[wildhorse]

My big sister called and said she had recieved a call from our half sister and that our biological father is in the hospital and may die. I will pray for my sister and I will pray for his soul but as far as it goes I dont care for the man and should he die I will not shed a tear or attend his funeral.... :shrug:

 

[Bink]

Better to not show up than to show up and giggle.

 

[wildhorse]

Aint it the truth..lol

 

[NWoods_Hippie]

Same with my bio-father, well not totally the same as I have no idea where he is or for that matter he may be dead already for all I know or care, funny though the last I heard about 7 years ago was that he was living in NC?!

Not the same however for my adopted Father, who I am making myself crazy over him killing himself with booze.

You are not awful, you are a realist!

Margie

 

[HillsideHouse]

Just because they are kin doesn’t make them good people. You certainly not awful.!! One of my 2nd cousins killed herself (great way to get out of jail yet again). She hurt so many people in her 57 years that no one wanted to claim her body. Finally one of her brothers did. I was contacted since I am the Crypt Keeper (okay, I hold the cemetery keys) in order to bury her there. Sorry, no can do, there are only 28 spots left & we don’t want her there. Not wanting to pay for a plot she was cremated. The kicker being that since no one wanted to deal with it, they put her ashes in a piece of Tupperware & buried her in the cemetery anyway. Heck I looked but I can’t find her. If I do she’s in the trash where she belongs. She was evil, evil to the core.
Hillside

 

[Pony]

Hey, you're not awful at all. I can see where you're coming from, because I will probably feel relief when my father passes on.

I don't hate him anymore, I'm not even mad at him, but there is something more final about death that's better than the limbo of being ignored by your own parent.

Pony!

 

[Siryet]

Same with my bio-father, well not totally the same as I have no idea where he is or for that matter he may be dead already for all I know or care, funny though the last I heard about 7 years ago was that he was living in NC?!

Not the same however for my adopted Father, who I am making myself crazy over him killing himself with booze.

You are not awful, you are a realist!

Margie

This might be a good time for you to investigate and start attending alanon meetings.

 

[Country Lady]

It's truly sad and such a shame that some live their lives so, that their offspring feel this way, but it's reality that effect many. I think so many others who read this post can relate to your feelings. Everyone has something in their life they wished could have been different, whether they will admit it or not. My only advice would be to go forward with your life and learn from the bad things.

 

[RoseGarden]

Your biological father is dying. And yet it's 'all about you'. Huh.

By the way, if your father's name is Alvin B. and he's in San Antonio, then I'm your cousin. But judging from your answer, I certainly hope I'm not your cousin.

While you're praying for your father's soul, why don't you pray for forgiveness for your uncharitable and unChristian attitude.

 

[Bink]

Your biological father is dying. And yet it's 'all about you'. Huh.

Ouch.
I notice you didn't happen to ask Wildhorse if she had a reason to feel the way she does. Not all daddies are princes. Some are absolute creeps. Some fully deserve to have their own kids kill them, believe it or not.

I have no idea if such is the case with Wildhorse's dad, but she's not doing anything that will hurt him, so why jump on her?

 

[moopups]

I was told my mother was buried next to my father, so?

 

[suburbanite]

Better to not show up than to show up and giggle.

Now, I think this is very funny, but if I said it I'd have my head chopped off.

If biodad didn't fulfill his obligation as a parent then you have no obligation as his child.

 

[Bink]

Now, I think this is very funny, but if I said it I'd have my head chopped off.

It's all in the delivery.

 

[suburbanite]

I think it's in the messenger.

RoseGarden tried to chop your head off too.

 

[tweety]

Funerals are for the living, not the dead.
I can understand you not wanting to visit him in the hospital, but if you have any sort of decent connection with your sisters, go to the funeral. You can cry together about how awful he was and help each other grieve for never having had a good father. I think that's the real loss when a bad parent dies; the last shred of hope that he/she might change and become loving is gone and it is heartbreaking to know what you missed.
I have never regretted going to my horrible mother's funeral even though I didn't want to and only decided to at the last minute. I learned things from other family members that were very helpful to me, and I rekindled good contacts with them. (Which would have made her furious. Take THAT, Mom!)

 

[MtnGranny]

"I dont care for the man and should he die I will not shed a tear or attend his funeral...."

My husband said this until it happened. There was no funeral - his body was given to science. Still bothers my hubby. His sisters, on the other hand, probably don't even know the day he died.

 

[Queen Bee]

for many yrs, I was afraid to admit that I felt the same way you do but with my mother. She was a mean, spiteful, angry person. So many times she told us that she wished we had not been born. She hated our father and we were just like him.. She could have been someone/something it not for us. She HAD to live with dad because of us. We were always: too fat, too skinny, too stupid, too selfish, toooo something. We were a burden to get and she never let us forget it. I NEVER once remember her saying I love you (neither do any of my siblings). She once asked me what was I going to do if my husband left me, for another woman, because I was so fat! (I am six lbs. heavier than I was 35yrs ago.. And I was called 'skinny, minny' for years! When she became sick, NO one wanted to take care of her and she didn't want to go into a rest/nursing home..SO, I took her into our home and took care of her for 6yrs. until she died. She tried very hard to 'pit' dh and I between each other... I could go on for days but I will not... she is gone and I am happy and releived with her death. I might go to hell for the way I feel and if I do then so be it... I tried to love her, I took care of her but in the end she died an old, angry, hateful, unloved woman.

Queen Bee

 

[Ardie/WI]

Your biological father is dying. And yet it's 'all about you'. Huh.

By the way, if your father's name is Alvin B. and he's in San Antonio, then I'm your cousin. But judging from your answer, I certainly hope I'm not your cousin.

While you're praying for your father's soul, why don't you pray for forgiveness for your uncharitable and unChristian attitude.

I am reminded of a saying about not judging someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes.

I feel the same way about my mother as Mitch and Queen Bee posted!

Thank God she is dead!

 

[Mauto]

I don't think that you are awful at all. My bio dad died last November and I didn't go to his funeral. He gave up his 3 kids and had us all split up between different family our whole lives. He only came around 1 or 2 times every few years. My " adoptive" aunt and uncle (whom is a pastor) said that I was not awful for not going to his funeral because his whole living life I gave him the opportunity to "be a dad and a granpa" but he chose to be an ASS so- don't be hard on yourself.... I loved my dad at one time, but honestly I don't miss him at all...

 

[cjb]

I don't think you're awful - certainly not my place to judge and can completely empathize with anyone that has had a cruel dad. I shared your feelings over the last few years before my dad died, however, I was there when he did pass on and I'm glad.

You don't know how you will deal with a life event until it happens. In his dying moments, I was able to say to my dad that I loved him and forgave him. If you told me even weeks before that I would utter those words, I wouldn't have believed you. My dad was one of the most evil people I have ever met.

Did my dad need me to forgive him or even care? I really don't know. I do know that I needed to say the words and purpose in my heart to mean them. Believe me, he didn't deserve them but we all get grace and forgiveness that we dont deserve.

Not scolding you at all - urging you to think/pray about it hard because you can't re-live this time. It may not be right for you to be there - only you can decide that.

I also felt strongly that I needed to be there with my Mom and siblings and I'm glad that I did that, as well.

I'm sorry for your pain - past and present.