Homesteading Forum banner
1 - 20 of 32 Posts

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
5,937 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have a worry. We don't do church in quite the way we should - partly because I don't feel entirely comfortable with the church we attend and there isn't a lot of choice. But I made up my mind over Christmas that we would be better about going. But DD is very resistant. She doesn't usually mind going too much once we get there. And I allow her to take a book or some colouring. But when I said we were going this morning she was really down and said that it is "boring".

I can sort of relate to where she is coming from. There are no other children at all at the church we attend, and apart from one other I am way the youngest person there. They always do their best to welcome DD and I, but there really isn't anything there to encourage DD. There is no Sunday school.

I really don't want to force her as I am worried that that will put her off quicker than anything. But I really want to go and I also want to really involve her. I suggested that maybe as she is older now, maybe she should read along with the readings etc and then it might be better. But she said that she has her own bible to read at home.

I really don't know how to handle this - I guess it would be easier if we had just gone every week since she was a baby, but for various reasons that didn't happen.

Has anyone else dealt with this?

TIA

hoggie
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,741 Posts
In the whole entire church there is no other children, ever ?? You did't say how young she was. But, letting her have a book to read or whatever is OK in my world. As long as she is quiet and respectful during the service. She should get up and down during the songs and learn to bow her head during prayers etc. If she was to continue going on a regular basis I just bet someone would be happy to give her a Sunday school lesson just for her during the time when the sermon is being given for the adults. Make it a point to continue. Even if things don't change your daughter should learn to be respectful of church and of your request and behave well, as she seems to do already. I would get bible coloring books and stories that she could read and do during church time to keep with the "theme" of church time. I commend you on getting yourself back into church.
 

·
If I need a Shelter
Joined
·
21,628 Posts
Guess shev hasn't heard of Drug Abuse :confused: You know being Drug to Church each Sunday. :p

big rockpile
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
6,374 Posts
IDK. I was the only kid in the church my grandmother attended and... yeah, didn't work out so well. I don't see what good it does to teach a kid to be respectful when all it's going to do is aggravate them and they wind up viewing church as... well, to a seven year old? Ultimate torment, lol.

You know your DD and we don't, though. If it's a brief service and you want to go, I think I'd bring her and her book and let her sit there and read. Perhaps her Bible if she agrees... she can either decide to take part of her own free will or not. As long as you teach her at home, which it sounds you do, I don't see the harm.

But eh, I don't go to church either, and likely never will again. I do, however, have a close relationship with Him and will raise my boy the same.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
16,519 Posts
I haven't had a kid yet that hasn't gone through a "church is boring" phase. Some went through it more than once. Usually it had more to do with their freedom to object than with any real opposition to church in general. I have always allowed mine to take a book to draw in or a church book to read. It is hard for a child to stay focused on a sermon that they don't understand. I do insist that they remain quiet and respectful and will take them out of the meeting if they cause a fuss. Eventually, they have all learned to pay attention and we have some really good discussions about it at home over lunch.

Have you approached the local minister about your daughter's position and what they might be willing to do to help?
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
2,981 Posts
I was raised a ministers daughter and I thought church was boring. Now you couldn't keep me out of church. My 14-year-old absolutely hates going to church and all I ever hear is how boring it is. But he is still going. I see nothing wrong with taking things to let her do in church. She is still getting the word, even if she isn't sitting stone face forward. Sometimes the word gets in better when it gets in their subconscious.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
5,937 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Helena - yes. she is the only child. As I say, it is an older congregation.

jen - like I say, once we get there she doesn't mind too much - she does hate putting her book down to stand up and sing though. Which is funny as she loves singing, and when I said that to her she said it's different in church because she doesn't know the hymns. I pointed out tha tif we went more often we would know more of the hymns but she wasn't convincecd LOL

Callieslamb - when we were going more often before, the minister used to leve a bag with some drawing things and some pictures to colour that were relevant to the day's lesson. It is such a small congregation that I am not sure what else they could do - it's not often there are more than a dozen people in church. But I might have a word with her and see what she says.

hoggie
 

·
In Memorium
Joined
·
15,516 Posts
We have a lot of children in our congregation but, still the children are the same. Restless, bored, etc.
Hey, I'd be bored too if all I could see is some adults rear when everybody stands up ! See if you can seat her on the outside of the pew where she can peer out!
Bring crayolas and a coloring book, books to read, maybe a small (noiseless) toy and a little round cereal we in America call Cheerios. Kids love them to nibble on.
Tell her that she doesn't have to stand and sing, she can remain seated or not sing at all!
If she is familiar with the building and there is a place for her to get a drink, tell her she can go and get one ONCE during the service. That cures the restlesness a bit.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
6,787 Posts
How long a service? Here ist usually an hour. With a few songs at the start and a few at the end communion and a call to repent. all in all it only leaves about 20 minutes of actual sermon. tell her she can controll herself for that long and to veiw it as a chance to practice her mannors!
 

·
talk little, listen much
Joined
·
1,696 Posts
how well do you know the minister? could you arrange time with him or a church elder to have your dd assist with the service, before church or even during the week. maybe she'd like to do a reading or play piano or organ for the service. when kids feel ownership of a place or occasion, they enjoy it more
 

·
writing some wrongs
Joined
·
6,873 Posts
No real answer, just a quick comment -- my son says church is boring too and never wants to go, he's 10 and there are a bunch of kids in our church, so not the same reason, he's just spoiled and gets bored. :) But I have the opinion that every child should get used to doing boring things without complaining too much. Builds character. :D I grin, but I am serious. My kids were never allowed to do what other kids do, sit with books, coloring books, toys (except when they were very young, like toddlers) - I have even seen kids with handheld video games in church and I think that is so very wrong. If they're gonna do THAT, why take them at all? Make 'em learn to sit still and behave and deal with a little boredom for an hour. They'll have no choice but to pay attention now and then, or at least refine their daydreaming skills. ;)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
200 Posts
No real answer, just a quick comment -- my son says church is boring too and never wants to go, he's 10 and there are a bunch of kids in our church, so not the same reason, he's just spoiled and gets bored. :) But I have the opinion that every child should get used to doing boring things without complaining too much. Builds character. :D I grin, but I am serious. My kids were never allowed to do what other kids do, sit with books, coloring books, toys (except when they were very young, like toddlers) - I have even seen kids with handheld video games in church and I think that is so very wrong. If they're gonna do THAT, why take them at all? Make 'em learn to sit still and behave and deal with a little boredom for an hour. They'll have no choice but to pay attention now and then, or at least refine their daydreaming skills. ;)
I have to agree. We attend a church that bends the other direction. The kids are at their separate entertaining church downstairs. That doesn't work either. They never learn any of the hymns, just pop songs with the word "Jesus" in it. And they get to color, eat, watch video clips, etc. The church is just blending into the culture. Drives me nuts. We actually started teaching our 5 yr old's Sunday school class so that we have a more active involvement in his Christian education. While it is fun, these kids are learning scripture and meaningful hymns and they are learning to sit still and quietly to listen to the Bible passage. I feel like this is preparing them for a sermon in "big" church.
 

·
wendys_goats
Joined
·
398 Posts
I had that problem too until I changed churches or should I say religons. Then my kids loved going and would get upset with me when we weren't able to go even in their teens they loved it. Many times you see parents dragging their kids out crying cause they don't want to leave. Some kids worship along with the adults and some play quietly in the pews.
 

·
Learning everyday
Joined
·
1,960 Posts
Does she have a friend she could bring with her? Maybe there would be comfort in numbers. Who knows, if a group of friends start coming it might breathe new life into the congregation.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
15,981 Posts
I think a mature seven year old is too old to be coloring in church. You could read the readings prior to the service and discuss them a little to help her feel more connected. Ditto with the songs. I went to a Catholic church, and the attached school, so my class learned the songs in school and it really did make you feel more involved when you were somewhat familiar with the songs and could contribute. Now, Mass was long, often over an hour, and in Latin. I survived. I know of other churches where the service is two hours or longer, but they do not have the children in the church they have them in Sunday School.

I second the notion that your DD could have a job during the service. I know that 13 year old alter boys reported that being an alter boy made Mass much more interesting for them.

I attended a Methodist service once where the minister had the children come to the front of the church (little, small town church) where he gave a sermon just for them. The children then left for Sunday school downstairs. I wonder if the minister would be willing to do something like this. If the service is long, you could leave after the children's sermon. He wouldn't even have to call it a children's sermon, just give a children's sermon and everyone would know it was for her.
 

·
God Smacked Jesus Freak
Joined
·
7,456 Posts
HI Hoggie! I guess I'm a mean mom in that there are just some things in life that are not "fun" and we go do them anyway--kids can learn that. What is church for--it's for feeding your relationship with God and building relationships with the body of Christ. Others others others, not me me me. Can you invite other church members over for tea, and get to know them better? when I was a kid my church was full of interesting old farts(and young farts). Take food to the old folks who arent' in good shape? Discuss the sermon with her afterwards, it will help you to listen better if you look for one good question to ask her about the bible verse. SHe would love it if you told what you might DISAGREE with what the pastor said too :D.

All kids don't like church at some point, I just say yeah, whatever that's life, we're going and get out the door. I find too that kids like it when they are included in adult stuff(like if the church had a party and they helped with set up, cooking, serving or decorations).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,638 Posts
I've seen it from two points of view, albeit with three kids in tow.
We attended, for years, was married and the kids baptized in a small country chapel where they were the only children. They were loved by the elders and doted on, treated like they had many grandparents, etc. Then the population dwindled. When we were 5 of the 7 total members of the little church, we sat down and really evaluated whether it was 'church'? As the other two members were not ones who were happy with us (for several reasons, but honestly they were never very happy about anything), we opted to drive a 15 mile trip each way to move to a larger, in town church. It was a transforming move. My children had other children, and programming for kids, and with a nursery for the youngest, I felt like I was truly worshiping for the first time in many, many years. We had other couples our age, who were support and guidance. We had a church family who was warm and loving. My children had 'jobs' to do, unlike the country church. They were Bible Bearers and crucifers and acolytes. They had friends they could count on when the going got tough and like minded church kids that they attended school with daily. We had fellowship and worship like we had never known.

Both things had it's good points... I suggest that you sit down and really think what you'll needing and looking for. Then find that, or as close to it as you can come.
My children who are young adults have found churches in the cities where they are in college (of their own accord) that are similar to the church of their growing up years. They like the 'family' support when they're away from home and they find similar worship patterns comfortable and welcoming.

Good luck...
dawn
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
831 Posts
My advice is to check out other churches around your area. We made the mistake of staying with some VERY BORING churches with only a few children in the congregation.

Now I look forward to seeing the people, listening and singing to the music, and feeling good about life in general. And feeling inspired, uplifted, etc. after hearing the sermon (that I can actually understand for once). Simplicity, Generosity, and Joy. That is what the sermon was about this morning. Ten years ago I couldn't tell you what the sermon was about five minutes later. And, all the kids really seem to enjoy going to Children's church (they go downstairs after the music is done into groups of their own).

Please don't make the mistake my husband and I made the first 25 years of our marriage! Keep looking!
 
1 - 20 of 32 Posts
Top