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In Memorium
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A friend was just telling me how difficult this time of the year is for her. She has had a challenging life and Christmas seems to bring back all the sad memories.

I told her that she isn't alone. I can, with all honesty, say I have no happy Christmas memories of my childhood.

My advice is to play down the Holidays in her mind. To occupy herself with other things. Kind of like "this too shall pass".

Does anyone have advice on how to cope that I could pass on?
 

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make new traditions to add good memories to the season. I am sorry this is not a good time of the year for some. I know I can get stressed with how long x-mas lasts. Everything goes up in Oct-Nov (one year it was in Aug. at Walmart) and lasts through the new year. It is a very long season.

I have threatened to go somewhere where they don't have the commercial hype, but I don't think I could afford to get there. :viking:

Making new traditions can go a long way in helping keep to the here and now. I was also told that when feeling blue I should help others and my problems will seem to fade away. That is true too. If I am feeling bad then helping others will remind me that there are others always facing worse things. I hope peace is made with the season. best to you and yours.
 

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If I need a Shelter
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Me I miss the Big get togethers.So many have passed.We haven't been Decorating the House or sending Cards.But this year I Decorated the House made sure Cards were sent.I plug in the Lights and Light Candles.

People don't get together here because it is too hard to get back here so we go to our Sons.I will enjoy the Babies and the Younger Folks,realizing that one day it wiil be my time to be with my Hevenly Father like so many before.Yes I will miss this world but know that there is so much better waiting on me.

big rockpile
 

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We laid my mom to rest today. Christmas was her very favorite time of year and she loved doing the big family meal and get-together. Mom had been in the nursing home since suffering a series of massive strokes last January. Her grip on life when all seemed hopeless has proven to be a lesson of miracles for all of us who've witnessed this in the past year and right up to her final breath. Amazing at what she endured to stay with us for one last Christmas.

I offer my condolences to all who lose special loved ones during the holidays and throughout the year. I recommend to all to find your joy and to focus on life however it presents itself, ever grateful for the precious gift it is.
 

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rose 2005, I lost my first DH on New Years day. Having small children at that time, I focused on good memories of him and of every Christmas we had. It made it a happy occasion. There was a lot of traumatic things we could have dwelt on but I cholse to look at the good and bring my children up with good memories.
 

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writing some wrongs
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Those who say "go help others" have it right.

I've battled depression off and on my whole life. I know it's a chemical thing, but it always makes me really angry with myself because I don't have it bad in life at all. I never do - I have a lot to be thankful for. There are always people who have it worse. And then I feel worse because I'm mad at myself for being so pathetic, and it goes on and on.

Well, I am going to change that. I figure, I can keep falling into this stupid rut, or I can do something about it.

Last year on Dec. 8th my mom died. During the weeks after, along with everything else I did, I kept up with a program I'd signed on for a couple years before to make hats and scarves for kids who wouldn't get much for Christmas. At one point we had over a dozen ladies making these sets. Last year, all but two quit - they were just too busy. We were supposed to crochet them. I'm good, but not that good - no way could I crochet 10 hats and scarves in a month. I made them out of fleece instead, and mailed them off with bags of gummy bears stuffed inside. I felt wretched about losing my mom, but this was something I felt I had to do, so I made myself do it, and I felt SO much better.

I did it this year too, but not quite so many. :)

When someone is grieving, it's important to face the loss and deal with it. But after a while, it just becomes a rut - an ingrained habit. "Oh, it's that season again, boohoo." Pretty soon even those who care about you start to roll their eyes 'cause you're such a downer. Yeah, I know all about that.

Truth is, there IS always someone out there who's got it worse than you do. You can't afford a ham and have to eat burgers instead? Someone out there is making do with a 33 cent pack of noodles. Your kid can't make it into town to see you? Someone else is mourning their kid's death. Your legs are stiff and you need a cane to walk with? Someone else can't get out of bed without help. You can't afford to fill up your heating oil tank at home? Someone else has no home at all.

You can't fix everything, but you can make someone smile. Today. It's all a choice.

Yesterday we took someone shopping who had nothing in their kitchen at all. $30 of food at the Dollar General felt like a million bucks.

It's a choice.
 

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We laid my mom to rest today. Christmas was her very favorite time of year and she loved doing the big family meal and get-together. Mom had been in the nursing home since suffering a series of massive strokes last January. Her grip on life when all seemed hopeless has proven to be a lesson of miracles for all of us who've witnessed this in the past year and right up to her final breath. Amazing at what she endured to stay with us for one last Christmas.

I offer my condolences to all who lose special loved ones during the holidays and throughout the year. I recommend to all to find your joy and to focus on life however it presents itself, ever grateful for the precious gift it is.
Soulsurvivor, I would like to offer my condolences to you on the passing of your mother, and I thank you for reminding us to be grateful for the miracle that life is no matter how it presents itself.
 

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:viking:
We laid my mom to rest today. Christmas was her very favorite time of year and she loved doing the big family meal and get-together. Mom had been in the nursing home since suffering a series of massive strokes last January. Her grip on life when all seemed hopeless has proven to be a lesson of miracles for all of us who've witnessed this in the past year and right up to her final breath. Amazing at what she endured to stay with us for one last Christmas.

I offer my condolences to all who lose special loved ones during the holidays and throughout the year. I recommend to all to find your joy and to focus on life however it presents itself, ever grateful for the precious gift it is.
Im sorry for your loss, I know it well. May God Bless you and take her soul to a better place.
 

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Edayna is right on the money on this one - on the thinking of others instead of yourself and especially on the "it's a choice."

We all need to be reminded that using this day to relive our past not only waste this day but makes a bad and sad habit that much stronger.

Make this the day you choose to stop waiting on someone else to prove their love for you and go out and share your love with someone else who likely needs it just as much if not more.

HO HO HO ;)

Marlene
 

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joy seeker
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Lots of good things said in the above replies...I'll add that living in the moment is a priceless way to approach life in many, many ways.

Whilst appreciating all we have been through in the past and anticipating a bright future, but focusing our energies and thoughts on THIS MOMENT--what we can be thankful/grateful for RIGHT NOW can often give good perspective and coping.

If the moment does not feel like a 'good' one...hang on tight and wait for the next one.

All we truly have in this world is hope.

~~Merry Christmas Y'all :)
 

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Funny, on my drive to work this morning, for a split second, I felt sorry for myself because I had to work today (both jobs). As I drove, I saw cars coming toward me, and I thought to myself "They're probably going to have a nice family day" (poor, poor me).

Then I thought, in all reality, "That couple could be fighting, that person might be lonely, and that man may have just buried his mother".

As it turns out, I had a wonderful day. I didn't get to see any of my family, but I was filled with gratitude, and the Christmas Spirit. God Bless!
 

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I'm sorry for those of you who have such hard memories associated with Christmas. My childhood was a particularly nasty one, as well, but I have also chosen to build new memories and to choose joy. Every year is better than the last.

When I was a teenager and a new Christian, I was tempted to feel condemned about not being able to forgive the things that were done to me. When I looked up the root word and literal meaning of the word "forgive" in the Bible, I saw that it meant "to repeatedly push away offense". This was really freeing to me. I realized that forgiveness was an every day choice - not a feeling that is attained and retained.


From my view, the best that you can do:

- Start new traditions
- Decide every day to live in joy and to forgive the past (yourself and others)
- Choose to spend time with those that love you and that are positive
- Focus on the real "Reason" for Christmas. If your eyes are on Christ, you'll have a hard time feeling sorry for yourself.
 

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Soulsurvivor, my condolences on the loss of your mother. Life is indeed precious.

Edayna, true words of wisdom.

Christmas the last few years has not been the best for me, either, not having that special person to spend it with; I tend to only see the commercial craziness going on. This year I agreed to "horse-sit" for someone so they could go out of town. They have 5 horses and a wonderful standard donkey, who is very vocal. Gizmo starts talking as soon as he sees people.
As I was cleaning stalls this afternoon, I thought how wonderful to be in a stable with a donkey singing to me on Christmas. Amazing how little it takes for all to feel right again.

Twila
 

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Master Of My Domain
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- Focus on the real "Reason" for Christmas. If your eyes are on Christ, you'll have a hard time feeling sorry for yourself.


:goodjob:
 

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Some are good, some stink. That's just life.
 

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As I was cleaning stalls this afternoon, I thought how wonderful to be in a stable with a donkey singing to me on Christmas. Amazing how little it takes for all to feel right again.

Twila
The mind picture of that gave me a feel good smile too. Thank you. Thank you all for sharing here.
 
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