[nodak3]

Lol my granny always did say the devil is in the details. That year to get there may be a blessing. As you say, everything you really need to do you can do from town with planning. That gives you time to think through if living on their land is the best idea, or if just being closer would be better. We always liked the walton's idea too, but push came to shove and co housing did not work out. Worked better for us to have their own place, even if it was just sort of down the street lol. But that was us. Other families it can work fine.

But details to work out are fine points sometimes. Separate housing worked better for us so it could be "grandma's house grandma's rules/ mom's house mom's rules." That way if mom was cool with jelly hands wiped on the couch and grandma did not want that on her bedroom comforter, both mom and grandma had the final say--at their own home.

I ditto whoever said building or reno'ing is stressful. It is---in spades!! And whoever asked about the stairs: right on!! As we age we are only one day from waking up just absolutely unable to do stairs. Could be temporary or could be permanent, but either way a major hurdle for a while. Might be a good idea to work out an above ground solution. Also since you have the mobile home, if you are going to be all that useful to them, I ditto whoever said basically s-n-l can get his nose out of the air and accept your home on his land. Or deed you some land.

Sounds like you have a plan now of no fast moves and yet still working toward the goal of possibly moving to their place? Or no fast moves but possibly moving very close to them? I have extended family that basically did what you are doing for the time being. Then the grandpa died and they built grandma a tiny home on their land, but nice private distance from their house. And in a year the younger couple filed for divorce. And memaw was almost out on her can since 3 adults with opinions was part of the problem. Divorce was cancelled, memaw still lives there, but she no longer babysits/helps out, etc. If she moves back to town she would likely take up keeping the kids again. Go figure.

We have been married 50 years and lived in 15 homes. I know those 1-2 years things sound off to folks like us who like to "git'er done." But they really do save heartache. As you said, had to land somewhere at the break up, but now you can take your time and plan what YOU really want!

Peace and good luck!

 

[Rb's Memaw]

Lol my granny always did say the devil is in the details. That year to get there may be a blessing. As you say, everything you really need to do you can do from town with planning. That gives you time to think through if living on their land is the best idea, or if just being closer would be better. We always liked the walton's idea too, but push came to shove and co housing did not work out. Worked better for us to have their own place, even if it was just sort of down the street lol. But that was us. Other families it can work fine.

But details to work out are fine points sometimes. Separate housing worked better for us so it could be "grandma's house grandma's rules/ mom's house mom's rules." That way if mom was cool with jelly hands wiped on the couch and grandma did not want that on her bedroom comforter, both mom and grandma had the final say--at their own home.

I ditto whoever said building or reno'ing is stressful. It is---in spades!! And whoever asked about the stairs: right on!! As we age we are only one day from waking up just absolutely unable to do stairs. Could be temporary or could be permanent, but either way a major hurdle for a while. Might be a good idea to work out an above ground solution. Also since you have the mobile home, if you are going to be all that useful to them, I ditto whoever said basically s-n-l can get his nose out of the air and accept your home on his land. Or deed you some land.

Sounds like you have a plan now of no fast moves and yet still working toward the goal of possibly moving to their place? Or no fast moves but possibly moving very close to them? I have extended family that basically did what you are doing for the time being. Then the grandpa died and they built grandma a tiny home on their land, but nice private distance from their house. And in a year the younger couple filed for divorce. And memaw was almost out on her can since 3 adults with opinions was part of the problem. Divorce was cancelled, memaw still lives there, but she no longer babysits/helps out, etc. If she moves back to town she would likely take up keeping the kids again. Go figure.

We have been married 50 years and lived in 15 homes. I know those 1-2 years things sound off to folks like us who like to "git'er done." But they really do save heartache. As you said, had to land somewhere at the break up, but now you can take your time and plan what YOU really want!

Peace and good luck!

We have settled on no fast moves, or any moves without further planning and all of us knowing exactly what is involved first. Right now the kids goal is to help figure out the costs of building whatever ...right now they want to know the costs on all of the options. We are revisiting moving my mobile home somewhere much closer if not on the land, and comparing the costs/benefits/downfalls of each option. Like you said about the couple, anything can happen and I put a lot of hard questions to the kids about all the things of life and how me being here changes a lot for all of us. I've really appreciated you and others reminders that I can do what I want...I have always had a tendency to give away my all and sometimes have regretted it.

 

[DebbieJ]

Hello all,
It's been awhile since I was here and life has thrown me so many curve balls that I feel completely upside down. I was farming hogs and selling package meat with my ex fiance until this past April. We split, it was ugly, I bought a mobile home on a lot in town and left it all. Now my daughter and her husband (who is national guard and spends quite a bit of time deployed) have asked me to move in with them and help them with their cattle ranch and children, homeschool, etc...every MeMaw's dream right? I'm struggling with not having my own space. I have a temporary room set up in the unfinished basement, but haven't really moved out of my house yet and kind of argue with myself about staying here. They would be happy for me to build a tiny house behind their house if that would help me feel like I had my own space, and it would...I just know so little about that process and it seems overwhelming. I'm dying to get out of town again, and I love their farm, and the grandbabies. Am I being selfish for not wanting to stay in the basement and share a bathroom? What would y'all suggest? Maybe I'm just struggling with all of the life changes...I'm learning that these things are a lot different at 50 than they were at 20 or 30.

Why not have your mobile home moved? Or if that’s not possible, buy another one to move on their property? You can still be close, but have your own space and independence! A win win in my book.

 

[Rb's Memaw]

Why not have your mobile home moved? Or if that’s not possible, buy another one to move on their property? You can still be close, but have your own space and independence! A win win in my book.

that is one of the options that we are considering. We have settled on allowing ourselves to process all of the different options and I'm staying here (at the kids') part time until we figure out what makes all of us the happiest.

 

[DebbieJ]

that is one of the options that we are considering. We have settled on allowing ourselves to process all of the different options and I'm staying here (at the kids') part time until we figure out what makes all of us the happiest.

Take care of yourself in the meantime. At our age and at this time in life, we need to take care of ourselves.

 

[Rb's Memaw]

Take care of yourself in the meantime. At our age and at this time in life, we need to take care of ourselves.

thank you DebbieJ! Thankfully the discussions over the past several days have resulted in the kids saying the same thing. As I said, I came here initially in reaction to a family emergency which resulted in the death of SIL's father and we were all just hyper focused on taking care of all of the transitions and grieving and things that family goes through with such a loss. During the time that SIL's father was in the hospital we learned that DD is expecting baby #3, only 7 months following a very difficult and harrowing pregnancy, which threw all of us into a near panic just trying to figure out how to best take care of her along with all of the cows, kids, extended family's needs, and SIL's mother. I'm so very thankful for the many reminders here to take care of myself, and allow myself to put me first. So far the situation seems to be still evolving through our discussions and information gathering. We will see what comes of it all, but for the now we have all become much closer and more determined to talk this our, seek our best options, and keep family unity as the priority.

 

[DebbieJ]

thank you DebbieJ! Thankfully the discussions over the past several days have resulted in the kids saying the same thing. As I said, I came here initially in reaction to a family emergency which resulted in the death of SIL's father and we were all just hyper focused on taking care of all of the transitions and grieving and things that family goes through with such a loss. During the time that SIL's father was in the hospital we learned that DD is expecting baby #3, only 7 months following a very difficult and harrowing pregnancy, which threw all of us into a near panic just trying to figure out how to best take care of her along with all of the cows, kids, extended family's needs, and SIL's mother. I'm so very thankful for the many reminders here to take care of myself, and allow myself to put me first. So far the situation seems to be still evolving through our discussions and information gathering. We will see what comes of it all, but for the now we have all become much closer and more determined to talk this our, seek our best options, and keep family unity as the priority.

That’s great! Communication is the key to everything. Prayers for your DDs pregnancy. Its hard enough being pregnant during this pandemic. May God bless you all with all you need. And some of what you want.

 

[Danaus29]

My condolences on your sil's loss. It is hard to lose a family member any time but it is especially difficult now when you feel you have no closure.

I hope and pray you daughter has an easy pregnancy and delivery this time around.

 

[Rb's Memaw]

Thank you Danaus29. Our family has been through the wringer in so many ways this year. Out of the whole year so far, I've only been able to live in my own home for about 4 months.

At the beginning of the year I was living on a small farm with a man I was engaged to and his teen dd. My DD was struggling with her last pregnancy and was in and out of the hospital with a 3 year old to care for, a very high pressure and high stress job, and a deployed husband. I was here everyday as soon as I got my chores done, and then went home as soon as DD and her little one were in bed to finish evening chores and catch up on housework at the farm since my ex and his daughter felt they were exempt from anything inside the house that didn't include dirtying dishes or clothing or floors. DD had our sweet little feller in early March...perfectly wonderfully normal and healthy baby... perfect labor and delivery, but fast as the ladies in our family tend to be (several have delivered in cars trying to get to the hospital). DD and baby came home and all was well we thought after a few days, so I went back to the farm only to get a call the next day that she had spiked a temp in the night and was horribly ill and had been readmitted to the hospital. So I went and stayed there then came and stayed here. She had developed a blood clot that had somehow become infected. We nearly lost our little feller before he got here and then nearly lost her. So, needless to say, finding out under such stressful circumstances so quickly after all of that happening DD and SIL really deeply and truly want me to be here

Prior to coming here my oldest son had a fiance who nearly killed my grandson...poor baby had 3 skull fractures and a brain bleed, was taken to St Louis via helicopter due to the severity of the injuries where he spent a week in the ICU before he was released due to COVID concerns, and then I got less than 2 hours notice to go get the kids or the state was placing him, and his autistic older brother in foster care. I picked them up and 9 days later had to leave the farm I was on with my fiance, so I bought my mobile home in town. I lived there with the boys for just about but not quite 4 months before the state sent me to live at my son's house with the boys to help them transition back to their homelife...minus the wicked woman who is currently facing several felonies. I hadn't even technically been fully released to come here when DD called, but the caseworker was able to work things out with my son and I.

In between all of that I was helping my middle son find a home as they one he and his fiance lived in was condemned. He is a disabled veteran and was in desperate need of care for his back...at 25 he was totally unable to walk without a cane, or drive because the pressure on the nerves in his spine made his foot numb and he couldn't feel the pedals in the car. He has an annular tear in a disk in his spine and was in the process of getting the disability processed and couldn't afford medical care, couldn't drive to get to appointments or look for a place to live, and was making most of his money playing guitar on sidewalks or in parks...until COVID...then mom was his only real source of help or support...so I spent a lot of time making sure he got where he needed to be and helping get him back on his feet too.

I'm praying that all calms down and our tired family can rest from the chaos a bit.

 

[DebbieJ]

God bless you RBs Grandma. You have been through the wringer. Prayers for all to calm down and be at peace.

 

[Danaus29]

You sure have been through the wringer. I pray things calm down and become more pleasant and less exciting.

 

[Rb's Memaw]

Thank you again Debbie and Danaus. This year has been such a challenge, and we are all both individually and collectively exhausted on every level of our being and just trying to find what little peace we can pull out of the rest of this year. Today was a wonderful day together as a family just being thankful that even though we are going through such difficult seasons in life right now that we have been able to stand together through all of it...we all know so many families that all small things to becomes so divisive that they even stop speaking to one another, so we reveled in the joy and peace of knowing that through all of the ugly and hard we have each other to lean on and learn from. Maybe I have a very odd relationship with my kids...but I'm so grateful that it is the way that it is and that we pull together during the trials instead of picking each other apart.

 

[mzgarden]

Whatever your decision, I'm praying for you and your family.

 

[Rb's Memaw]

Whatever your decision, I'm praying for you and your family.

Thank you very much mzgarden, prayers are very much appreciated