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Do you spank your children?

  • Yes

  • No

  • Yes, when mine were kids.

  • No comment.

121 - 134 of 134 Posts
Booklover, I don't disagree necessarily with you not spanking, but with this idea that each action on your part should be discuss and approved by a child. It seems that way to me, maybe I'm wrong, or reading it wrong. Part of growing up, is understanding that we all have authority figures, even adults. If a boss tell me to do something, and I say it's boring or I'm having a bad day....do you really think he/she is gonna "crouch to my level" and gently tell me why he feels I should do as he asks. Heck, no! He'll say "see ya"

As your daughter gets older, it might be hard for her to understand that sometimes you have to do things, simply because you must do what they say, regardless of your own feelings. I feel that teaching a child that you will do what I say, when I say ,without always having your input or opinion about everything teaching them respect. THis can be taught without or without spanking.

As far as natural consequences, that literally can go too far. As a child matures the natural conseqences for certain behavior is jail, death, unemployment and a vast array of other situations that should have been dealt with in childhood by parents.

Just my humble opinion, not meant to argue.... :)
 
I've been trying to stay out of this, because we've had this discussion -- even this poll -- on here before, and it didn't end well. I suspect that there are several things that a large group of people from varying backgrounds cannot discuss civilly -- religion, politics, and child-rearing being a few of them.

I spanked my children. Flat hand, swat on the butt, or on the hand, depending on what was going on. My children are now 13 and 11, and I cannot for the life of me remember the last time I spanked them. The point is, you train them early (as soon as they are capable of being self-determining, as in, "I reach for something hot, it hurts when Mummy smacks my hand -- so I won't reach for it again" -- or "I insist on climbing up on the back of the sofa, even after Mummy has said 'no', and it hurts when mummy spanks my bum, so I'm not going to do that any more"

My eldest has been spanked probably fewer times than I have fingers on one hand. He was an "easy" to discipine child. He understood "no", and respected it.

My youngest probably has had five spankings in his entire life. All early, and all because of his stubborn determination to have his own way, regardless of what his father or I told him, or the danger involved in his choices. His first nickname was "danger-man", and he was determined to kill himself before he hit five years old.

Both boys learned very early what "no" meant, and that if "no" was ignored, the consequences got worse. We were consistent in that, and it wasn't a difficult lesson for them -- once they knew that we would not change our minds depending on the situation. Consistency is the key, early teaching, and later, you shouldn't HAVE to spank. But the seed of it, of the knowledge that Mum and Dad don't budge, and the consequences only get worse (whatever those consequences are for your family) if you push it, MUST be there.

My father had a razor strap hanging on the back of the bathroom door. Every time you went in the bathroom and closed the door, it slapped against the door as a grim reminder to behave. There were eight of us, and I can only remember him using it once -- as he bawled and my brother took his punishment without shedding a tear. He deserved it, too -- what he'd done could have ended with one of us kids dead.

We all grew up into decent, contributing, caring members of society who love and respect our parents. Most of us parent as they parented us, and we've got good kids who are respectful of us, themselves and others. Two of my siblings chose to parent differently, without spanking, allowing "free expression" -- and their children have had endless problems, from being kicked out of school to trouble with the law.

Am I saying that all kids who are spanked grow up good and those who aren't grow up bad? No, of course not. I'm saying that there has to be a PARENT behind it, actively PARENTING. As many people confuse "spanking" with "abuse" as confuse "not spanking" with "spoiled". The difference is, that can't be the ONLY disciplinary measure.

I'm now putting on my "mod" hat -- let's keep this to a civil discussion -- because if insults and judgements begin to be tossed about, it's going to end up closed.
 
Hopefully there is no room in this discussion for the two extremes, the one who beats bruises and abuses and the one who dose'nt care enough to try to guide them right and let them raise themselves. In my opinion spanking and talking both are needed but neither should be given with out love. That same love will spank a toddlers hand for touching a cold heater rather than letting him find out for himself on a hot one. :)
 
Snugglebunny said:
Gee thanks. Good to know that when I wanted a five minute break a couple of months ago, and I told the kids to go play in their playroom so I could sit and rest a few minutes, next thing I know my neighbor runs in to tell me my boys are on the PORCH ROOF - it's because I'm a 'failure as a mother'??!!! Or maybe it's because they're normal, rambunctious boys that thought of doing something before I did.
Then we put locks on the windows so they can't do that again.

Or when I had to use the bathroom, and come out to find the kids getting into something...because I'm a 'failure'??

Or when I go take the garbage to the curb and come back to find the kids misbehaving.

Or when I finally get to take a shower...

Or when I want to talk on the phone with my mother or my husband (for the first time all day)...

Or when I go down to put the wash in the dryer (and no, I don't want the kids in the basement with me...it's yucky down there)...

all these times I'm doing something I need to do, and come back to find them fighting, or sitting on each other, or getting into something... because I'm a 'failure"???!!

Like I don't already lay in bed at night thinking "I wasn't good enough. I didn't do enough." so much that I had to go on an antianxiety medication and sleeping pill. Now I have you telling me I'm a 'failure' and that's why my kids misbehave??

Tell me you worded this wrong.
Nope, didn't word it wrong - If you will re-read my post, hopefully you will notice that what I said was IF you are not getting the hoped for results from your children, it is better to ASKED yourself how you have failed, would non-successful feel better?, as a parent instead of finding fault with the children. You are called an adult and they are called children because you are supposedly more mature, rational, knowledgeable...huh, adult like, and they are called children because..huh, they are children.

Of course accidents happen, and it's only natural that children are going to test their limits, all part of life. But, IF you can not trust your children to behave, not cause harm or injury to themselves for short periods of time - who's the person who has not been successful?

It's about placing blame where it will likely get the hoped for results.

Hugs,
Marlene
 
Discussion starter · #125 ·
I know this has been at rest for a few days but i just have to comment...


I am so very pleased that this thread has gone so well. Sure we have disagreed. And there have been small misunderstandings. But goodness how well it has been handled. Just supper fantastic.
I watched this same question on another board and it went down right crazy.
The non spankers went crazy calling the spankers all kinds of horrid things, while the spankers bit their tongue. Till the end and it erupted in an all out battle. I have to say that even then the spankers only attached the behaviour of the non spankers and not thier choices in parenting.

Anyway, well done!
 
Okiemom make's some good point's:

Sometimes I don't have 5 min to explain why I want them to do something for me they just need to do it and do it now!!!! I need to be able to trust them that they will move, stop or come to safty when I direct it. A copperhead in our garden is not going to wait to strike until I am over my feel good talk. I need to boys to respond NOW! Same thing if they want to be around any eq. They need to be able to do as told. Otherwise injury or death could occure.

I would rather have to explain why I give swats than why my child is dead because they wouldn't stop, for the car they didn't see, when I asked.
My children get spanked when I deem it necessary for their safety. I think that part of the reason for so many disrespectful kid's/teenagers today is because they don't understand actions and consequences, and modern psychology is afraid of ruining their self esteem by meeting out appropriate punishment.
 
According to my parents, I was spanked 3 times, when I was very little. I don't remember it. They never spanked my three younger siblings. We did not spank our four children at all. They have all grown up to be well-adjusted, respectful adults who areconsiderate productive members of society. We didn't get attitude even during the teen years.

There are many other ways of making sure that children and teens know that there are consequences to their actions.

However, I would never want to have spanking removed (by law) as a possible method of disciplining children. I think that, short of abuse, parents need to be able to decide within their family what works with their children.
 
That's GREAT!

I work in a hospital. On behalf of orthopaedic surgeons and radiographers everywhere, I say: Thank you for keeping us in business!

booklover said:
Example: "Please quit jumping from divan." "Jumping like that will get you hurt." Jump. Crash. "Yep, it sure does hurt to have a broken foot. Maybe you'll listen to me the next time." Next time she listened. Natural consequences.
 
I'd spank 'em if I had 'em, but since I don;t, I won't post to the survey.

I will say that Daddy had it down pretty well. A taste of that belt, and then all he had to do was take it off, double it, and SNAP it. We'd pretty much fall right into line. No physical contact needed whatsoever. It's kind of like the electric fence. One time, and you stay away from it. :)
 
We don't spank.

My Dad never hesitated with the spanking of me, and I am not sure it did a bit of good.

99% of the spanking probably could have been worked out in another way.

As I got older, I toughened up and just took the spanking.

Clove
 
Swatting a child's bottom through clothing because you want to get their attention RIGHT NOW isn't what most anti spanking advocates are referring to when they say spanking is abuse. The ritualistic spanking outlined in many conservative parenting advice manuals (To Train Up A Child) with a device, repeated spankings to break the will, spanking in anger, leaving marks, or spanking because a parent is too lazy or too ignorant to use another discipline method is abuse.

I am another parent with (now) grown children who were never spanked, and they're law abiding, respectful, and a joy to be around.
 
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