Has any one adopted children?

Discussion in 'Homesteading Questions' started by Silvercreek Farmer, Jan 5, 2007.

  1. Silvercreek Farmer

    Silvercreek Farmer Living the dream. Supporter

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    My wife and I are starting the application process for adoption and just wanted to know if anybody with a "homesteading lifestyle" had any experience with it. Right now we live in a suburban home and have pretty good jobs, and appear pretty "normal" until you come into the house and see the woodstove in middle of the living room then venture out back to see the 4 goats and assortment of rabbits, chickens, and ducks (which do not conform to zoning regs). We are worried about what they may think when they see this, not to mention when we tell them we plan on quitting our jobs (we will get new ones!). and moving to our farm in the mountains that we are currently renting out. I also wonder what they may say about that underage drinking ticket (posession, not DUI) I got when I was 18 (they do background checks) or the lyme disease I was treated (successfully) for last year (it got pretty bad) as it is certainly understandable they want you to be in good health. My wife and I are 27 and 25 respectively and as far as we know would have no problem having children the good old fashioned way, we just feel that adoption is a wonderful way to provide a home and family to children who might not have it otherwise, as well as lightening the load on our planet.

    Edited to add:

    Thanks for all the replies so far, I though I may add some more information to futher clarify. We are currently looking at domestic adoption through a private agency which places children that are currently in the state's system. The fees are low/free. With no children right now we are considering a sibling group of up to 4 children and would like them to be a bit younger as for us to enjoy as much of their childhood as possible, but we are certainly not set on an infant, and will consider anything. This goes as well for disabled/ill/abused children, we would just have to evaluate each situation on a case by case basis.
     
  2. ldc

    ldc Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I have 2 "informally" adopted children. Informally b/c they have parents living in other countries, but it was clear from the beginning that they would spend their lives in the States, and I didn't have enough $ to qualify to adopt legally or to sponsor. Years later now, they are both married and have good jobs, and I feel that I am biologically related to them (we get the same health problems!), and many of the happiest moments of my life were ones when they were there. Lots of kids are available to foster, formally and informally. Go for it! Best wishes, ldc
     

  3. PinkBat

    PinkBat Well-Known Member

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    How does one "informally" adopt or foster?
     
  4. diamonds

    diamonds Well-Known Member

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    Matt you will be fine. If that is the only things then there should be no problems....


    Mom of 5....3 Biological and 2 Adopted.
     
  5. diamonds

    diamonds Well-Known Member

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    Also pets and critters are a plus in adoption. When they ask about your long term goals tell them you want a small farm. A place for kids to play, learn and grow.
     
  6. snoozy

    snoozy Well-Known Member Supporter

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    None of that should be a problem. Don't worry. :)
     
  7. moosemaniac

    moosemaniac Well-Known Member

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    I work for an adoption lawyer. You'll be fine.

    Ruth
     
  8. Katie L

    Katie L New Member

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    Thanks for the supportive comments guys
    -Katie (Matthew's wife)
     
  9. Madame

    Madame Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I wouldn't mention that you both plan to quit your jobs. Otherwise, I see no problems. I adopted my daughter after fostering her for 6 years. The joys far outweigh the down times.
     
  10. clovis

    clovis Well-Known Member

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    Matt,
    I too think you are fine. We are in the process of adaopting a 5 year old girl from the state.
    Be upfront with them on the underage DUI, and stress that it was a mistake that you have learned from. If you try to hide it, they will be very suspicious of anything else you tell them.
    I wouldn't say a thing about quitting your jobs in the future. I think it could be a red flag, and who knows when you will be able to make the move. Just to think, I thought I would be in the first house I bought for no more than two years, and I was there 12 years!!
    Get ready for a long process, my friend. The social workers in our case have been lazy, lied and misinformed us. I nearly gave up on the ordeal two weeks ago. If the social workers would have done their job and not lied to us, we would have had this adoption done by Halloween, and we just got her placed with us yesterday!
    clove
     
  11. foxtrapper

    foxtrapper Well-Known Member Supporter

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    It depends on the inspector that comes out. My sister and a neighbor of hers have the same houses in the same neighborhoods, and both adopted. It was a cursory examination with a few comments for my sister, and major home renovation for the neighbor, for the exact same issues.

    A woodstove would typically require fencing of some sort to keep a toddler away from it and the burns. Livestock in a field wouldn't normally be an issue, but if you're into them when you open the back door, that will raise some safety concerns. Probably the inspector will want a secure backyard.
     
  12. clovis

    clovis Well-Known Member

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    Matt,
    I pm'd you.
    clove
     
  13. spectre

    spectre Member

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    I will give a little different answer than everyone else.

    My wife and I are working on finishing an international adoption for a little Chinese girl and a number of the items you list could disqualify you with the rules that are in place for China.

    Health issues and criminal records (even speeding tickets) can disqualify you depending upon a program.

    The strict rules come from the fact that China has 2X the number of applicants that they have babies to place. So they can make up rules that are suggested will weed out over 50% of applicants.

    So my advice is to research the exact type of adoption you are thinking about and not try to get advice based on such a general question.

    Because the answer from my experience with the Chinese adoption program is that you have a very good chance of not being eligible based on health and criminal record.

    Also be aware that from our research and experience adoption is a big $$$$ expense.

    I hope this doesn't scare you off of adoption, but make sure you know everything you can about the program/agency you sign up for and be prepared.

    I can say my wife and I were prepared for the paperwork and the expense, but were not prepared for the wait time for a referral.

    Good luck
    Scott
     
  14. cowboyracer43

    cowboyracer43 Well-Known Member

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    If you are insistent on a newborn, you will be moved to your homestead by the time your turn arrives. If you are looking to foster/adopt a "special needs" (that's a euphemism for an older kid) it will be faster. Lots of heartaches on the way, though. Can you deal with a child who has been sexually abused? Much more common than one might think. Can you handle the increased likelihood that such a child might become an abuser or predator? Once you are "approved" you will be contacted about the hardest to place first. Understand ALL of the psychology and psychological problems a kid will face and make your best judgment of your patience, abilities and judgment.

    When we were first approved, the number of sexually abused kids who were recommended to us was staggering. Then we were recommended to a boy with a near genius IQ who seemed real promising. Upon further inquiry, we learned that the boy had been sexually abused and, at age 8, was already beginning to grope his classmates. We still thought we might find a place in our heart for him until we read a report in which the boy had killed the pet dog of a foster mother. Then one day six years ago we struck gold -- twice -- and had to make a decision without meeting either of the boys. We have a typical (groan) fourteen year old today. He is funny, popular and has a lot of "try" in his system. He is not always a good boy -- but he is always good at being a boy. He has been wrestling for five years and has been playing football for two. His Jh football team was the best in the state this fall and he logged a lot of time on both sides of the ball. (How many kids WANT to play center?) Studying and doing homework do not come quite so easily -- but he endures our lectures and tries for a day or two.

    Jimmy is the reason that we discovered that we wanted to homestead. It started out as a 4H type of goat and, ". . , like Topsy, it just growed . . ." The cowgirl and I discovered the peace that comes with having talks with donkeys, chickens, cows, goats and horses. If there is an inspector who finds fault with your (animal) husbandry, he or she is in the wrong job. Good Luck
     
  15. Tonya

    Tonya Guest

    You should pass the background check. Make sure you have safety stuff up for the stove and the critters.

    International adoption is BIG MONEY. Adoption out of foster care is usually free. If you can handle a kid who has had problems, then do domestic. If you're wanting a healthy newborn then go international. If you don't mind maternal drug use then domestic foster-adopt is idea.

    I have four adopted kids. Three of them are drug and/or alcohol babies. My oldest son has fine motor skill problems and can't write worth a hoot due to his fetal alcohol exposure. My two little girls are fine-so far. Many times the problems don't come out until school age.

    I heard yesterday on NPR that they are toughening up the requirements on adoptions from China. You can't be obese and you have to have a net worth of $80,000 before they'll consider you. There are some other things, too. Check into it before you sign checks.

    Both international and domestic adoptions will require you to have a homestudy.
     
  16. spectre

    spectre Member

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    Since we are in the middle of this rollercoster ride I can confirm that what is mentioned here is only the tip of the iceberg.

    Luckly our paperwork is in China and we only have to wait now.

    As with anything this important just be prepared and informed.

    Scott
     
  17. Sherri C

    Sherri C Plays with yarn

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    As someone who has recently completed an international adoption, this statement is overly simplistic. While it is possible to adopt very young children from some countries I'm not aware of any country that allows adoptions of "newborns". In many countries the child must be available for domestic adoption for a period of time before being allowed to be adopted internationally.
     
  18. almostthere

    almostthere Well-Known Member

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    Ok, first of all, they like it when you have rec'd treatment and not ignored an illness. And since you haven't actuallyy done it yet, don't tell them you have "plans" to quit your jobs and move to the mountains. If you must say anything, tell them your 5-7 year goal is to get some land, its better enviroment for children, you want to raise chickens, etc. BUT do not tell them you are going to quit your jobs, they will read "hermit".
     
  19. CraftyDiva

    CraftyDiva Is anybody here?

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    Can I ask........ in your experience with international adoptions..... did you find that the Ukraine is the most lax in it's adoption laws? It seems to be a child for sale country, if you have the money, you have a child. Older children can be adopted cheaper, even have grants for adopting older children.


    .
     
  20. hickbynature

    hickbynature Well-Known Member

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    The frame to consider: this social worker (regardless of how uneducated, inept, ethnocentric, etc.) will need to be convinced thet he/she can place a child(ren) with you with little risk of the placement disrupting. I do not recommend hiding anything (lies get discovered) yet keeping your hat on about certain things is not a bad thing. You might consider moving after finalization. THe child will have enough change to deal with, leaving old FH, to a new home, family, environment, school, teachers, bed. . .You'll do several visits with the child before final placement, in the same way, ease another change in easily, a little at a time, visiting the new 'stead now and again.
    When you go with a private agency, they generally have a team you work with including the training (sounds like you've been there?) and the homestudy. The state, when it licenses said agency, basically defers to thier "professional opinion" about past things. Ask you worker about that. If they respond negatively, move on. Usually there is a state minimum between time of the 'crime' and now. After that, it is the judgement of the agency (many and good references are worth millions here).
    Your on the right track. Have you picked the agency yet?
    HBN
    HBN