A couple weeks ago my high school sweet heart and first love died of cancer. Now its been over 21 years since we were a couple . We were together off and on , more on than off from the time I was 14-21. well today her nephew contacted me and gave me some things he thought I should have as well as told me about her last days (fortunately it was fairly quick end ) . What hurt the most was that he was the only one who had stayed with her in the hospital. Well anyway among the things he gave me were Old pictures of us (mine were all destroyed in a flood) and a small wrapped box with my name on it in Her hand writing. The box contained some letters that we had written eachother ,a diary(of hers) , some valentines, The firstflower I gave her (a blue rose),some other things that wouldnt mean anything to anyone else, and about a dozen sealed and dated unmailed letters from her to me . Letters she'd written at different points over the years. Hopes ,dreams, regrets, what ifs . I have read a couple of the letters so far and cant help but wondering myself about some of the what Ifs or could have beens. Even though through the years I had seen her and more than a few times helped her out of a jam, It bothers me that she was all but a lone he last days. I feel like I didnt keep a promiss I gave her when we were 14 ( That Id always be there if she needed me ) I feel like I failed her . Looking at the pictures seems like it was all yesterday . Before someone asks My wife does know of the box and the pictures , while I havent discussed the contents of the letters with her she is free to read any of them . She knew Eva and I had been together and also knew we had always been friends . She also knows I wouldnt given the chance change anything even if time travel were possible . I am married to a great woman , ten years ago when I recieved a call from the Eva at 2am my wife understood I was keeping a promise ,even as I left to move the woman and her children at wierd O'clock in the morning. So here I sit rambling, trying to deal with the loss of a dear friend , reading through her regets and dreams that never came to be , and wondering why some of those dreams couldnt have come true , why couldnt I save her from youthful stupidity.