[my4fireflies]

Tell me about how you manage the stress of an opinionated large family. I need to glean what I can ASAP. Its already started.....

 

[jen74145]

http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454

Say no and continue on as you meant to in the first place.

Don't let nervy people get under your skin. Outlandish demands/expectations are just funny once you're in the right mindset.

 

[unregistered358967]

Like what? ..more details please....

 

[Wendy]

I don't normally go to my side on the holidays. I have a huge family. There is too much drama so we go to my in-laws which is much better. We go to my parent's on a day when all the other family isn't there.

 

[Kristabelle]

Do you mean juggling holiday get togethers or presents?

For get togethers, we don't go to anything on the actual holiday. That is our day for our little family. Most relatives on both sides give pretty advanced notice of the dates they want to do things, so we generally RSVP as we receive the invitation. If somebody plans something later on a date that is already RSVPed to, then we decline and let them know why. They understand. Most of my family is dramatic and argumentative, and they generally don't host their own dinners for extended family so it is easier.

I have the ability to work on the holidays, doing catch up work for my company, and it renders me a bonus..so that's what I do on the actual holidays.

Thanksgiving for us will be done the following Saturday.

Christmas will be done that morning, and then my DS will go to his father's and I'll head into the office for awhile. We are planning on hosting a Christmas dinner after Christmas, though for our family.

For presents: I don't buy things for anyone but my son. I make small homemade gifts for some loved ones. DF and I buy ourselves a present to share..usually it's a concert or weekend getaway. I remind nosey, greedy people who don't understand that Santa is for the children. I've only ran into a couple, though.

I also let folks know NOT to get me anything, but if they want to spend time together then that's just fine!

 

[dfr1973]

Time for me to ask one of my characteristic off-the-wall questions:
Just when did the holidays (holy days originally) become more about stress and drama than getting together and celebrating?

 

[SeaGoat]

I just smile and stay out of it.

 

[Kris in MI]

Tell me about how you manage the stress of an opinionated large family.

:Bawling::Bawling::Bawling: Does that answer your question?

LOL. My eldest ds (soon to be 25) and I were just talking about this topic earlier today. To quote him: "At what point do people realize you have your own family and can't attend ten Christmases in two weekends?"

So I guess I don't have alot of perfected advice to give, just commiseration. As I told my in-laws yesterday; the chances of getting dh, myself, our four offspring, their two significant others and both of my grandchildren all to family Christmas 200 miles away on a specific date that works for the aunts, uncles and cousins are pretty slim. You get who you get, and that's the best that can be done.

 

[Oggie]

When folks in my family begin to get stressed out about the holiday, I remind them that Halloween isn't really that big of a deal and is supposed to be just for fun.

 

[TRAILRIDER]

I love my family, I really do : ) But since I live over 500 miles away and get my shopping done early (simple, affordable gifts....I do not compete with anyone), I don't experience any holiday time stress. Very thankful for that. I wish I had useful advice.....

 

[Hoosier Cowboy]

My stress level is outta the roof already and my check book is on suicide watch! Daughter gets married in 2 weeks, the holidays, son graduating and a baby on the way! Geesh!

 

[Miss Kay]

My husband and I have one child, an adult that is not married and no children so my family consists of the 3 of us. The grandparents are gone. the parents are gone, all the aunts and uncles are gone and the siblings are over a 1,000 miles away. I wish I had the problem so many of you have expressed. I will once again cook and decorate and invite friends and neighbors who like me, have no family to be with. Since we have no grandkids we adopt a family for Christmas and spoil those little kids rotten, just like we would do if we had kids in our life. Sometimes you really don't know what you've got until it is gone. Enjoy those groups and gatherings with loved ones as much as you can.

 

[TraciInTexas]

I married into a family, whose 50+ year old "children" had never missed a holiday... Little did I know.

Year One, we went to his, and had pie at mine. Everything was perfection in the Universe. Angels sang!

Year Two, apparently the World STOPPED. I dinnered with my Father, and scheduled pie at the In-Laws.

I STOOD MY GROUND.

Year Three, oh my, my daughter could come home, and I had dinner at home. The Entire Universe ENDED!

I stood my ground.

Year Four, we attended his family's event. And everyone resumed normal breathing.

Year Five, I attended my Father's and the cycle renewed.

Year Six, I hosted an event at my house with one child and one friend... More world strife.

I promise. They won't suffocate... Mine haven't yet. In spite of their guarantees, protestations and prostrations! :-| I am referring to Thanksgiving alone - and "the children" haven't missed an Easter, Thanksgiving, or Christmas.... We go through this three times a year!

This year, My daughter won't be home for Thanksgiving... what to do? What to do?

 

[countryfied2011]

DH and I almost always worked the holidays before we retired...he was a fireman and I would do it so others could spend time with their kids and at double the overtime...I had a hard time passing it up. On Thanksgiving we would schedule a different day....on Christmas the office closed but the fire hall didnt. If DH was off then we would do Christmas Eve at his mom's... Christmas breakfast with my family and then back to Christmas dinner at his mom's. Before his mom passed she lived next door and my family lives about 10 miles away. His kids either came by early before we all went to Christmas Eve at his moms or came Christmas day or next according to their schedule.

I normally buy online 90% of my Christmas gifts on BF and except to pick up at couple of GC for local restaurants I dont shop.

Christmas 2015 will be the first time me being a grandmother so it will be exciting.

Maybe this might help you with your large opinionated family...........

http://lessonslearnedinlife.com/

 

[emdeengee]

Tell me about how you manage the stress of an opinionated large family. I need to glean what I can ASAP. Its already started.....

I always remember this Eleanor Roosevelt quote "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent". Stop listening to your opinionated family and just do what you consider right. You will never be wrong if you are comfortable in your own skin and not influenced or manipulated by the opinions of others.

 

[gibbsgirl]

we have slowly cut family that weren't worth dealing with --- holiday or anytime of year -- out of our life. I guess that might sound extreme. But, honestly, being extreme, for us, would have meant continuing on with those people.

we have made some wonderful family traditions that we enjoy so much that we never would have had time for had we continued on trying to maintain dysfunctional relationships with those people.

we still get together with the ones we're close to. we just do it when it's just going to be us.

I don't know what you're situation is. but, my advice would be to not let yourself live with the expectation that "holiday stress" in some annual right of passage that you have to just accept. if the problems are serious--you and yours should get away from those people 24/7/365. if the problems are not serious, then you've got to just change your mindset and find a way to not let the petty stuff be worth you getting worked up over.

good luck.

 

[Riverdale]

My job requires me to work over holidays. It makes life easier.

 

[MDKatie]

I'm not really sure why some people get so worked up about not seeing someone on a specific date. It's just a date! I say figure out what schedule you want for *your* family, then if you have time and WANT to go elsewhere, do it. If it will make you crazy or too stressed, say NO!

We usually travel over Christmas holiday, but this year we're staying put. If family wants to see us, they're more than welcome here but we want a slow, peaceful holiday where we can just relax and enjoy ourselves.

 

[Use Less]

I get that. You can go a lot of years trying to please or appease everyone. Things were commonly pretty tense in my immediate family: a lot of old (bad) memories and "I'm the overlooked child" and "Mom liked you better" stuff. My husband is/was resistant to celebrations of almost any kind. So there I was, either arguing and disappointed with him, or anxious and uncomfortable with them. Well, I'm separated now, and my parents are gone. Would I have "Christmas as I knew it" back? Nope. Last year I was only some weeks out of my own home. I went to our old family church on Christmas eve, and made visits to my sister's & brother's homes, which aren't entirely calm and happy, for the same kind of reasons I put up a tiny tree for myself (Mom's feather tree, for which I bought a dozen eentsy ornaments.) Too early to think what I'll do this year.

 

[Laura Zone 5]

This year will be a new and exciting time in our lives!!

ZERO stress from outsiders......just me and my 3 adult kids, free to choose whatever we please.

Moving forward, I will NEVER allow someone to verbally or emotionally abuse me again.
Boundaries are set, and immovable.
Someone wants to verbally assault me with their ugliness, I will stand up and call them out, and give them a chance to apologize.
Otherwise, the last thing they will see from me is my back side.....walking out the door.

Never again will I tolerate abuse.
Never.