people who can have a barbq in the backyard--and order him to stay in the basement while companys there. like a deceased brother said-if he puts up with her, he deserved it--but now-- no, his body needs to be set free. His soul is already HOME.
  6. Ramblin Wreck

    Ramblin Wreck Well-Known Member Supporter

    Jun 10, 2005
    NW Georgia
    Whether it's with insurance or joint retirement planning, couples should have a plan that protects a surviving spouse. It is rare that both spouses are blessed to go at the same time.

    As it relates to the "50ish" children still at home, isn't it at least 30 years past due that it be dealt with? I've known farming familes that stayed together through multi-generations, but they were all working and productive.
  7. Rita

    Rita Well-Known Member Supporter

    May 13, 2002
    My husband's retirement check would stop if he died and I would get more Soc. Sec. but it would be tough. I know I could live more simply, cut out unnecessary things and have my son to help, but it would be scary with the cost of living going up so fast.
  8. reese

    reese Well-Known Member

    Jul 6, 2004
    NO VA
    My dh and I are young, but we're realistic. We've taken care of things in case one or both of us die. I would never hook him up (and he hook me up) just to keep our body alive :nono: we find that wrong.

    I'm sorry for what you are going through. Reese
  9. Caelma

    Caelma Well-Known Member

    Mar 7, 2005
    I too, am sorry about your brother's situation and what you're going through.

    If her husband signed up for surviver benifits, she would still
    get a check once a month, just not as much.
    Money is not the right reason to cause a person to
    live on machine and cost us tax payers money.
    However I can see her fear after being dependent on someone for 50 years
    and being an older person, wondering what she could do for work.
    I have a friend whose husband unexpectently died (at age 53)
    and left her with nothing after raising 5 kids and standing by him
    during his 25 years in the military. I'll do a seperate post about it another time.
  10. diane

    diane Well-Known Member

    May 4, 2002
    South Central Michigan
    Other than perhaps military and government employees, there is ZERO guarantee that those retirement insurance benefits etc. are going to be there. You can plan plans but not results. My husband and I planned and replanned but when he died I lost his benefits and am now living on $200 less than 1/2 of what we had planned to retire on and no insurance until I qualify for Medicare. Fortunately we lived our lives well below our level of earning, paid off everything, learned to live off the land and have a bit of savings. The cost of insurance for me would take over 1/2 of my current income and if I go back to work, my style of life would certainly have to change and I don't think I could heat with wood or live off the land. I have to be realistic about my energy level. I have savings set aside for medical bills, timber, rocks and land I could sell if I need to. We thought I would have benefits when he died (health and pension) but they were able to change all the rules when they got into financial difficulty and I have zip other than widow's SS benefits. I am very grateful for that, and all that I am blessed with.......including the knowledge and ability to live off my homestead. I am sorry for those who don't have what I have.

    Sorry to hear about what you are going through. Hard choices. I can remember when my husband was dying thinking what ever am I going to do without him. Life goes on and we adjust. take care
  11. Caelma

    Caelma Well-Known Member

    Mar 7, 2005
    I figured maybe it would be appropriate to post
    my friends story here. I was going to start a different thread
    but figured this story fits here.

    A dear friend of many years just lost her husband about 8 months back.
    He was only 53, was working on his adult daughters car
    when the jack slipped and rotor fell into his chest. (tire was off)
    He lived, was airlifted to the local trauma center.
    Was in ICU, was doing fine (or as can be expected)
    Was time for him to get out of bed and start walking.
    Took a few steps and dropped over dead.
    (Blood clot dislodged and killed him)
    My friend had married him when she was real young.
    Her husband went in the service, spent over 20 years
    in there while she had and raised 5 children.
    MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A CURRENT WILL and know where it is
    1) They had wills, to this day she has never found them and
    had to pay an attorney and do probate. Even in our community property
    state one cannot assume cause you're the spouse you're the
    executer. You have to petition the court for permission. :rolleyes:
    2) They still had 4 of 5 kids at home when he retired.
    So they felt they needed every penny they could scrap up.
    so they had no life insurance. For $45. a month he could of carried
    $250,000 through the (SGLI or VGLI?)
    He also never signed up for survivor benefits (costs about $70 a month)
    so she won't get his retirement.
    The only thing she is entitled to is health insur.
    3) They kept over the years re financing the house.
    After over 15 years have NO equity. NONE.
    She is in her 50's and alone, no equity, a house payment,
    no benefits, no life insurance.
    4) BILLS, she found out TriCare has a 30,000 cap on catastrophic medical.
    The medic flight bill alone was $7,000
    Not to mention the Ambulance bill to the heli pad and from the heli pad
    on the other side since Harborview doesn't have their own heli pad.
    He had to go to a major trauma center, it was not an injury the local Naval hospital could handle, she now has medical bills to pay.

    Ladies, make sure you have things in order.
    Know where wills are. Know what life insurance there
    is and what's what.
    Men should do this as well cause it's not always the man to go first.
    Make sure you know what you have coming to help
    you through the hard times and a plan on how to survive after all
    is said and done. Education, ones own business, just anything
    it takes to make things easier during a tough time.
    Hope I didn't over do it on your post ceresone. just seemed to fit here.
  12. ceresone

    ceresone Well-Known Member Supporter

    Oct 7, 2005
    I agree, my brother had everything set up to care for his wife, in the event he passed first. everything!!
    but the kids--(especially one man and his wife have bled them dry over the years), for a retired army seargent, he never learned to speak up in his own home, so--they're still hanging on .
  13. Tiffin

    Tiffin Well-Known Member

    Feb 23, 2006
    Central New York
    Yes, everyone should have a plan. Before my DH retired at 56 yo, a personal friend who is a financial advisor helped us. He made sure that I would be provided for financially in the event that DH goes first even though he took the maximum amount for his pension. I probably would have to sell our house and property but I wouldn't be able to take care of it anyway by myself. If I should go first, he is all set too. It's difficult to do to come up with a plan but the end result is for the best.
  14. sullen

    sullen Question Answerer

    Oct 14, 2004
    Dh has a plan if he does. But he will never die. He is one of those mean cusses who have great luck and never have anything happen to them.
  15. mama2littleman

    mama2littleman El Paso

    Nov 8, 2004
    Caelma, the story you tell is one that happens all to often in Military families. DH and I have a file in a safe labeled "The Death File". Sounds morbid, but it's one stop shopping for wills, powers of attorney, life insurance policies, everything for both of us. We had a friend go through a story similar to the one you told when her husband died in a training accident, and we decided to never be put in that position. We figured that that time would be hard enough without having to worry about hunting down paperwork.

  16. Beltane

    Beltane Enjoying Four Seasons

    Nov 26, 2005
    Beautiful Milton, New Hampshire
    I am so sorry this is happening to you. :( Thank you for being strong enough to post about this.
  17. halfpint

    halfpint Well-Known Member Supporter

    Jan 24, 2005
    My husband's company offers a survivors benefit insurance when the employee reaches 50. With this, the surviving spouse receives 100% of the employees pension and costs 1 % of his annual income. So for someone who makes $50k per year, it would cost $500 per year, and you pay from the year the employee is 50 until they retire. Without the insurance, I think I would receive about 40% of his pension. The plan that my husband's company offers is not well known, in the past you had to know to ask for it. They had so many complaints of people not knowing it was available, that they are now sending a letter to employees about to turn 50 - but it's legalese and very hard to understand.

    If my husband dies in the near future though, I would probably have to go back to work eventually (I'm currently home educating my 8 and 11 year old children). Since I've been getting calls to come back to work getting a job probably wouldn't be a problem right now, but as I get older would become less and less likely, but also less needed. We figured on enough insurance to get me through about 2-3 years without working though.

    It's really hard to plan for everything. Although he has disability insurance we figure a disability would be a major setback as he would only get 60% of his income, plus you have to pay 100% of the insurance, then the uncovered costs of whatever the disability was.

    It sounds as though their children need to learn to support themselves - they really should be the ones helping her out!
  18. jill.costello

    jill.costello Well-Known Member

    Aug 18, 2004
    Ocala, FL
    I am truely glad this topic is being discussed. I can't tell you how many people I have met who don't think that life insurance is for them or their situation. It took a SHARP conversation/lecture from my mother when I was 22 for me to really see the light.

    She was strongly encouraging me to get health insurance (this was 10 years ago, before my military service). I naively told her that I would just use homeopathy, and failing that, pay out of pocket for doctor visits. Her anger haunts me to this day.....she became very serious and said,"Just what do you think your father and I are going to DO if you get HURT? You will BREAK us, and leave us penniless, if something horrible happened to you and you needed surgery or 'round the clock care; we couldn't let our daughter DIE, so we'd sell everything to care for you! Did you ever think of THAT?"...

    No, I hadn't. But I do now. At first opportunity in the military, I signed up for the Servicemembers Group Life Insurance to the maximum amount, $200,000, and made my parents the beneficiaries. Now that I'm married, I have 50%-50% to him and my parents. But I hound DH about a policy for HIM quite a bit, and I'm not sorry in the least for throwing the guilt around about it, either. If he gets into the car and doesn't put his seatbelt on, I say "What am I going to pay for your funeral with if you go through that windshield at 65 mph??" or if he wants to do some electrical re-wireing himself, I say "nope, we're springing for an Electrician until you get a Life Insurance policy! How am I going to fly your mother over from Ireland for your funeral without life insurance money??". It's pretty rude, I know, but he's a guy and thinks he's invincible.
  19. Jenn

    Jenn Well-Known Member Supporter

    Nov 9, 2004
    Just read Suze Orman on this topic: she says (and I plant to comply) any annuities should have 100% for both spouses not a drop to 50% or something. After all if you're getting SS that will drop when one of you dies. Unless the plan is to cover all expenses with life insurance- and a policy that goes until they're 80 or so-or to have to get another job or sell the house you lvied your whole life or whatever in- get 100% survivor's benefit if you have a pension and that is an option.

    She admits you can do the math and if 35% annuity saves enough to buy a life insurance policy that would make up the difference you might consider that but be sure to start the life insur policy before the annuity contract in case your test results are abnormal and the rate will be higher etc.

    My in-laws got caught- she's overweight and diabetic parents died young and they expected him to outlive her. Now he has leukemia (the slow sort) and is more likely to go before her but she will end up with 2/3 their current SS payment and only 35% his military pension and none of his current income from parttime work. They bought into a program to go up to 55% but he's gotta live another year with big makeup payments for her to get that. We might end up supporting her yet.

    Orman uses an example: bewildered widow selling her house and living on 1/3 what they once had says "We could easily and happily have spared the extra $35/month when we were married to get me 100%- how could he do this to me?"
  20. Caelma

    Caelma Well-Known Member

    Mar 7, 2005
    We pay approx $110 a month and for that $110 a month
    if my husband were to die I'd get $250,000 life insurance and
    approx $670. a month till I remarry or die.
    I know $670 isn't a whole lot but I know my friend
    wishes she had that coming in each month
    I'm also building a couple small businesses and
    my goal (which I have not reached yet)
    Is to after taxes bank 50% of what I make.
    Each 2 months I bank, is one month when I'm older that I can
    care for myself. (if all goes well)
    For you retired military folks, I never knew till my friends husband died
    that Tri-Care has a $30,000 catastrophic cap.
    (Unless you live near a military facility who can deal with your condition)
    This has us recently thinking one of us needs a job with additional medical insurance. We go to base now, but what if we needed to be flown to a civilian
    trauma center? We'd be paying medical bills for the rest of our lives.
    I'm also considering going back to school. Unfortunately all I know and enjoy is raising critters, gardening and sewing. I've no idea what I'd do in the business world.