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My neighbors want to set me up with a relative of theirs. These things never go well. I usually get nervous and can't think of anything to say. Or I get nervous and do something stupid and make my date mad. Then whoever set me up gets angry because I ruined a sure thing.

This girl sounds interesting. I'm 30 and she is 23. So, I think she would be old enough to know what she wants. I've dated younger women when I was younger and they seemed to out grow me quickly. She just graduated college with a good degree.

They say she is shy. I'm pretty shy too. Have you seen two shy people on a date? It's just a bunch of ackward silence and boredom.

It's been over 4 years since my last date. It would be nice to go out. But, the last woman somebody tried setting me up with said I looked like a serial killer. I'm tired of these things not going well.
 

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First, if a 23 year old girl with a college degree needs to be set up on a date, what is wrong with her?

Second, you can't ruin a sure thing. It wasn't so sure if it was ruined. The point of dating is to test compatibility. Its not a flaking job interview have fun. If it helps don't go on a date, go on a picnic or a walk or fishing.

Third, if she says you look like a serial killer, ask her if she would mind stopping at your place for a minute and helping you fix your wood chipper.....then giggle uncontrollably for a while.
 

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Third, if she says you look like a serial killer, ask her if she would mind stopping at your place for a minute and helping you fix your wood chipper.....then giggle uncontrollably for a while.
Touche!
 
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You know what's way nicer? If your neighbors just host a small gathering of several people and invite you both. That way it's a group thing, if something sparks then fine, and if it doesn't, no harm no foul. Everyone goes home with their potluck dish and their dignity intact. Make sure to tell your neighbors, no promises on the outcome. Then just have a good time. :)
 

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Yup, a group thing, food and fun. It stays fun as long as the paired people don't act all spazzy and pushy.
 
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Discussion Starter #9
First, if a 23 year old girl with a college degree needs to be set up on a date, what is wrong with her?

Second, you can't ruin a sure thing. It wasn't so sure if it was ruined. The point of dating is to test compatibility. Its not a flaking job interview have fun. If it helps don't go on a date, go on a picnic or a walk or fishing.

Third, if she says you look like a serial killer, ask her if she would mind stopping at your place for a minute and helping you fix your wood chipper.....then giggle uncontrollably for a while.
I'm 30 with a degree and a good paying job. What's wrong with me? Other than being very quiet and ugly.
 

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What idiot would say that to someone on a first date??? What exactly does a typical serial killer look like?
We didn't even make it to the first date. We were just trading pictures. Then she got upset because I stopped talking to her.

I hate having my picture taken. I hate taking my own even more. It's obvious in the pictures I'm not having fun. I don't smile in them. When I do smile they look even worse.

And serial killers look like ******** apparently.
 

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Even if we met at a group thing I probably wouldn't ask her out. I don't like when people I know can find out how badly I screwed things up.
 

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I'm 30 with a degree and a good paying job. What's wrong with me? Other than being very quiet and ugly.
My friend you need to get yourself an attitude adjustment. If you continue to refer to yourself as ugly then that is the image you will project.

Some people are more easy on the eyes than others, but no one is ugly that does not choose to be. Ugly is a state of mind not a physical characteristic.

Why don't you think of yourself as reserved or taciturn instead of quiet. Because you are quiet I bet you don't say something unless you really mean it. That is a VERY desirable quality. Men of few words make those words count and those they choose to share them with are gifted with that level of communication. Anyone worth being around will recognize that.

Physical beauty is fleeting. Everyone is less comely at 80 than they were at 20 except for Joan Rivers and she's dead. Emotional beauty is forever. A pretty face can get destroyed in an accident, but a caring, giving heart will continue to light the world with its beauty long after it has left this world.

Accentuate the beautiful parts of you man. I guarantee there is a part of you that is fantastic. You're just going to have to take a risk and let it out. Speakin of ********, you ever look at Willie Robertson? The dude is less than purty man. But I bet we both agree that he seems to have landed himself a very virtuous, attractive mate. That's because he has a heck of a lot more to offer than a pretty face. He is a leader and a protector and he honors her. In fact, if you actually treat a lady like a lady, and introduce some manners and chivalry, you will be so far ahead of the competition you will be beating them off with a stick.

I aint exactly a model. I am 6 foot two and two hundred and ninety five pounds. Society says I am fat, society is right. But what society cannot see from the outside is that on the inside I am a warm, caring, gentle and empathetic man. Know what? Society doesn't get to judge my worth because I decide that one. I do not require the approval of society to pursue my dreams because I know exactly who and what I am. If I had listened to society I would still assume that I was dumb. I wouldn't be educated because I would have never tried. I used to let my self perception get in the way of asking women out. Not anymore, I figure if they say no I have heard that one before. I start getting worried when they say yes.

I wont go too evangelical on you, but my faith helps me with this every single day. I figure if God can see all of my imperfections and he still loves me, I better just go ahead and love me too (just to be on the safe side) and when you love yourself a little you project love. Love begets love and miracles happen. Go get your miracle.
 

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First, when I was single I never had time to be set up.

Second; if you are 30 and have not had a date in four years, you are not highly motivated. A normal woman would not be satisfied with that.

My advice is to let the girl go find a man who is hot after her bod.
 

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Serial killers look like ********? Then I have to find out where my SO is hiding the bodies, I need to add a few.
What are ******** serial killing? Deer? Budweisers?
Sounds like she wasn't your type anyway. Are you exposed to any situations where you have the opportunity to meet like minded women?
If you like tractors and gardening you best get your butt to some county fairs and conventions.
If you have a job you're waaay ahead of a lot of guys.
And chivalry is HOT. Remember that.
Edited to add: my one that got away, who I thought was just insanely sexy and fun, drove a Toyota pickup with rusted out holes in the floorboards. He was about six three and at LEAST three hundred pounds. He was always covered in grease and concrete dust, etc. He was a mig welder and had acne.
He made me laugh so much, was so nice to my daughter, and boy did he know how to treat a lady!
 

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You said you had a good job, so....is it possible to fix some of the things that you are self conscience about? Up to date hair cut, trip to the dentist, work out a little/shed some weight and maybe some better clothes, etc..? I don't know what it is that makes you look like a serial killer, but when you look in the mirror, what do YOU see? Some things you'd have to throw a lot of money at to make better, but some things are relatively easy fixes, so why not start there?

If you've got a big, thick unibrow or something, that could make you look quite evil. But it's also easy to shave away in a couple of minutes. Hair can be cut, whether it's on the head, in the ears, or up the nose! unruly beard/mustache? Again, quick fixes. I'd go to a stylist and let them wash, cut your hair, trim up any facial hair, etc.. You don't want to look like a 5 yr old that got ahold of mom's scissors and had a go at yourself.

A new pair of pants and shirt can make you feel like a million bucks. Maybe shed the ******* look, at least while you're trying to talk to a girl. I don't mean suit and tie, just maybe step away from the plaid flannels a little.
Find a good manly scent and spray a little on. A good smelling man is a joy! (Assuming that you've already scrubbed up and look and smell good to begin with.)

In short, DO the things you CAN DO to feel better about yourself. Start there. And stop self bashing. That's not attractive or helpful at all. You've got some good qualities. Start saying THOSE out loud. I know you're shy, but when you DO speak, make an effort to say positive things. DON"T sound like EYORE from Winnie the Pooh. Positive attracts positive. Good luck!
 

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I will entertain the idea of being setup, however i do not a first date as a group date with other couples. Too much pressure and too many expectations. No time to get to know her with all the distractions.

I do much better one on one in a causal atmosphere like a swap meet, flea market, farmers market, antique mall, or a road trip to a destination wine tasting.
 
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