Helping people that won't help themselves

Discussion in 'Countryside Families' started by DenverGirlie, Dec 22, 2006.

  1. DenverGirlie

    DenverGirlie Well-Known Member

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    I seem to have a personality defect according to my BF.

    Scene - 26 inches of snow falls in town, BF is stuck at work for 36 hours straight, working with no relief because "they" can't get there.

    Meanwhile my 84 year old neighbor, WWII vet, digs out several cars on the street with a garden shovel, but "they" can't get out of the house.

    BF calls "them" yesterday afternoon and ask when "they" will there to releave him since it's now been 32 hours and quite frankly he's hungry and tired. He woke "them" up!

    So one of them finally gets someone else to drive her to work so BF can be relieved. BF shows up at home, showers, eats and grabs me and pulls me back outside... we are off to shovel "them" out at there home!


    I already spent my day helping the apartment dewellers get their cars unburried from 2 feet of snow. Those apartmnet dwellers were showing up curb side with a dust pan and broom and they are ready to work to get their cars out. So of course, I offer an extra shovel and lend a hand myself to help.

    I have no problem with helping those that are willing to help themselves... but I apparently have a HUGE issue with helping those that will not even lift a finger to help themselves.

    So I spent my evening shoveling out a driveway and three cars, across town.

    I was really sour about it and still am. I don't like feeling this way, all this anger I have now, I need to vent a bit and also ask for some advice on how to handle this stuff in the future.

    I have no problem with helping those that are willing to help themselves, but if you won't lift a finger to help yourself, why should I help you? We didn't even get a "thank you" for shoveling them out.


    ****BF said to look at it as helping himself. If he shovels out their cars, there is a better chance that he will be able to enjoy his 3 days off and not have to cover for one of them becuase they can't (won't lift a finger) get out of the house...


    We also helped numerous other people on our way across town, I even found a very expensive cell phone in the parking lot. We managed to get the phone returned to the owneres - they had been stranded at the airport the day before on a lay over... so they were really grateful that we went thru their phone book, found an entery for parents - called his parents who called the wife and we arranged to drop the phone off at their hotel.

    It in some way reminded me of some of the Katrina victims .... come save us, but don't ask us to work to save ourselves.
     
  2. Anita in NC

    Anita in NC Well-Known Member

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    My advice is learn to say NO to things that you don't want to do.

    I'm getting better but it is still hard but I'm getting there. Now if I could just tell my father that I don't want to ....... I'd be in good shape.

    If your BF wants to dig them out, let him. If you don't, just say no.

    It's like a don't do drug commercial.

    JUST SAY NO!
     

  3. Madame

    Madame Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Think of it as a gift - and don't give if you don't want to. In BF's case, he benefited so that made it worth doing.
     
  4. Marilyn in CO

    Marilyn in CO Well-Known Member

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    People can be incredibly lazy, can't they? Yeah, I said lazy and there are amazingly a lot of them around. I just laugh/cry how helpless our society has become in regards to physical labor.....shoveling snow for one. I too would be ticked to help out someone who is an able body to do work and then not even receive a thank you........but I do it all the time, it's not my problem.......it is their's. Sometimes saying no is in order, sometimes it's not, I think you did the right thing. I know if most people see how we have to work to feed cattle in a blizzard, they would think we are nuts......and I would agree. ;-)
     
  5. Anita in NC

    Anita in NC Well-Known Member

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  6. QBVII

    QBVII Well-Known Member

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    An 84-year-old, WWII vet; probably tougher than a pine knot. That's the key.

    IMO the "gimme gimme" crowd that's too lazy to help themselves, I wouldn't lift a finger to help them......maybe they'd figure it out eventually. :rolleyes:
     
  7. Peacock

    Peacock writing some wrongs Supporter

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    I hear ya! I remember going to work -- on time -- every time we had a big snowfall here (we rarely get paralyzing ones -- usually a foot or less) and being the only one there. Nobody else seemed capable of making their car leave the driveway. I was driving a little VW Rabbit, not exactly a rugged 4WD.

    It also never fails to amaze me when people who live in an area where it snows do not possess snow shovels. Explain that to me?
     
  8. gccrook

    gccrook Well-Known Member

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    No offense to anyone, but if I was snowed in, I would not go out and shovel my way out. What better way to get a couple of extra days off to spend with my kids? You failed to let us know what your BF does for a living. There are precious few jobs that have to be carried on every single day. I know when it has snowed us in here (not very often) I always just stay home. There is nothing critical about my place of employment that people can't live without for a couple of days. Management may not always see it that way.
     
  9. cowboy joe

    cowboy joe Hired Hand

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    There are jobs that need staff regardless of the weather. I worked at a hospital in western NY during a huge snowstorm in the late 90s. The roads were closed…so much snow that expressways were impassable. Health department regs said nurses couldn’t work more than a double shift without time off. The minimal compliment of night nurses would have to go off shift by mid afternoon and with day shift snowed in we were going to be in deep, nurse-less, doo doo. The National Guard was activated but they had yet to arrive. The nursing staff was split into two to allow half to sleep while the other half worked, allowing us to abide by the regs & still have nursing staff at all times.

    Someone made arrangements with a local car dealership to borrow SUVs…just goes to show there are some good people in this world. I volunteered to go out & pick up medical staff. As a courtesy, I would jump out of the driver seat & shovel a quick path (I considered anything less than waist deep to be a path) so that the nurses didn’t have to wade through waist deep snow.

    Can’t tell you how many times I heard someone yelling from a doorways, asking if I would shovel their driveway so they could get out. (to go where???) Mind you, these generally were not senior citizens…they were young / middle aged, apparently healthy adults. After a long day of fighting the snowy roads & shoveling, I finally had enough & told one guy that he should get off his rather large backside & help me shovel so we could staff the hospital. He said something that I can’t repeat & slammed the door…hope the idiot ran out of beer.

    Long & short of it…what are these folks going to do if the SHTF? Don’t look at me…always happy to lend a hand but have no intention of helping those who won’t help themselves…maybe this is part of natural selection???
     
  10. CraftyDiva

    CraftyDiva Is anybody here?

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    I thought of the same thing, extended weekend. But I bet if you offered them a free vacation to Hawaii for the weekend, they'd be at the airport before you hung up the phone. LOL
     
  11. Shygal

    Shygal Unreality star Supporter

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    I cant figure out who "they" are and why you are so upset with "them" and what "they" have to do with your neighboring apartments AND your BF's work. :shrug:
     
  12. Melissa

    Melissa member

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    I figured all of the "theys" must be people who work with the boyfriend?
     
  13. Bink

    Bink Well-Known Member

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    We had a pretty good snowfall one year, and one of the women in my office called in because she couldn't drive to work. Of course, there was a bus stop right in front of her house. I wouldn't have minded except I had to do her job when she wasn't there.
     
  14. DenverGirlie

    DenverGirlie Well-Known Member

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    BF owns and operates a medical answering service. If your doctor goes out to lunch??? the phones get rolled to him. If your doctor goes homes at night and closes the office, the phones get rolled to him. If you go into labor at 3am and you call your doctor??? --- the calls go to him. Someone HAS to be there to answer the phones, it is NOT an option to shut things down.
    It's also not like he can just run out to the corner and buy something to eat and be back in 10 minutes type thing, it' just doesn't work that way.

    His replacements, co business owners, just deceided to stay home and sleep and won't shovel themselves out????

    My comments about the apartment dwellers was that they showed up on the curb with a broom and dust pan prepared to shovel their cars out if it took them all day with a dust pan and yet perfectly healthy people that have an interest in the buisness sit at home and don't do anything...


    It goes way beyond this instance for me, but this was just another case where it's not "their fault that they can't honor their word", nevermind that they are healthly and can shovel out, that would be extending to much effort..... arg,
    Somethings are out of my control and I have learned to let it slide, if they want to live that way so be it, I can't understand it but it's their life.

    However when it effect MY life, that's when I have problems. BF being at work for 36 hours, does effect my life.

    I like them as people, I can find somethign redeaming in all of them, but they drive me batty and this was just one more case where they just sit there and "cry, poor me" instead of being willing to expend a bit of energy to help themselves.
     
  15. CraftyDiva

    CraftyDiva Is anybody here?

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    Sometime back in the 60's (getting old can't remember the year), still living in Chicago we had 47" of snow fall in one day (freak storm). Anyway this started while I was at work and by the time the company let us go early to get home, 2 feet had already fallen, I just left my car in the company lot and walked (about 3 miles) home. They let us go about 1 in the afternoon and I walked thru my front door about 7 PM. Anyway to make a long story short, I took the bus to work the next day, there was nothing to do, no one else showed up. Dumb me could have taken the day off (with pay because of the snow). There were people who lived right across the street from the company who didn't come in, go figure.
     
  16. DenverGirlie

    DenverGirlie Well-Known Member

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    I didn't want this to get into specifics so much, it's not me againist them. If I want BF in my life, I have to accept these people as well. I accept that.


    What I don't understand is bigger than this issue, I just don't understand people that won't help themselves, but have more than enough time to complain how bad they have it..... and then just sit there....... they continue to make the same bad choices time and time again, thinking that this time will be different, somehow the same things won't happen again .... I mean if you put a pot of water over an open flame, the water is going to boil eventually... then they cry that their water is all gone... well yeah it will eventually evaporate and you will be out of water.
     
  17. Peacock

    Peacock writing some wrongs Supporter

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    Ah yes...Katrina victim mentality. I SO get what you mean.

    As far as having the gumption to shovel yourself out...I can see both sides. On one hand, I agree...why not just stay home, if your presence on the job isn't critical? If you have a job dependent on other people getting out to patronize your business, chances are you'll just be twiddling your thumbs all day.

    On the other hand, it's all relative. What one person might consider a paralyzing snowstorm, someone else might consider a mere annoyance and go about his business. And it's amazing how people who have jobs can't get there while the people who patronize those businesses never seem to have any difficulty showing up.

    Case in point -- I used to manage a car rental office. We got 2 feet of snow overnight, and I was tempted not to show up. I figured nobody would be renting a car on a day like that, right? Ha ha. Well, I did go in, of course. Called the service to get my lot plowed, set to work with my employees on cleaning off all the cars. Turned out to be a fairly normal day, as far as numbers.

    The first time I had to go to work after a big snow was at a deli in the mall. What a horrible day -- there were only two of us who managed to show up (the franchise owner and me) and LOTS of customers. Evidently nothing can stop a mall shopper.

    DH is a mail carrier. One day two years ago we got a huge snowfall and honestly, literally could not get out of our driveway. We lived on a cul-de-sac and they plowed the main road, but not ours. DH fussed and fumed all day and very nearly got out and started walking to work (it was really too far...he planned to HITCHHIKE). Our county was under a snow emergency and if he got caught driving he'd have been ticketed. But he swore mail carriers were considered ESSENTIAL PERSONNEL and they'd let him go. Hm.... The county where he delivered wasn't under such restriction and other carriers did deliver that day. Sheesh. He bought a 4WD so that would never happen again.

    Why dig out, though, if you don't have to go anywhere? DH the Determined points out that if you don't do it the first day, the snow turns into stubborn icy snow which is 5x harder to remove, plus you never know when you'll have an emergency and really need to get out. I guess I see his point.
     
  18. Kathy in MD

    Kathy in MD Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Thank you ...I thought it was just "me"... or "I" ....or maybe "It"....lol
     
  19. deaconjim

    deaconjim Appalachian American Supporter

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    Have you ever noticed that people often get snowed in at home, but never at work? Hmmmmm.....
     
  20. KCM

    KCM Well-Known Member

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    Maybe THEY were trying to help themselves To As Much Time Off Work as THEY could get away with and when you shoveled them out you ruined their plans. That might explain why some of THEM didn't say Thank You.

    One thing puzzles me. Your BF made you do something you didn't want to do and you're mad at THEM?