[willow_girl]

OK, here's the situation:

Last month, I moved in with DBF. Things are going great, except for one tiny little bitty thang!

He has a maid (two, actually) who clean his house twice a month. Basically, all they do is dust and vacuum, for which he pays the princely sum of $35 per visit. He claims the work takes them 3 hours ... I think they're probably watching TV for 2 of those hours. (DBF and I both are neatniks.)

He has had these maids for years ... they even cleaned the house while his last GF lived here, despite the fact she didn't work (was retired) but apparently couldn't find time in her busy day to dust and vacuum!

OK, that was catty of me. Moving right along now ...

I had told DBF in advance that when I moved in, he could cancel the maids ... I certainly don't need someone to clean my house! He initially said he would do so, but then after I moved in, he decided to would keep them until I was settled in ... so, OK, it's been a month ... now he says he wants to keep them until after I go back to work ... says he doesn't want to overwork me!

(I don't think anyone has ever worried about me being overworked before, LOL!)

Well, that's sweet, but really, dusting and vacuuming are no big deal!

And it annoys me, because when something needs to be cleaned, I want to clean it NOW! Like yesterday, I noticed dust on the computer desk ... but it's, like, "I shouldn't clean that, because the maids are coming tomorrow ... " but in the meantime, if I don't clean it, I have to look at the dust, and it irritates me every time I notice it!

Also, it squicks me out to think of strangers going through my closets and maybe peeking into my underwear drawer!

DBF and I talked last night, and he agreed to cancel them, and said he'd leave a note for them this morning, but I just noticed he left their money on the kitchen table, with no note.

I guess I shouldn't really care, since I'm not the one paying for it, but it really does give me the creeps to have strangers going through my house when I'm not here. I know how silly that sounds, but still ,,,,,,.

I'm wondering if I should just keep my mouth shut and put up with it, since he is wonderful to live with otherwise and it's hardly worth fighting over?

Or should I bring it up again, and if so, what can I say to convince him?

 

[trixiwick]

Hey, I'd take the bull by the horns. Are you the lady of the house or aren't you? He already agreed, right out loud, that he is willing to give the maids their walking papers - he must have just forgotten to write a note. That's one of those little things that you, as a caring partner, might just have to do for him. I think you can tell them that no offense intended to them, but you actually enjoy cleaning, so you won't be needing their services anymore. Maybe give them a nice farewell tip for all their years of good work in the past and wave goodbye. :hand:

 

[turtlehead]

The issue really isn't the maids, but why he would "forget" to do something he agreed to do, knowing it was important to you.

Find out why he wants to keep the maids. Maybe he feels like that's part of his ability to provide you with a nice home. If his ego is tied up into it somehow, I'd try to get over being bothered by someone going through my house.

Maybe he knows they depend on this income to feed a child or help care for an aging parent. Maybe he can't stand letting them go because he knows how it will impact them. Not sure how I'd deal with that - maybe find them another employer and transition them rather than firing them?

The "I don't want to overwork you" is sweet but if he says that's the reason, gently point out that you don't mind doing it and you greatly prefer vacuuming and dusting to having strangers in the house. Then go from there.

 

[coalroadcabin]

If he's your soulmate, the love of your life and terrific in every way but this one little quirk; then I wouldn't make a big issue out of it.

 

[RockyGlen]

Send the maids to my house - he can avoid feeling bad about leaving them unemployed, you won't have to worry about them going through your stuff.

Seriously, I would ignore it - is it worth fighting over?

 

[coryy]

as i am hampered with the ability to ignore dust, dirt, mud, and dust bunnies that threaten to eat small cats, could you send the maids to my house?

what a problem!

Honestly,I'd hate for you to win the fight about maids now, and then, someday when you have proven your neatnick skills, have kids and a busy life and want them back , have him hold "but you're the one who made me fire them" over your head!

 

[Alice In TX/MO]

I must admit, I don't know how live-in dynamics works. Are you the "woman of the house?" Or, as it's *his* house, do you have any authority? I'd say, just based on this small episode, that you don't have a say.

It's up to you to decide whether this is an important issue.

 

[mwhit]

I would not like someone cleaning my house either, but as mentioned above they may need the income and maybe he knows they count on the extra money? Seventy dollars a month is a lot for some people. I'd ask him point blank if there is a real reason he doesn't want to let them go-- if not they'd be gone faster than I could clean the computer desk.

Michelle

 

[NWoods_Hippie]

WG,

I clean houses, and for one he is getting a good deal $$ wise, my going rate is $18.00 per hour with a three hour minimum. But a few of the girls around here are starting to get $20 per hour, this is a BIG tourist area with most of the summer population being folks visiting their vacation homes for the week or weekend, so I will mention that the houses we clean are not the locals homes.

I will say that I have NEVER gone through someone's personal things, dresser drawers and such, mostly because I don't really want to know what they have in there and because I am usually on a tight schedule.

Also, and I am by no means trying to sound crabby about this, just a question, is it common in your area to refer to "housekeepers" as "maids", because that sure wouldn't fly here!

If it was me I would worry less about them going through your things and find out if your DBF is keeping them because he knows they really need the money.

Peace,
Margie

 

[Arkie1]

The line about him having these maids for years is the telling part. For him to let them go after years of loyal service is probably bothering him. You've always talked about what a caring man he is; he's probably feeling a bit guilty about letting them go after they've done this job for him for so long.

Maybe you could compromise by putting a lock on the bedroom door so you can feel that your undies are not being viewed but he can still feel he hasn't let his employees down after so many years.

 

[Wildwood Flower]

OMG!!! Is this the world's biggest problem today? Girl, you just died and went to heaven! KEep the maid! It's part of his routine, and a rather nice part, I would think.

 

[RedTartan]

My advice would be that you should stop pestering about the maids and clean when you want to. When the house looks great BEFORE they come, he'll see that you don't need them.

They only dust and vacuum? What about mopping, windows, and toilets? Seriously. Dusting and vacuuming is easy. I'd want those other things done.

RedTartan

 

[marvella]

The line about him having these maids for years is the telling part. For him to let them go after years of loyal service is probably bothering him. You've always talked about what a caring man he is; he's probably feeling a bit guilty about letting them go after they've done this job for him for so long.

Maybe you could compromise by putting a lock on the bedroom door so you can feel that your undies are not being viewed but he can still feel he hasn't let his employees down after so many years.

i agree with this.

he's a nice guy and can afford it. he doesn't want to have to let them go after all this time.

i say, if this is the biggest problem you have, you're doing ok.

maybe you could find other/ different chores for them to do? something you dislike, like cleaning the toilet or something?

 

[Ruby]

He may be thinking that if your arangement does now work out, then he will just have to find more houskeeping help and the new ones may not be as good or loyal as these.

If he's a neet freak then he probably hates change. I would enjoy haveing someone clean my house for me. But then I hate housework.

 

[sewsilly]

I'm sorry, I'm with Wind In Her Hair... I don't get it...

 

[Ardie/WI]

First of all, this subject should have been addressed BEFORE you moved into HIS place. Yes, it's HIS and you're not an official member of his family.

Secondly, if all they do is vacuum and dust, the bathrooms, kitchen and all the hard floors must be absolutely gross and disgusting. So....who has been doing that cleaning in all the years that he has employed them?

And, if he said he would get rid of them because of your feelings, why are they still employed? Where is the commitment to your relationship? Are you temporary and they're permanent? These are questions you might want to ask him.

 

[trixiwick]

I don't see what's so non-homesteader-y about Willow's post. She actually wants to do this stuff herself and is trying to figure out how to get her DBF to agree. Hey, I had to convince DH that we really needed turkeys and ducks, it isn't an inborn trait for everyone!

I'm surprised at all the "just cave" advice. Being nice to the hired help is dandy, but his first loyalty ought to be to you. I have always been verrrrrrrrry suspicious of people who are super-nice to strangers and dismissive of those close to them.

 

[Nancy]

I could go into the whole thing about living with BF before being married but I will respectfully not go there.

 

[michiganfarmer]

I'm wondering if I should just keep my mouth shut and put up with it, since he is wonderful to live with otherwise and it's hardly worth fighting over?

Or should I bring it up again, and if so, what can I say to convince him?

It really is up to you.

If it was my wife who was as irritated about something as you seem about this, I would stop it out of respect for her.

If you decide you just cant stand this maid service you could tell him, "Hey dude! Im not going to tollerate this crap. You said the maids would go away. I expect you to stick to your word.", or you could just lock your underwear drawer, clean the house when and how you want, and let him waste his money on the maids.

 

[trixiwick]

Now you've made her all self-conscious and she's afraid to bring up the issue of the butler they fear is swiping the silver.