Can you stand another list of redneck jokes?

Discussion in 'Homesteading Questions' started by Lynne, Jul 5, 2006.

  1. Lynne

    Lynne Well-Known Member

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    Even more redneck jokes: some old, some new. I know how many bales of hay fit in my car :rolleyes: .



    1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

    2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

    3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

    4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

    5. You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.

    6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

    7.You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

    8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

    9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

    10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

    11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

    12. Your gran dmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

    13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

    14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

    15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

    16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

    17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

    18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

    19. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-room's so clean.

    20. You can spit without opening your mouth.

    21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

    22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

    23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

    24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

    25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

    26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

    27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

    28.You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

    29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

    30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.
     
  2. wy_white_wolf

    wy_white_wolf Just howling at the moon

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    You need to get this one right. The bottom one has picture but no sound and the top one has sound but no picture.
     

  3. insanity

    insanity Well-Known Member

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    OK so ill admit to #1 and 2 but as for #3 it had only been 8years or so.Then i gave it to my dad.He has only had for 3years so far.These things take time to fix. :rolleyes:
    Um and #4,9, 10,15,16,17,20,23,25 have occurred at one time or another.And as for #30 i was only going 45 but that could still be considered fast for Ford Escort i guess.(But I call Um tenderized!) :D

    Also as for #25 Its only considered tacky if there both floor models.As far as Ive heard. :shrug:
     
  4. crystalniche

    crystalniche Well-Known Member

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    Yes to about 1/2 of them only instead of a boat it is our campers in our driveway~all 3 of them. (don't ask!) LOL DH used the rag in the gas tank thing until someone pointed out that they make good "wicks" rather than gas caps. We do have a working tv on top of the broken one because FIL keeps saying he wants to get it fixed. It has been months already and he hasn't done anything with it.
     
  5. Shygal

    Shygal Unreality star Supporter

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    Only 6, not.........bad. :eek:
     
  6. posifour11

    posifour11 Well-Known Member

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    does it count if you know how many bales of hay your car will hold with two goats in the back?
     
  7. susieM

    susieM Well-Known Member

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    I miss America.
     
  8. tamatik

    tamatik Well-Known Member

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    my wife (american) tells me(canadian),that real people don,t say"pert,near"
    She also couldn,t say,saskatchewan,and balaclava when she moved here..Didn,t even know what a balaclava was...until her first winter on the prairies.She also wore longjohns til pert,near june..
     
  9. Lynne

    Lynne Well-Known Member

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    It sure do :) .


    You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

    We have a lung remover (auction find) that I keep handy for that. Never used it for butchering. Nasty looking thing but it works great to reach that one spot you can't seem to reach with you hand.
     
  10. JAK

    JAK Well-Known Member

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    I mr Canada.
    Pleased to meet you.
     
  11. turtlehead

    turtlehead Well-Known Member

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    2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
    yes

    6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
    But it was a mattress; they always decline mattresses, I'm told.

    13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
    This sounds like a great idea!

    17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
    I was in college and couldn't afford the $7 for a new one, okay?

    23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
    We call it tupperware, not salad bowls.
     
  12. Jethro

    Jethro Well-Known Member

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    I use duct tape for the gas cap, and I had a partial roll of that yellow and black striped tape use for warnings that I used too. Went to the junkyard and got a used cap that I couldn't get off the first time I used it because of the tape residue on the filler pipe. If it ain't one thing,it's another!!! And my momma got runned over by a road grader that filled up the pickup truck with gravel and sufficated her!! And the 7 coon hounds that were ridin' with her!! And her great grand nephew John Boy by her third grandfather, Le Roy!!! We lost a good income when Great Grandpa changed his will and gave the family still to the 19 yr old neighbor girl!! We tried to get even by blabbing to the revenoorers but she left the still on our property and now uncle Elwood is makin' licence plates for the govmint. Well thats enough whining for now, catch ya later, maybe in jail!!!
     
  13. HeatherDriskill

    HeatherDriskill Well-Known Member

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    Well, this is kinda funny because when I was a senior in high school, the local newspaper put a pic of every sr. and a little description of them, their family, goals, etc. I wrote down that my goal was to own a fireworks stand. I just remembered that when I read this post. How funny.
     
  14. Farmer Willy

    Farmer Willy Well-Known Member Supporter

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    ...on your part. Never heard 'pert,near'. I suppose 'nigh on' is foriegn to her also? Where was that wife of yours edumacated anyway? I can understand not knowing what a balaclava is, we didn't discuss sex much around the dinner table either, ma and pa figured that was for married folks to discuss on their own at the drive in. That and she is American. I confess the only Canadian I know is LaBatt and 'keep your stick on the ice'. Still you folks fish and have trees and beer, sound quite civilized to me.

     
  15. ThreeJane

    ThreeJane Me Love Your Face

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    Funny, I've always heard it as "prit near".

    :D
     
  16. tiffnzacsmom

    tiffnzacsmom just me Supporter

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    Hey those are good cereal bowls, serving bowls, near anything bowls with matching lids. And I give the dogs their baths in the tub so I have been known to have flea/tick shampoo in the stall.