Is your marriage happier now than in its early years?

Discussion in 'Countryside Families' started by Sharon in NY, Jan 18, 2007.

  1. Sharon in NY

    Sharon in NY Well-Known Member

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    DH and I have been together a decade now - not that long for many on this forum, but we're pleased. One of the nicest parts is that even though we've got four little kids, we're so much better at making each other happy than we were at the beginning. I don't think we really understood, at first, how important some things were to the other person, and it just took us a while to figure things out, and to figure out how to make each other happy consistently. I'm hoping we'll be still better at it in another 50 years. Sleep deprivation is really our only major problem right now :) .

    Is your marriage one that has improved with time, or has time made things harder? If so, why?

    Sharon
     
  2. DonnaKay

    DonnaKay Well-Known Member

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    We hit the decade mark back in June and I am in total agreement with you...it's much better now. We were pretty young (19 and 20) when we got married so our first year had some growing pains but phew we made it through. Although having kids can be stressful I think it helps too...you've got so much other stuff to worry about the little stuff that upset you in the beginning doesn't even seem worth mentioning anymore.

    Donna
     

  3. JessieGirl

    JessieGirl Well-Known Member

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    We are also hitting 10 yrs (this coming April). It's definitely much happier now. I would say the first 7 or so years for us were really hard....but now it seems like are working so much better as a team than we did early on. Like you said...it took some time to figure out the things that were really important to each other. Personally, I spent alot of years worried about MY needs(and vice versa), and now I've figured out that if we both focus on each other's needs, things are MUCH better :)
     
  4. holleegee

    holleegee Well-Known Member

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    We hit the decade mark in July and we were VERY young when we got married. Our daughter came along after we were married a little over two years. I think everyone goes through cycles where you are happier at times. Right now we are very happy and I finally feel like we are settled. When we first got married we would buy reposessed houses, fix them up, live in them for a little while and resell them for a profit. We were always moving or fixing up things. We have now built a new house and plan on staying here forever which makes me very happy.
     
  5. BasicLiving

    BasicLiving Well-Known Member

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    We'll be married 20 years on June 16. We hit a rough spot around 10 - 12 years. We took some time and talked about what we had expected out of marriage and where we currently were. We made some adjustments and we worked through it. We're happier and more in love now than we've ever been.

    Penny
     
  6. DonnaKay

    DonnaKay Well-Known Member

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    I'm kinda expecting the 20 year market to be a little rough for us...Hubby will be retiring from the military and the kids will both be out of school...it will be a big time of change for us.

    donna
     
  7. gccrook

    gccrook Well-Known Member

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    We are about to hit 18 years, and it ahs only improved as we go. We had our rough spots like anyone, but I think we are more in love now than when we started.
     
  8. roadless

    roadless Well-Known Member Supporter

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    My DH and I will be married 25years this Sept. :) Our first daughter was born the day before our 1st anniversary, our second daughter 15 months later. Those years were exciting, exhausting and chaotic. I think our relationship was put on the back burner while being parents was our main concern. My DH was also starting his own business. Fast forward to now....both daughters are wonderful young women living on their own. My DH and I are rediscovering each other. I honestly think I am falling in love with him all over again! I am one fortunate woman!
     
  9. jassytoo

    jassytoo Well-Known Member Supporter

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    We are going on 42 years together and yes, it gets better and better. We were young when we married and had 3 kids within 4 years. It was tough at times but it taught us to work together and support each other. I always say we were raised together. When I look back we worried about a lot of things that truly didn't matter and were naive sometimes in the handling of things that did. It all came together anyway and now we fit together like a pair of comfy old shoes.
     
  10. vtfarma

    vtfarma Well-Known Member

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    yes yes yes, we have been married since 86 and each day is a gift - it gets better and better. I used to need time away from him and vice versa. Now we work together... go figure.
     
  11. Lil in md

    Lil in md Well-Known Member

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    Tomorrow we hit our 28 yr mark and it has gotten better I think we are way more comfortable with each other (sometimes to much) Like others we hit a bad point around 18 but we survived and now it is much better I think we needed to go through the bad it was more or less a crossing point we needed to go through . I would not change anythinng now (well not today any way dont ask tomorrow ) Lillie
     
  12. dezeeuwgoats

    dezeeuwgoats Well-Known Member

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    YES! (we will have 15 years in June). We have three boys aged nearly 13, nearly 11, and almost 7...Lots of birthdays in the coming months! lol

    We are still working on things, growing, maturing. Life is about learning - an adventure in relationships!

    Niki
     
  13. Ravenlost

    Ravenlost Well-Known Member Supporter

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    We've been married almost three years now, but have been living together for going on nine years. Is it better now than nine years ago? Probably. I know things are more settled now that my kids are grown and out of the house. We've adjusted to one another a lot better and have hit a comfortable, relaxed place in our life and relationship that is very nice.
     
  14. Queen Bee

    Queen Bee Well-Known Member Supporter

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    34+yrs and it is 100's x better. We have lots of fun and laughs. No money problems, kids are all good young adults and the only thing we really argue about is him 'supporting' his mom and his
     
  15. ThreeJane

    ThreeJane Me Love Your Face

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    We've been together going on 19 years, with 13 of that married (we had a very long engagement :p )

    I can say that we are happier - we still fight, we're still unreasonable, we still cold shoulder each other, but we've noticed that in many marriages with our friends and family around us, they are lacking a transparency that we take for granted.

    Like a friend never tells her husband what she spends on certain items at the store because he would get mad. Or another friend's husband doesn't know that she goes out to lunch with her mom every day. They don't tell each other plans, or ideas, or dreams that they have.

    Actually, they just sort of revolve around each other in the household but don't seem to actually interact much. I had a friend tell me that she wouldn't tell me her nickname from grade school because, "You tell Jay everything."

    insert shocked look here. Yep, I guess I do, huh?

    Hubby and I tell each other everything (well, not everything, but you get my drift), even knowing that it might really make the other one mad, because we prefer that transparency. That prevents the "I had no idea!" arguments later on down the line.

    Also, after 19 years, you certainly learn to compromise and communicate about things. You may win the fight but lose the war, and we've battled so many times that we've both come to that realization.
     
  16. Lizza

    Lizza Well-Known Member Supporter

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    We've been married 16 years. Absolutely, things get better and better the longer we are married. We've hit rough spots (who doesn't!) but once you work through them it only makes you stronger. I really don't know why the divorce rate is so high, I suspect it is way more then one thing, but more couples should stick it out. Things pass and you come out the other end that much closer.
     
  17. travlnusa

    travlnusa Well-Known Member

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    Wife and I are now at 18 yrs, and your line about focusing on each others needs it the key.

    We made two decisions about 3 yrs ago that changed us

    1) We decided to be happy.
    2) We decided to do soemthing each day to make the other happy.

    The past 3 yrs have been the best I could ever have dreamed of.
     
  18. Slev

    Slev Well-Known Member Supporter

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    well I'd go downstairs to ask her, but I'm almost certain she's already asleep on the couch. Besides, the last time I came home drunk and early in the AM, (I even stumbled over the bag of trash she left in the back doorway!like that was a hint or something?) When I got in I tried to smooch a little on her, but I must have lost my balance or something and fell on her, which woke her up and she got so mad she hit me with the teflon frying pan she had right there under the couch. You see, I learned a long time ago, that if I was ever in the mood, and like, she was not, ...to just be quiet and let her sleep while I "rocked my moves on her","...taken her to the disco" Not to worry though, we made up later that morning and even went upstairs to the bedroom for a little P.S.S.

    All in all, we've been married over 21 years now, lots of ups and downs, many a fights and make-ups. I even remember our first big fight was shortly after we got married, like a couple months or so. The wicked old land-lady had a mixed breed shepherd that she got for the sole reason to lure her little granddaughter to come over. The old lady would take a fly swatter or rolled up newspaper and beat that poor little puppy every time it tried to jump up on her, or got out of line. She told my wife we couldn't get a pet, BUT if we wanted THAT puppy and would let her granddaughter play with it, WE could keep it. Well, it caused such a fight that I went out and grabbed that puppy and put it on our bed and said a few things that Melissa won't let me say on here. .....Then , GET A LOAD OF THIS! a few years later, she admitted to getting into fights from time to time because she liked the make-up sex. I tell her now that's why I do what I do, so she can enjoy "dirty old drunk man sex".
     
  19. Turkeyfether

    Turkeyfether Well-Known Member

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    :croc: Yes, definately! We are like 2 mallards. :kissy: I never got sick of him & am ALWAYS happy when he comes home from work.The Biblical view of marriage & wives made the difference in the earlier :flame: fiery years :bash: :frypan:
     
  20. Trixie

    Trixie Well-Known Member

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    Well, 47 years in March and it is different - not better since it was never bad - but maybe sometimes more tense. We are much more comfortable - we have learned to not sweat the small things.

    My heart still does a flip-flop when I see him come home from work and I always stand outside and wave until he goes out of sight.

    Our life has been in stages and you can figure them out by the names what we call each other.

    When we first met it was our given names, then it was 'darling and sweetheart', then it was 'mama and daddy', now it is 'nanny and grumpy'.

    'grow old with me - the best is yet to come' - true words.