Joined
·
6,873 Posts
....as Greta Garbo said!
Maybe it's because this is summertime, the kids are home from school (and I've been enjoying the time they spend there, heehee!), not spending a lot of time with their friends.... I love my children dearly, love spending time with them and doing fun things together, but I need some time apart too. Lately it's just been really getting on my nerves, the noise, the constant interruptions, and I feel such an intense craving for SOLITUDE.
This isn't your garden-variety "mom needs a break." I've been craving Big Time Aloneness. I don't want to be with ANYBODY. I want to be in my office/sewing room with the door shut, sewing or maybe web-surfing. I want to be alone in my room (which isn't just mine of course, DH sleeps there too) reading a book. I want to GO somewhere by myself without having to make excuses or rationalize why nobody needs to come with me or the errand can't wait. I swear it feels like I'm on house arrest sometimes, the world comes crashing to a halt if I step out for an hour.
I had a couple books to read for work, sort of "business education" material, plus I was reading the Harry Potter book, and it was insane how difficult it was for me to sit and read those books. I'd pick it up and a kid would want me to "come here and see this" or DH would come in and start talking to me, a kid would want to watch TV (we have a living room and family room with TV's and couches but they want to be where I am, they're like paperclips on a magnet.)
There's a quilt show out of town, not too far, but I would really love to go to it and it makes me sad that I can't. It wouldn't be such a hardship, DH would have to spend the day with the kids on his own, that's all. But he'd get all huffy about me wanting to do it alone, never mind that nobody else gives a rat's heinie about quilts but me, but I'd have to drag the kids along and listen to them whine the whole day instead while DH did something he considered productive like mow the lawn which is obviously more important than mom taking a solitary day trip to see some quilts. (sigh)
But mostly it's that he couldn't understand why I'd want to go alone. He never does anything alone. Till recently we couldn't seem to do anything as a family without him inviting a bunch of other people to go with us. Wanna go to the zoo? Let's call up so-and-so and see if they want to come too. He'd expect me to at least bring my mom. Mom isn't in any condition to go right now, but I'm not sure I'd want to bring her anyway, not because I wouldn't want to bring her...I just want to go ALONE!
I used to do stuff alone all the time before I got married. I'd go out and see bands play at nightclubs, go to parks, go shopping, etc. ALONE. I liked it. When you take people along everything takes twice as long because you have to wait for them, they never want to do what you want to do...
Reminds me of a big fight we had right after DD was born. She was about two weeks old and I had this intense desire to go OUT. Without the baby. DH was home, he wasn't doing anything, he wasn't afraid of babies or anything, it shouldn't have been a problem for me to head out for an hour or so just to go shopping or something but you'd have thought I was going to leave for a week considering the response I got. I went anyway and he made me feel guilty for quite some time, as if I was abandoning my baby or something.
Maybe this is an Aspie thing? I don't know. I'm an only child, that's probably it. I like being with people, but I need to be alone too. And I haven't had much of that lately. Am I weird? Selfish? Maybe.
Maybe it's because this is summertime, the kids are home from school (and I've been enjoying the time they spend there, heehee!), not spending a lot of time with their friends.... I love my children dearly, love spending time with them and doing fun things together, but I need some time apart too. Lately it's just been really getting on my nerves, the noise, the constant interruptions, and I feel such an intense craving for SOLITUDE.
This isn't your garden-variety "mom needs a break." I've been craving Big Time Aloneness. I don't want to be with ANYBODY. I want to be in my office/sewing room with the door shut, sewing or maybe web-surfing. I want to be alone in my room (which isn't just mine of course, DH sleeps there too) reading a book. I want to GO somewhere by myself without having to make excuses or rationalize why nobody needs to come with me or the errand can't wait. I swear it feels like I'm on house arrest sometimes, the world comes crashing to a halt if I step out for an hour.
I had a couple books to read for work, sort of "business education" material, plus I was reading the Harry Potter book, and it was insane how difficult it was for me to sit and read those books. I'd pick it up and a kid would want me to "come here and see this" or DH would come in and start talking to me, a kid would want to watch TV (we have a living room and family room with TV's and couches but they want to be where I am, they're like paperclips on a magnet.)
There's a quilt show out of town, not too far, but I would really love to go to it and it makes me sad that I can't. It wouldn't be such a hardship, DH would have to spend the day with the kids on his own, that's all. But he'd get all huffy about me wanting to do it alone, never mind that nobody else gives a rat's heinie about quilts but me, but I'd have to drag the kids along and listen to them whine the whole day instead while DH did something he considered productive like mow the lawn which is obviously more important than mom taking a solitary day trip to see some quilts. (sigh)
But mostly it's that he couldn't understand why I'd want to go alone. He never does anything alone. Till recently we couldn't seem to do anything as a family without him inviting a bunch of other people to go with us. Wanna go to the zoo? Let's call up so-and-so and see if they want to come too. He'd expect me to at least bring my mom. Mom isn't in any condition to go right now, but I'm not sure I'd want to bring her anyway, not because I wouldn't want to bring her...I just want to go ALONE!
I used to do stuff alone all the time before I got married. I'd go out and see bands play at nightclubs, go to parks, go shopping, etc. ALONE. I liked it. When you take people along everything takes twice as long because you have to wait for them, they never want to do what you want to do...
Reminds me of a big fight we had right after DD was born. She was about two weeks old and I had this intense desire to go OUT. Without the baby. DH was home, he wasn't doing anything, he wasn't afraid of babies or anything, it shouldn't have been a problem for me to head out for an hour or so just to go shopping or something but you'd have thought I was going to leave for a week considering the response I got. I went anyway and he made me feel guilty for quite some time, as if I was abandoning my baby or something.
Maybe this is an Aspie thing? I don't know. I'm an only child, that's probably it. I like being with people, but I need to be alone too. And I haven't had much of that lately. Am I weird? Selfish? Maybe.