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Discussion Starter #1
or else my daughter chooses troubled friends. :hammer: She has a friend she's known for about 4 years now, and this friend is going through some really hard times. She recently admitted to my daughter that she's been cutting herself and begged my daughter not to tell anyone.

My daughter knows this means she'll most likely lose her as a friend, but she plans to tell the school counselor on Monday. She's prepared for backlash and losing more friends if it gets around that she's a 'tattletale'. The funny thing though is that she didn't bat an eye when faced with social backlash, stating that she'd rather this friend be mean to her, than dead. She knows she needs help and is willing to risk the friendship to save her.

Why, why, why do these things happen. I always gravitated toward the downtrodden kids too (and later went into Psychology) so maybe she has those extra caring genes in her. I don't know. :facepalm: Regardless, I love the little person she's turning out to be.
 

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I admire your daughter for being open with you, and being ready to take another step. You should be so proud. The counselor should not reveal a source. You and/or your daughter can ask him/her not to say anything. Even if the girl only told your daughter, it can be difficult for this to be hidden for long. If someone doesn't see cuts, they might pick up on long sleeves and pants all the time, etc.
 

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Thanks. I agree with this keeping it a secret from others, except the counselor. We'll see how it goes on Monday... :(. What's scary is that she was here for Halloween with long sleeves and I never suspected anything. I knew there were problems at home but outwardly she seems fine.
 

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A friend of mine is raising her granddaughter that cuts and I was surprised to learn that cutting has nothing to do with suicidal tendencies. It is my understanding that this is simply how some kids deal with emotional pain.

It generally takes a certain amount of counselling for kids to find more acceptable ways to express themselves.
 

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Good on your daughter! She sounds like a remarkable young person, and I hope her friend gets the help she needs and can overcome this. Good on you for raising such a special young woman. I wouldn't want to be a young person in this day and age. I'm not sure I could handle it.
 

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I could be wrong here, but I think cutting also has to do with feeling out of control of their lives. The kids feel like they cannot control their lives, so they cut themselves as a substitute.

Yes, perceived or real lack of control does play a significant part in it.

I likely over simplified but was concerned that some may misinterpret cutting as a suicide attempt.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
Thanks for the posts everyone. She didn't get a chance yesterday to talk to the counselor (we got a ton of snow and that set everything into a tizzy). There's so much going on this young girl's life right now and she needs some help. I'm confident this is the proverbial lifesaver. Hopefully she'll grab on to it.
 

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My cousin's daughter was doing the same thing, because her Mom was having a lot of problems. Kids internalize things. Cutting is a huge cry for help.
Good for your daughter, that girl is telling someone she knows that cares for a reason. I hope she gets the help she needs.
 

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I cut and maimed myself as a child as punishment for personal failures. My kindergarten teacher was a cruel woman that emotionally and physically abused her students. She was eventually fired and locked up for punching a boy in the face. She put me through terrible things. Traumas go to the very core of children and make a huge impact on their development. I don't know how old this little girl is but your daughter is doing the right thing. The earlier she receives counseling, the better it will be for her. I did not receive counseling until after puberty and the hormone changes heightened things significantly for me, which made my recovery longer and harder.
 

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Your daughter and her friend might be interested in the Butterfly Project, which encourages people to draw a butterfly instead of self-harming: http://butterfly-project.tumblr.com/ Lots of wonderful, supportive stories on that blog.
Thank you! I work with teens some as part of my job and often feel woefully inadequate to help them. I like this, many teens I see don't want to be cutting and want help and an alternative.

To the OP, you've raised an awesome girl, I would not want to be a teen today.
 

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Vosey, thank you for your work. I wish there were more folks like you...so many of these kids are just hurting so much and have nobody to talk to or trust.

Well, I do have a final update. Praise God, she will get help. The counselor hugged my daughter and thanked her for taking the leap. She told her they'll start some sort of intervention today (Wednesday). We don't know if there's been any signs of suicidal ideation (I explained to my daughter the difference between cutting and a suicide attempt..sad I even had to go there..). I'm not sure what will be involved or even who will be involved as this girl doesn't have the most stable of home lives and finances are extremely strapped. It's sadly been a downward spiral.

Regardless, I'm confident that the school will do what needs to be done and meanwhile my daughter is standing by as needed. We'll just have to wait and see if the friendship continues.
 
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