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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I feel so bad for him, my MIL passed away a few weeks ago and Dad can't stay at his house because he has dementia and is very confused at night. So they brought him to my SIL's house he was getting up in the middle of the night saying he had leave.
Today he went to assisted living and they had to literally carry him out to the car because he didn't want to go, when they got there he refused to get out of the car, the people that work there came out and talked to him about it and he decided to go in, but he says it's just a trial basis, but it's not it's for good.
His whole world has been turned upside down, first Mom passes away, then a week later he's taken out of his house to SIL house, and now he will have to get use to this now. I feel so bad for him. :(
Please if you can keep him in your prayers it would be much appreciated.
 

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Oh, your poor FIL, such devastation and confusion. Praying he heals and adjusts as quickly as possible.
 

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Dementia is such a sad thing and the changes he's gone through recently must have made his confusion worse. We lost DH's dad a year ago to Alzheimers and it was the saddest thing to watch him deteriorate. My heart goes out to him and to your family.
 

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Becca, as a former nurse (now retired) who was once a nursing home employee, may I suggest that the family get together and formulate a plan to ease your FIL's transition to assisted living? This might include a schedule of who will visit today, who will visit tomorrow, who will have him come home for the weekend, who will take him out to places he might like to visit, etc. This is especially important in the first weeks after an elderly relative goes into assisted care so the loved one will not feel so abandoned. After an adjustment period, the intensity of the family visits can ease off a bit but should never be abandoned completely. Assisted living facilities usually have compassionate personnel and wonderful programs of activities but nothing can ever take the place of family still remaining a part of their lives.
 

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It is too bad someone couldn't be found to stay with him at his home. I remember when i had to move my mom to assisted living which was actually a locked down alzheimer's ward. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. She was actually banging her head on the glass door as I was leaving. One of my clients just passed away leaving behind a spouse with dementia. The family hired someone to kind of sit with him during the day and his son-in-law who just lost his wife as well stays with him at night. So far it is working out very well. My prayers go out to your family in this stress filled time!

Sherry in GA
 

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Poor dear! It must be really difficult and scary for him. The family must make a point to visit him more often so he doesn't feel deserted.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Theres alot of family up there that will visit him, we unfortuntly live 4 hrs away from them, but talk to Dad quite often. We are going up there Thanksgiving and planning on spending alot of time with him.
I feel bad that someone can't stay with him, and I think he was moved around pretty fast after Moms death, Dads been getting up in the middle of the night and trying to get outside and my SIL said if anything happened to him out there in the woods she would never forgive herself.
One night he got up and got dressed 3 times she got him back to bed by the 3rd time she put his clothes in the living room, and she got him calmed down and he went back to bed, at least at the assisted living there will be staff there that know how to handle things like this.
I know he's scared and it makes me want to cry thinking of how much he's probably scared..
They did a mental exam on him and he knew who the president was, and who will be the president, he knew math problems, and even said "these questions are dumb"..
I know it will only get worse and it breaks my heart!! :(
 

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Hi, I'm sorry your FIL is going through a tough time in his life....we had to ask my mom to move into assisted living three years ago. She refused to try to live in our small house, and she did not want to live with my brother either. It was a matter of being "independent". So we opted for assisted living. It was very difficult for her, especially at first, because she didn't know what "assisted living" was. She thought it was a fancy name for a nursing home and she thought we were abandoning her. (She also has dementia, too). So we actually asked her to try it for a month and if she didn't like it, she could move back home. We didn't really have a "plan B", but we didn't want her to resent us for forcing her to do something she hated, either. She reluctantly accepted that. Then after she moved in, I slept on her couch for about three nights, so that she would see a familiar face in the morning and not be so confused as to where she was. I had planned on sleeping there for a couple of weeks, but after the third day, she told me I didn't have to stay any more :)

After a month, when I asked her if she wanted to "try it for another month", she did. She said, "I didn't know it would be like this, it's just like I have my own house, just with helpers." Even after three years, I am very concerned that she be in a home setting where she is happy and comfortable, and every time I ask her, she says she likes it there. So I think, if your family can do some things to make the transition easier, that your FIL might actually enjoy the assisted living. I know my mom is much less lonely now, as opposed to living in her own house--she has people to talk to, activities to go to....and all of the things she used to stress about--like cleaning, or cooking, all of those things are done for her, so she doesn't have to worry. And the structure has been good for her dementia, too--she has lunch at the same time every day, with the same people. She has her shower at the same time every week, and she gets her hair done on Thursdays. So there is/was no juggling of schedules. I never thought I would be as happy about the assisted living place as I am, but in hindsight, I think it has been better for my mom than anything I could provide for her. I am only 4 miles away if she needs me, but really, it's more fun to "hang out" together than it is for me to spend the time making sure she eats or does her laundry...once your FIL gets used to the situation, he might be surprised to find that it's not so bad!
 

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We went through pretty much the same feelings when we had to do this with MIL. It really upset us all. Perhaps it will help you to know she is now doing VERY well. She feels safe in her new home. She loves the aides who tuck her in and kiss her goodnight. It took a while but after some months she started to feel like it was home. Without any worries of the outside world type life she is healthier, takes less meds and even says she is happier there than she would have been with us!!!!! She participates in any activity that she is able to. We call her every night and I try to send her little surprises in the mail. When we go to visit we always ask if she would like anything and take her little treats and other things they don't give her there. I know this is very hard on you all and I hope it turns out well.

PQ
 
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