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Discussion Starter #1
Would like your thoughts. Am I crazy? How do I sell this idea to DW?

Three years ago, I bought a 170 acre farm and have been working on it 2 or 3 weeks a month to make it what we want. We are weeks away from starting construction on our home.

Six months ago I got an email from a realtor, with photos of a farm and home for sale that is the perfect thing DW and I want. It was very pricey, but it was useful looking at it online to get ideas for what we will build.

In the last few weeks, after 4 price reductions from a highly motivated seller, the price has come down so much on new farm that on a purely financial basis, it makes more sense to sell current farm and buy new farm. I went and saw it and it's not perfect but an excellent fit. New farm has a small horse barn, large equipment barn with 2 walk-in coolers for butchering, a big house that is very close to perfect for us, 4 acre pond, 3 other smaller ponds, a running creek, a captive deer herd, is high fenced all around the perimeter, has 3x our current acres. All that stuff still has to get built on current farm.

The downside is that the new place is much more remote. For social things, like DW running a girl scout troop, running an after school program, having boarders at our barn (we know it doesn't create meaningful income but it gives DW like minded horse friends), DW just doesn't think she would be happy. Part of her current stress is the sudden change of direction and she is somewhat resistant to change. But the part about making friends is a real concern. We both really like having life, kids, friends and neighbors on the farm. For that, new farm would be much harder. DW is a retired middle school teacher and swim coach, loves the kids.

Another advantage of our current farm is we have national forest on 3 sides, so it seems like we have thousands of acres all to ourselves. On the 4th side, is a small neighborhood that would be the source of kids on the farm.

Why I want to change to the new place? We wouldn't have to wait another year to finish building a house; we could move in and get our lives settled in within a month or two. New place has more house and would end up being less money. New place has a barn and stable that we would not have to build, saving us lots of money. More land for me to work with. It has all that high fence I could not afford to construct on the old place.

My highest priority is that DW and I are together and that she is happy. I'm really sick of living apart most of every month while I'm on the farm and she is back in Virginia. This is a forever decision for us as we plan on living at which ever place the rest of our lives.

WWYD? Should I just forget about new farm? Should I keep trying to convince DW of the advantages? Am I missing something?
 

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Yep, you are missing something important... Keeping a woman happy for any length of time is never easy and seldom possible. It makes no difference what farm you choose, nor what the benefits may be of one over the other. She is either going to be happy or she isnt, and you my good man, have very little to do with that. :)
 

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What is the already built place surrounded by? How much have you been out there? What are the time on the road to each place? (10 minutes difference, 30, or 2 hours?)
What is the purpose of the property being bought? Just a home, or your income and you'll be working there all the time?

And are you positive you can sell the current property in time to make payments on the other one? or can you afford payments on both for 1 month, a year, 2 years more?

Just things I'd need to know before giving you an opinion.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
If your wife doesn't think she'll be happy there then all the pros and cons aren't going to mean much. If mama ain't happy, no one is happy!
I absolutely agree on that.

Part of my problem is understanding how much of her stress right now is resistance to change and how much is real concerns about new farm.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
What is the already built place surrounded by? How much have you been out there? What are the time on the road to each place? (10 minutes difference, 30, or 2 hours?)
What is the purpose of the property being bought? Just a home, or your income and you'll be working there all the time?

And are you positive you can sell the current property in time to make payments on the other one? or can you afford payments on both for 1 month, a year, 2 years more?

Just things I'd need to know before giving you an opinion.
New place is surrounded by mostly large holdings, some commercial timberland, there are a few 20 acre homes nearby. It is an hour west of Tallahassee. Some here will not think that is all that remote, but to us it is.

I have not spend much time by new farm, just seen it once a could of days ago. If DW is open to moving there, I still have to get a deal done and all the due diligence required to make sure I'm not buying a toxic waste dump or whatever other problems may be making the seller motivated. I think he is simply having financial problems because he also has an expensive boat for sale.

Time on road? I'm not sure what you are asking. They are about 5 hours apart from each other.

Purpose? Retirement home, a life long dream of a certain life, pleasure, some income will be nice but is not critical. Social Storm security. Its remoteness makes new farm a much better social storm property because of the distance from neighbors.

Selling the current place, not an issue. It is paid off, taxes are <$500/year, so if it took 2 years to sell, not a major problem. I've got a sweet heart financing deal to buy the new place, 1.8% interest, interest only payments, once the old place sells I would own new farm free and clear. Finance is what I used to do for a living so I've got that angle fully covered and know hands down new place is a better financial deal by a wide enough margin that it really has my interests.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Yep, you are missing something important... Keeping a woman happy for any length of time is never easy and seldom possible. It makes no difference what farm you choose, nor what the benefits may be of one over the other. She is either going to be happy or she isnt, and you my good man, have very little to do with that. :)
Thanks, but...

I can't make her happy, but I can make her unhappy. She's got needs which don't always match mine 100%, so I'm trying to be understanding and respectful of that.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Have you tried both of you sitting down together and actually making a joint list of pro's and con's, and discussing each one? Sometimes a woman doesn't really mean no. Sometimes, she just needs to feel heard and supported.
Good advice. I go back home in a few days and will do so. This just further emphasizes my frustration on not living with her full time. We've been doing the talks over the phone and it is not like a face to face convo.
 

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Main question is, has she made a visit to the different farm to see it for herself? I wonder if you've been there in person also. It would make a world of difference if you, both, could make it there together to check it out and discuss. My wife is the type to want to make a visit and maybe spend a weekend at a place before considering moving there. I used to not be like that but now that I'm older, I take more after her in that area of research.
 

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Main question is, has she made a visit to the different farm to see it for herself? I wonder if you've been there in person also. It would make a world of difference if you, both, could make it there together to check it out and discuss. My wife is the type to want to make a visit and maybe spend a weekend at a place before considering moving there. I used to not be like that but now that I'm older, I take more after her in that area of research.
I toured new farm Thursday. It was enough to get me excited at the possibility of living there, but more research needs to be done. DW is resistant to even going to look at the place, hence my frustration. If she went there and really decided she would not be happy there, I could walk away from the deal and know we made the right decision.
 

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Could you bring a lot of pictures, and have the two prices and advantages ready for her to look at? I think what would really sway me, also, as a woman, would be to hear that the reason you wanted this one was because you would rather spend more time with me fixing up our dream home than build all that stuff alone. I'd play that up, the time you two would be spending together versus you being away and working.
 

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I also highly support fully discussing the pros and cons of each property. Furthermore, I'd do this on paper in columns. It is way too easy to get off-topic if feelings get ruffled. Also, I will share something...

When one spouse has to give in to the other spouse, the outcome usually isn't the best. When we bought our last property, we didn't sit down and to the pros/cons on paper. My DH gave in to me and that was A BIG MISTAKE! We lived there and made the best of it for almost 9 years (DH was never very happy with our property, but I was). We have since had that serious pros/cons discussion and bought a property where we BOTH want to live, the type we BOTH wanted, and now we are BOTH happy! DH is going to accomplish one of his goals in life, building us a log home. This has made me very happy, too. I had to move away from my friends, but my DH is more important. They can come to see me or I can go visit them.

We made our joint decision based on needs, wants, and hopes. The need had a lot to do with bettering our finances.

It is unreasonable for your DW to refuse to even look at the property, in my opinion. Out of simply respecting your feelings, she should go see it.

I hope your DW wakes up and smells the proverbial coffee, as that other property sounds fantastic!
 

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Well the obvious solution is divorce :p

I'd hit her with the financials of both properties and show how much further you'll be ahead on the newer property. I imagine neither of you are spring chickens, so saving 3-5 years of labor now, can be a huge bonus in 10 years....
 

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Big thing for your wife might me riding possibilities, especially if she wants to get boarders. If she's into trail riding, the place you already have might fit that need better. Where I have my horses, I cannot really ride off the farm. Places we could have been sold and houses built. So in order to ride, I have to trailer off property. And, since the lights aren't working on my trailer right now, I feel kind of trapped.
 

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Y'all have some thinkin' to do!

We found the perfect 20 ac, just beautiful, so different from most tracts in this part of the country. N. Tx is not that pretty.
Problem? Too far. In fact that's what we named it. 02 Far (DH used to sell oxygen, hence, oh too far)
After 8 yrs of toiling, back & forth-60 mi-DH decides no way does he want to live waaaay out there. I'm crushed but should've known in the 1st place.
:(
 

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Thanks, but...

I can't make her happy, but I can make her unhappy. She's got needs which don't always match mine 100%, so I'm trying to be understanding and respectful of that.
Can't express how important this is...keep this attitude and you will do well whichever way you end up going.

I toured new farm Thursday. It was enough to get me excited at the possibility of living there, but more research needs to be done. DW is resistant to even going to look at the place, hence my frustration. If she went there and really decided she would not be happy there, I could walk away from the deal and know we made the right decision.
Tell her that. It both tells her how important it is to you, how important she is to you, and gives her the freedom to decide.
 

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There might be a reason that you are not seeing.

You bought a property three years ago and now you have another property in mind that would be better. Has this happened before? Will it happen again? Maybe this is the real problem.

Not being settled is a really big problem for many.
 

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As someone who is trying to sell her property, "Too far out" is a refrain I'm really getting tired of.
 
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