[Mrs Katzenchix]

This is a long post, but my 33 yo stepdaughter is in Honduras & I'm really afraid her life is in danger. The situation is really beyond my realm of knowledge & I would like advice about what to do. Here is the situation.

DD has been in a relationship with a man from Honduras for 8 years. DD & Dingo (not his real name) lived together in Florida for 6 years (he was here illegally). They both worked...according to DD he made really good money in construction & paid most of the bills. Dingo had 3 children in Honduras and together they sent lots of money to his family & kids there. Basically, DD considered his kids as her own (she has not been able to have biological children).

About 2 years ago, Dingo's mother became ill and DD traveled with him back to Honduras. They paid to have their new truck sent there along with all kinds of goods & appliances to furnish their home. (They were given property by Dingo's parents & they used other money to buy additional houses.) As soon as they got to Honduras, DD married Dingo (tho she has not done anything to change her marriage status here is the US). DD can only stay in Honduras temporarily so she returned to the US after 3 months & lived with us for awhile while trying to bring Dingo over to the US legally. DD saw some immigration attorneys but wasn't able to accomplish anything due to a prior incident of him being caught in the US illegally.

DD went back to Honduras & then returned to us 3 months later. She said their new plan was that she would live with us in the US & work for 6 months, then go back to Honduras to live with Dingo for 3 months while they tried to bring him & his kids over legally. So DD has been traveling back & forth between here & Honduras for the past 2 years. During this time, Dingo did not work but "invested" their money buying property & building homes in Honduras, renting them out, etc. While she lived with us, DD worked at Walmart & KMart and sent Dingo basically all the money she made. Every return trip to Honduras she stuffed her suitcases with presents for him & his kids.

My DH & I were suspicious of the arrangement, but DD really loved Dingo & his kids & we were given every indication that he was trustworthy & loved her. We never met the man in person, but other family members have met him & they seemed to back him up. Also DD is a little stubborn & I knew we would only push her away if we expressed any doubts about the man. But we grew more & more suspicious of Dingo the longer this went on.

On Sept. 1st, DD went back to Honduras again after spending another 6 mos. here. About a month later, DD called us. She said that she had suspected Dingo of cheating on her. He denied it so she put an MP3 recorder in his truck & caught him on tape in the act. Now she wants to divorce & leave him but she does not want to leave Honduras without some share of all the money she put into the relationship over the years. Dingo has told her that he will sell one of their houses and give her some of the money (she said it was about $10,000). But he said it will take some time for the money to come through & she should wait until then.

When DD first called in October, I told DD okay but warned her to be careful. I can understand the emotion & reasons why she wants something back out of this relationship. But my DH was livid--he wants her back now--forget the money. We have both told DD that money is nothing compared to her life & I said come home if she senses any danger at all. Dingo is related to half the community there in Honduras. Also DD has told us that, where they live in Honduras, contracts are put out on people all the time. One of their friends was gunned down in cold blood because he owed someone money.

This morning I got another call from DD & the situation has deteriorated further. DD contacted a Honduran lawyer about getting a divorce. He told her that legally her position is stronger if she stays in Honduras. Also the lawyer said that she should continue to live in the house with Dingo; otherwise the Honduran courts would see her leaving the home as leaving her marriage. DD has a female friend there in Honduras & she has been walking to this person's house & spending days there, then coming back to Dingo's house every night about 8 or 9 oclock. Dingo told her to tell us that, because of her being out "running the streets" all the time, he would not be responsible if anything happens to her. I told her to let him know that he will be the only one we hold responsible if anything happens to her since he is the only one with motive to hurt her. They have been fighting all the time. Dingo offered to let her adopt his youngest child (age 8 I think) but now she doesn't want that either. DD now plans to pay the penalty & stay in Honduras another month but no longer than Jan 1st in order to get the money from the sale of the house. I told DD again to leave if she is in any danger-the money is not worth it. I got her new cellphone number & she is going to go to the local internet cafe & email me names & addresses of the people she is friends with. She is going to call us the Friday after next so we know she is okay.

After talking to her, I called my DH and told him what DD told me. He is really freaking out. I'm worried that I should have really protested more about her staying in Honduras. DH is going to call her tomorrow, but he really doesn't think she will listen to him about coming home.

I'm really worried. Even if we had lots of $$, I don't think there is much we could do to protect DD. But we are in a financial crisis ourselves right now & it would be a big stretch for us to even come up with the money to get down to Honduras if there was any trouble. We already are having trouble paying our bills each month so I don't want to hire a lawyer unless it is really necessary.

Please, I would welcome any advice or input anyone has.

 

[chewie]

good grief--tell her to skip the money, she can't use it if they gun her down, and this sounds bad. its just money, she can make more.

i am so sorry for you, what a horrible situation to be in. i am truly sorry.

 

[wyld thang]

she needs to come home NOW, send your husband to drag her back--if dear ol Dingo has SAID he is not responsible if anything happens while she is "running the streets" THERE IS YOUR ANSWER RIGHT THERE-------->the odds are pretty good something will "happen". (gah! and she already knows someone knocked off because of debt--she cannot see how cheap life is???)

I seriously doubt she would ever see any money legally outside of Dingo's generousity. She'll probably have to pay up more money in bribes to grease the wheels than what she'll ever get. Like the economy is gonna be hot stuff in Honduras as time goes by? You think things are corrupt here? try getting stuff done in a third world country--it takes LOTS of bribes and balls of steel and knowing the right people. My sister is a felon in Mozambique, because a black national rearended her--on purpose, to get bribe money out of her(you don't want me to sue you miss, you will lose and go to jail because my brother is the judge), literally her fault was not knowing she should have gotten out of the man's way--luckily she worked for an organization who knew Important People, and her sentence was dropped(though the conviction remains on her "record"). Think about how fun it is to go through customs when it comes up you are a felon in an African country???

I'm just saying, as an American she's got a huge target on her back---especially since she's an American trying to get money out of a Honduran citizen. SHE IS NOT IN AMERICA, things don't work there like they do here. Especially in these rough economic times the lawyers will fart around and suck up money(bribes to do their job) and in the end she probably has no legal leg to stand on(in other words she is SOL for sure). Her LIFE is not worth this. If she were my daughter I'd go down there, handcuff myself to her and DRAG her back on the plane. If you guys show any smidgen of possibly having money, her target gets bigger for kidnapping.


Get her home TONITE.

 

[MorrisonCorner]

Use the holidays as an excuse to come back to the United States. Have her tell this man that you are ill, or she is concerned about her aging parents and since things are not going well between them she'd like to spend the holidays with family and since there is "always extra work around the holidays" she can pick up some extra money by picking up an easy job. If this man is accustomed to her sending money back to Honduras he just might buy this and allow her to leave unmolested.

 

[zookeeper16]

Advise her to come home. If she takes your advice, GREAT. If not, there's really nothing you can do about it.

I know - blunt and to the point, but it's the truth!

 

[wottahuzzee]

She is mad because he was unfaithful to her which really should not be a surprise because it sounds like he is accustomed to using women, and she is mad because she realizes he has used her financially, so she wants something back from her "investment." There are a lot of cultural differences at play here.

If the suggestions from the above posts fail, I think you should try to contact the Department of State and find out if there is an embassy that can at least do "welfare checks" on her and maybe expedite her way out of the country. Maybe they can talk to her privately and really warn her of the danger that she may be in. You can get the contact info for the correct person in the embassy there, talk to them, and find out if your daughter's assessment of the situation is correct. I really think you should do this and get some firsthand information about the situation in that country. It seems like what you know about the situation is from your daughter and a lot of her knowledge is what Dingo tells her. Also perhaps your congresspersons can help you with the State Department contact.

There is no guarantee that the lawyer she talked to is honest and told her the truth. He may be corrupt and/or he could be relaying everything to Dingo and playing her along. Maybe he sees her not only as part of the "American Gravy Train" but a dumb, spoiled, lazy American woman who deserves whatever she gets.

My first thought is to try to get her home for the holidays by reasoning with her and perhaps a visit from an embassy person. You could also try it might be "some family member's last Christmas," (make sure any family member she might contact by phone is in on this), or a fake health crisis. Of course, the fake illness scenarios are not really honest and if she figures it out, there might be repercussions later on.

She may be relatively safe as long as she is "bringing home some bacon -- $" and does not cause too much trouble. If she finds out he is stringing her along about the money from the sale of the house (which he is most likely doing) and makes a stink, then it is possible that she will be in real danger.

She is much better off cutting her losses, getting out of Dodge, and cutting off all contact with him, his kids, anyone from the family or that country, but apparently at this point she just doesn't see it. I know there are a lot of unpleasant and bad things going on in this country, but I think it is still one of the safer places to be right now.

Again, I urge you to get in contact with State Department/embassy officials and try to get their perspective on things. They may be able to do nothing except explain the laws down there and how things work. Their services are paid for through your taxes. Get one of your congresspersons to help you. They have large staffs that handle constituent affairs/problems. Again, they are paid with your tax dollars. Don't be shy about using them. At the very least, you can maybe get some insight on how things really work down there.

Look up the websites for your congresspeople as well as the State Department. IIRC, the State Department has a page for each country they have embassies in, and they also have FAQ sections so maybe that will help you. Start Googling the country she is in and be creative, like "marital law in Bananaland," "women's rights in Bananaland," women's rights groups in Bananaland," "divorce laws in Bananaland," "property ownership in Bananaland, etc." Switch the search terms around and take notes. I don't think there is much that you can get accomplished over the next four days, but get as much information as you can online and be ready on Monday. Use all the 800 numbers available when contacting fed officials. Again, your tax dollars.

I am sorry you are in his situation. Your daughter has made some bad choices and I can really empathize with your distress. My daughter has married an idiot. Apparently, she thinks she can fix him but I don't think they make the parts for him anymore. He is actually slowly dragging her down to his level. I know he is physically abusive at times and it is possible he could hurt her badly. I have tried to help her, but I have finally had to just stand back and basically wash my hands of them. It is really frustrating. About the only thing I could do at this point is (TOS violation I am sure) and I don't want to spend the rest of my life in a Florida prison. There are some people you cannot help and your daughter also may be one of those people.

Again, I am sorry for the fear and distress you are experiencing. Please talk to or contact people who understand the situation in that country and maybe you can formulate a plan. God bless you, dear, and give you strength to work through this awful situation. You will be in my thoughts.

 

[RoseGarden]

I have been in Honduras, Nicaragua, El Salvador. I am telling you, your daughter is in danger if she stays. If this man treats her this way, he will have no compunction about having her killed and disposed of.

 

[Mrs Katzenchix]

I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who has posted. After reading all the comments you have made, I feel more convinced than ever that DD is in real danger. I have called another family member who is also going to call DD & try to talk her into coming home immediately.

 

[wr]

The money means nothing and she's likely not going to see any of it anyhow. Too many women in the world end up dead because they don't leave dangerous domestic situations quick enough and your daughter needs to get herself to the airport and on a plane as quick as she possibly can.

 

[Ardie/WI]

Advise her to come home. If she takes your advice, GREAT. If not, there's really nothing you can do about it.

I know - blunt and to the point, but it's the truth!

The acorn doesn't fall far from the tree does it, DD!

 

[ZMTmom]

The money means nothing and she's likely not going to see any of it anyhow. Too many women in the world end up dead because they don't leave dangerous domestic situations quick enough and your daughter needs to get herself to the airport and on a plane as quick as she possibly can.

Amen!! He's just using the house sale as a "weapon" to keep her there so he has control of the situation. If the Honduran attorney is telling her to STAY with him instead of helping her to get out...he's not much better. Praying for her safety(and a lesson learned)...please keep us posted.

 

[wottahuzzee]

Also, I did want to add. If it turns out she is without funds to return home and there is no one in the family to help her, under certain situations the embassy will pay for her trip home, but they will yank her passport until reimbursed and that could be a blessing in disguise. Again, this is under certain circumstances and I don't know what they are.

 

[wyld thang]

I know we'll all be praying for you! and that your daughter will be able to see things clearly!!!

 

[chickenista]

Central America just doesn't work like America does.
He is allowed to cheat. In fact, it is to be expected and accepted. He is the man. She is but a woman.
She needs out..now!
I agree with the embassy etc...
Could you "fake" a heart attack or something? Have DH call and say you are in the hospital and not doing well? She would be mad.. but alive and on American soil.
Rather her here and livid than there and dead!

 

[LvDemWings]

I think talking to an attorney in the US would be worth while. If she has proof that she married him in Honduras she may be able to get a divorce in the US. She would forgoe any money but her husband wouldn't be able to use her to apply for citizenship. I would also have your DH give the lawyer in Honduras a call and get some information on the likelyhood that she would really see anything by staying and put him on notice not to mess around.

 

[wottahuzzee]

One thing I find so incongruous about this situation is that he lived here illegally for eight years and apparently did well enough to ship a new pickup home. However, even though she is allegedly married to him, she has to leave for six months and can only return for three months and has to pay a penalty for staying longer. Is that really for real?

Disrespect our immigration laws, but she has to follow theirs to the letter (which, of course, I recommend in this situation -- she doesn't need any legal trouble). Can you point out to her the basic disrespect they have for America and Americans?

 

[Mrs Katzenchix]

wottahuzzee - according to DD, she is only allowed 3 months in Honduras on her passport, then she has to leave but it can be as simple as crossing the border to another country for a day, then coming back. They decided that she should stay in the US for 6 months at a time bc airfare was so expensive and she needed to work to support them. I agree--there is a big discrepancy in how other countries treat immigrants & how we do. But in this case, I'm glad bc it is more motivation for her to leave the country & come back home.

 

[Rocky Fields]

Hey.

She should talk to someone at the American Embassy.

RF

 

[lilmizlayla]

i hate illegals.

i would want my daughter home also. its not worth it all, but i can see where she is determined to get even with him.

ya know..there are alot of rats in a warm climate like that. if i were her, i would make sure my investment doesnt get overrun by rodents. real shame if some ended up in his food..real shame

 

[mama2littleman]

There is an American Embassy in Tegucigalpa, or at least there was one back in 1996. Call the Embassy, ask for their advice. Then tell your daughter the facts of life about being an American in a Foreign country.

She is not in a good situation, and her life is truly in danger.

Nikki