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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm worried and my eyes are still wet from crying. My husband was just confronted by his estranged brother who has been drinking all afternoon. I called the sherrif who escorted his brother away. It's a long complicated story but his brother is upset because my husband inherited a plant nursery from his father and wants us to sell it and give him his share. He inherited nothing from his father and thinks he should have been given something. We have decided put our own money into remodeling it which is taking every penny in savings. It has been in shambles for years. Well, when husbands brother came over and started to yell and push my husband, it brought back terrible flash backs of my step father who used to drink and hit my mother. When the sherrif showed up, I went in and sat on the bed in our bedroom and found myself losing control by rocking and pulling my hair like I used to as a child. If the sherrif hadn't arrived when he did, I think I may have lost it for good. I don't know what to do. Husband is outside talking to the nieghbors who witnessed their confrontation. I don't want to tell him what happened to me. Should I call someone? Who could I call?
 

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I think that maybe first you should have a nice cold drink of your favorite beverage, then perhaps play a game with your hubby, or go rent a movie, or just have some pleasant time together. I 'spect it'll work out easily for you. Don't let Bullies frighten you. 99.9% of them are blowhards and cowards. :)
 

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Keeping the Dream Alive
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You tell your husband. You're a family, are you not? You're in this together, and will have the need to support each other.
I would want my wife to have enough faith in me to be able to confide her fears; protecting her comes under the umbrella of love.

If the brother wasn't given a share of the estate in the will, your FIL must have felt a good reason not to do so. If things get a bit nasty, you may have to take out an order against the brother to prevent him having directl contact either of you.
 

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Violins&Roses said:
I'm worried and my eyes are still wet from crying. My husband was just confronted by his estranged brother who has been drinking all afternoon. I called the sherrif who escorted his brother away. It's a long complicated story but his brother is upset because my husband inherited a plant nursery from his father and wants us to sell it and give him his share. He inherited nothing from his father and thinks he should have been given something. We have decided put our own money into remodeling it which is taking every penny in savings. It has been in shambles for years. Well, when husbands brother came over and started to yell and push my husband, it brought back terrible flash backs of my step father who used to drink and hit my mother. When the sherrif showed up, I went in and sat on the bed in our bedroom and found myself losing control by rocking and pulling my hair like I used to as a child. If the sherrif hadn't arrived when he did, I think I may have lost it for good. I don't know what to do. Husband is outside talking to the nieghbors who witnessed their confrontation. I don't want to tell him what happened to me. Should I call someone? Who could I call?
.............You do your husband a Big disservice by not allowing him too Confront and conquer your demons , WITH you ! There is Never a better time than the Present than to face your fears , just Don't leave him in the dark about this significant issue . , fordy
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I'm feeling calmer now. I am going to go out and offer the nieighbors coffee if they are still there. I might need to spike my cup, however. (grin) I'll also try to talk to husband about it tonight. Thank you. I knew I could lean on good people here.
 

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Violins&Roses said:
I don't want to tell him what happened to me. Should I call someone? Who could I call?
Tell someone. Tell your husband. Tell a friend. Tell a counselor. Your pastor. Your doctor.

What happened to you was NOT your fault. None of it. There is nothing for you to be ashamed of.

But you do need to help that frightened little girl inside of you.

Give the kid a break. Get her some help.

You deserve it.

Pony!
 

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Be powerful. No other option exists.
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Notice you got 'it' under control. The idea that you might not is a story. Don't believe all the stories!

You did a great job of getting yourself out of a dangerous situation and then coping.

Patting you on the back!
 

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Glad you are feeling better and able to get back in control. You had it in you all along. I hope you share with your husband. I know mine would want to be there for me if something like what happened tonight brought back all those tramatic memories from the past.
 

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Accidental Farmer
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I agree, tell your husband...My husband always knows when something is up and always wants to know, and if I don't tell him, its an insult. He should know how the situation made you feel...
 

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I went in and sat on the bed in our bedroom and found myself losing control by rocking and pulling my hair like I used to as a child. If the sherrif hadn't arrived when he did, I think I may have lost it for good. I don't know what to do. Husband is outside talking to the nieghbors who witnessed their confrontation. I don't want to tell him what happened to me. Should I call someone? Who could I call?
Hun, you're not losing it. You're completely normal for a person who has lived through an awful situation and who's memory was triggered. You're certainly not alone.

If it doesn't disrupt your day-to-day life, there isn't a need to seek treatment. However, if you want to talk it out with someone - your husband, friend or a professional, please don't feel that your feelings and fears are not legitimate or that you are crazy.

If nothing else, tell your husband that you appreciate him dealling with the situation and calling the sheriff because your were reminded of... He will love knowing that you appreciate him protecting you.

BTW, self-soothing and coping (rocking, crying, hair pulling, etc) is NOT "losing control." Give yourself some credit! You're a strong person!
 

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You and your husband are in this together. His brother and the handling of this brother is not something he should be doing alone, but with you. As well, your backflash is a part of the BIL problem and the two problems need to be put together so the two of you can handle the situation together, on the same page. I think knowing what the confrontation did to you will help to give your husband the strength to deal with his brother.

And, get a restraining order. And get lots of insurance on your business in case BIL does something really stupid.
 

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I agree that DH needs to know. I don't want to frighten you further, but what if BIL comes around when DH is not home? DH will make arrangements to keep you safe, but he can't do that if he doesn't know of the problem. I hope it all works out well for you.
 

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Violins&Roses said:
Well, when husbands brother came over and started to yell and push my husband
No offense, but your husband's brother is an idiot if he thinks yelling and shoving is going to make anybody want to share their inheritance with him. I can see why he was left out.


it brought back terrible flash backs of my step father who used to drink and hit my mother. When the sherrif showed up, I went in and sat on the bed in our bedroom and found myself losing control by rocking and pulling my hair like I used to as a child.
You're not nuts, you're suffering from PTSD.
 

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Sounds to me like this is an issue that you still carry. Back when I had "issues"
In my life, I started to draw. I wasnt very good but I drew pictures of my favorite things. Landscapes. Woods, farms, long driveways with trees. In all the beginning pictures There was a tiny little me somewhere in the landscape. Always with my back to the viewer. Each picture I drew gave me a feeling of release. Eventually I noticed I was no longer in these pictures with my face hidden. I have two that I kept, but the main thing is that I felt cleaned out. My soul felt relief. Tell DH, but you really need to find release for your soul or you will always be afraid of these situations. Write it all down, go outside and scream your head off if no one is around to hear. Find a way to release it all and get a restraining order. God Bless.....
 

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bunny slave
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I agree with most others here - tell your husband. He's supposed to support you, just as you are supposed to support him. He can't do his best to protect you unless you tell him what he needs to know. He might do even more to keep his brother at bay if he knows how hard all this is on you. Then work together to make the nursery a success. :)

I don't blame anyone for not bequeathing a business to a violent drunk.
 

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It's got to be so very scary when you get those flashback feelings. Glad your strength pulled you though again -- each time you do that it will make you stronger. Indeed pat yourself on the back and be proud - focus on having "won" over the feeling.
And by all means - don't feel bad about having the need to share your fears with your husband.

Hugs,
Marlene

P.S. Day before yesterday, because my husband was with me when we settled my parents estate, shared with me a quote he hoped I too would find humorous. I think it might have been by Mark Twain...."You can never truly know another until you've shared settling an inheritence with them."
 
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