Hello everyone,
I couldn't sleep last night so im up at the crack of dawn, again. I have been fiddling around on this thing for awhile now.
Many of you who may be reading this already know most of the ups and downs i've been dealing with the past couple months. I'm really up against the wall on this one. The land that i told about a few days ago did not go thru. Evidently the man who was selling the property got a cash bid for the place. Money talks and BS walks, so goes the world. I also made a decision. I wrote ozarkland and told them to refund my first payment. They agreed and it should have been put in the mail yesterday.
Everything is gone now, a clean slate. Back to square one. We will have to vacate this place at the end of June. I cannot figure out what to do? Where to go? I have been searching local listings, calling places on the phone, and checking the web. No luck thus far. I thought this was the land of oppurtunity? The land of milk and honey.? I am begining to feel as though i will never get out of the cycle i am in. We have been looking at a few rentals, but they are dumps for $500 a month. If we do find something that is in our price range like around $300-$400 a month, they are way too small and in disrepair, crawling with cockroaches, stink like the sewer dumps under the house, or the place is covered in animal urine smells. Give me a break. I want to find something within an hour or two of our current place. I don't think that can happen. But i think i would go to any surrounding state.
I'm am feeling so sucked down by all of this. Getting my hopes sky high, and feeling a little releived, just to have it all come crashing down. Why can't i find just a couple acres, thats all i want just a couple acres. That someone would sell me on payments,easy terms. I dont want lots of land, i dont particulary need it, i just want some place to call HOME. A place where i can build a house, raise my childeren, afew chickens, a couple of goats. A place where my dogs can lay in the shade looking onto their land. A place where i can plant a garden, and raise other food stuffs. A place my wife and I can grow old together on. A place where we can raise our family. Am i asking for too much. Is it asking too much for a little peice of ground?
I dream daily of being in the garden, i drive down the country roads looking for land and i see peoples garden plots. Or some guy out there hoeing his sweet corn patch. I wish i was him. I may stop at someones house to ask directions or to ask about information on a peice of land. I hear their chickens cackling in the back yard or the rooster crows, it takes me to another world, another time. I am lost in the 21st century. I do not fit in. I will never fit in. I am an outcast of society. I am a disgrace as a husband as well as a father. I cannot care for my family as they need to be taken care of. This city limits me so. I feel myself becoming more and more hostile everyday. The pain i am dealing with hurts me more and more with each passing minute. I need to make a change now before its too late, before i go any farther. I can feel that place, that horrible place called a homeless shelter, its calling out my name its searching for me. Its trying to suck me back in. Let me out, LET ME OUT!!!! The face of poverty laughs in my face, telling me i'll never succeed...
Is there no hope for the ones that have nothing? No hope for the common man. I know i should keep working hard and saving my money, but guess what i can't. I bring home on avg. about $1200 a month(WHOOPEE!!!) If i pay $500-$600 a month for rent an then pay for electric, water, sewage, sanitation, gas etc.. that's another $200 a month easy. More like $300. I then have to feed myself and family as well as put clothes on our back. There is the truck and car to think about with insurance, tags, and fuel. Not to mention upkeep. I cant work any harder than i do. I have tried to find another job, but they all pay about the same, unless i want to drive 40 miles to hell known as Columbus Ohio. Then with the travel expenses im better off just taking a lower paid position that is closer to my home.
I have no idea what we are going to do. The end of June is fast approaching. My money reserves are next to nothing. All i had went into this trip to MO. Now that is gone. To tell you the truth my wife does not want to move there. I actually think she has a problem with moving out into the sticks now since she is carrying our baby. I mean she would be happy if we had electricity at least. I dont know. I don't know anything any more. I feel so helpless. Nowhere to go, nowhere to turn.
I guess i should stop being a cry baby and keep searching.
Jagger
I couldn't sleep last night so im up at the crack of dawn, again. I have been fiddling around on this thing for awhile now.
Many of you who may be reading this already know most of the ups and downs i've been dealing with the past couple months. I'm really up against the wall on this one. The land that i told about a few days ago did not go thru. Evidently the man who was selling the property got a cash bid for the place. Money talks and BS walks, so goes the world. I also made a decision. I wrote ozarkland and told them to refund my first payment. They agreed and it should have been put in the mail yesterday.
Everything is gone now, a clean slate. Back to square one. We will have to vacate this place at the end of June. I cannot figure out what to do? Where to go? I have been searching local listings, calling places on the phone, and checking the web. No luck thus far. I thought this was the land of oppurtunity? The land of milk and honey.? I am begining to feel as though i will never get out of the cycle i am in. We have been looking at a few rentals, but they are dumps for $500 a month. If we do find something that is in our price range like around $300-$400 a month, they are way too small and in disrepair, crawling with cockroaches, stink like the sewer dumps under the house, or the place is covered in animal urine smells. Give me a break. I want to find something within an hour or two of our current place. I don't think that can happen. But i think i would go to any surrounding state.
I'm am feeling so sucked down by all of this. Getting my hopes sky high, and feeling a little releived, just to have it all come crashing down. Why can't i find just a couple acres, thats all i want just a couple acres. That someone would sell me on payments,easy terms. I dont want lots of land, i dont particulary need it, i just want some place to call HOME. A place where i can build a house, raise my childeren, afew chickens, a couple of goats. A place where my dogs can lay in the shade looking onto their land. A place where i can plant a garden, and raise other food stuffs. A place my wife and I can grow old together on. A place where we can raise our family. Am i asking for too much. Is it asking too much for a little peice of ground?
I dream daily of being in the garden, i drive down the country roads looking for land and i see peoples garden plots. Or some guy out there hoeing his sweet corn patch. I wish i was him. I may stop at someones house to ask directions or to ask about information on a peice of land. I hear their chickens cackling in the back yard or the rooster crows, it takes me to another world, another time. I am lost in the 21st century. I do not fit in. I will never fit in. I am an outcast of society. I am a disgrace as a husband as well as a father. I cannot care for my family as they need to be taken care of. This city limits me so. I feel myself becoming more and more hostile everyday. The pain i am dealing with hurts me more and more with each passing minute. I need to make a change now before its too late, before i go any farther. I can feel that place, that horrible place called a homeless shelter, its calling out my name its searching for me. Its trying to suck me back in. Let me out, LET ME OUT!!!! The face of poverty laughs in my face, telling me i'll never succeed...
Is there no hope for the ones that have nothing? No hope for the common man. I know i should keep working hard and saving my money, but guess what i can't. I bring home on avg. about $1200 a month(WHOOPEE!!!) If i pay $500-$600 a month for rent an then pay for electric, water, sewage, sanitation, gas etc.. that's another $200 a month easy. More like $300. I then have to feed myself and family as well as put clothes on our back. There is the truck and car to think about with insurance, tags, and fuel. Not to mention upkeep. I cant work any harder than i do. I have tried to find another job, but they all pay about the same, unless i want to drive 40 miles to hell known as Columbus Ohio. Then with the travel expenses im better off just taking a lower paid position that is closer to my home.
I have no idea what we are going to do. The end of June is fast approaching. My money reserves are next to nothing. All i had went into this trip to MO. Now that is gone. To tell you the truth my wife does not want to move there. I actually think she has a problem with moving out into the sticks now since she is carrying our baby. I mean she would be happy if we had electricity at least. I dont know. I don't know anything any more. I feel so helpless. Nowhere to go, nowhere to turn.
I guess i should stop being a cry baby and keep searching.
Jagger