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Dh and I are expecting our 4th child.. I'm 8 weeks and we are really excited. :dance: :dance:

But I know the rest of our families will NOT be. My mom already told us that 'now you need to wait for a bit' and expects us to obey. She's in a bossy mood latey. Even the nurse when I had dd told us that 'now you are done for awhile' WHY?? I'm healthy, my doc has no problems with us having more.. why wait. We've always wanted a bunch of kids and have made no secret of it. We also don't normally care what others think. But I think this time we are going to get 'it' from all sides. Everyone seemed to think that since we had two boys and then a girl that 'you finally got your girl' and that we should be done. Even though we have made it very clear that we want several more. Dh wants 12 and everyone knows it. We aren't shooting for 12 we are taking them one at a time (or 2 :rolleyes: however they come) and reassessing after each one.

Dh's family will be worse. Mine will just talk about us and call us crazy but dh's family withdraws from us more with each child. They think we should have stopped at 2. They are also 'child focused parenting style' and that is mostly why we should only have 2.. one for each of us. So we can entertain the kids all the time and give them everything they could ever what, even before they want it. We disagree. To put it mildly.

Now I want to know what you would say if you were in my shoes. I don't want a debate on parenting, or family size!!

We are not telling everyone for a few weeks, as long as I don't get too big. But I really need to prepare myself. I don't handle negative reactions well and I never know what to say.. Besides "MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS" LOL. Which doesn't seem to go over very well. :help:

The interesting thing is that our family is going to be the worse of it. Several of our friends have already asked if we are pg yet and seem happy about it. One of them even figured out when we should have gotten pg to have them 18 months apart!!
Barb
 

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Hey that's a good one and it's true!! LOL. Thanks B
 

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bunny slave
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Just what you said to us: "We always knew we wanted a lot of kids." If other people don't, then...they shouldn't have them. :shrug: It's amazing that people will say this stuff to you, but it really is better to shrug it off. If having a large family is your dream, why would someone else poop on your parade? I don't understand why people like to do that.
 

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First of all congrats - I think its awesome.

We don't face that issue with most of our family but do with co-workers and friends. Last time I got "Dude - you NEED to go see a doctor!". Well, obviously, I don't ;-)

I don't want to be defensive in this area but I also believe strongly about our family and take it as an affront when people express such negative feelings. How do you think that reflects on the children that you do have? I would tell family members that object that allowing God to order your family size is a major principle for you and that if they continue to openly contradict and criticize it - they risk losing contact with you and your children.

My sis faces this with her husband's family. They are populationists and feel that she has had too many kids too quickly (7 in 13 years). They were given an ultimatum and have since shut their mouths and at least 'act' happy whenever she announces another.

Stand your ground. They are insulting your values and your children.
 

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Icelandic Sheep
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I had the same problem with my father. He started to lay into me (verbally) when I told him about my last pregnancy and I reminded him that "I don't have to listen to this." He said, "Well, what do you want me to say?!" I said, "Congratulations."

And that was that. No more fuss. He congratulated me and I thanked him and then changed the subject.

Just tell your family that their choices were right for them and this choice is right for you. I frequently have to remind my parents that I am not them. I want different things than they did.

:) RedTartan
 

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Congratulations - I don't have any smart answers for you to use but I think if you want a huge family that is up to you - not them. I always wanted 12 too - only got one so far though LOL. I think you need to make it very clear to them that you are grown ups and will decide for yourselves how large your family is to be

good luck

hoggie
 

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Congratulations!!

If I were you, I would approach folks with your joyous news in a joyful manner. Make your excitment overwhelm their skepticism.
 
T

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"It took us 3 kids to figure out what causes pregnancy....and if it wasn't so darn FUN we would have stopped!" :p
 

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Congratulations! I wanted a large family too, but my health prevented that (guess that's why I have so many pets). We get lots of negativity about the amount of dogs and cats we have (10 of each so far). We find the best way to deal with negative comments is to smile and say "We're very happy with our situation" and leave it at that.

Why argue? The opposition will never change their point of view and neither will you. If you refuse to respond to their negativity they might give up!
 

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Congratulations!!!!!
Well since this is our 8th pregnancy (7th living, read my signature line). I just don't really figure that it really matters, to anyone but my Husband and other children. My Mom has always been happy for me-she's a little concerned this time as I have underlying hypertension but with medicine we are doing just fine and little bit is growing nicely. My Dad well now that's another story, now that I don't live close to him all he can do is give me congrats but I don't think that they are truly from his heart. My Grandmother will also give congrats but in the same breath ask if I'm getting my tubes done now or if DH is getting cut. NO!!! Why should either of us. But usually once the little one gets hers she changes, until we announce the next one.
We want a large family and believe that God is in control-trust me I didn't think it would happen so fast this time. But it's really nobody business but yours and DH and God.
Tell your mom and well the nurse can jump off, to mind their own. I would probably complain to the Dr about the Nurses attitude but that's me. As far as DH's family I guess you would be better to just sever ties with them, because you don't want the children to feel that they are not wanted, same with your mom.
I just love it when people see us out and say things like boy you have your hands full and I say no not yet. They look at me like I have two heads and usually don't know what else to say. Just smile and nod and know that you are doing what is right for you and your family.
At this point for us I don't know if this one is the last, I do know that after she/he arrives I plan on loosing more weight so that hopefully it will help the hypertension issue.
Take care of you and your other children.

Blessings,
Debi
 

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proud to be pro-choice
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Have to admit the only thing I can come up with is to have a mischevious look on your face and respond to any 'negatives' with words to the effect that you are no where near done having kids, much less keeping in practice. I had the opposite problem - we were married maybe 2 weeks when I got bombarded as to when we were going to have kids. My response was I didn't need to be married to have kids. That ended the question that wasn't their business!
 

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Barb -- ignore them. If they refuse to be ignored, I would suggest that your response be something along the lines of:

"You're not feeding them, you're not clothing them, you're not the one in labor, nor are you the one who has to pay for the medical bills. You do not have to supply us with a house, or a vehicle... in short, *MY* reproduction choices are none of *YOUR* business, so why don't you just drop it?"

If they really get snarky after this, or pushy, or bossy, or anything else, might I suggest giving the relationship a time out? Because when someone in a relationship doesn't recognize and respect our right of free choice, it's not really a relationship at all.

I wanted as many as we could have. I got two before God told me, in no uncertain terms, that I was risking my life with another pregnancy and delivery. People -- most notably those who had no involvement whatsoever -- felt the need to tell me that this was for the best, that two was plenty for anyone, that I was "lucky" to have that many and should be thankful that I was stopped before I brought more children into the world -- they cited arguments of overpopulation, education expenses -- so many thing that were supposed to "justify" the fact that choice had been taken away from me. They have no idea of how it feels to love children of your heart that were never born. No idea at all.
 

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wife,mom,taxi driver,cook
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well when people ask me "don't you know what causes that by now?" I always smile real big and say "of course...that's why we have so many". We only have 6 and are done since I about died with the last one. The baby factory is shut down and the equipment was taken out.
 

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Everytime they start in on you just hold up your hand and say, "I understand what you are saying. Nevertheless, we are thrilled with this pregnancy and with our lifestyle" and leave it at that. With this answer they know you heard them, but with the word 'nevertheless' they know you are dismissing them. It works great when your kids are trying to argue with you also! The phrases 'nevertheless' and 'be that as it may' are wonderful phrases!

By the way, congratulations!! We are also a large family with 8 kids. Two are grown and married so we also have 6 grandchildren. Life is good!!

Debi
 

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We also encountered problems with the family jumping from 3 to 4 in four years.

When people asked if we were going to have more I would just explain that Ben figured that we have about 25 more years of fertility and we could have about 18 more children. :)

Also I heard my boss once tell people when they asked him if they were having more, "I am sexually active". *L* He only was expecting his 6th.

It is your life. Only you and your hubby know how many children you can love.
 

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BarbG: Congratulations! I say if you are happy, healthy, and in it together go for it. The world needs more stable families in this world. I'm on the fence about children myself but given the opportunity I think it is wonderful for folks to give love to children. Like Ravenlost we have ALOT of animals, not as many as we used to have, but they are all unwanted, have special needs, been abused, or a situation came up where the owner was not longer able to care for them. They are all welcome at our home, and they are all unique and loved for who they are. We catch ALOT of grief from people, my grandmother is the worst, everytime we see her she brings up when we're getting rid of the animals..... I don't have a good relationship to begin with, but I finally lost my patience and told her that if she does not feed them, does not house them, and does not share any responsibilities towards them then she is not to complain or make negative remarks period. So far it has worked, but I can relate to your woes in this sense as our animals are our children, and when someone fusses about them it really hurts me inside. You do what is right for you all and spread enough love to your children as possible. Everyone else just needs to deal with whatever internal reasons surface for them to complain. If it's not their responsibility then it's not their place to complain, bottom line. Congrats once again!
 

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As a person who has been on the "why on earth are you having a baby?" side of things, let me give my 2 coppers. I reacted that way as the older sister of a young, unwed woman who was entangled with a man I knew in my heart was an abuser (though my dear sister had to learn that for herself, sadly). He gave me the creeps and that "uh oh" feeling, but there was nothing I could "prove" about him until my sister lived through his abuse :flame: I knew that with a child it would be that much harder to escape him. She ended up having 2 kids with him before she was able to break free. She's going through a bitter divorce (they married after she got PG the first time) and he is trying every play in the book to belittle her and wear her down.
Now, on to your situation....I love to see happy, healthy kids with good parents. If you and your DH can support 4 kids, then I see no reason that other people should criticize your decision to have another child.
 
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