First love Gone

Discussion in 'Countryside Families' started by PyroDon, Jan 20, 2007.

  1. PyroDon

    PyroDon Well-Known Member

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    A couple weeks ago my high school sweet heart and first love died of cancer.
    Now its been over 21 years since we were a couple . We were together off and on , more on than off from the time I was 14-21.
    well today her nephew contacted me and gave me some things he thought I should have as well as told me about her last days (fortunately it was fairly quick end ) . What hurt the most was that he was the only one who had stayed with her in the hospital.
    Well anyway among the things he gave me were Old pictures of us (mine were all destroyed in a flood) and a small wrapped box with my name on it in Her hand writing. The box contained some letters that we had written eachother ,a diary(of hers) , some valentines, The firstflower I gave her (a blue rose),some other things that wouldnt mean anything to anyone else, and about a dozen sealed and dated unmailed letters from her to me . Letters she'd written at different points over the years. Hopes ,dreams, regrets, what ifs .
    I have read a couple of the letters so far and cant help but wondering myself about some of the what Ifs or could have beens. Even though through the years I had seen her and more than a few times helped her out of a jam, It bothers me that she was all but a lone he last days. I feel like I didnt keep a promiss I gave her when we were 14 ( That Id always be there if she needed me ) I feel like I failed her .
    Looking at the pictures seems like it was all yesterday .
    Before someone asks My wife does know of the box and the pictures , while I havent discussed the contents of the letters with her she is free to read any of them . She knew Eva and I had been together and also knew we had always been friends . She also knows I wouldnt given the chance change anything even if time travel were possible . I am married to a great woman , ten years ago when I recieved a call from the Eva at 2am my wife understood I was keeping a promise ,even as I left to move the woman and her children at wierd O'clock in the morning.
    So here I sit rambling, trying to deal with the loss of a dear friend , reading through her regets and dreams that never came to be , and wondering why some of those dreams couldnt have come true , why couldnt I save her from youthful stupidity.
     
  2. moopups

    moopups In Remembrance

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    I understand you words, they do relate to my mind's comprehension. I have approached such also, lost a dear one a few years back. There are no replacements. No such life unit is available.

    The previous joy cannot be recreated, only celebrated in your memory. I feel denied (because of the loss), she flipped her mini truck and was gone within seconds, alone.

    It was a dream unfulfilled, early morning is a good time to place these vents, I attempted to 'save' this 'alternative lifestyle' woman, not to be done in her opinion.

    How do you handle this? One step after the other, left, right, left, right, you have no other choise. Where does this lead you? - Wherever you choose to allow such to lead you.
     

  3. ellebeaux

    ellebeaux Well-Known Member

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    I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like she knew she was truly loved by you. Even if you weren't meant to be together on a daily basis, I believe our spirits know they love and are loved.
     
  4. susieM

    susieM Well-Known Member

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    You will see her again, when you are also an angel. Don't fret...you had so much more than most.
     
  5. Old John

    Old John Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Many of us have Memories of "things that might have been".
    Many of us speculate, in those quiet times, of early morning,
    or late at night, when you are sitting, quietly alone.
    We think of how things would have been if we or someone else,
    dear to us, would have made other decisions, or chosen other paths.
    These are the maybe's, the might have beens, the could have beens.
    But, in the main.... they are the "not meant to be's".
    And, that's just in the Nature of Life.

    Now, there are those, who believe, we live many Lives, that we have
    many Paths, to walk, before we return, to the Source.
    And, some believe that all these "Unfinished Loves" will, in times,
    yet to come, be eventually "finished"..........
    Some believe that, in Lives, yet to come, we will both come back,
    that we Will meet again, and Know, and Love Again.

    It's a way of Believing, which in the end, is all we can do.
    I have Friends that Believe this way. I'm Not one to discourage them.
    After all........

    Who Knows?? Who Really, Really Knows??
    Live Deliberately!
     
  6. HeavenHelpMe

    HeavenHelpMe Well-Known Member

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    PyroDon-

    I'm sorry for your loss.

    And, I figure one day I'll be rifling through pictures and old letters from an old love long gone just like you are right now. I've been told he still hangs on to them, because I left them with him when I walked out on him years ago.

    I just hope it's gotten back to him how sorry I am that we didn't work out.

    Your story really makes me wonder what my reaction will be when I find out about his fate. He's been a known drug dealer/user for awhile and people like that normally don't have long lifespans, so barring some odd twist of fate, I feel he'll go quicker than I will.


    Don't let the "what might have beens" drive you crazy. I hope your mourning passes soon.
     
  7. momlaffsalot

    momlaffsalot Well-Known Member

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    I understand. I'm sorry.
     
  8. kitty32_z8

    kitty32_z8 Well-Known Member

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    I am soryr for your loss. How very nice fo him to contact you and give you those things! So many people wouldn't have cared.
    (((take care)))
     
  9. Ardie/WI

    Ardie/WI Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I think that I understand.

    Just yesterday, I was thinking of that someone from my past. I haven't seen him in thirty years and I wonder if he is still living. I could find out, I guess, but it's best to let it alone.

    Remember this: What should have been but never was, was never meant to be.

    blessings and a hug.
     
  10. tinetine'sgoat

    tinetine'sgoat Luvin' my family in MO

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    I understand, first loves occupy a place in your heart that is untouchable by others.
     
  11. Big Dave

    Big Dave Well-Known Member

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    Congratulation on being the man you are. It is an insight to see what makes you tick. Yo are truly a compassionate and true friend. I know you are talking about your first love, but to have kept in contact and give your whole heart and trust to another to the point of her returning that trust and love is incredibule. I feel for your loss. I also would like to be friends with some one like you.
    TRUTH & MERCY Big Dave
     
  12. tallpines

    tallpines Well-Known Member

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    Your mention of the things you've received from her, and, your continued faithfullness to your wife, remind me of the book "The Bridges of Madison County".

    Very good book! (Better than the movie).

    I, too, have a love from the past.
    My sympathy to you.
     
  13. Monte Sano

    Monte Sano Well-Known Member

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    I'm sorry. I'm glad that she had her nephew.
     
  14. PyroDon

    PyroDon Well-Known Member

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    I read some portions od the diary last night . entries on what was the first kiss for both of us . The dates tell me I was a bit late as to our ages which would have been 12-13 through 21 . silly arguements we'd had , and how worried she was that we might not make up . what can I say we were young
    [​IMG]
    I also learned this pic was the only formal dance she ever went to , Yeah It was a white tux what can I say :rolleyes: and we wont get into the hair thing :nono:
    She was so beautiful, when I asked her mom what time to have her home we were told that if we werent home by 7am to call so she wouldnt worry . we walked in at 6:45 am . had spent most of the night walking in the woods talking .
    Of course this is also the same sweet little girl who knocked out two of my front teeth , cracked my shin bone , and used to take the stones out of cheap rings and wear them before a fight . We were a bit wild and doing things kids really shouldnt. Niether were from the right side of the tracks and we both thought we had to be tough, at least in public.
     
  15. GrannyG

    GrannyG Well-Known Member

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    At least we have our memories, and they stay alive with us.
     
  16. ellebeaux

    ellebeaux Well-Known Member

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    What a darling picture. Life really hurts sometimes but it's still such a blessing to be alive.

    Your story is making me want to get back in touch with my first love. I'm just curious to see what ever happenned to him.