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Red Skelton's Recipe for a Perfect Marriage

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere....but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!' So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.'

8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for the garbage?' The driver said, 'No, jump in!'

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?' I said, 'Dust!'
 

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LOL! so very true.

But seriously - women need to just let men sit in silence if that is what they feel like doing.

Eventually they all talk - men talk as much or more than women but not necessarily to their women when they have friends who share their interests. If your wife loves to boat then share with her and as was said, she may have an idea on how to fix the boat.

I have been with my husband for 48 years. I never ask him what is wrong when he is broody. Ours is a calm and an open and honest relationship. Neither of us has ever needed constant reassurance of love or constant attention. If he had something to say to or about me or the animals or family or our place he would say it in his own good time. Otherwise I know he is puzzling and brooding about something else.. The other day it was about how to get the new bird feeder to stop spinning in the wind. Lots of wind here. A bolt.

This is the best explanation of men's and women's brains I have ever heard.

 

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My wife throwed me out once. I moved in with another woman.

Wife asked me how we was getting along? Great she is talking about getting married 😲 Gather your stuff up an get back home where you belong. Can't believe another woman would put up with you!

Been great every since.

big rockpile
 

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Heard about an old couple whose granddaughter and husband came for a visit. The old man would start all his speaking to his wife with honey this and sweetie that. The granddaughter told him it was sweet the way he called grandma sweetie or honey all the time. The old man looked at her and said "forgot her name".
 
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