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Are there any other female breadwinners in the house tonight?

DF and I both work. I've worked since I was 16, except through my son's infanthood. When his father and I divorced, I went back to work out of necessity. I don't like it one bit. I wanted to homeschool him, I wanted to be a housewife, and now I want more babies.

The trouble is I make more than DF and realistically, it would not be a good move for me to be the one leaving the workforce. Would we make it? Probably. Would we be secure? Not so sure about that.

DF is all for me staying home, if I could. Some women have fantasies of laying prone on a warm beach with a cabana boy fanning them off - I just have fantasies of the day I can spend an entire day cooking and cleaning and then go dig around in my garden and can my vegetables. I loved those days, however briefly I had them. I long for them. I feel my son would do better and I know more would get done around the house.

DF works hard to promote within his job. He took a better job, and I think eventually he will be able to provide for us on one income. It's just frustrating right now.

Am I selfish? :( Stupid? I went to college out of necessity for my child and graduated into a competitive field that is demanding and stressful. I grew up on a farm and it's completely out of my element but I make it work, even though I feel like a field mouse thrown into a rat race. My mom was a working mother and is not a homesteader at all. She sews, but that's it. My grandparents lived with us growing up and I got it all from them. She thinks I'm nuts for wanting to leave where I am in my career.

But I don't want to grow old and be too rickety to do what I dream about, because I waited too long. :( I don't want any other babies going into daycare and to babysitters while I work. I want to be there.

Ugh. So many decisions!
 

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Im not a bread winner, but I fear one day I will become one out of necessity.
Im proud home maker and wanted to say dont feel crazy for wanting to be one! Its an admirable thing!
Good luck and I hope you get there some day
 

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Are there any other female breadwinners in the house tonight?

DF and I both work. I've worked since I was 16, except through my son's infanthood. When his father and I divorced, I went back to work out of necessity. I don't like it one bit. I wanted to homeschool him, I wanted to be a housewife, and now I want more babies.

The trouble is I make more than DF and realistically, it would not be a good move for me to be the one leaving the workforce. Would we make it? Probably. Would we be secure? Not so sure about that.

DF is all for me staying home, if I could. Some women have fantasies of laying prone on a warm beach with a cabana boy fanning them off - I just have fantasies of the day I can spend an entire day cooking and cleaning and then go dig around in my garden and can my vegetables. I loved those days, however briefly I had them. I long for them. I feel my son would do better and I know more would get done around the house.

DF works hard to promote within his job. He took a better job, and I think eventually he will be able to provide for us on one income. It's just frustrating right now.

Am I selfish? :( Stupid? I went to college out of necessity for my child and graduated into a competitive field that is demanding and stressful. I grew up on a farm and it's completely out of my element but I make it work, even though I feel like a field mouse thrown into a rat race. My mom was a working mother and is not a homesteader at all. She sews, but that's it. My grandparents lived with us growing up and I got it all from them. She thinks I'm nuts for wanting to leave where I am in my career.

But I don't want to grow old and be too rickety to do what I dream about, because I waited too long. :( I don't want any other babies going into daycare and to babysitters while I work. I want to be there.

Ugh. So many decisions!
Do you live on one salary now? If not then you are using both salaries or parts of both and it is not really relevant as to who earns more. If you want a different life you have to restructure your life to get it and that means a lot of financial changes. Try adjusting your life to live on your husband's salary or even on his salary plus part time work for you. In a very short time you will see whether this is possible. But don't forget to factor in the cost of more children.
 

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Yes. I went to college and happened upon a great job that simply paid way too much money to walk away from. My husband worked too and he was very helpful at home and with our son. I wanted to be a housewife and he was even willing to let me stay home but I knew that our life would be very different. Buying a house would have been hard and buying land would have been out of the question forever. We would have had to make do on so many levels and I had been poor so I knew what it was like. In the end, I decided it just made no sense to walk away. Our son is now 32 and I am retiring in just a few months. We were able to buy our dream farm and give our son so many experiences he would have never had. We were also able to give him a good start in life which I'm very proud of. But, the biggest reason I'm glad I didn't walk away is my husband became disabled several years ago and if I had not been working we would have lost everything and been homeless. We've had a great life and I'm retiring in my 50's to be that housewife and farmer I always wanted and I have the money to make it fun. I like to tell young women to never be dependent on anyone. You just can't predict the future and you never know what might happen. You may be happily married right now but as you've seen, marriages often fail and then you will be left to care for the kids. I would never want to have to stay with a man for financial reasons, much less find a replacement to take care of me (I know many women who live that life). I would at least keep a part time job so you could go back full time with little effort if needed.
 

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I wanna meet a female breadwinner.
Preferably a single one who likes middle aged, chubby, educated, clean cut, intelligent, witty, charming, humorous, cerebral, loyal, caring, warm, woodsy, adept, romantic, pedagogical, crafty, romantic, stalwart, stoic, honorable, agrarian, libertarian, community minded, gainfully employed, independent, faithful, spirited, groovy, nifty,..........humble guys like me. lol.
 

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I was in your position once..until I finally got completely fed up with the stress and never seeing my children..then I walked away from a pretty good job after 20+ years. I have never looked back, and I will never go back to that kind of life--I would rather live in a ditch somewhere (yes, truthfully)....my biggest regret was not leaving sooner, and the first years of my childrens' lives having them being more at other peoples houses (sitter) than home where they should have been. Even though my kids have turned out wonderful, I will never get that back....
Everyone has different things that make them happy--I have found mine and feel very content. I still have stress of making everything work at home, but it is different than being employed by someone else. Have you thought about doing something from a home base? Can you telecommute?
Make these choices carefully and do what's best for you and your family. I wish you luck in that search.
 

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I am the breadwinner while DH is the builder here. However, all of our (5) children (his and mind, none ours) are grown. For the next two years or so, I will remain the breadwinner, and if all goes according to plan, DH will re-open his machinist/welding business and we will pay off our property with joint efforts. I am a Realtor in a work situation where I call the shots for my own schedule.
 

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I have been the breadwinner most of our married life, however GFB has always either worked or been looking for work. I left my Hospice June 1st, after 24 years. I had wanted to leave prior to that, the stress made me very ill, and the stress made several co workers either very ill or killed them. It was, to say the least, a toxic environment, and GFB had been reluctant to have me leave because of his concerns over our finances. I do not know what changed his mind to allow me to leave, because I had never hidden or kept secret what was happening to me. He says he didn't know how bad it was. But I had been sick infront of him, and even hospitalized several times. I am so grateful to be out of there- BUT I was old enough to tap social security in 2012, and I was very, very grateful that I had worked (except for my children's infancies) when I did tap SS. Young women don't think about when they get old, but you do need about 5 years worth of work to get it. Also, I always carried disability insurance (not thru my work, but a special kind bought on my own- don't know if its still offered - it was called "mortgage disability insurance)and when I was out of work in 1994 for 4 months due to blowing out my back with a sneeze, at least we had $500 a month coming in.
I rreally wonder if I had been forced to stay at that workplace any longer if I would be dead now. But I am glad I had a good earnings record for SS, and I recommend that you keep a disability policy in case anything happens to you - whether breadwinner or professional homemaker- that you would need to hire things done.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Our experiment for the next year is going to be living on his income and only part of mine, with what we can going into savings. Our major costs right now are the renovation so I am hoping that as that slows down, we can start saving. My current job will not allow me to go PT but I could possibly find something similar that could. I rant a lot. I don't hate my job, but when I get calls from the school that my son is having trouble again it makes me really sad. He has a bullying problem going on that we're dealing with. I know bullies can be a part of life, but some school lessons don't come easy for him and it hurts that kids pick on him for that. I just want to be there more. :(
 

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I have been working since I was 17 and now I am 55. I still work full time. I did not put my children into "daycare". I hired a nanny to stay with my children in my home. When they were big enough to go to school, they got off the bus at my mom's house and stayed there until I picked them up. My son went to a private school during 8-12 grade and I took my lunch at the time he got out of school and picked him up and brought him back to work with me. He did his homework in an empty office for a couple of hours and then we went home together.

I was married and my DH passed away unexpectedly. I am VERY glad I knew how to work, had a good work history and made a decent salary as that enabled me to put my children through school. You never know what can happen in life so I would be worried to death about having no income and relying totally on someone else for my living arrangements.

If you really want to stay home, then starting the first of the year, put your entire salary in a savings account and live off your husband's salary. Also make sure that hubby has a very good health insurance plan for you and your children. Take out a good sized insurance policy in case DH passes away. When I say good sized, you should factor in: you not working and staying home to care for X amount of children, costs of raising said children that are NOT in the poverty level..college costs, extracurricular activities, etc. Multiply that expense by however many kids you plan to have and also get a mortgage insurance policy that will pay off your house in case your or your hubby dies.

People have great plans in life and they expect all to go according to that plan. It has been my experience and that of many people I know that life happens while you are planning. Much of the time everything goes along fine, but then "life happens" and you find yourself at the edge of a cliff financially. Plan for the worst thing that can happen.

BTW - if you work in a high tech field and are out of the workforce for much over 5 years, most of your knowledge will be obsolete and you may have to return to school to "catch up". Keep that in mind as well if you are in a field that requires up to the minute knowledge of tech, software, etc. in case you must return to work.

I used to romanticize about staying home, raising my children and teaching riding lessons. When gas went to 3.00 a gallon and feed went to 21. a bag, the recession hit and over half my students could no longer take lessons, I was very glad I had a steady job.

Good luck and plan well and you can arrange to stay home. Plan out for a two year transition over to one salary so the "shock" of not having two incomes is not so sharp.
 

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I worked before marriage and for several years afterward, then came home to be a homemaker and mother...it's been difficult, financially, to say the least, but we are both committed to this. I've been home since 1990 and I don't regret a moment.
 

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I make enough so DH could stay home if need be and he'd really like to be a house husband, however, we only have about 10 more years to retirement. I insist he continue to work so we can pay off all our bills ( the house being the big one), so we can save and go into retirement debt free. We want to sell our home in town and move back to Mo and buy a small farm.
 
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I work off the property and bring home the $$ - DH makes everything (and I do mean EVERYTHING) work on the property. Without the off property $$ I bring home, we would not make it. Without DH's on property efforts, we would not make it either. He did work off property, but made less cash than I do, experienced a serious industrial accident, recovered but we decided that was enough. For us, while it was caused by an unexpected negative event, this has been an ideal set up as we approach my retirement.

Hope you find the way that works for you best.
 

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I grow and preserve from the Garden, keep chickens and cows, do my own repairs and heat with wood. I also work a full time and a part time job! I no longer have children at home but you can enjoy both lifestyles.

Sidepassers advice above is the best
 

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I wanna meet a female breadwinner.
Preferably a single one who likes middle aged, chubby, educated, clean cut, intelligent, witty, charming, humorous, cerebral, loyal, caring, warm, woodsy, adept, romantic, pedagogical, crafty, romantic, stalwart, stoic, honorable, agrarian, libertarian, community minded, gainfully employed, independent, faithful, spirited, groovy, nifty,..........humble guys like me. lol.
A shame you are "middle aged" instead of " older". I would love to have a groovy guy around! :kiss:
 
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