OK poor me, you caused this.... I couldn't let this one pass as I have several consultants in my much loved family...LOL COWBOY LOGIC > A cowboy was herding his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new > BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. > The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses > and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, > "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, > will you give me a calf?" > > > The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his > peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure. Why not?" > The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it > to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the > Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an > exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA > satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young > man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to > an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. > > Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has > been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a > MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of > complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an > email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. > Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, > miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, > "You have exactly 1586 cows and calves." > > > "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the > cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on > amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. > Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what > your business is, will you give me back my calf?" > The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?" > > "You're a consultant." says the cowboy. > Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" "No > guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here > even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already > knew, to a question I never asked; and you don't know anything > about my business... > > > > ....Now give me back my dog." :yeeha: :yeeha: :yeeha: LOL LQ
Up here in northern Maine, we had a terrible time with feral cats. They were everywhere, making messes, yowling all night and making babies. A bunch of us got together and went to our town fathers and complained mightily about this problem. So our town fathers decided to hire a consultant to provide a solution to this problem. This guy came to town and started looking at the situation. He hid out in hedges, under old barns, up in trees and on shed roofs. Finally, he went back to the TF and reported. He told them there was a huge old tomcat that was responsible for all the breeding going on with these cats. He recommended that they catch this old guy, neutralize him and that would solve the problem by cutting back on the number of cats. So, that was the course of action. After a while the number of cats dropped off and we were able to start living a normal life. Then it all started again. Cats everywhere making all the same problems as before. We all went back to the Town Fathers again, and they called back their consultant. He went on his search mission again and soon brought back a report to the TF. He told them that when the big boss tom was taken out of circulation, things started going back to normal because the young males didn't have a clue as to what to do about a female in heat. So, the young males got together, took up a collection of good stuff and hired the old tom as a consultant.
