How often do you all doubt yourself and delay decisions?

Discussion in 'Homesteading Questions' started by Oldhat, Aug 13, 2017.

  1. Oldhat

    Oldhat Well-Known Member

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    I've kind of been beside myself as of late. You see I can't make a decision. I'm at the point of adding in a few hogs, nothing elaborate just 2 at a time to grow out to butcher for the year or twice a year. I also decided to keep a few game roosters and breed with some of my free-range flock to play around with cranking out a superior free-range flock that can pretty much self-sustain itself.

    I've got 6 acres across the creek that is pretty much rock, from home size to car size to pebbles. It's actually pretty nice, one area has a exposed rock that's big enough to clean a bit and build a decent size pole barn, hog lot, chicken breeding pins, firewood storage, large scale composting area, etc and literally have nature-provided level stone floors. It's one of the largest natural relatively flat 60ft x 200 ft long base that I know of. I know where I want to set up these operations, but I can't even make a decision on what type of barn, coop, and hog lot styles to build. I've looked at hundreds of designs on all 3 on the internet, but every time I go to get started I second guess myself.

    We've already developed around 5 acres that we somewhat consider "yard" around the house. We have a rabbit breading pin, grow out pins, bees, nice "shed" style chicken coop for our free range flock, 3500 sq ft traditional garden, 1000-1200 sq ft of raised beds. A small vineyard, 12-16 fruit trees, a nice work shed, and other typical things going on over here (tractors, mowers, implements, etc). My move across the creek is for the "second" stage in becoming self-sufficient where I develop to the next level of food production, then even consider raising a hog or two for locals once my needs are met. So I want to set this operation up with growth potential now while in design and I want to build stuff that was "built right" and last for years.

    I've got the time to commit to it, I'm 47, retired, in just as good if not better physical condition than I have ever been in (and I'm X-military X-combat soldier), I'm not worried about the cost either....but I just can't "pull the trigger" and make a decision on getting started building a flippin' chicken breedin' pin let alone a barn.

    My motivation is there, I'm ready. I'm looking forward to developing this area into something I envisioned....but I'm stuck and just can't make the ground-breaking decision.

    This sucks by the way. Am I normal? Do some of you fight off making decisions like this? I will literally walk out the door on some mornings with full intentions on starting and then I'll pretty much intentionally side-track myself in working all day doing something else that needs done that's not a priority.

    I want to set it up properly the first time....second guessing my decisions and cancelling them to consider all other options has landed me in a quagmire....is there such a thing as a homesteading "shrink" I can go visit for some help?
     
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  2. Oregon1986

    Oregon1986 Well-Known Member

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    This made me laugh because I know people like this,that can't make a decision. I am the opposite,I get an idea and I have to see it through and in a timely matter
     

  3. mzgarden

    mzgarden Well-Known Member

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    Two thoughts come to mind
    1) you want it to be right the first time and for years to come. My experience says even if we set things up exactly right this year - things change and we need to accept that adjustments will come. I suffer from perfection paralysis and have a very difficult time trusting my decisions.
    2) you're considering lots of options - this is good at the start but you can become a perpetual window shopper if you don't stop seeking out new options.
    One thing to consider - it looks like you've made plenty of acceptable decisions and acted on them historically. If you normally get after things easily, possibly you need to step away from this next project for a while. Don't design or look at options, etc. There may be something that needs to bubble up from the recesses of your brain. Turn away, focus elsewhere and come back to it in 6 months.
     
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  4. geo in mi

    geo in mi Well-Known Member Supporter

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    My motto is: "When in doubt, don't."

    Barring PTSD, or depression, or mid-life crisis, I would say that you can see the end point, but not the way to get from here to there. I suggest you break up the total picture into a step by step progression that you can break off whenever you please as each step gets finished. In other words each completed job can stand alone if you don't feel like going further. That way you only have to consider one thing (project) at a time, finish it, then plan and finish the next one in the line of natural progression--otherwise, you can, at any point, say, "I'm finished."--and still feel a closure.

    geo
     
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  5. GTX63

    GTX63 Well-Known Member

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    My wife has the same hurry up and wait style about her although I like to think I've had a positive influence on her thru the years.
    Here is what I've experience in my lifetime-
    I've never quit, been laid off or fired from a job that I looked back later and regretted.
    I've never moved from a house that I wished I had stayed.
    I've never built anything I couldn't build on, adapt or tear down later.
    Fear, worry, apprehension are all paralyzing.
    Make your mistakes, learn from them and you'll get better every time.
     
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  6. Steve_S

    Steve_S Well-Known Member

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    I agree with Geo... When you look at the "Big Picture" of everything you want to accomplish, it can very easily overwhelm you and as you gather more info & do more research into your intended projects you find yourself getting lost in the Minutia - the darn pesky little details. Been There, Done That and still happening to some extent. (I'm in a Multi-Year Project and the "mental blocks" still pop up).

    What works for me and may for you as well, is give yourself a facepalm and sit down in your thinking chair... Make your general list of what you want to accomplish, figure out "BASIC" priorities as in what is more important to least. For example if your chickens need a better run & shelter than what they have now for their health & yours, while the hogs are OK for now, then the Chicken Shelter rates higher... Essentially knock it back to K.I.S.S. Keep It Simple Silly ! I gotta do that a LOT ! If you need to setup / fix the fencing then go out and set 5 - 10 Fence posts and call it a day, next day set another 5 or 10... every step forward is moving in the right direction and actually fuels the desire to do more... it's the only way out of the block... Sometimes you have to buckle down and push yourself out the door to do even the most menial task BUT when you do and accomplish it, you feel better & more able to do the next task... ONE TASK A DAY ! and they do not have to be Big Tasks.

    I'm also ex-mil + and have extreme PTSD and this type of "block" is not uncommon ! Some get into the rut and cannot get out and start to sink BUT getting out and doing something helps break the rut. Keep everything simple, one step / stage at a time... keep an eye on the goal but DO NOT Worry about it, you will get there... There is 365 days a year, that's 365 small tasks accomplished (1 little task a day) or take weekends off, so drop 104 days off that... Just remind yourself, this is a job I can do today and will get it done... I sometimes give myself a little reward for a job well done - like go to town for an Ice Cream cone or get myself some other "little treat" because I deserve it.

    My PTSD Therapist reminded me of this issue of over thinking & blocking the other day and also reminded me that I was getting into the rut again - which is very bad for me, so everyday I am doing a task... I don't get upset with myself if I don't complete X Task in one day, many require several days effort so I plan on "what I can do today" AND I do NOT rush or hurry - THAT IS BAD ! Fools rush in, make mistakes and then get angry at themselves for rushing in head first and screwing up ! It's easy (subconsciously) to rush in, screw something up or do it wrong (unintentionally) and then getting mad at self for messing up and that feeds the "blocker" because we do not really want to make any mistakes. BTW: As you say, your ex-combat, in-field a mistake can & does cost lives, we are trained to NOT make mistakes but stuff happens... THAT is part of why you are locking up & blocking yourself... Took me a while to realize I was doing that and to get past it, sometimes though still rears it's ugly head and I have to go around it... baby step tasks and keep going...

    In Closing: I've touched on some Very Sensitive & Subjective Points and this being the Internet & an open forum, I usually NEVER DISCUSS IT because there is always some Tard who'll go stupid in comments. This is not something for trolls & cyberfools... Please Respect the Intent and make every effort to be a positive contributor if you wish to comment.
     
  7. mmoetc

    mmoetc Well-Known Member

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    I noted that you used "I" a lot when talking about the planning and decision making but slipped a "we" in when talking about what's already been accomplished so I'll assume there is some kind of a partner involved. What do they have to say and what input do they have. Sometimes if you can't trust yourself you can trust those on the journey with you.
     
  8. Oldhat

    Oldhat Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for the responses, seems everyone hit on something that made me raise an eyebrow.

    What's odd about it, is that this is the first time that I've dealt with this. I've never had any problem making decisions in the past. Believe me, I'm laughing at myself with bit of disgust mixed in.

    You know, I am some what a perfectionist. My wife comments about it from time to time. We live "back in the woods", can't see our place from the county road so it's only us who really have to look at things back here. She's actually said things like: "When you start across the creek, things don't have to be as nice as you've made them around here". Another that comes to mind is when I put in the vineyard. I decided to harvest some of my cedar trees and use those for fencing/trellis. One post in particular ended up slightly crooked, functionally it was fine, but I was going to re do it, she just laughed a bit and said "Babe no one is ever going to see it or notice it". I realize when I am being this way, but I kind of live by the theory of "Do it right the first time and you'll not have to revisit it"

    That's been my plan all along, however I'll go to get started and think "This is the perfect style breeding coop that I want, however I can't grab hold of it with the tractor and move it if I ever need to"...so I go back to the drawing board...again and again.


    I can relate to everything you said. I've quoted the above because honestly this is where I am it but yet I'm aware enough to realize it...and it's still a problem.

    I have an absolutely spectacular wife and 3 kids. Wife pretty much gives me free reign to do whatever, never asks for much and pretty much let's me do my thing. She is 100% on board with everything and we actually pretty much agree on everything. However she shies away from making suggestions on most larger projects like this, so it's just me. Sure, we'll head over the creek, I'll tell her about my latest layout/development of the area and she'll say "Sounds great, I like it"....and then 3 day later I'll have her back over there discussing the new layout/plans I've come up with and she'll say "sounds great, I like it" then 3 days or so later there we go again.

    Thanks for the replies. It's given me a lot to think about. I guess it's time to get started and fix those mistakes as they pop up or simply learn to not add so much importance onto things.
     
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  9. mnn2501

    mnn2501 Dallas

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    How often do you all doubt yourself and delay decisions?

    Almost never. I am very quick at making decisions, perhaps thats why I was in management positions for much of my career.
     
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  10. Oldhat

    Oldhat Well-Known Member

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    To Steve_S:

    You've touched on some interesting things in regard to being x-combat soldiers. Sure it's a touchy subject for most, but I don't mind being open about it. My thoughts on this are that I don't mind being open about it on a public forum/venue if I think that it may help another. I'm a "realist", don't mind discussing "whatever" and typically have no problem expressing my opinion or belief.

    PTSD, who knows? I've shied away from the VA with the idea that there are others out there that need the help and I don't want to in any way clog up "the system" and possibly take from others. I do know that I have extreme "hyper awareness" (self-diagnosed). You know what I am talking about. This does not limit itself to public places like restaurants, concerts, gatherings, etc. it bleeds over into most other aspects of my life. I don't miss a thing, a face, a threat, etc and I always know where the exit doors are and place myself accordingly, back always against the wall with a good view, and you'll never find me in the middle of a crowd. I Learned how to let that go with the family, was aware enough to know it could create problems, but that's about the only place I've been able to let it go. I'm sure some will never be able to understand it.

    For the most part I was on a small tactical nuke team in the military. That was always my main training focus. However, those were never considered for use in the middle east, so I was tasked with other responsibilities like NBC reactionary, demolition, medic training, forward observer, etc. I was one of those soldiers that the Army could throw whatever at and I could learn it and do it. Had high enough scores to occupy any position the military had to offer and had both the physical and mental capacity to go along with the scores and security clearance. Needless to say soldiers like me were tasked with doing a lot of different things, but in garrison it was pretty much always tactical nukes.

    Now the reason I'm discussing all of this is because there is no doubt it influenced who I am today. I'd be a fool to think otherwise. When I was younger it wasn't even considered to be on my radar, but the older I get the more I see how a lot of those events molded and shaped me into who I am today. I like to think that I am a bit older and wiser though. There is no doubt I would be an entirely different person if I would have never enlisted. I like to think that the majority of those influences were for the better.

    Being in tactical nukes and having other fairly important tasks and responsibilities made me become anal about every single detail. Trust me, there are no mistakes that can be made....pretty important stuff. Each individual had to be perfect and function as a small team. We were drilled, tested, inspected, disciplined, and highly trained. That perfection still bleeds over into simple things like tilling the garden...as stupid as it may sound, it is what it is...gotta roll with the punches.

    Thanks for your response. I appreciate it.
     
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  11. Steve_S

    Steve_S Well-Known Member

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    @Oldhat I completely & totally understand, we all deal with things differently... fortunately my Therapist is specialised with PTSD and we do group stuff and private stuff & it HELPS ! I'm not American but I do know the VA does have some good programs and sometimes sharing with others who "know & can directly relate" makes a big difference. You are more aware of your triggers and the evolution you have gone through.. good thing ! Many just bury themselves somewhere, take up a bottle (like WW1, WW2, Korean & Viet vets +) or get into heard drugs to self-medicate.

    Unfortunately, I'll add this about myself, I am a Type-A Virgo, persnickety, picky & notice the slightest of details that others miss, a perfectionist which was good in my career choices (but stress causing for me & others but I was the Boss so) and WORST OF ALL - A Partially Eidetic Memory (photographic memory that never, ever forgets) but sometimes I'm too busy to remember things. NOT the best of mix when being in the Military, Police, Firefighters etc... People with eidetic memories should avoid such jobs. Finally, I will remind you of an old cliché which is so very true, Who We Are is the sum total of our life experiences. The trick for people in our sort of situation is to identify triggers and flash points, understand the "why" of it and adjust ourselves accordingly, as you pointed out 3 of the most common : Hyper Vigilance, know your exit routes, never in the middle of a group/crowd, etc... Those are actually A-Typical. AS for the Comment about being open in a public forum, I did that a couple of times (non-support forums) in order to bring awareness, it would have been better to juggle 3 grenades with the pins pulled... I don't... THIS is the single exception I made and I had to ponder that for an hour before I responded earlier.
    -----------------------------
    Back to Original Topic: ! ;-)
    Start doing the little tasks, clearing the lot across the road, cleaning up the area and staking out possible ideas.... each step will help you think it over and mull it a while. Nice & Easy, take your time and remember to stop and listen to Nature around you. Learn to apply "The Rule of Three", never reach 4 ! 3 chances to do something, 3 backups, 3rd time is a charm... I live by Rule of Three and even my children know, never ever get to 4 (haven't in years !) I apply it universally to just about everything with few exceptions... someone lies, steals or harms me in/mine any way, it's auto 3-Strikes... I have three heat sources for my Cabin, 3 water sources, 3 ways to cook. See if you can adopt & apply the technique and save yourself a lot of grief, go with the 3rd plan you came up with !
     
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  12. hunter63

    hunter63 Well-Known Member

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    In the same boat.......Had to think fast.

    ID problem or project.... look and evaluate options,... then make a decision on one ... to go...or no go....If no go repeat.

    I trust my gut.....for a final go/no go......
    Remember:
    Recipe for Elephant stew.
    1) Get yourself an elephant.
    2) Cut up in bite sized pieces....
    The rest is easy.

    The older you get the less will bother you....if you remember what is was.
     
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  13. PlayingInDirt

    PlayingInDirt Well-Known Member

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    I feel like anytime I get a project started, I change the plan at least 3 times. Mostly because we're broke so decisions usually come down to cost efficiency versus long term usage.
     
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  14. CajunSunshine

    CajunSunshine Joie de vivre!

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    Oldhat, I wonder if it is partly the sheer SIZE of the project that may be hanging you up?? A barn is a lot for one person to tackle alone. That is one of the reasons for those old fashioned "barn raisings" where a bunch of folks came in to help...

    I'm guessing that you realize once you start, you are pretty much committed until it is done...and knowing how your time would be tied up in this project for a long time... well I would think that would make most people hesitant!

    .
     
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  15. CajunSunshine

    CajunSunshine Joie de vivre!

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    Being able to change plans like that is a gift! Like the old saying goes, "Those who are flexible won't break."



    .
     
  16. geo in mi

    geo in mi Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Who's saying you have to do anything across the creek? Maybe it's time to declare it finished, except for some quiet walking trails. You got the bridge over it finished, or at least a way to cross the creek.....

    In my "august" lifetime I've discovered that boards rot, roofs leak, metal rusts, animals die, and trees fall over anyway. And I discovered that the drills I've purchased all have reverse buttons.

    Smaller bites. Build with screws. One day a week for resting.

    Thank you for your service, and best of luck.

    geo
     
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  17. Steve_S

    Steve_S Well-Known Member

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    LMAO... funny you say that, I use screws inside for things like closet walls etc which are non-structural and may be subject to change / modification BUT everything else is nailed, now I can swing a hammer and do a few nails but after a dozen or so my hands hurt too much (due to injuries) so, I went and bought a good Air Framing Nailer that runs off my compressor... Now THAT is the way to nail something together ! and cheaper than using a passload as fuel cells aren't cheap, only drawback is the hose which CAN be a royal pain in the Caboose. BTW: The DeWalt 20V Impact Driver is really sweet for using screws (Robertson / Square) to build once you get the feel for it...
     
  18. emdeengee

    emdeengee Well-Known Member

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    I have always liked and mostly lived by the saying "sometimes we make the right decision and sometimes we have to make the decision right". We all make mistakes. Part of life, learning, and maturing.

    We always make detailed lists - pros and cons - which has helped in the decision making process many times. However there have been times when the cons far outweighed the pros but we went with the cons. Sometimes the heart wants it more than the head can control.

    I think that stagnating because of indecision because of fear or listening to what others say is worse than making a mistake. I hate that feeling of being in limbo. Do your research and then make a choice - even if you have to flip a coin or play rock, paper, scissors with your partner.
     
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  19. greenTgoats

    greenTgoats Well-Known Member

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    Go to 16personalities.com, take the test, and then read about your personality type. Making decisions and moving forward might just not be a strong point for you.
     
  20. catsboy

    catsboy Member

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    I just took the test and was very accurate, almost scary
     
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