How do you keep acting like a lady??

Discussion in 'Homesteading Questions' started by Queen Bee, Aug 9, 2004.

  1. Queen Bee

    Queen Bee Well-Known Member Supporter

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    We have been married for 31+years. We are more in love now, than ever before. Our relationship is closer, stronger and happier than ever. But sometimes I feel like I have lost some of my feminine quailities! I feel like I need to dress up more --not be such a tom-boy type...

    Because of DH's long work hrs. I have taken on more and more chores that men should/normally do. Don't get me wrong, I love doing most of them...I will do/try to do as much as I can do without asking him to do it.And I feel proud when I do/can do them.

    I seem to spend less time on my appearance than I used to. I always shower, wash and style my hair (it's cut shorter than I used to wear it) apply make-up but I find my self, wearing old sweats and tees more and more. and wondering how I got to this point! :no: I wear them because I don't want to mess up my 'good' clothes and they are comfortable with the pounds that I have put on :waa:. When I go shopping (not often) I hate the clothes that are out there. I don't want to look like I am 25 and I don't want to look like 'Grandma Moses" I want to look like a healthy,active, happy 50yr old.. I have started a diet and am walking every day. Hoping to lose the extra pounds and keep my heart in good shape.

    My question is how do you all keep yourself looking and acting like a lady? I have always been lady-like. but now I seem to have to work at remimding myself HOW to be a lady..

    I hope this makes sense to you girls out there...Thanks Debbie
     
  2. bare

    bare Head Muderator

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    Might check in with the mister before dollin' up too much. He might be somewhat like me and prefer to see wimmin in overalls, or nothinatalls.
     

  3. Jen H

    Jen H Well-Known Member

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    I sure can't help you with looking lady like. I was a landscaper for 15 years before starting the farm. So for the past 18 years my main wardrobe has been T-shirts, blue jeans, and hiking boots. I can tell you that my husband likes the fact that I don't put much time or thought into my appearance.
     
  4. tobo6

    tobo6 Well-Known Member

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    Debbie,

    I understand where you are coming from. I also think bare has a point, and that your husband might just like you the way you are. Dh is like that, and likes it when I wear his ratty old sweatshirt, or throw his big flannel coat on. I'll tell you what I do (now, lean in close, because I'm telling you a secret. :haha: )ACT feminine in whatever you are wearing, granted when you do chores everyday you slunk around like a boy, and can climb over the fence rather clumsily because you are in a hurry, but when dh is home watching you take a little time. When you bend over to fill up a water bucket pay attention to how you are bending over. When you are out pulling weeds in the garden, well, you can stretch and bend, and run your hand thru your hair. It won't be long until your dh notices all those feminine moves and he isn't going to notice the bibs you are wearing are covered in dirt!

    It's all in the attitude! If you feel girly your dh will notice. We were at a auction a couple weeks ago, and I had a pair of jeans on that had a couple holes, and a tank top that had seen better days. Most people there dress like that, except for some of the wives that tag along with their husbands. Now they were looking ten times better than me in there nice shorts and skimpy tops and pure white tennis shoes, lol. I did feel like a slob next to them. I moved across the room and everytime my dh stopped talking to one of the men he would look for me. I flirted from across the room and kept his attention on me. Granted he thought something was wrong at first, sometimes he is a little slow catching the hints, but he soon caught on to the eye contact and the moves! At least I had his attention.

    Just be who you are, the woman he married, but get that girly attitude that makes you feel good about yourself and I'm sure it won't matter that you are wearing your barn clothes!

    Deb
     
  5. januaries

    januaries Well-Known Member

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    I agree; it's more about how you feel and act than how you look. I've known some very sexy, feminine women who dress in t-shirts and cut offs.

    My suggestions:
    Make it a point to feel feminine. To be aware of it and enjoy it.

    Clothes are an easy way to do this, but it sounds like you aren't having much luck finding clothes you like (and they can be expensive, too!). Try just an accessory or two instead. A pretty piece of jewelry--neclace, earrings, or bracelet--or a pretty scarf used as a belt through your jeans, or a hat, or purse. When you're going about your day and you see it, let it remind you that you are most distinctly feminine, and take a moment to enjoy that... then let your pleasure at feeling feminine translate into feminine actions and mannerisms.

    Buy pretty lingerie--not skimpy stuff, but *feminine* stuff. Wear it for more than just sleeping. Put it on in the evenings when you're relaxing for a half hour before bed, or when you curl up for the evening with a good book.

    Use scented powders and/or lotions. (Again, to help you enjoy feeling feminine--not just to smell good.)

    mljjranch has the right idea. She took a few minutes to make flirty eye contact with her husband from across the room. She felt feminine, and he noticed the difference. Remember those little things you used to do when you were younger, and try them on again for size. Eye-flirting, leg-crossing, tossing your hair, whatever is your distinct "girly" style. It may need to be altered a bit to fit your current self, but it's still essentially your style.

    I like the quote "Femininity is the balance of grace and strength." (I think I read it in a sofa ad!) It doesn't mean you have to be--or feel--weak and fragile, but rather that you balance that strength with grace. Be aware of how you move, the expressions on your face, the tone of your voice, and your attitude. If you can pinpoint some of the less-graceful attributes and replace them with more graceful ones while retaining your essential self, you will both look and feel more feminine.
     
  6. Thumper/inOkla.

    Thumper/inOkla. Well-Known Member

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    My hubby and I where just talking about this subject!

    In hot weather I wear shorts and t shirts, he is out of state 6 days a week, so I don't shave my legs, and often have poison ivy or the like, I miss dressing up,

    But it is too hot, I put on long blue jeans to help him clear brush along the road this week, and he commented on how good I looked, I guess I need to put more effort into it when he is home, but if I do too much he will think I'm seeing someone behind his back.

    I think asking him is a good idea of where to start and what to change. That way there is no doubt it is for him.
     
  7. OUVickie

    OUVickie Well-Known Member Supporter

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    My Hubby and I will be married 20 yrs this month. I'm much less vain than I was when I was younger (under 40), and like you I do a lot of chores outside and wear comfortable clothes. What I like to do is dress nice when we go out together. Even if it's casual dress, I usually wear nice clothes, put on make-up and wear earrings. If we go out to dinner at a nice restaraunt I "dress-up". I wear something really nice and try to really look good. Sometimes I wear things that are a bit "flirty". Also, I like to wear really feminine underthings. It makes me feel good about myself too.

    They usually know when you're doing it for them, and my Hubby really responds to that. I've even noticed him dressing nice and putting on cologne!
     
  8. New Mexican

    New Mexican Well-Known Member

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    Yeah I say ask DH. Mine keeps telling me how beautiful I am! I do not wear make up........do not dry my hair.......work sloppy clothes to work.......

    A REAL man recognizes that a REAL homesteading woman has such beauty compared to those "out there"! LOL!!
     
  9. Maura

    Maura Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I hear you :dance: Sounds like you want a little action.

    Try doing something different. Anything. As stated previously, if you try to act like someone your husband thinks you aren't, he isn't going to like it. It's knowing that you have done something FOR HIM that's going to get his attention (like flirting with him from across the room, hopping the fence daintily). How about different colored undies? If you normally wear white, get yourself something red, or teal, or black. Put it on after dinner, but under the clothes you are already wearing. When you undress, his jaw will drop.

    Get a new slinky robe. Nothing out of a house of ill repute, but sexy. Wear it around the house after dinner.

    You can also start making out somewhere you might get caught, but won't really. The danger of getting caught, like teenagers, can be quite fun.

    I'm not saying that I've done any of the above mentioned things, but if I have, it was successful. :eek:
     
  10. Kevin and Laura

    Kevin and Laura Well-Known Member

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    I agree with those who have said ask your husband. I just asked Kevin the other day about if he thought I looked frumpy. I always wear my shirts out, so this time when I got jeans, I got some with elastic in waistband. They look perfectly fine, not halfway down my butt or with those faded places on the thighs (WHAT is up with that look? :no: ), not painted on or anything. I was heading off to my part-time summer job (which ends this weekend when I go back to college) and just had on an ordinary button up checkered shirt, no makeup (I quit wearing it years ago because he doesn't care for it), had hair in ponytail, and my comfy jeans. He said he liked the way I look, sensible. He doesn't like gaudy or flashy looking stuff. So I have three small silver hoops in each ear and my watch. And I go on dressing sensible. According to him, lots of guys like their females to look nice, but not so they look like they're trying to get the attention of every guy in the room.

    I understand about not FEELING feminine though. I get that way when we've been working outside together or I've been working while he's at work. Usually once I come in, clean up, put on my nice long nightgown to lounge in, I feel nice and pretty again.

    Laura
     
  11. whodunit

    whodunit Well-Known Member Supporter

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    My dh thinks there is not much better than a nice fitting pair of jeans.


    Mrs Whodunit
     
  12. fordy

    fordy Well-Known Member

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    ..............This sounds like a seminar on "Seduction on the Homestead".....by "Lovey Cravesit".......fordy..... :eek: ;) :worship:
     
  13. Queen Bee

    Queen Bee Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Thanks for the in-put! DH and I had a great talk tonite. While picking green beans and okra :D ..and he reassured me that he was very happy with me--the way I am now. He said that there were men (his family and friends) who were jealous of him because of how I treat him and what all I do with and for him! He really doesn't like the makeup/perfume and ruffles (which I knew). He said he loves me in my jeans, tee and work boots.. he's a keeper!! Thanks again.
     
  14. Thumper/inOkla.

    Thumper/inOkla. Well-Known Member

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    Ahhhh, ........isn't that sweet!
     
  15. Ardie/WI

    Ardie/WI Well-Known Member Supporter

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    If I did some of those things, girls, I would be a witch cause he'd turn into a motel! ;)

    Seriously, around the house and outside, I don't wear makeup and I wear my oldest clothes. I don't care what food I'm preparing, I end up wearing some. I do wear a bit of scent but not much cause it attracts bugs.

    When we go to church or to the city, I do spend a bit of time with my appearance--make up, fixing my hair, and I wear a nice cologne.

    Once good ol DH suggested sexy underthings and I told him I'd wear some if he would buy and wear those sexy underwear for men. :eek: That took care of THAT suggestion!

    Sexy is an attitude!
     
  16. New Mexican

    New Mexican Well-Known Member

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    Had an after thought....Have ya'll ever heard about "Love Languages"? There are five:

    Words of affirmation
    Physical Touch
    Quality Time
    Gifts
    Acts of Service

    If you KNOW one another's Love Language, communicate in it! If you go to Mexico, and unless you SPEAK their language, you'll get nowhere fast. Sometimes we are all of these, but reading about them, you can probably come up with numbero uno!

    There's a great book called, "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman that I would recommend to ALL folks. This is not only for spouses...it's for other relationships as well.
     
  17. MorrisonCorner

    MorrisonCorner Mansfield, VT for 200 yrs

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    *laugh* You know, it is nice to discover you're not the only one with these issues! It has to be an over 40 thing. My solution to the "I can't believe people actually WEAR this stuff" issue is ebay. Check it out... nice stuff, traditional, classy.. great prices. I hit the mother load last year with 4 Laura Asheley dresses for $75 (shipping included). They were cheaper than my jeans! So, yep... two of them are my gardening dresses.

    Now... if I could just find the right pair of shoes...
     
  18. OUVickie

    OUVickie Well-Known Member Supporter

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    LOL!
    As far as wearing the sexy underthings...I kept looking at the dental floss they now call "underwear", should be more like "underwhere?", and thinking "how could you stand to wear that stuff?" :rolleyes:
    Then I discovered, after getting 5 pair as a gift from Hubby, you really don't have them on that long!!! :haha: :D :eek:
     
  19. Gercarson

    Gercarson Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Queen Bee - You're such a girl!! Some things you just can't hide lady.
     
  20. chickflick

    chickflick Well-Known Member

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    I just HAD to tell ya what my guy says about Thongs!! He thinks they look like a "hippo's behind"!!! (On EVERY woman.. so it wasn't a 'fat' remark!!:)