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Posted 11/21/22 11:25 PM CST

Today at a friend's , I saw a gal I dated in my early 20s for about 3 months until she lost interest in me because I didn't want to get married before I was in my 30s and only wanted two kids at most. while she wanted at least 6 kids.

After my friend fixed her pick up and she left, he grinned as he told me I was lucky in getting away from "Fertile Myrtle" because she landed her first husband a year after she dumped me and has 7 kids by 4 fathers and took them all for the houses they bought except the last guy she married because she is still married to him and she will probably stay with him now she is almost 60.

When he told me as he remembered. she birthed her first child when she was 23 and the youngest about 15 years later.

Sure glad I dodged the bullet :)
 

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I waited to get married too and so my wife is about 15 years younger. When we were dating she had a bunch of friends, nice looking young girls with tons of potential...most of them ended up pregnant out of wedlock to guys with no means of support...then they bounce to the next guy, have his kid and so on. They all end up dirt poor, alone with 3-4 kids from all different fathers who have no real relationship with them. They lost their looks and no decent guy will have anything to do with the mess. These are the ones that told my wife I was too old for her.

Now we've been married for 10 good years, have one kid who is the center of our lives, we have a farm bought and paid for, clean house, hobbies, all around good life. Not to toot my own horn but she did better than all of them.
 

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Don't let "good enough" be the enemy of perfect.
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My favorite quote: "Experience is a harsh teacher. FIRST it gives you the test; THEN it teaches you the lesson."

Sadly, experience taught me a few lessons about getting married (from a guy's standpoint).

1. Never, ever let the female choose you for a spouse. You choose her.
2. Never, ever commit to marry a female unless you have known her intimately for at least 2 years. Women can and will appear to be whatever you want them to be for a while, but they cannot hold out a fake personality for 2 years.
3. Never, ever marry a female who is under about 23 years old. They will grow up and "want something different in life" and it ain't you.
4. Do NOT get her pregnant for the first year or two in a relationship. You may need to use condoms because sometimes a female will "forget" to take her birth control pill.
5. Women marry a man hoping that he will change, and men marry a woman hoping that she won't change. Both will be disappointed: He won't change, and she will.

In general, if the guy has had children with a former wife, and then he has children with a subsequent wife, his life will get complicated, and it can be (but won't necessarily be) quite contentious.
 

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My favorite quote: "Experience is a harsh teacher. FIRST it gives you the test; THEN it teaches you the lesson."

Sadly, experience taught me a few lessons about getting married (from a guy's standpoint).

1. Never, ever let the female choose you for a spouse. You choose her.
2. Never, ever commit to marry a female unless you have known her intimately for at least 2 years. Women can and will appear to be whatever you want them to be for a while, but they cannot hold out a fake personality for 2 years.
3. Never, ever marry a female who is under about 23 years old. They will grow up and "want something different in life" and it ain't you.
4. Do NOT get her pregnant for the first year or two in a relationship. You may need to use condoms because sometimes a female will "forget" to take her birth control pill.
5. Women marry a man hoping that he will change, and men marry a woman hoping that she won't change. Both will be disappointed: He won't change, and she will.

In general, if the guy has had children with a former wife, and then he has children with a subsequent wife, his life will get complicated, and it can be (but won't necessarily be) quite contentious.
I would add;

6. Watch her relationship with her father. Father is her model for men, she will attempt to recreate that model with the men she partners with. If the model is dysfunctional, abusive, estranged, etc...thats bad. If the model is warm, close, loving, and respectful...thats good.
 

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I would add;

6. Watch her relationship with her father. Father is her model for men, she will attempt to recreate that model with the men she partners with. If the model is dysfunctional, abusive, estranged, etc...thats bad. If the model is warm, close, loving, and respectful...thats good.
What if hers isn't in the picture because he was a selfish jerk who didn't give a flying fig about his young daughter or the woman who bore her? Asking for a friend.
 

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What if hers isn't in the picture because he was a selfish jerk who didn't give a flying fig about his young daughter or the woman who bore her? Asking for a friend.
Its a bad sign because thats her model for men, but it is by no means the defining thing. Of course lots of women have bad fathers but end up being good wives...

Its like telling a young woman "pick a man with a good job"...well he can lose his job, or the unemployed guy might just be between jobs and later become a good earner. These are just outward things to take note of, not necessarily base your entire decision on.
 

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Its also true that children of divorced parents are more likely to end up divorced. I was a child of divorced parents, my wife is a child of divorced parents [ raised by her father ]. Statistically [ using only that information ], the odds of our getting a divorce should be high but after 10 years I am certain that we will be together until death.
 

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My favorite quote: "Experience is a harsh teacher. FIRST it gives you the test; THEN it teaches you the lesson."

Sadly, experience taught me a few lessons about getting married (from a guy's standpoint).

1. Never, ever let the female choose you for a spouse. You choose her.
2. Never, ever commit to marry a female unless you have known her intimately for at least 2 years. Women can and will appear to be whatever you want them to be for a while, but they cannot hold out a fake personality for 2 years.
3. Never, ever marry a female who is under about 23 years old. They will grow up and "want something different in life" and it ain't you.
4. Do NOT get her pregnant for the first year or two in a relationship. You may need to use condoms because sometimes a female will "forget" to take her birth control pill.
5. Women marry a man hoping that he will change, and men marry a woman hoping that she won't change. Both will be disappointed: He won't change, and she will.

In general, if the guy has had children with a former wife, and then he has children with a subsequent wife, his life will get complicated, and it can be (but won't necessarily be) quite contentious.
Wow. you seem nice. Wild guess here ... you are still single
 

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Perennial bachelor here. I like to say that bachelors are the best husbands. We are too considerate of the fairer sex to burden them with our dear selves. Nobody else has mentioned that the bullet the OP dodged bagged 3 houses from baby daddies before she settled down with her good-enough. From my perspective, this country mirrors Rome in decline. In spite of inflation, decadence is easy to see, and with the advent of social media, people's expectations of lifestyle are through the roof. This is why men go abroad for wives. Hard situations make strong people, but this country is as soft as the dough boy. Barring finding a young mennonite or sheltered catholic girl, it is a friggin' minefield for men. The older I get, the more I appreciate food, sleep and beer. My hats off to those who have found good women in this country. I'm not looking because I'm enjoying my food, sleep and beer too much to threaten them.
 
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Don't let "good enough" be the enemy of perfect.
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Wow. you seem nice. Wild guess here ... you are still single
Thanks. Nope. After I finally figured out the rules I listed above for correctly choosing a wife, I followed my rules, and I have been happily married to a wonderful (and attractive) lady for 30 years now. I am 76 years old.
 

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My favorite quote: "Experience is a harsh teacher. FIRST it gives you the test; THEN it teaches you the lesson."

Sadly, experience taught me a few lessons about getting married (from a guy's standpoint).

1. Never, ever let the female choose you for a spouse. You choose her.
2. Never, ever commit to marry a female unless you have known her intimately for at least 2 years. Women can and will appear to be whatever you want them to be for a while, but they cannot hold out a fake personality for 2 years.
3. Never, ever marry a female who is under about 23 years old. They will grow up and "want something different in life" and it ain't you.
4. Do NOT get her pregnant for the first year or two in a relationship. You may need to use condoms because sometimes a female will "forget" to take her birth control pill.
5. Women marry a man hoping that he will change, and men marry a woman hoping that she won't change. Both will be disappointed: He won't change, and she will.

In general, if the guy has had children with a former wife, and then he has children with a subsequent wife, his life will get complicated, and it can be (but won't necessarily be) quite contentious.
You may not be aware but women can use this criteria and do when choosing a mate.
 

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As someone who did not marry until 36, I'd like to say the choices of men aren't always sunshine and roses.

Men also come with "daddy issues" or "mommy issues" or fill in any childhood trauma story.

What's meant to be will be. :)
 

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You may not be aware but women can use this criteria and do when choosing a mate.
Women have their own criteria, its not quite the same as what NRA guy posted. The thing is, you can read about 'how to choose a husband' in a million magazines, discuss it openly and there is no problem. But when a man discusses how to choose a wife, alot of women get angry...he's a "jerk" for suggesting not all women make good wives.
 

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Women have their own criteria, its not quite the same as what NRA guy posted. The thing is, you can read about 'how to choose a husband' in a million magazines, discuss it openly and there is no problem. But when a man discusses how to choose a wife, alot of women get angry...he's a "jerk" for suggesting not all women make good wives.
And as a woman you know this personally?

There is no simple thing that makes a couple compatible. Anyone who thinks otherwise or puts out a list of things to look for really don't understand that.
 

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Given my luck with women, I'll stay single.
 

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Never date a woman that's been divorced less that 5 years. She will transfer the hostility and betrayal she feels for her ex onto you.

Date for 2 years before getting serious is good advice. I had a couple girlfriends that proved to be bat poop crazy but only after a year.
 
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