X posted to permies. At what point is it best to give up? Let me explain: I started down this road winter of 2004 when I began learning about the big picture. I was 19 at the time and newly on my own in life. I learned about peak oil, climate change, and the unsustainablility of the global economic situation. It came as quite a shock since I believed the future was more like Back to the Future, not the Great Depression on steroids. I have done a lot of research into these issues and have yet to find a good reason to believe I was mistaken. So I continue on. Shortly before I had this revelation my dad died and I inherited the family property. 35 acres about an hours drive from Seattle. Its a decent amount of property for this area with timber and good soil. I was in college at the time. I changed my educational focus and took basically every hands on agriculture class the school offered. That's where I learned about Permaculture, though the bulk of my education was focused on running an organic veggie enterprise. I graduated summer of 2008 and the next day got to work. I attempted starting a veggie operation several times and in several different ways without having any success financially. The best I ever did was a u-pick tomato enterprise from a variety I bred for the job. Demand was high, but the price the market supports is no where close to commensurate to the time/effort it requires. Basically $1/hour. That is not a typo. I found success early on by boarding horses and renting out rooms. I still board horses today using a loose Salatin style of grazing management, but renting rooms went by the wayside. Too many tenant issues. From there I expanded the enterprise to include pasture finished beef. I still do beef, though it will never be the mainstay. I figure the most I will ever earn from it would be $10k/year. Thats net if I only raise beef, no horses or others. I want to raise a family someday and I don't know any women who are interested in being farm poor. So that's not good enough. I did some sleuthing and realized that pigs were likely to be my best bet financially. I bought a batch of weaners winter of 2012. I found them easy to keep and fun, though they taught me pretty quickly the importance of good fences. As they grew I sold them and made a good profit doing so. I sold all but my best performing gilt and bred her. She did great! She gave me a large litter of healthy babies. I sold all but two gilts out of that litter and made good money. That's when I realized my future was in pigs. It may have also been the beginning of the end for me as an aspiring farmer. I started buying more pigs at that point. I bought some weaned gilts from a friend. They died from wasting disease. I bought a boar from that same friend. He ended up wasting away also, but not before impregnating my sow. The two gilts were too small at this point. She went into labor a week early with this batch. A couple were stillborn. I intervened and pulled out a few more dead piglets. No vet was available to help. After much tribulation I realized there was nothing more I could do for her. I let nature take its course and in the morning I found her with 11 struggling piglets. All but three died. I sold the remainder and the next fall filled my freezer with cull sow. I took the punch and figured it can't always be this bad. Armed with the knowledge that I can make pigs profitable and a can do attitude I attempted to expand the pig enterprise again this fall. I bought five more weaner gilts from different sows to increase the genetic diversity of the herd. I know that good lines are key to success here. All but one of those pigs died mostly from wasting disease. The one that lived I have high hopes for. She is resiliant, friendly and growing well. I also rented a boar this fall to breed my previous two gilts. The first one bred quickly and gave birth to 12 all healthy without need for help. Four of these pigs died. Three from bad advice I received for how to castrate. (I had a way that worked fine, but with a desire to improve my technique I failed) and one from shock after being attacked by the second sow. The second one took after the 4th attempt. She went into labor Saturday morning and delivered two piglets that died shortly thereafter. I waited with her to see if more would come. After 90 minutes of no new babies I attempted to intervene, but her vagina was too tight for me to get my hand in to. The vet was, as usual, unavailable. I attempted intervening several times yesterday with no success. Today she seems to be coming out of labor, but still very fat and full of milk. I expect to be culling her within the week. Which brings me to the point of this longwinded essay/plea for help. I have experienced so much failure here. I'm becoming disheartened and questioning the viability of the whole farming thing. Obviously it works for some people, but as I stated before, I want to be able to support a family. I have sacrificed everything I can for this. I have a meager social life, I ride a bicycle to save precious resources. I can go on living this way until my knees and hips fail, but with no one to pass the farm on to I may as well develop it before the next guy does. Then I think about the big picture issues I alluded to earlier and think selling would be dumb. I've looked into other jobs in this area and my skill set doesn't apply. They are city jobs. So I'm writing this to any who will read and respond. I need some serious farm/pig/life wisdom desperately. Please help.