I wrote this last night. It is religious, and I am giving you a heads up. I thought some of you could relate, especially those who have lost their ladies or boys in the past couple of weeks. I felt I needed to share with you all...not srue why. maybe it will touch someone and alter their life is some small way. Death No matter how many times I see a life enter the world and breath for the first and how many times I've held physically or emotionally a life dimming and a soul leaving this world to join the Lord, I don't think I will ever get used to it. Marmalade was born on Monday, January, 17, 2005. She left this world, less than an hour ago. She was held in my arms and it wasn't until her spirit had left that I finally knew her name. Dad says we have never had a cow named Marmalade...and we aren't likely to either. We rarely reuse names and it is never on purpose. I work in a job where life and death are common occurences. I am numbed to a certain extent and that showed in how I immediately began to think about how and where we were going to put her body to make room for the other calves that are coming. She hadn't been dead five minutes and I was already putting her in a Primer sack before rigor-mortise set in. Because after that it is difficult to form them how you want them. Anyone watching would think I was heartless and cold, but I am not. I guess it helps that I no longer see a being but a body, organic matter. The soul, the essence, the being itself is no longer there. It has gone to be with the Lord..... I can't help but blame myself for not being a better person and that makes me selfish. If I had spent the required amount of time down there I might have saved her. If dad didn't have so much to handle, she might have made it. So many ifs and no way to go back and correct all the mistakes. Once it is over, it is over and you can't bring them back and you can't apologize.