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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
we moved my grandmother into my house. RIGHT after i quit my job. was perfect timing honestly because she needed a lot of care while recovering from her hospital stay . she changed all her contact info and shipping address to my house fully prepared to stay here.

shes always wanted to live on a farm, was so excited to be staying with me. i cook 3 times a day to make sure she eats. which she wasnt at her own place , she was eating donuts and ice cream and chips all day. i dont buy junk food. i cook veggies and meat..

she was on sooo much medication , and after feeding her the proper foods her body needs. (this has only been going on for a few weeks now mind you) she was taking 70 units of insulin ,and now 0 . her thyroid has started working better without medication , and we cut out a lot of her other medications that are no longer needed (doctor said it was ok to do , and happy she was finally fixing her issues with a change of diet rather then pills.)

she LOVES animals.and thinks more of the livestock as pets rather then food. she wants to cuddle the rabbits i have .. ya know , the meat rabbits. i was telling her i currently have 21 and they DO NOT . like to be snuggled , or even really touched. , and she said that was too many animals to care for. i then gave her the stats.. 2 goats, 16 ducks, 21 rabbits, 7 chickens and 1 rooster. and a flux of +12 meat birds 2 to 3 times a year. and not all the rabbit stay.

her face drops , "what do you do with them ?" and in shock i go "i .. eat them. " frazzled she goes "YOU EAT THEM !? YOUR PETS !? " even after i try to clarify that they are NOT pets. "i could never eat a cute little bunny , or a chicken ive seen alive" ... i had to inform her "but you have, ive made you rabbit and chicken from my farm already.." she cried...

she loves watching animal planet, and says she cries and cries and Criessss when she sees a predator catches a pray. she feels so bad for the pray that couldnt get away.

she eats store bought chicken... yet my very personally cared for chickens isnt good enough... she now is refusing to eat anything i make UNLESS she sees it been in a package from the store... ugh .. ya know .. quitting my job, and feeding her store bought meat , instead of the stuff right from my back yard. getting pretty expensive. legit eating my money reserves .

shes a clean freak , and before she moved in KNEW and WARNED i am not a clean freak ... im ok with a little dirt, if i see my rug dirty i dont freak out and run for the vacuum.
i tend to accidentally track poop in on my shoes after taking care of animals . a week into her living here, she was sitting in the kitchen eating the breakfast i made when i went outside in 20f weather. to take care of the animals , came back in 30 minutes later,her still eating and she just gives me a face of disgust and says "why dont you leave your boots outside ? you got mud or poop on them" ... i looked at her and said "its 20 outside ,everything is frozen , i dont have anything on my shoes other then snow. "she didnt like that answer and started fake coughing and gagging when i walked away.

my main job with her here , is to make sure shes taking her meds. and eating properly. keep the areas shes in clean. which i have been, but apparently not good enough .. lol my office , where she never comes into , apparently isnt clean so just walking past it makes her "gag"


she called my mom yesterday crying saying she cant stay here, and wants her own place, that i force fed her cute little bunnies.(even though she said it was delicious)... sooooo were working on it now.. WHOOPS BAD HOUSEMATE. lol i mean im glad shes doing better then she was , but highly doubt her healthy eating habits here are going to stick when she leaves, as she ... doesnt cook ... shes going to have to go back on all those meds, if she does not keep up the healthy diet lifestyle we put her on.

she BEGGED to come live with me because she couldnt manage to live alone .so thats why we brought her here. thought i was being a good granddaughter.. hmm .

she also said it was cruel of me to not let her talk about religion or politics to me , because its important to her.... its not important to me , it stresses me out, im not allowed to talk to her about things that stress her out. so it should be mutual. riiight ?


need a professional reference to get her into the new place. and of course they cant be related... but when your 75 years old , most of your friends are either in the ground or retired and cant be that for her... ugh ..
the stress of her wanting to live here ,so moving her in, we thought was done , then the stress of her wanting to be on her own , and trying to get all the paperwork done to get her moved out is stressful !!! she then wants to remind you "stress will kill you" .. then stop being stressful, dang it ! lol

i just cant get a break with all the drama that happens here in my life. lol !!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I don't know how big your house is, but would you be able to set up a small efficiency apartment in it? That way she could have her 'own' place, but still be under your watchful eye.
its a 1 story 4 bedroom , 3 bedrooms on one side of house and other bedroom on the opposite . her room is the opposite room of the others. thought to give her space.
she locks herself away like a moody teenager .lol. i have to remind her constantly to take her VERY important blood thinner med because she got a stent at the hospital. she told me she could handle to remember her meds on her own .. so today i left her to her own devices. other then cook , i cooked breakfast ,lunch and dinner (here soon) and shes suppose to take it with lunch .. guess what she forgot ... UGH .. lol hard to keep an eye on someone when their locking themselves away. other then the 4 bedrooms my house is pretty small compared to some. we even offered to build her a small cabin at my moms house.. and she refuses.... she is very paranoid . she doesnt want to be watched, she wants to be alone.. even though she always says "lonelyness kills"

this woman , before she was sent to the bigger hospital, didnt want to go , she wanted to go home and die (heart issue found) so i drove all the way there to pick her up , and take her home to sit and watch her all night (the night before i left my job) i was going to take that stress and do it.. but thankfully she changed her mind and went.. now shes saying no body cares what she thinks ,or what shes going though. and we dont understand...I WAS GOING TO WATCH OVER YOU, TO DIE .. you dont think i care !?!?!

id love to have her stay near so we can help her , but she wants to move to a area about an hour away, then complain that we never come see her (in winter, mind you.) like she did before ., EVEN THOUGH we did ... we went to see her a lot. she dont understand we cant stay for 5 hours and hang out , as we got things to do too. my moms got chickens and a grandkid shes watching on the weekdays . and i got livestock that seem to always need constant attention .. which even with her here she dont understand i got to go outside so "early" to take care of.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Hang in there! She sounds manipulative, but I think you’ve figured that out. She is a guest in your house, if she is a grandmother or not, she should remember that.

very much so ! growing up hearing all the stories this woman has done to her children , and how to get away with leeching off the welfare system was always irritating . she talked my mom into thinking she changed a lot and just wanted to be with family ... when years before she wanted her own space and didnt want anyone to bug her , but at the same time complain that no one came to visit, and such.

my mom was planning on letting gma move in with her. i told her "nope you got too much on your plate already, if shes going to move in with anyone , its going to be me " and boom here we are... mom sees she hasnt changed one bit , glad she didnt have her move in with her, and feels bad she trusted her to change and has me dealing with all this... where taking her back to her "old run down" apartment tomorrow ... its not run down .. shes just dont want to live there anymore , because she flirted with someone upstairs and he now avoids her..... once the paperwork gets done for her NEW place.. IF shes accepted, she will be moving from old apartment to new apartment in march..... once we get the professional reference. that is .
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 · (Edited)
1. Does she have all her mental faculties?

If so,

2. Your house. Your rules.

honestly not sure ... she has "so many things wrong with her " shes a hypochondriac shes been put on meds for things she dont even have because she demanded them. a lot of her issues only came about because of the meds she personally asked to be put on.. she wants all the attention , but doesnt at the same time. all her daughters , except for my mom have diabetes. and so does she. saying hers is worse then her girls, and it dips so much and it skyrockets... after getting her off her insulin , her blood sugar has been fine. right in the normal range, every test we do .. she says shes been cured..... ive seen my aunts dip so hard that they fainted. many times.
she will tell me her heart is racing and about to beat out of her chest (the girls in my family have a resting heart rate of 85 - 95(we have a abnormal second beat once and a while) ) ill take her blood pressure/ pulse is regular. while shes arguing that is at least 130...she only really does it when im doing something away from her. or come back in from the animals, maybe because im not paying enough attention to her ?!
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Ok. Here is what I infer.

1. She has always been a self centered bully.
2. You did the right thing.
3. She isn’t capable of making good decisions.
4. Let responsibly for her go.
5. Let her move away.
6. Don’t fall for her drama.
1. yes, she told her children they where all foRced on her. and she didnt want any of them. yet tells them she loves them very much. , had them taken from the home one by one by child services, and abused them daily before that. and wonders why , in her old age, they dont call... the only one that couldnt get out of it , was my mom , because all the aunts moved 12 hours away , and we are right here... mom really hoped she changed. because .. well .. thats her mom , of course she wants her in her life... and i dont understand that forgive and forget thing , do me wrong and you have to earn trust back...
2.thank you... i try..
3. no very much so .. shes going to revert back to her old ways as soon as shes on her own ,and kill herself with donuts.
4. im trying!!! so much different then a unwanted kitten, cant take it up the road and drop it off at a farm ! (i wouldnt do that to a loveable cat , but you know what i mean)
5. working on it , she wont do the paperwork herself because "its too much" so we got to do it for her , if we want out lives back.
6.i never once listened to her drama even when she starts weeping from a story shes telling , i walk away , and when i come back ,she asks why i left when she was talking.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Your mom could swing by for a little intervention, but it sounds like you did the right thing, even if it fails and she moves out. No regrets.
we been iced in for a week. i just finally broke my car loose .. and lost a windshield wiper in the process. rip.. moms been calling daily trying to get things sorted out , and i have to be in the room during the calls.. and watching my gma roll her eyes every time my mom talks... irritates me to no end. almost told her to put her boots on and get in my car that instant .. but mom has her apartment keys right now. i would have dared our ice riddled roads just to drop her off .. lol

this woman.... lol while we been iced in , told me, i needed to go to the store because she wanted band-aids .. i asked her if she needed one. she says "no , just in case. sooOO could you go?" and i look out side. and told her "um .. have you looked outside !? " she got pissed.
 

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I know it will be hard, but you need to explain things to her. Compromise and making reasonable accommodations is one thing, but having her act like a 5 year old is unacceptable. I would make it clear you would love to have her stay as long as she does her part and if not, she is gone. Put the responsibility on her and make it her choice.

She knows exactly what she is doing and can choose to stop if she wants to. Don't let her guilt trip you.
 

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Her choice of actions and reactions after 70 years is pretty well rooted, so I wouldn't expect much of a change. People go with what works for them. If manipulation and guilt has worked for her she likely won't change. How you respond will stunt it a bit or for a while, but the old dog learning new tricks is pretty accurate.
 

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Since mom isn't there, those daily calls need to stay daily. Grandchildren shouldn't have to be the bad cop, just as spouses shouldn't be confrontational with in laws. There is an order.
 

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Her choice of actions and reactions after 70 years is pretty well rooted, so I wouldn't expect much of a change. People go with what works for them. If manipulation and guilt has worked for her she likely won't change. How you respond will stunt it a bit or for a while, but the old dog learning new tricks is pretty accurate.
I'm 72 and if someone gave me the choice to change my behavior or leave, I would change my behavior if I wanted to stay. She's old, not senile. She just has to become bearable, not an angel.
 

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This venting sounds like you need to start taking care of yourself by not taking what your Gma says personally. Learn to let what she says go - "Let go and let God" is your new mantra. Repeat it multiple times whenever you begin to feel tense. Rather than getting caught up in arguing or explaining yourself, you can say things like "that's interesting" or "is that so" that won't add fuel to her fire.
Don't listen to her calls, walk into another room if she becomes disagreeable. She's 75 and will not change, possibly has a bit of dementia.
Be civil. Fix dinner - if she doesn't eat it - it's on her. Tough love is not only for children.

i just cant get a break with all the drama that happens here in my life. lol !!!
If you tell yourself you can't get a break - you won't. Begin to tell yourself you can and you will. The only person you can change is yourself. It's a lot of work and takes a while but you can do it.
 

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It’s frustrating, I know.
My wife’s uncle, who my wife loves, lived about an hour north of us. His kids never came to visit, but we would a few times a year. After his long time live in girlfriend died a few years back he quit doing his usual hunting and fishing, and let himself and his house go to crap. He insisted on moving to another town another 3 hours farther from us, because that’s where all his friends lived. Well, they’re pretty much all passed away now! So he’s bored and lonely again. Now we haven’t visited him since he moved as he is almost clear over on the other side of the state! My wife feels guilty, but I reminded her he is an adult, not a little kid. These were all his decisions.
I had a sister with bipolar. She usually got along pretty good, until she would stop taking her meds. Then all hell would break loose. She would just take off and leave her husband and kids and drive around the country living off of credit cards and visit relatives, unannounced.
I’d let her stay with me, but she had to follow my house rules. She didn’t usually stay too long, even though she was welcome. Some of my siblings didn’t know how to take her, and flat out refused to let her in their homes. She would always complain that nobody visited her. Well, it’s a LONG way from Wisconsin, Illinois, and Arizona (where our other siblings reside)to Hot Springs SD! And she chose to live there.
Anyway I’m rambling,so as Alice said, you did the right thing. Just try not to fall for the drama and guilt trips, she is an adult. If she has mental issues remember she is “sick” so don’t take what she says to heart. JMO
 

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a) If she's going to act like a child, treat her like a child.
2] I'd recommend a good slap every 6 hrs as needed.

When I did my Psych rotation as a student, there was always chaos in the day room room on the psych ward-- people screaming, throwing things, running around, fighting, relieving themselves on the floor, etc etc...But I noticed when the shift changed to the evening crew, things miraculously settled down...I asked the night nurse what the story was..".It's easy she said. I just tell them that if they act up, they don't eat...It doesn't take them long to catch on that I mean business."

Jus' sayin'..

BTW- you get a gold star in St Peter's record book..
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
I know it will be hard, but you need to explain things to her. Compromise and making reasonable accommodations is one thing, but having her act like a 5 year old is unacceptable. I would make it clear you would love to have her stay as long as she does her part and if not, she is gone. Put the responsibility on her and make it her choice.

She knows exactly what she is doing and can choose to stop if she wants to. Don't let her guilt trip you.
me and my mom both explained it to her, i dont keep a tidy house, i dont do dishes EVERY day. i dont vacuum when i see a SPECK of dust. i have 2 indoor cats and the do of course leave hair around.. and not to expect me to clean non stop.. because i wont i got to much to do to keep a spotless house ontop of it all....she loves cats, LOVES them .. she had 19 at one point , at once. but cant do cat hair.. she understood though being here, there would be cat hair ,because cats... she complained about getting hair in her mouth.. but here is the thing... she REACHES DOWN AND PETS THEM WHILE EATING .. of course your going to get cat hair in your mouth !!! i dont even pet my cats when im eating , i dont want a hair ball !!!


shes made it very known she does not want to be here.. packing her bags as i type this.. i went out to put food on her plate and she asks "why havent you talked to me today?" had me stumped , because i have talked to her.. a lot actually. i been busy .... its about to get extremely cold for a bout a week and a half , expecting 8 inches of snow starting tomorrow night , i had a barn and duck coop to clean out to prepare. i made food 3 times and talked to her the whole time i was cooking. and even helped her with laundry today...

she knew i wasnt going to flip my life upside down to accommodate everything she wanted. i am a granddaughter, not a nanny, though she knew i would help her as much as she needed help with IF i could do it.

i honestly tried my best... just not good enough for her.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
a) If she's going to act like a child, treat her like a child.
2] I'd recommend a good slap every 6 hrs as needed.

When I did my Psych rotation as a student, there was always chaos in the day room room on the psych ward-- people screaming, throwing things, running around, fighting, relieving themselves on the floor, etc etc...But I noticed when the shift changed to the evening crew, things miraculously settled down...I asked the night nurse what the story was..".It's easy she said. I just tell them that if they act up, they don't eat...It doesn't take them long to catch on that I mean business."

Jus' sayin'..

BTW- you get a gold star in St Peter's record book..

man good slaps right about now would be nice. ... lol !!! i cant withhold food for acting up .. lol its part of her get healthy thing.. her diabetes management relies on her eating protein and veg at every meal.. which btw. she wrote my mom a email saying i eat more then she does so she feels like she shouldnt need to give me money to buy food....... noooo .. i eat once a day because , well ... hmm .. i forget to eat.. and im just not hungry a big part of the day. shes just not use to the food in the fridge being used so fast , thats what happens when you use it to cook .. she would spend 200 on food a week , never use it , and either give it to her nurse that visits , or throw it away ... she could have saved sooo much money by not buying it ... but its not her money its the governments money , so who cares. !? her thoughts.. not mine..

i need a bubble bath and some wine ... lol cant to that right now either, gotta wait ..
 
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