Homesteading Forum banner
1 - 20 of 26 Posts

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
4,353 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Do you ever wonder about that? My step mom is really sweet, and she spends a ton of money on the kids every year at christmas. Trouble is, half the stuff she buys we can't use. She buys the girls very modern, overly mature (in my opinion) clothes for the girls. They are 12 years old! One of them is 5'8" tall and has already begun to develop. She does NOT need to look older than she is!
This year she bought us an expensive video gaming system. She knows that the educational psychologist that has helped us with our kids learning issues has told us that we should not allow video games because of the research about video games and attention when we already have a child with ADD. I am certain that I told her that.
Don't get me wrong, I will smile and say thank you. I am totally grateful for all she tries to do, but every year, she gets us things that we just can't use. My Dad on the other hand, "gets" us. The gifts he got for us were things like wooden replicas of a 1900s pogo stick that holds 160 lbs, the thinking game Cathedral (which has been on our wish list for a long time, but it is a 30.00 game, so we haven't gotten it)... that sort of thing.
Do you have somebody in your life who EVERY year wastes money on stuff you don't want in an honest attempt to bless you? What do you do?

Cindyc.
ETA: Changed the title to be more clear.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,044 Posts
Graciously accept, possibly suggest because your children are getting older that it would be easier for her if they made a list of items they wanted. She may have no clue as to what they want, so purchases the popular items.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
27,965 Posts
MIL does that, well did. She gives cash now. But I got all kinds of crap stuff that hit the trashcan as soon as we got home. Sleeper pjs with feet that were waaaay too short for me, a hower shaver, a used microwave oven butter melter (to her credit dh's SIL had opened mine and used it then wrapped it so she could have the new one), willow baskets, bath salts, perfume, highly scented lotions, etc.

On the video system, some of them have educational programs geared toward add and adhd kids. You might want to look into that.

If she doesn't live near you, you could post her gifts on craigslist and sell them at a reasonable price.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
2,285 Posts
I had a Grandma that did that when I was a kid. To be fair she was old and didn't see us very often. She'd always send me boys stuff. I had a whole set of Zane Grey books when I was 5. She forgot how old I was too. Still, it was the thought that counted and my brother enjoyed the books.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
4,281 Posts
I always tell folks that if they don't know what to give, then X, Y, and Z are all possibilities. For example, when my sis asked what I'd like, I gave her a long list of books I've been wanting to buy so she could pick and choose. My old college friend, on the other hand, has an talent for choosing things I love and never needs ideas.
 

·
Hired Hand
Joined
·
1,670 Posts
Yep. Won't say who as their heart was in the right place. DDs used to put a list together of things they needed or wanted (nothing excessive). Never gave them anything on the list just lots of unnecessary stuff that would break first time you used it...if you used it. Always had to be shipped back someplace if you wanted to return it...and that meant having to pay postage. Always, always made certain the kids (and myself) said thank you regardless...taught the DDs that it was the thought that counted. Finally convinced this person that gift cards for the DDs were the better way to go...doesn't mean that happens every year.
 

·
In Memorium
Joined
·
15,516 Posts
My first husband was an expert at buying me things I had no use for.

So, I made a list in all price ranges with color preferences and size-even what store to go to.

He'd buy me something that wasn't on the list so I would be surprised. I was surprised all right-and disappointed.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,726 Posts
My dh is a genius at picking just the wrong present. So now I either buy my own or show him exactly what I want. Which is what I did this year. I know the present under the tree is Lora Lee Misterly's "Chefs on the Farm: Recipes and Inspiration from the Quillisascut Farm School of the Domestic Arts." :dance:

Besides knowing it's a good cookbook, it's the only one I have whose author I know. Quillisascut Farm is just on the other side of the hill. Lora Lee makes the BEST goat cheese.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,042 Posts
yup my brothers sister inlaws even my mum. The SIL's send food items that are prepackaged usually stale from big name corporations that are not what we would ever eat. They just sent another one yesterday we are wondering what this one is!
 

·
I love South Dakota
Joined
·
5,320 Posts
My MIL is one of those. She seemed to feel it wasn't "fair" unless she spent an equal amount on each (two) grandkids and her son and DIL. Maybe it was because she had so few to buy for.

I just hate getting gifts I have no use for. I grew up poor and gifts were few and far between, and money not spent on gifts when for things like food and clothing. I also got upset at her insisting on getting the childern rather useless gifts (dollar store trinkets and things like that). I didn't want them growing up with the idea that the "needed" a bunch of gifts under the tree, or that presents should be "equal" in some way.

I know I did something right when Granny came back with the kids from a shopping trip and was upset that GD would not pick out something at the store for Granny to buy. It happens that GS had found something that he had been wanting for some time and Granny bought it for him. Then she told younger GD that it was not fair that her brother got something and she didn't so GD should pick something out. GD looked around and said "No, there is nothing here I really want so you would be wasting your money".

People say it's the thought that counts, and I agree - and I know what my MIL was thinking . . .

Cathy
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,845 Posts
This is why I now give cash along with a small gift to open. I have no idea how to buy for my grown kids and now the our only grandchild is a teenager, there's absolutely nothing that will please him...well, maybe a car, then it wouldn't be the kind he wanted. I can't see tossing money away on things that get thrown aside and never used. I know, this takes away some of the Christmas spirit, but that's just the way it is.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
4,353 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
This is why I now give cash along with a small gift to open. I have no idea how to buy for my grown kids and now the our only grandchild is a teenager, there's absolutely nothing that will please him...well, maybe a car, then it wouldn't be the kind he wanted. I can't see tossing money away on things that get thrown aside and never used. I know, this takes away some of the Christmas spirit, but that's just the way it is.
I don't think it tosses away anything! I think it is smart, and it would not hurt my kids feelings at all! They feel bad that they have to smile at their grandmother and pretend they like what they get every year. But they don't want to hurt her feelings and they know she means well.

Cindyc.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,289 Posts
I might be in the minority but I hated the cash someone used to always give me at Christmas. If someone doesn't know me well enough to know what I would enjoy then they shouldn't be giving me anything at all. Obligatory gifts are really not necessary.
 

·
Super Mom and College Kid
Joined
·
462 Posts
Is the worest, or was Christmas day is my birthday and nine times out of ten, he'd forget. this year he's got under the tree for me, two caduary almond bars and a fleece blanket he made. I'm blessed.


white
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
16,519 Posts
A gift is a gift - where do we get the idea that we get to ask for something and we should then get it?

You might suggest ideas to your Step-mom. suggest gift cards to save herself all the bother since the kids LOVE to go shopping. Suggest she take them shopping. But in the end - it is her GIFT to them.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
4,353 Posts
Discussion Starter · #16 ·
A gift is a gift - where do we get the idea that we get to ask for something and we should then get it?

You might suggest ideas to your Step-mom. suggest gift cards to save herself all the bother since the kids LOVE to go shopping. Suggest she take them shopping. But in the end - it is her GIFT to them.
From the OP "Don't get me wrong, I will smile and say thank you. I am totally grateful for all she tries to do,..." :) To my knowledge we have never asked her for anything. Perhaps that is why she is always getting us stuff we don't want. :nana: (Just kidding, of course) :)

Merry Christmas,
Cindyc
 

·
writing some wrongs
Joined
·
6,873 Posts
Gifts of cash really only make sense when the giver is substantially better off than the recipient and it's a large enough amount to make a difference in the recipient's life. Otherwise, it just means "I didn't want to bother shopping for you."

We're giving a check to my nephew who's in college because he's strapped and that's what he needs more than anything - probably doesn't need a sweater, MP3 player, video games, or whatnot - he needs MONEY. My aunt and uncle gave both my kids $30. They used to send me money, but now that would just be silly, I'm not in need of it any more than they are.

But along with the topic - my FIL and SIL are good at this because they think quantity counts more than quality. I'd rather have one nice gift than a whole bunch of junk from the dollar store, but that's what they do, get the dumb stuff. Toys for the kids that they won't even play with because it's too young for them or falls apart, icky jewelry, bath stuff that smells awful, etc. It's not about the cost either; I'd just as soon they shopped at the thrift store or a yard sale for something worth having. Or *make* me something - SIL does scrapbooking, she could make me a scrapbook page or some art in a frame. I'm not a snob, I just hate seeing these people waste money on things that are worthless.
 

·
plains of Colorado
Joined
·
4,176 Posts
MIL is known for bad gifts. I always thank her. She continually buys my husband (her son) something green...he hates green and she knows it. I like to donate to ARC...last yr she bought my son (20yr) a girls t-shirt. One yr she got a George Forman grill...we do not have rm...I returned it and got a gift card. We used the money for groceries for over a month. She's just not like us but she means well.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
200 Posts
MIL is known for bad gifts. I always thank her. She continually buys my husband (her son) something green...he hates green and she knows it. I like to donate to ARC...last yr she bought my son (20yr) a girls t-shirt. One yr she got a George Forman grill...we do not have rm...I returned it and got a gift card. We used the money for groceries for over a month. She's just not like us but she means well.
Oh yes. Christmas is a notorious time for MIL passive aggressiveness to rear it's head. I can relate. There are 11 bottles of Freesia body lotion in my bathroom closet....
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,342 Posts
We had some friends who knew how to deal with this.

They'd throw a "Slipper Party" for all their friends after Christmas every year (no relatives). You wear your new slippers that you'd gotten for Chrissy, and then have a White Elephant Gift Exchange.

Worked great.
 
1 - 20 of 26 Posts
Top