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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi y'all,

:help: Hope it's okay to post this here, I'm still too new to post in general chat yet. I'm hoping for suggestions on how to make friends. I seem to have lost the knack for it. If you're not in school, don't work outside the home and don't go to church, it's hard! For years I've worked at home, then was off work with health issues for over a year and had to move to a not very nice neighborhood. I tried to make friends with two of my neighbors here, but one borrowed all the time and never repaid, and the other one actually had her son steal from me! Obviously, to them I was just a means to an end.

I've tried to find local groups involving my interests, but haven't had much luck with that either. I tried to join a needlework group, but they only meet once a month, and the one time I did go you'd have thought I was a leper. I'm a very outgoing person and have no trouble going up and introducing myself to strangers, but I got the cold shoulder from everyone I met. I even made sure to take a plate full of goodies because I know they have snacks at the meetings - they loved my food and cleaned the plate, just didn't take to me, lol.

I got excited a few months ago because I found out they have an SCA group here (Society for Creative Anachronism). They reenact the medieval/Renaissance age and have get togethers, camp-outs, etc. Well, you have to go through their welcome person before you can come to a meeting, and she only had an e-mail listed. I wrote...got no answer for two weeks, wrote again...no answer for another two weeks, so wrote again and apologized in case I had the wrong person and asked to be directed to the correct person. Well, I got back a really snotty e-mail making it clear that they are a "closed group", although it says otherwise on their web site, and that I wasn't welcome there!

So, does anyone have any good suggestions? I love to cook, love pretty much all crafts, read voraciously, love going out to movies or dinner, love to camp, and love to play games. I used to ride horses and motorcycles, go dancing, swimming and hiking, but my physical abilities are fairly limited presently. I'm pretty happy by myself, but it would be nice to have someone to share time and interests with once in a while.

I think it's mostly the overall attitude here in Oklahoma. I've found that people are very judgmental and not open to newcomers in general. I used to live in Colorado and never had trouble joining groups and making friends. Any other Okies here find that to be true, or am I just looking in the wrong places? :confused: Thanks everyone!

calliemoonbeam
 

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Nohoa Homestead
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Well, it is kind of silly me answering this since I have lived in the same town for 18 years and don't know anybody LOL. But I will say that your best choice is church. Most everybody where I live makes friends either through their children's school activities or through church. And of course, there are neighbors too. Maybe it will just take a little time for people to accept you. Especially if you have moved from a state that is not viewed fondly by the locals.

donsgal
 

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Halfway, OR & Wagoner, OK
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Hey Callie,
I could have written your message. .....read mine, a couple down. I'm so darned lonesome here I could spit. (I'm in Oklahoma too.)

I'm from Oregon, have had some of the same experiences. Like, if I start talking about some things that interest me or some of the things I've done they look at me like I'm from Mars...well, maybe I am.

I'm going back home in a couple of weeks--can't wait. It's so nice to go down the main street of my home town and everybody knows me and loves me--guts, feathers, and all.

I did join a wonderful YOGA class here, but I haven't really felt like making friends with any of the ladies--it's just a nice place to go.

I don't know. I have started getting out lately by working at a local antique mall once a week--love it! I love antiques too, have a booth.

What town are you in? PM me if you like.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks for the replies! Donsgal, I hadn't thought about it, but I have had some negative reactions to being from Colorado, though not really sure why. I don't think the church thing will work for me. I've had some really bad experiences with organized religion, all of them here in Oklahoma, but thanks for the suggestion.

Junie, was there some sort of program you were involved in at the library, or just by general conversation with other patrons while you were there? I go to the library at least every two weeks, sometimes every week, and even the people who work there act like they've never seen me before, although I'm probably one of their steadiest patrons.

Wildwood Flower, I'm sorry you're down this evening, but I know what you mean. Are you going home to Oregon for good or just a visit? Oregon is my dream location, lol. I've never been there, but I love the ocean, the mountains and the rain, and the temperatures sound perfect, so it's my fantasy to live there some day, right on the coast somewhere. I'm just west of Tulsa, where are you? Maybe if you're close enough we could get together sometime. If you don't want to say on the boards, you can PM me. Looking forward to talking more with you.
 

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calliemoonbeam said:
Junie, was there some sort of program you were involved in at the library, or just by general conversation with other patrons while you were there? I go to the library at least every two weeks, sometimes every week, and even the people who work there act like they've never seen me before, although I'm probably one of their steadiest patrons.
No, no program. I just hang out there. I talk to everyone (mostly in the lobby or on the porch, so we don't disturb anyone). I'm on a first name basis with all of the librarians and most of the regular patrons. Even the custodians know me.

I've had some lovely conversations with perfect strangers (well, they weren't strangers when we parted) I've learned a lot. I was talking to one man, who was researching his geneology, and we found out we were related! I'm not even originally from this state. Both of us had ancestors in the same part of Scotland and it turned out we had 2 in common. Small world.

Another time, I was talking to a lady and it turned out she was an art teacher. I'd been considering having someone tutor my kids in art. She turned out to be a wonderful teacher and we have a LOT in common. We've become friends. She still teaches my kids, too.

Um... sorry so long. I guess you can see why I can make friends. I don't have trouble talking to people. Most of the time, though, I ask them questions and listen to what they say. My sister says I can find out more about a person in 5 minutes than anyone she's ever known.
 

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Well sweetie..you just do what you did. Joined HT. Yo now have more friends with better ideas and better advice than you would ever find in just one town. Too bad we can't all sit around together and let the kids play and eat each others' cooking.
 

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Look up your local communtiy college and find a continueing ED course you like--These are usually at night and are adults. Over the yrs. I have taken photography, interior decorating, landscaping, computer, beekeeping, Spanish, pottery, stainglass and have met several great friends who still get together for lunch or a new class.

Try your garden clubs, weavers/quilters/fiber quild (IF you are interested in these things).. We would love to have some new members.. Contact your local theater ours is always looking for help. Do you love music--find a local bar that has a band /live music and just hang out..

Vol. at your animal advocates/shelters (if you love animals). Good luck..QB
 

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Get involved with a charity. There are lots of them so surely you can find one near you. Show up at a habitat for humanity site and start helping as much as you physically can. People who help others seem to be more open to new relationships. If you love to cook, then get involved with the cooking somewhere. You will feel like you are doing something worthwhile and in time you will begin to bond with the other people out helping others.
 

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The best way to make friends is to go do the thimgs you enjoy. If it's gardening see if there is a community garden, if it's animals volunteer at the shelter, if it's craft spend time at the craft shows. Strike up a conversation with everyone. If you find one friend that way it is worth talking to 100 idiots.
Good luck.
P.S. wouldn't it be great if we could all get together for coffee.
 

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Mansfield, VT for 200 yrs
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*sigh* I'm with steff.. coffee would be nice.

As part of a couple my problem is that my friends aren't his friends.. and finding "couple" friends just compounds the whole problem. Then too, we're at an age where friends are making life changes, packing up, and moving away. So very soon most of our friends will be "online" friends... emails.

Which doesn't make for a great afternoon bbq.

My parents had adult friends, my grandparents had dinner parties... what's wrong with our generation?
 

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i have many students in night classes at the community college....they take like classes and so often have like personalitites. some take the classes over and over.

i'm sure that many people in church are there for fellowship more than any need to worship..

volunteer for cub scout duty, take up a hobby like beekeeping, boy there's a bunch that like to talk to people.
 

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I live in central Oklahoma, but I didn't grow up here. We lived way out of town for six years and made overtures to neighbors and folks we met through work and the children's schools: not much response. We invited people to dinner, had a party or two and took goodies around at Christmastime. Folks rarely reciprocated.

Two things run deep in Oklahoma: family and church. There are families here that stretch back for many generations. People with extended families don't seem to have much time to deal with anything else. And one of the first questions you're asked here is frequently, "What church do you go to?" I think there's some sort of extra credit system for those who can drag the most new people through the church doors. We've visited ten or so churches and attended two for extended periods. We even substitute taught children's classes at one. But, the relationships were all a bit shallow.

We also found out that many folks live in the country because they really don't want to be bothered. They aren't interested in meeting or doing things with newcomers.

We have built a small network of friends. Many are from outside the area or have left here for a long time and returned. My wife teaches and many of the people we now see socially were met through her school.

We are in the process of moving closer into town. The distance and isolation weren't worth the beauty and serenity I found in the country. Perhaps that will make a difference. If it doesn't, perhaps we will find work in another state.
 

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Boy if you hadn't said Oklahoma, I would have thought that you was talking about Pennslyvania.

I moved out here 2 years ago from Michigan for a relationship with my Dear Edward and I have tryed looking for People to be friends with. And for me that is hard cuz I moved a lot as a kid but was in very public type jobs (cashier, waitress, security). I'm on porch chitchat with neighbor on left and I have issues with the new people to the right. One being they the family don't speak any English or their soft spoken Dominic Republic accent soooo heavy that I can't understand them. Two their 4 year stands on their front porch and screams for the heck of it just becuz he can. Three the husband has called city on me for have more than 3 poo piles in My backyard from my dog and then lied to me board as daylight. The city man accidently slipped it out.

I have health issues that make very hard to work outside of the house.

I do belong to a quilt guild but it is clicky and I'm only on chit chit bases with a few ladies. I even Volunteer to head up committees in the guild.

In Lanscaster County it is heavy Amish, Menoities and PA Dutch. If you are not born here I found them to be Stand-offish while dealing with them as customer in their stores and they want nothing to do with any sort of friendship. Berks County is the same with all the Porto Recians and other spanish speaking people.

And I have tryed to volunteer local shelter, vet's office but have yet to pan out for me either

Ed travels for work and right not he is in Minnasota Monday -Friday. It has come to the point I'm a total recluse when he is gone. Which I think is stating to worry him but I just no longer have a reason to be out during the week and if I have to store I just wait for the weekend.

I also have many interest but have no luck finding people that I can fit in with. I do not attend church as my religion is of the Old Way Faiths.

So please know that you are not only in this.
RedheadedTricia

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I got that Old Time Religious Feeling. I'm a Mother Earth, Tree-hugging, Respect the Gods and Goddess kind of girl.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Wow, thanks for all the great suggestions! I've really been surprised at the trouble I've been having. It used to drive my ex crazy because he said I never met a stranger and could strike up a conversation with a brick wall if no people were around. :rolleyes:

I had checked at the community college a while back and didn't see anything I was interested in that I didn't already know how to do. But it can't hurt to check again, I'll definitely try that. I used to do a lot of volunteer work and have really missed that since my illness, but I think I'm almost ready to start again. I volunteered with some vet groups at the VA in Denver and tried to do that here, but was told there wasn't anywhere for me. The other volunteer work I've done has required more physicality, such as helping seniors and disabled people with their housework, cooking, shopping, errands, etc.

I've always been interested in Habitat for Humanity, but have never done that kind of work and figured between that and my limitations right now that they couldn't use me, but I'll check into it, thanks! (It would also be good experience for my hopefully future homesteading adventures). I also love animals, but can't have any where I am, so maybe the animal shelter would be a good idea also. You guys are great!

Oggie, I think you hit the nail on the head! Now we just have to figure out how to fix it, right? I hope the move helps and you don't have to move away, but find myself dreaming of it more and more.

MorrisonCorner, I don't envy you one bit. My ex and I never had "couple" friends - my friends couldn't stand him, and I wasn't crazy about his friends. We had nothing in common, so finding friends we could both get along with was impossible. Guess that explains why I'm single, huh? I agree with you though - it seemed so easy for our parents - what is wrong with us these days?

Tricia, I don't really know what to say to you except hang in there. Here's a big hug for everyone who needs one. :grouphug: Luckily, as Chickenista said, we've made one right step in finding these great people at HT. Finding this place was a blessing! ::raising my coffee cup to everyone this morning:: :coffee: Thanks!

calliemoonbeam
 

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Well, count me in the group from Mars, too! :)

I've worked from home for 13 years and it is very isolating. And I don't (unfortunately) live out in the country. I'm not a big "small chat" kind of person, so I really have a hard time just picking up and talking to whoever. I'm not into "gossip" and I don't know a lot of people who like the things I do (quiltmaking, cooking, garden, reading, etc.), or they might like it but they don't DO it, so not much there.

I agree with taking a class, I did meet some people there and you have something in common.
 

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Im kinda in the same boat in Ga.

Moved from California last year.. its been a quick one though, concentrating on getting everyone else settled. But its hard not having anyone to talk to local, or find someone to share coffee with.

Library and school is a good idea.
I hope it works out for you.

:)

Ezrandi
 

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Try www.meetup.com, they have lots of categories like crafting, social groups, parenting, etc... that you might find interesting. If you don't see any groups you like, try starting one of your own with meetings at your house.

I second (or are we up to thirds already LOL) the idea of volunteering. I know around here you can even volunteer at the library. If you live in a small town like I do, your choices for volunteering may be limited. Good luck though!

Sorry about the SCA jerks, you should report that group to the national office. I think they're supposed to have open functions to be an official SCA group, but I could be wrong.

Have you tried joining/starting a roleplaying or LARP group? It seems like people who enjoy SCA often enjoy roleplaying so I thought I'd ask.
 

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Callie - my heart goes out to you; I can certainly understand because it's been a struggle for me too. I have really nice, friendly neighbors, but they all either homeschool their young children, work FT outside the home, or they're elderly. I didn't have time to notice the first 5 years we lived here because I too was working FT and commuting an hour and a half a day. Now that I'm no longer working outside the home, I really feel the need for more human contact and it's proving to be very difficult.

DH still works and still commutes an hour and a half a day, so by Friday nights, he's ready to come home and STAY home. To complicate things, he isn't one who likes to make new friends. I have started feeling like a recluse and I hate it. I'm more of a people person and need those outside contacts/friendships.

I'm with the others - I wish we all lived in the same neighborhood and could join each other for coffee, tea, lunches, etc.
 

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Nohoa Homestead
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calliemoonbeam said:
Thanks for the replies! Donsgal, I hadn't thought about it, but I have had some negative reactions to being from Colorado, though not really sure why.

Colorado! Well, I'm happy to hear that you came to your senses and moved to Oklahoma! LOL The other posters have given you such good advice! I second the idea of finding something you enjoy very much and following it. The closest thing I have to a friend is a couple of ladies that I have purchased wool from who are into spinning and knitting. Also, I have very good friends here on HT in the fiber forum.

donsgal
 
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