Discussion in 'Homesteading Questions' started by almostthere, Aug 2, 2005.

  1. almostthere

    almostthere Well-Known Member

    Nov 9, 2003
    I havent checked snopes, but I thought this was cute just the same.
    I copied and pasted it(with permission) from one of my yahoo groups.

    "Read the whole thing. This is an actual letter sent to a man named
    Ryan DeVries by the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality,
    State of Michigan. This guy's response is hilarious, but read the
    State's letter before you get to the response letter

    SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County

    Dear Mr. DeVries:

    It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental
    Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the
    above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the
    legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized

    Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the
    outlet stream of Spring Pond.

    A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.
    A review of the department's files shows that no permits have been
    issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity
    is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the
    Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the
    Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the
    Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

    The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams
    partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and
    flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature
    are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department
    therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this
    location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by
    removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream
    channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than
    January 31, 2005.

    Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so
    that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.
    Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized
    activity on the site may result in this case being referred for
    elevated enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate your
    full cooperation in this matter.
    Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any


    David L. Price, District Representative
    Land and Water Management Division

    ** Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries: **
    Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.

    Dear Mr. Price,

    Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to
    respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088
    Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the process of
    constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the
    outlet stream of my Spring Pond.

    While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project,
    I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful
    use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to
    challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project
    any time and/or any place you choose.

    I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match
    their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity,
    their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work

    As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they
    must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of
    dam activity.

    My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate
    against my Spring Pond Beavers, or (2) do you require all beavers
    throughout this state to conform to said dam request? If you are not
    discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom
    of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other
    applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will
    see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and
    Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act,
    Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101to
    324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

    I have several concerns. My first concern is; aren't the beavers
    entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are
    financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -
    - so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The
    Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed
    during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is
    a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect.
    In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather
    than harassing them and calling their dam names.

    If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition
    please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them,
    they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they
    being unable to read English.

    In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build
    their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is
    green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I
    do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural
    Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it
    should protect the natural resources(Beavers) and the environment
    (Beavers' Dams).

    So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be
    referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait
    until 1/31/2005? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice
    then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to
    contact/harass them then.

    In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real
    environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears!
    Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you
    should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers
    alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your
    step! (The bears are not careful where they dump!)
    Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to
    contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this
    response to your dam office.


  2. Tracy Rimmer

    Tracy Rimmer CF, Classroom & Books Mod Supporter

    May 9, 2002
    Manitoba, Canada
    LOL! Even if it is a hoax... it's funny. Beavers can be the most persistent builders of all. Perhaps some government building contracts should go to them -- I'm sure that the result would be quicker, more reliable, and cost less!


  3. sullen

    sullen Question Answerer

    Oct 14, 2004
    Can I borrow those said Beavers? I have a lot of dam work to do around here.
  4. Wolf mom

    Wolf mom Well-Known Member

    Mar 8, 2005
    Appalachian Foothills
    :D :D :dance: :rock: :dance: :) :)
  5. foxtrapper

    foxtrapper Well-Known Member Supporter

    Dec 23, 2003
  6. Patty0315

    Patty0315 Well-Known Member

    Feb 1, 2004
    Too cute. We do all the nuicense trapping on Fort Drum { a large Military base} I will print this out for the guys they should find it funny.

    On a serious note , not many beaver damns fail , my walking to them to set a trap is another story :eek:
  7. quadrants2

    quadrants2 Well-Known Member Supporter

    Apr 2, 2005
    what a great story!
    reminds me of randy quaid in vegas vacation."wheres the dam bathroom?"

    great story!