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Poo Fairy
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6,495 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
This is the first time in my life I spent time alone with just me, dealing with myself. Its been almost 3 years. I have done a lot of soul searching and Self-analyzing on who I am, and where I want to be. I have grown and accomplished a lot at a really slow pace from raising sheep, working a fulltime job, fencing, lambing, MOWING...LOL. That would be why you dont see me on here much.

The hardest thing thus far is learning to deal with me and what makes me who I am. Along with getting past the loneliness, I feel at times. I keep myself super busy however that in itself keeps my mind thinking about all my journeys and how they led me to where I am now. I choose to have a farm its always been my lifestyle, I wouldnt know what to do with myself if I didnt have critters that depend on me. I am very privileged.

How long have you been single? Completely alone in your home. (No kids, family living with you)
How have you grown?
Deal with loneliness?
Deal with yourself?
 

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Premium Member
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25,226 Posts
Since 88.
How have I grown. I think that since its been since 91 since ive had sex, That if you don't use it, u lose it. I have, and the NEED to have a woman for that purpose has LONG since passed. Not being needy, I find I am more off edge, more patient, more into going with the flown not needing everything to be my way.
Don't really have lonliness anymore. Keep busy, fixing this or fixing that, farming, gardening. In the winter months, I feel it a bit with when the luvy duvy Christmas stories come on, but I havnt watched TV for over 6 mos, so I don't need to be fed that diversion into lonleness.
I don't know what you mean by deal with myself.
 

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Premium Member
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2,812 Posts
How long have you been single? Completely alone in your home. (No kids, family living with you)
How have you grown?
Deal with loneliness?
Deal with yourself?
This first one is complex(yes I know...weird). The technical answer is divorce was final 4 years ago.

The complex answer is that I'd have never remarried him but some stupid ****** wrote in a guide book to Mexico that you HAD to be married in order for income to count jointly towards being allowed to stay in the country full time. Turns out that said ****** was an idiot. Yes, I find it hilariously ironic that I had to prove to the Mexican government that I had enough income to live there. So since I couldn't meet it on my own at that time.....I remarried my ex. Not one of my better life decisions. :ashamed: :help:

Completely alone, 1 year. Mostly alone....most of the last 4 years.

I guess I have grown. Was finally able to get my ex out of my life and say NO MORE. That's about the extent of the growth.

I am not dealing well with the loneliness....which is one reason I didn't get rid of my ex sooner. I'm miserable single or miserable with him. At least I was miserable with company when he was around. I don't think I'll ever get used to being alone. I never saw myself as being one of these people that has to have someone. Turns out I am.

Mostly trying to work through having achieved all of my life goals and trying to figure out what I'm going to do now.
 

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I have been living by myself for 19 years. Not counting living with two Bengal cats. (think of wild kingdom in the living room at night) I have had a guest stay for a few days now and then. I think, speak, write about dating far more than i actually do.:lonergr:

Mostly i have grown in belt size! LOL But seriously i grew up a lot after the divorce, i was a late bloomer as they say. Realizing no one was going to be there to help in anyway when i when through three serious back surgeries was a wake up call for sure. :mad: Plus, running a small business is a trial by fire kind of event.:hobbyhors

Right now I'm far too busy to be lonely except when i lay down to sleep and have no one to spoon with. Takes about 30 seconds to fall asleep but then in 45 minutes I'm often awake for most the rest of the night till 3-4:00 A.M. :bored::hair An occasional sexcapade would be great but I'm not really wired to work like that. (one of my better, and at the same time worse traits):bored:

Me dealing with me can be a challenge because i have so many interests, skills and dreams but presently have so little few extra funds to indulge in them. I know i am on the cusp of change and it started to happen about 3 weeks ago thank goodness. :hobbyhors:nanner:
 

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Premium Member
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5,081 Posts
I never saw myself as being one of these people that has to have someone. Turns out I am.
Funny you should say that TxMex, I'm just the opposite. When I was in my twenties I thought I could never be one of those people who spent so much time alone. I did some pretty stupid things to avoid being alone, including marrying twice without love and then staying in both bad marriages way too long.

I've since discovered that I do very well alone. I don't know if I was never meant to be married at all or if it was just because they were the wrong people. I can imagine being very happy married to the right person or being happy if that never happens as well.

Plus, running a small business is a trial by fire kind of event.

An occasional sexcapade would be great but I'm not really wired to work like that. (one of my better, and at the same time worse traits)
I can agree with both of these. I started my own business at 28, with a young son to raise and no one to fall back on for financial or moral support. That will make you mature and independent in a hurry, lol.

Regarding sex, it is the single-most negative factor about being alone. I just can't do casual sex. I had one one-night stand way back in 1984, and my skin still crawls when I think about it. The sex was good, but no better than I could have done for myself (blushing, lol), and I just felt so cheap and trashy afterwards that I could barely look at myself. I don't look down on those who can do it and are happy living like that, but it's just not for me. I have to be emotionally invested first. Sometimes I wish I could be more "free", but at other times I'm glad I have the self-respect to say no and keep myself for someone special, although in this day and age I guess that's pretty naive.

As for being single and living alone, I define those differently. I've lived alone since 1993, but I didn't consider myself single all that time. I've had boyfriends on and off during that time. We might spend almost every night together in one home or another, but we each maintained our own homes to go back to and didn't live together.

Other than sex itself, I mostly miss the little pats, hugs, kisses, etc., of having someone around, being able to share with them exciting or new things I've seen or discovered and especially someone to laugh and play with.

But I've grown in so many ways I couldn't possibly name them all. I'm not afraid to be alone, in fact sometimes I prefer it that way. I can go out to eat or to a movie or even travel by myself and enjoy it. I've learned how to handle pretty much any situation that comes up with the confidence of knowing I don't have to fall back on anyone to get it done.

I had a lot of insecurities about myself when I was younger, but I've learned that I'm a pretty good person. :) In general, I'm kind, thoughtful, compassionate, and dependable. As a mother, I'm a ferocious mama bear, but never a helicopter parent. As a lover, I'm giving, sensual and passionate. I've learned to be very comfortable in my own skin and with my own company, and when I think of myself now compared to me in my twenties, I've grown by miles!

But, I guess my biggest flaw is my impatience. I've struggled with it my whole life and have gotten a lot better, but it's still my biggest handicap and I wish I could be better at it. It's still a work in progress. :)
 

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Premium Member
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3,512 Posts
Since 11. Broke up with my last one in 09 but he visited for a couple of years as a friend only. Time has passed quickly
 

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newfieannie
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9,650 Posts
a few years but I've spent most of my married life alone. I'm never lonely though. maybe on the anniversary of his passing. I like my own company. I read a lot. knit and craft . winter time I like to watch tv. I can knit a pair of socks in a couple nights if there's something good on tv. I can watch tv ,read a book and knit. I do entertain a bit. that's takes up some of the time.

I'm in good health and if I stay that way i'll stay in my own home. that's the way mother lived after dad passed. she had family around her but lived in her own home. I'd like to get back to the country though. I don't want to spend the rest of my life in the city. I already have my land and a few sheds so that's an expense I wont have. just have to get a small house built. I'm drawing up plans for that now. i definitely want a porch. I got the rocker but never stop long enough to use it. ~Georgia
 

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Single Urban Homesteader
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1,231 Posts
I broke up with my ex-bf 2 years ago. Just had 2 first dates since then. But alone since I moved out of my parents house...so 15 years? I guess the rest doesn't really apply to me, since it's just my norm. I've been looking, but I guess your expectations diminish through the years when you've never been worth putting a ring on it to anyone.
 

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An Ozark Engineer
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13,437 Posts
My Roger died in 2004, and I've been on my own since then. At times it's good, but many times it's awfully lonely. I do miss affectionate contact with someone of the oposite gender who really matters. I miss having a cherished mate for whom to do the little things that count for so much.

My friends & family are wonderful, but that "something extra" is missing that they can't supply. I deal with it by getting through it, one day at a time.

I've done a lot of soul-searching and have come to know that, though not perfect, I'm pretty awesome just as I am!
 

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On being reflective just standing back comparing married
life to being single I'm okay with myself to BE single .
Have been married almost 20 years. Married at age 30.
So, I've been single a long enough time before getting
married. After marriage, and readjustment for a few years
back to being resingled, I have no impulsive hankering to
tie the knot again. Being around people at a workplace
presents 'opportunities' if one wishes to socialize more, or not.
Otherwise, I'm happy enough at the end of a day to be back
contentedly at my 'stead single and not feel at all regrettable.
I feel less stress or pressure without an attached spouse who
has incompatible expectations. That part about joint living just
don't interest me.
 

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My last long-term relationship was in 2009, but then he got hit by a bus and broke up with me while in hospital. Been on some dates since then, but I've moved around so much I never let anything get serious, and I wasn't all that drawn to the guys I was seeing anyway. I just got back to the States after living on my own in London since April, so now I'm no longer alone I suppose, just not in a relationship. Seeing as how my parents are older, I'm inclined to stay close, even if it's in a tiny house in their backyard.

I learned a lot about myself while I was traveling this year, including what my priorities are, and how I'd like to spend my time. Being on your own with no friends or family in a strange country is eye-opening. I felt myself becoming more patient with myself and others, more tolerant of ninnies, and I discovered that I liked having a nice dinner out by myself sometimes. I also learned to just sit and do nothing. No reading, no checking my phone, no fidgeting. Just sitting and appreciating what was around me - Paris was great for that.

I would like to meet someone and pair up... just that the online thing sort of sucks, and I want to be swept off my feet, which requires a guy approaching me, and that doesn't happen.

I guess we'll see!
 

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I have been living by myself for five years. For two years before that we lived in separate bedrooms. I still have a daughter with me three or four days a week however. Also, because I work in a job field that seems to eat marriages alive, I pretty much run a home for displaced husbands. My couch is often full of some poor guy trying to figure things out; It is a privilege to help.

I have learned how to do my own laundry, schedule, parent, basically be an unassisted adult. I did not know how to pay a bill online or use an E-mail account before the breakup because I had never had to before. I went back to college to meet women and discovered that I am really smart. I found that I love learning and have been able to get scholarships and show my children the value of education. I have grown emotionally too.

I went from steady detached sex in marriage to unsteady empty soul killing encounters in single-hood, to contented with no sex if it doesn’t signify love now. I can totally feel for anyone who has tried unattached sex and feels bad about it. I am no longer guilty, but I don't ever want to forget the empty grossness it made me feel because I don't want to ever repeat it. Life is not a contest and sex is not a prize to be gained no matter how good I am at it lol.

I don't deal with loneliness well. I stay so busy with work and kids and school that I cannot get lonely. This summer I didn't take any classes and it about killed me. I need something to make me forget how alone I am. I surround myself with co-workers and students and such so I can forget. I am usually completely exhausted by the time I hit the sack, so sleeping next to someone is not an issue. What is an issue is when I go out and see all the happy couples. What really, really gets me is when that couple consists of a really nice girl and captain douchecanoe himself. It kills me what today’s women choose to put up with. Men are no longer men anymore. They are meat mannequins that let women dress them up and display them like overgrown lap dogs.

I don't deal with myself very well at all. “My mind is like a bad neighborhood, I should never go there alone.” (This is a quote I love) My overactive mind punishes me with would haves' , should haves' and could haves'. I destroy myself with these if I am not careful. Lately my mind has even been taking over the things I love the most. I love hunting, the woods, fishing anything to do with outside. The problem is outside is quiet and it lets my mind take over Just recently, I was in the Salmon wilderness shooting some grouse and I came to one of my favorite spots above the river. It is beautiful. Granite and limestone cliff above deep clear pools, all of the maple and oak are busting out in colors. Eagles, salmon everything in abundance. That is when I realize I have no-one to share it with and it hits me like a truck, just destroyed. Ruined the trip and the week after and makes me reluctant to go back out. If it wasn't for the fact that I cut firewood on those trips, I wouldn't go.

It's going to get better though. I just know it is.
 

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Premium Member
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kids were out before the divorce. Ex left in May of 06, so a bit over 8 years now. Did have a gf for 5 years, but she was hard to find when I broke my legs 3 years ago. Just me and the dog sharing the house, the cats outside.

I got some women friends that I occasionally go out to dinner with, totally platonic there. One is my best friend's widow, another a woman I used to teach with. Got a couple of married friends that I see now and then.

Don't know that I've grown any, I'm not AS bad about telling people what to do since I retired, but don't mind if they ask me what I think they should do, always free to offer two or three options for them to think about.

Don't have a problem being alone, grew up as an only child to older parents. Spent a lot of married time alone too. I've gotten to like alone. Son and his family left yesterday after a weeks visit, glad to see them, but glad to see them headed down the drive to go home too.

I have my home as I want it, and really don't want to redo it to suit someone else. The economics issue of another having access to my money scares me after my marriage. My health issues would be an issue to most women, so I guess I will stay alone.

Ed
 

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Premium Member
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I have been single for 8 years. I am not alone though, as I have the kids here and will likely never be alone in that regard.

Before I married I thought I was lonely, but after getting married, I discovered that it was much worse to be alone in a marriage than it ever was being alone single.

I don't deal with my aloneness or myself as I am mostly content and like my own company. I occasionally miss the intimate side of a relationship, but not enough to put myself out there for it again.
 

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Have a Great Day!
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5,197 Posts
My Wife passed away Jan 5, 2013-so I have been alone for 1 year,8 months, and 14 days. I really Miss her when I think about Her ( every day*). We Loved each other very much- but our relationship was contentious. I tend to dwell on the 'good parts'-so that is what I choose to remember. She was very ill for 18 months, before She passed, seeing Her health decline, really opened my eyes up-as to what real pain and suffering can be.
My Wife and I had several dogs-her hobby was dog breeding -so I am not technically alone. I have spayed/neutered our babies, so no more puppies here, we are all retired!
I am in a constant state of growth, always have been-sometimes I take a step backwards, but I continue to move forward.
Loneliness is a state of mind for me, as I am never alone? I am surrounded by a Loving Family, Friends, and I interact with strangers often-never a dull moment.

I have not started to date again, as the thought of getting close to a Lady, and falling in Love-just flat out scares me. I am afraid of losing someone again-I hope that this feeling changes-cause part of me wants to share Life with someone special*
Dealing with myself is the easy part-I have become very acquainted with Tom, over the Years. And I have learned to Love myself*
I don't know what the future hold's for me, but I can bet it will be interesting. My weekend will consist of going to a very large Tractor/Engine Show today, and possibly perch fishing , out on Lake Erie Sat/Sun. with my Friends. All we have is Today-so get out there and enjoy it! Peace*
 

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7,215 Posts
How long have you been single? Completely alone in your home. (No kids, family living with you)

Either eleven or eight years, depending upon how you count it. For three years after the divorce the ex was at my home/condo more than hers and wanted to remarry. That's a long story with a very sad ending. Dated seriously twice since then, but it never involved living together.

How have you grown?

Gained twenty pounds on a very difficult consulting/employment assignment two years ago. Still need to get that weight off.

Deal with loneliness.

Guess since I see family and friends a lot, I never feel lonely. I think some of us are wired that way and others are not. Wish I could share the wiring diagram or something to help those who feel a true sadness from not being in a romantic relationship.

Deal with yourself?

Well for penance, I use to make myself deal with the goats, but I moved my little herd out to make way for a calf project. Guess I'll just have to live with me as I am until I find another way to improve my demeanor. I could get serious about a running/jogging program. I hate running/jogging with a passion. That might help with the weight problem too...or ruin my two perfectly fine knees.
 
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