Human Encounters 101, The currant waif

Discussion in 'Countryside Families' started by moopups, Jan 4, 2007.

  1. moopups

    moopups In Remembrance

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    Just made contact with the small boy whom walks by on his way to the school bus, I said 'School has restarted? That sucks'. Got a smile, asked his name and got answered. I don't know how to do any thing additional to the sad situtation, he is obviously depressed; slumped posture, no friends, I feel sad for him.

    He went to the corner waiting place, stood away from the other ones waiting, as if he was inadequate.

    I told him "I live here" pointing to the structure so he would have an orientation as to my purpose of being in the area. I do not wish to create any other concept. Rather dangerous these days.

    What to do? I don't know. He is obviously depressed largely. All I know is to offer is a couple of kind words at his passing gaite.
     
  2. fantasymaker

    fantasymaker Well-Known Member

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    You got it ! Talk with him!
     

  3. Shazza

    Shazza Well-Known Member Supporter

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    That was a very nice thing to do...something will grow from it. :)
     
  4. ginnie5

    ginnie5 wife,mom,taxi driver,cook Supporter

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    you'd be amazed at the good someone showing some interest can do! DD (15) was kind of droopy yesterday...just down in the dumps. Her big sis is 18 and off doing her own thing and she feels like she's lost her best friend. I went in her room and started talking to her and it ended up being a tickling match. Her mood was much improved!
     
  5. momlaffsalot

    momlaffsalot Well-Known Member

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    Just keep doing what you did, Moopups. You have no idea of the difference it might make to him. And he'll always remember it.
     
  6. DocM

    DocM Well-Known Member

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    I'd be concerned if a strange adult befriended one of my kids. Better get to know his parents before you diagnose him from one encounter. My kids act depressed sometimes, they aren't, they're just kids who, like everyone, have mood swings.
     
  7. Terri

    Terri Singletree & Weight Loss & Permaculture Moderator Staff Member Supporter

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    I remember well people who were kind when I was down. It makes the world a slightly less cold place.
     
  8. MarleneS

    MarleneS Well-Known Member

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    I'm left to wonder what your neighbors are thinking or are going to think about this man who has a supposed hidden viewing spot to watch the goings on of their children.

    Marlene
     
  9. Zipporah

    Zipporah Well-Known Member

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    A smile and friendly word in passing maybe what gets that kid through the day.Too many of our young people are just ignored these days.Partly from fear I imagine and partly because people just don't care. Good job Moopups, you've brighten someones day.
     
  10. Peacock

    Peacock writing some wrongs Supporter

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    I agree -- be careful -- but if his parents were THAT concerned, they'd be at the bus stop WITH him. How old is he, again? I always wait at the bus stop with my two kids (8 and 10) and it is at our *driveway*. But then, I'm kind of a helicopter mom. ;)
     
  11. Melissa

    Melissa member

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    I think it is a shame that someone can't be friendly to a child without people thinking there are ulterior motives. When I was a kid we knew that most of the older people were sitting on their porches watching us, very closely in most cases. They routinely asked us where we were going, what we were doing, and why we were doing it. Kind of helped us stay on the straight and narrow path to know so many adults were quite interested in our comings and goings!
     
  12. AngieM2

    AngieM2 Big Front Porch advocate

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    Melissa - it is a shame...

    But did you or your parents have some idea of who those older people were that watched when you were a child.

    Now adays (sadly), a parent has to watch. I know I'd be cautious and try to meet anyone I didn't know visiting with a small child of mine... if an okay person, then I'd relax and gently watch. If I didn't feel right about them, I'd be visible and watching like a hawk.

    I too wish we could be back in front porch days.

    Angie
     
  13. Maura

    Maura Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Do you have some business to do right out front there where the kids are walking to school? Like gardeinging, or pruning bushes, sweeping the sidewalk and front porch? Sometimes a simple "Good morning.", with a warm smile is worth it's weight in gold. After a bit, you can ask a simple question, "Hey, what do you think about tulips over here? Would they get trampled on?"
     
  14. RoseGarden

    RoseGarden Well-Known Member

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    There is a herd of foster kids living down the road a piece. Some seem ok, some seem sad, some hostile, etc. The foster parents have a lot more fortitude than I ever would, God bless them. But I always wave when I drive by them, or I say 'hi' and wave when they're walking around the neighborhood. Usually get a 'hi' back, sometimes a wave. In a way, I don't know what else to do either, and like a few others here, am kind of afraid to get too friendly. There is a very chubby blonde haired girl there, seems ostracized even in her foster family. I feel so badly for her and wish I could say or do something to tell her to just hold on. But.... what to say or do? So I just wave, smile real big, say 'hi'. :angel:

    Asked a few of the older boys, 15, 16, if they wanted to make some extra money raking my yard, and got basically told to get stuffed. :rolleyes:
     
  15. stirfamily

    stirfamily Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Melissa, I was going to say the same thing but you have expressed my very thoughts.
    Karen in Indiana
     
  16. moopups

    moopups In Remembrance

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    Saw all this again yesterday morning, the young male subject did pass around his pathway, this is a corner property, on his way to the buss. I meandered to the end of the driveway, just to have the opportunity to speak within his listening range.

    I stated; 'Hows it going 'J'? He did not even look up or acknowledge my presence. But I did notice he is in a new jacket and had a bit more of a rapid step.

    Upon conference with the elderly female to the left rear, she stated he did smile and wave to her as she spoke to him. Apparently the situtation may be correcting itself.

    The neighbor across the street has 6 children, 2 girls - 6 and 9; 2 boys, about 10 - 12; and two older girls about 13 and 15. The 13 YO girl is the most communitive and does come over here to supervise the younger pair of girls whom do the chicken grabbing and hugging.

    She could pass for 16 or 17 if she was in darker clothes and acted in a more quiet manor. I ask her to pay a small bit of attention to the young male that is the subject here, I stated to not crowd the issue. Just pay a small bit of attention to him.

    I further stated that it was not needed for her to wrap her arms around him and do any physical interaction; just an elbow jab with the words ' hows it going dude', or something similar, that would be enough. Apparently such has happened and is working.

    I think he is gaining an acceptance of self worth. Or the concept thereof. Many years back I was this little male child, my mother was one whom had to do the total dominance thing, not a comfortable area to grow up within. She is long gone but the negative effects are still present. 'Mommy sucks' is always going to be 'mommy sucks.' You might want to pay attention to these last few words.
     
  17. DixyDoodle

    DixyDoodle stranger than fiction

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    Yep, me too. It is sad that you can't do it so much these days, but there's just too many creeps around. If a man wants to help kids that need a friend, he would be better off to go work with Big Brothers or something else legit. You could even mention this to the boy, about some places he might enjoy joining.

    Trying to become his friend on your own is asking for trouble, IMO. If nothing else, you should contact his parents and just say that you are concerned as a neighbour for him because he always looks sad. You can learn a lot by doing that, maybe they would be grateful for you watching out for him.

    Maybe I'm just too paranoid, but I would view too much interest in my child by a man as suspicious. Better safe than sorry.

    DD
     
  18. suzfromWi

    suzfromWi Well-Known Member Supporter

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    quote[Trying to become his friend on your own is asking for trouble, IMO. If nothing else, you should contact his parents and just say that you are concerned as a neighbour for him because he always looks sad. You can learn a lot by doing that, maybe they would be grateful for you watching out for him.] quote.
    A few words spoken to this boy is not going to scar him for life....Contacting the parents about him is not a good idea. They would probably think moopups was interfering. I am a child keeper. I love kids and want to help those I can, if they need it. I too would speak to these kids as they go by. Just maybe it might cheer one up if it needs be. Its possible moopups, that this boy is just very shy. That could be why the head is down and the standoffish demeanor.
     
  19. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Melissa it was the same with me. I always walked to school, we lived in a small town so always lived close enough to walk. There would be several older people sitting on their porch drinking their coffee. One of these older women would always say something to me, I eventually started walking up to her porch and we would talk some. One day she ask my name, I told her. She was soooo supprised. Said she knew my grandmother when they were young girls. (My father's mother had died before my mother and he were married, so I never knew my grandmother, had never even seen a picture of her.)
    She said wait here a minute and disapeared inside and came out with a time yellowed hankercheif, in it was wrapped a picture that was very cracked and handed it to me. It was a picture of my grandmother. It was when my grandmother was young so daddy wasn't postive it was her. You could never convince me it wasn't. Fast forward 45 years, I found some of my dad's relitives about 6 years ago and went to visit my dad's neice. She had a picture of my grandmother. It was the same one the old lady gave me.
     
  20. mightybooboo

    mightybooboo Well-Known Member

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    Yes it is sad.There was one older fella when I was a kid.He came over to talk to us kids when we were hanging out on bikes across from his house.We thought we were in trouble.

    Actually he was just a nice old man who wanted to talk with kids.

    I remember he had a spoke tightener and tightened the wheels on our bikes.

    Just a nice man.

    Would I do that today,not a chance! Maybe befriend the local teen agers neighbor kids,but boy would it be public (outdoors) and in full sight of all the neighbors.

    BooBoo :gromit: