Feeling outcast from family in city

Discussion in 'Homesteading Questions' started by countribound, Jun 5, 2005.

  1. countribound

    countribound Happy in Houston

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    Hi I am new to this forum.
    My husband and I are late 20's/early 30's (w/no kids). We currently live in the suburbs of a major city (so does our family) and always have; but always felt out of place here. We worked hard these last few years and were finally able to buy about 12 rural acres close to central Texas, a few hours away from our families. I thought my family would be happy for us and they only keep bringing up the down sides of living in a rural area- not close to hospitals, worried about bored kids getting in trouble, having trouble finding a job. We are taking this huge leap of faith, hoping we can find jobs. Both my husband and I have college degrees, but I am beginning to wonder: is this crazy? Are we as out of our minds as my family makes us out to be? I can't stop reading homesteading books and dreaming about being out on our land...and I don't know why we are so driven to do this when my entire family couldn't imagine ever leaving the 'burbs...can anyone reading this relate? :no:
     
  2. whiterock

    whiterock Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I don't think you're crazy. You have made a choice and your folks are worried about you. Kids can be kept busy. Jobs can be found. What is important is that you do what makes you happy. The others may or may not come around to your way of thinking but that is OK.

    What area are you leaving and going to?
    I'm just south of the metromess.
    Ed
     

  3. Jen H

    Jen H Well-Known Member

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    Mt husband's family still thinks we're crazy, even after several years and commenting on how happy and relaxed he is. He comes from Boston academics - Mom was a nuclear chemist, Dad was a physicist and dean of the science dept. They like coming out to visit - petting the ducks is my MIL's favorite things lately. They simply can't imagine how we can live so far away from everyone.

    When we go to visit them, we can't imagine how we ever managed to live in town.

    I grew up on my family's farm, so living in the middle of critters and crops with a trip into town once a week just seems normal.
     
  4. sullen

    sullen Question Answerer

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    Don't worry what others think, my family has thought I was crazy ever since I became a missionary at 18. However, I am the one with 3 kids, a good? (handy) hubby with a good paying job and the one willing to let my broke mother live with us. They all only think about money and stuff so they are suprised at my path, but I tell them to "shut up and sit down" about my choices. And I am the only one with the cutest smartest daughter ever. :p
    If they don't want to come visit me because they are too busy and my house is small, it's their grandaughters, neices, and nephews that won't know them. And my friends wouldn't know what to do if they had to buy regular store eggs.
     
  5. countribound

    countribound Happy in Houston

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    Thanks Whiterock--Houston to just east of Austin. None of our relatives or friends live out there; we researched the area and came upon this great deal. It means a whole new life for us once we move...and leaving pretty good jobs. It just seems like the Lord is leading us.
     
  6. mtman

    mtman Well-Known Member

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    it dont sound like your crazy to me sounds to me like you are following your heart something to few people do these days
     
  7. moonwolf

    moonwolf Well-Known Member

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    Your family's concern about the downside is merely the fact they see before them regarding not being close to hospitals. That is something to take into consideration if you needed medical attention.
    You said you don't have kids. Then what is the concern about the kids you don't have to be getting bored and into trouble? Seems too much worry about the future is affecting your present.
    Also, if you felt out of place where you were in the city, how can it be any worse if you felt out of place somewhere else like the rural area?
    The 'hope' for finding jobs may be your biggest challenge for your immediate needs. I would look at what is in front of you systematically and what it is YOU want out of life. The family will eventually come to terms about your choices, and you're only a few hours from visiting your family anyway, so what's the fuss about that?
     
  8. whiterock

    whiterock Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I lived in Humble from 75-78. Moved home because of the rain and the cost of living in Harris County. Used to go to Kyle to get show chicks for my students. If you are talking about the Bastrop area it is really pretty there and has some good soil to work with.

    BTW Houston is a good place to be FROM, if you get my meaning.

    Best of luck to ya.
    Ed
     
  9. NWSneaky

    NWSneaky Well-Known Member

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    Your okay, I'm okay. Follow your HEART. You are the most important person in YOUR life.
     
  10. galfriend

    galfriend Well-Known Member

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    Whew Wee whiterock! I hear Ya!

    countribound Howdy and Welcome to the paradise! City folks don't know what they're miss'en and I don't miss (most of) them either.
    Watch, I just bet your family will be watching an eye out in that distance and probably be joining ya before too long. They'll come to their senses soon...give 'em time. Some folks don't take changes too well. Maybe you're just break'en the ice for them?
    BTW it's very hard as a parent to let go, if ya know what I mean? Worried parents, they'll be fine with things after you can show them how it's working out and how happy you are there.
    Proud for ya'll! Hang in there ;)
    Enjoy
     
  11. Ann-NWIowa

    Ann-NWIowa Well-Known Member Supporter

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    City people tend to be countryphobic. I wouldn't let their opinions affect my decisions. Just be polite and tell them you've already considered the downside they mention. Kids bored in the country??? Maybe city kids but you haven't had yours yet so they will be born "country". Also, its not like you're moving to Australia and they'll never see you again. The only point I'd be nervous about is neither of you having a job before the move...unless you have substantial savings to see you through.
     
  12. QBVII

    QBVII Well-Known Member

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    :haha:
     
  13. Quint

    Quint Well-Known Member

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    I'm not surprised. I got a lot of that from my city friends and the more city-fied family members when I said I was moving back to the sticks.

    >not close to hospitals

    Not close to crime, traffic, stress etc so there is less need for the hospital.

    >worried about bored kids getting in trouble

    In the country I was never bored. I got into trouble when I moved to town. In the country your kids are farther away from bad influences and you can more readily watch who they see and where they are going. I don't think there is a better place to raise kids than the country.

    >having trouble finding a job

    Doesn't cost as much to live usually. Plus, as you learn you can grow more of your own food so it doesn't cost as much to live.

    There is also the simple fact that people don't need quite as much money as they think they do. I know families that make 6 figures and they are still always broke and living from paycheck to paycheck and frankly even some of the more wealthy ones who aren't living from paycheck to paycheck aren't really that happy. They are so worried about their careers they never enjoy anything or one another. I know another family in particular that probably doesn't make 30k a year but mom stays home with the kids (and homeschools), dad works an 8 hour day and comes home and spends time with his family. They are some of the nicest, most centered and content people I know. They find meaning in their family, their church and their friends and not in their career or how many activities their kids are enrolled in or how expensive their car is. City folks seem to get far too wrapped up in career and stuff and seem to forget what the real important things in life are. When your kids grow up they might not remember what car they drove or if they were in soccer but they might remember how nice it was to have mom at home and a dad that thought more about spending time them than his job.
     
  14. HunterTed

    HunterTed Rockin B Farm

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    Amen to that. Most of the city people that I know act like I have some sort of communicable disease or something. Do what is right for you and NO ONE ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As far as kids being bored in the country, I THINK NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. I was born in the country, and have lived in the country all my life ( except for when I went to HVAC school in Ft. Worth) and I will die living in the country. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have fence to fix, animals to feed, and hay to haul. I would last in the city about 5 minutes before I was bored out of my mind.
     
  15. bgak47

    bgak47 Well-Known Member

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    We bought our country place when our kids were still pretty young. We lived in the city because of our jobs, & the kids ALWAYS wanted to go there on weekends & vacations. We went as much as we possibly could while the kids were growing up. They were never Bored & they always expressed the wish that we could live there forever. They gladly put in a bunch of work to improve the place & they still do now that they are grown & have families of their own. My wife & I will be retireing there in a few short years & I have no doubt that we will have plenty of company.
     
  16. Cyngbaeld

    Cyngbaeld In Remembrance Supporter

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    There is a 'Winnie the Pooh' program that my DD likes. Rabbit rescues a lost baby blue jay. He really loves her, but he is so afraid of her getting hurt that he forbids her to fly. Flying is totally out of his personal experience and he is fearful of it. But his foster baby needs to fly, she was born to fly. She doesn't want to hurt him, but eventually she does fly and leaves him behind, tho she comes back for visits.

    I have family that cannot understand why I need to be in the country and garden and raise animals. But I love them and don't want to hurt them, so I've spent way too much of my life in towns. On my way back to the country now.

    I'm moving to the same area you are looking at. I'll be in Milam county.

    Hope it all works out for you two!
    Kim
     
  17. mysticokra

    mysticokra Well-Known Member

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    One of the hardest steps to maturity for most people to make is to transition from imagining how THEY would feel in your situation to letting you live your own life.

    They also feel an implied judgment on some level that they should leave the city (which they usually hate) and do what you do. But lacking the courage, experience and preparation that you have done, their fear forces them down a path of denial that raises every possible objection to rural life.

    Let's put your choice in perspective:

    1). You are not a pioneer in Alaska.
    2). If they have electricity and phones where you are going then you are not that far removed from the emergency services you might require.
    3). Given the collective wisdom available from groups like this, you won't need to "suffer in silence" with the frustrations that will occur.

    Our experience has been that we are a little inconvenienced when we forget to buy something at the store on our weekly trips in. The serenity that bathes us when we walk the property and talk to our critters more than compensates for anything we had in the city.

    Tell your family you love them and look forward to their visits.
    Just don't expect them to come too often... that's the good part. :haha:
     
  18. COUNTRY WISHES

    COUNTRY WISHES Well-Known Member

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    Congratulations on finding a place. I understand what you mean about feeling the oddball in the family. DH and myself are still in the area we grew up in, for now, but even our attempts to live frugally and simply here are looked at askance by our relatives. My mother can't understand why I haven't furnished my home from top to bottom on credit, when I tellher I am moving towards paying cash on as much as possible she looks at me like I am crazy.

    My overall take on why families beocme upset when we do what isn't the norm for the group is that in a way we are rejecting some of the values and way of life that they tried to instill in us. So it in turn leaves them feeling at least partially rejected. Hopefully as time goes on abd they se you do well it will make them feel better about the choices you made.
     
  19. JackieA

    JackieA Well-Known Member

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    I still live in the city and here are some points:
    Don't recall ever having to take my son to the emergency room and he played sports since he was a child (he's 19 now) and even if I did, unless it's life threatening you have to sit and wait your turn anyway - so what difference would it make if the hospital is out a ways.
    As for jobs - just don't go there in debt/have some savings and start looking for jobs ahead of time.
    As for your family - maybe they will miss you all and so they are talking the downside....but you all need to get some hardcore facts down about living the better life (gardening-healthy/all there is to do for kids, etc) and start preaching it to them - wear them down until they can't take it anymore and want to join you!
    JackieA
     
  20. ThreeJane

    ThreeJane Me Love Your Face

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    Heh, you're a few hours from your families, and you can visit them.

    When we made the jump from the wilds of Southern California to the upper north Idaho panhandle, pretty much everyone said we were crazy.

    - You won't be able to hack the winters.
    - You won't be able to hack the drive to everywhere.
    - You won't be able to hack the isolation.
    - You won't be able to hack not having lots of people around.

    Basically, it boiled down to "You won't be able to hack anything that isn't what you are living in right now..." - meaning the squalor and rush and noise and cramped quarters of SoCal.

    Then again, they might've been bent out of shape that we were moving 1500 miles north, away from them.

    Do what you want. What's the old saying? "Free, white and 21" Yes, outdated now, but still holds true.