House Husbands Vs. House Wives

Discussion in 'Countryside Families' started by FiddleKat, Jan 17, 2007.

  1. FiddleKat

    FiddleKat Mother,Artist, Author Supporter

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    Okay...Ive been having a little bit of an issue here.
    I am a stay at home mother and a house wife. Nothing wrong with it. I enjoy it. I love being a mother. DH and I have only one child, DD8. Who is disabled. DH and I have been trying for number 2. However, number 2 is not happening and perhaps will never happen. I don't know. Only God knows.

    So now Ive been thinking about something that has been in my heart for a very long time. Since I was twenty I wanted to become a police officer.
    I know Im a girl and probably not tough enough for it. As some have said to me.

    I know what I'll face, and what Ill have to go through. My father is a former special police officer and I had a good friend who was a police officer as well.

    My point being is this, is it so wrong for me to go out and work full time and have DH stay home and care for our daughter?
    Is there something morally wrong with a woman "bringing home the bacon"?

    Not that I don't like being a mother. I love being a mother. But if I had the opportunity to get a good job making twice what my DH is currently making should I be saying, "sorry can't take it. My place is in the house changing diapers and baking cookies."
     
  2. beaglady

    beaglady Well-Known Member

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    Personally, if its what you and your hubby want to do, its no one else's business. If he is a good parent who can meet your daughter's needs, I don't see why he can't be the one to stay home with her.
     

  3. okgoatgal2

    okgoatgal2 Well-Known Member

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    i'm the one with a full time job. and it works for us. he's the step dad, and he's learning to be a good one. your dd is old enough for dad to be a stay at home dad if that's what you both want, and a gal can be a cop just as well as a boy, if that's what she's called to do.
     
  4. NCGirl

    NCGirl Well-Known Member

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    I don't see any problems with it "in theory" at all. The only issues I have known with this is that the woman ends up bringing home the bacon, then coming home to a diasater of a house and ends up taking care of the house too. I guess not much different than most working women. But, the women I have known whose hubbys sat at home all day while the wife worked but didn't do the housework, well these women started getting very resentful and it didn't work out as planned.

    However, if your hubby is the type to take iniative and you feel confident that he will hold up his end of the bargain as far as being a house husband I say go for it!
     
  5. AngieM2

    AngieM2 Big Front Porch advocate

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    Fiddlekat

    "Not that I don't like being a mother. I love being a mother. But if I had the opportunity to get a good job making twice what my DH is currently making should I be saying, "sorry can't take it. My place is in the house changing diapers and baking cookies."

    Wouldn't that do away the the government help your daughter is receiving? At least on other threads you've indicated such... maybe there is a different insurance that a police person would have that would help cover the DD8?

    Just something that you have to factor into the urge to be a police person...

    Angie
     
  6. Lisa in WA

    Lisa in WA Formerly LisainN.Idaho Supporter

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    I think that as long as one parent is home with the child, it doesn't matter which one. Your husband sounds like a loving and caring father so I'd go for it.
     
  7. FiddleKat

    FiddleKat Mother,Artist, Author Supporter

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    DH is a WONDERFUL father!!! He also can cook, does laundry (without me asking too!!) and will also empty and fill the dishwasher when needed (also without me asking!!) I am very fortunate!

    I am looking into DD's SSI. Our county Sheriff's dept. a starting officer makes just under $24,000 a year with benefits. It is possible that she would still be covered under the SSI. Our problem is that private insurance will not cover her because she is considered "pre existing condition." So...if its possible for me to work and still have DD's benefits intact, the benefits that I would get through the job would at least cover DH and I. Currently both of us are uninsured.

    Its just that Ive had a few people tell me that DH should just go out and get another job or a better paying job. And I should just stay home because that is where "my place" is. Ive had someone tell me that I would be going against God's word as well if I worked out of the house.
    Its not the DH doens't want to work or get another job. His current job doens't pay well nor does it offer benefits. He likes his job, and enjoys going to work. Which is something Ive always stressed upon, that its important for one to be happy with the work they do. Granted its also important to survive as well.
    I guess I look into marriage and raising children as a 50/50 relationship. Its like running a business. You do what you have to do to make that business/relationship work.
     
  8. Nessa's Nannies

    Nessa's Nannies Well-Known Member

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    So now Ive been thinking about something that has been in my heart for a very long time. Since I was twenty I wanted to become a police officer.
    I know Im a girl and probably not tough enough for it. As some have said to me
     
  9. perennial

    perennial Well-Known Member

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    Go to it girl!

    I'm working on starting a home baking business and if i could support us on it, i would love for hubby to be home. I agree with others, what evers works for a situation. I would double check the benefits for your dd - call one day and call a different day to get someone else to see if you get t he same answer - just to be sure.
     
  10. AngieM2

    AngieM2 Big Front Porch advocate

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    Just a thought....

    Have you ever done a full shift "ride-along" with a sherriff or deputy or police officer? It's really enlightening, especially if you do it two or three times.


    I did it in Denver/Littleton/Jefferson Co, CO back in 1984 when I was sorta interested.... they let me do a midnight to 6am shift with officer/s.(one each department)... even to the extend of going on a couple of domestic disputes.. and learning how to approach a door that might be shot thru when you knock...

    If you did a midnight to 6am ride-along, hubby could be there for your daughter while you checked it out and talked to officers while on duty...

    Angie
     
  11. mama2littleman

    mama2littleman El Paso

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    Fiddlekat,

    It's great that you are looking into pursuing your dream, but before you get too spooled up and excited about it, have you checked to see if the Sherrif's department has an age limit on new recruits?

    I know that most Law Enforcement agencies have an initial entry age limit as well as a mandatory retirement age. And the only conditions under which this requirement is usually waivered is if you have prior Military service or Law enforcement service, and then that time gets added to the age limits. I.e. ... madatory age limit is 37, if you have 5 years of prior military experience then the number is raised to 42.

    Nikki
     
  12. Tonya

    Tonya Guest

    My brother and SIL have this arrangement. She's an ER Trauma nurse and makes more than he did as a traveling salesman. He was also gone for a week at a time sometimes and she was stressed out. So now she works the 'premuim hours' (overnight and weekends) and he stays at home with the kids. They have two that are in grade school and a 2 year old. She's pregnant with #4 now so they are budgeting. For them, it works out. My brother makes a list of things he needs to do each day and my SIL will add to it if she thinks he needs to change it. It took a LOT of fine tuning, but they have a system that works for them.
     
  13. Ardie/WI

    Ardie/WI Well-Known Member Supporter

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    We have a neighbor who is doing just that! His DW has a very good career and he is home to clean, cook, bake, garden, can, do laundry and work at our church! He seems to love it and he is around to help his aging parents. She is happy with her job and the children have a parent who is readily available at all times.

    A few guys have teased him about it but he is man enough to handle it.

    I figure it is their business!
     
  14. Peacock

    Peacock writing some wrongs Supporter

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    I'd have to think twice about choosing a career that puts me at such risk. Please, I'm not being judgemental -- you know what's right for you. But for me, I'd think it might be a bit selfish -- my family needs me too much, a police officer could get killed any second of the day.

    I'm awfully grateful that there are people who do it and other emergency jobs, though. As I said, you do what is right for you, what you're called to do.

    If I were to do that, I'd have what NC Girl warns against -- I'd end up working all day and still have to do everything else when I came home, even if DH was here to do it. He has the tendency to do the tasks he wants to do at home vs. the tasks that need to be done, and they're rarely the same thing.
     
  15. FiddleKat

    FiddleKat Mother,Artist, Author Supporter

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    I think the only thing I would worry about him not doing is scrubbing the tiolets and mopping the floors.
    He already helps with the laundry, folding and putting away as well as the washing it. And there have been times I wasn't feeling well and he took the initative to cook dinner. Granted it may not be something fancy. But he does pretty good that way!

    I know some folks have inquired as to why DH just doens't get a different job. Yes...that would probably help in the cash flow. But he would still be limited to what he could make. Just as I have to look into what the Sheriff's office offers and make sure that doens't effect DD benefits.
    But the only job DH could get is a trucking job that would require him to be gone for several days. Then that would be problem.

    What gets me flustered is why some people get so bent out of shape when the wife goes out and works and the husband stays home.
    Sometimes I would just like to say, "honey, not only can I bring home the bacon but I can cook it too!"
     
  16. Lisa in WA

    Lisa in WA Formerly LisainN.Idaho Supporter

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    I remember an old perfume commercial from the 70's like that:
    I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let you forget you're a man...cuz I'm a WOMAN", ...oops, sorry forgot myself there. :p
     
  17. AngieM2

    AngieM2 Big Front Porch advocate

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    Isn't that in the Dolly Parton song "9 to 5" and from the same movie.?

    Angie
     
  18. Spotted Crow

    Spotted Crow Well-Known Member

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    Some folks are just stuck in the dark ages...for a while I was making more that DH and there were times when he wasn't working and I was...Since DH is approaching retirement age, I'll be working full time within the next 5 years or so and he'll be doing whatever.
     
  19. Lisa in WA

    Lisa in WA Formerly LisainN.Idaho Supporter

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    I don't know, I just remeber from an Enjoli (?) commercial. I have NO idea why I remember it though. Strange, the things we store away, isn't it? Maybe they used an actual song for the commercial.
     
  20. Lisa in WA

    Lisa in WA Formerly LisainN.Idaho Supporter

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    Clearly I have nothing better to do (daughter is doing her science assignment) but here is the actual commercial. Where do they find this stuff?
    Sorry for the thread drift FiddleKat!
    [ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4X4MwbVf5OA[/ame]