beans

Discussion in 'Homesteading Questions' started by Clara Bell, Dec 22, 2004.

  1. Clara Bell

    Clara Bell Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    72
    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2003
    Once there lived a woman who had a maddening passion
    for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately, they had
    always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to
    her.
    Then one day she met a man and fell in love. When it
    became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself,
    "He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this
    carrying on." She made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
    Some months later her car broke down on the way home from
    work. Since she lived in the country she called her
    husband and told him that she would be late because
    she had to walk home. On her way, she passed a small
    diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than
    she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk,
    she figured that she would walk off
    any ill effects by the time she reached home.
    So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it,
    she had consumed three large orders of baked beans.
    All the way home she putt-putted, and upon arriving
    home she felt reasonably sure she could control it.
    Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed
    delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner
    tonight." He then blindfolded her and led her to her
    chair at the table.
    She seated herself and just as he was about to
    remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang.
    He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until
    he returned.
    He then went to answer the telephone.
    The baked beans she had consumed were still
    affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable,
    so while her husband was out of the room she seized the
    opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go.
    It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer
    truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill.
    She took her napkin and fanned the air around her
    vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped
    three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage.
    Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the
    other room, she went on like this for another ten
    minutes.
    When the telephone farewells signaled the end of her
    freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with
    her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands
    upon it, smiling contentedly to herself.
    She was the picture of innocence when her husband
    returned, apologizing for taking so long, he asked
    her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not.
    At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was
    surprised!!
    There were twelve dinner guests seated around the
    table to wish her a "Happy Birthday"!!!
     
  2. uncle Will in In.

    uncle Will in In. Well-Known Member Supporter

    Messages:
    7,154
    Joined:
    May 11, 2002
    CLARA BELLE - You are BAD.

    That's the hardest I've laughed since Hitler was a private!
     

  3. Clara Bell

    Clara Bell Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    72
    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2003
    uncle Will, I'm happy you enjoyed the same reaction I got when I first read it as a forward in an email from a CT blueblood up the mountain. I can not take all the credit. If I have offended anyone, I am sorry. Hey, gas in any form is a fact of life and open for all kinds of views.
    It was fun wondering what the punch line was going to be and being genuinely surprised. And yeah! theraputic!!!!! Laughter.
    Hope you and yours are warm in IN. We had a heat wave today! 50s!
    And winter rolls on......
    Clara
     
  4. boxwoods

    boxwoods Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    530
    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2003
    Location:
    Central New York
    That was funny thanks :)
     
  5. Sylvia

    Sylvia Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    87
    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2004
    Location:
    PA
    That was ....ahhhhhhh that's better...... too funny!
    thanks,
    sylvia
     
  6. newengland

    newengland Active Member

    Messages:
    40
    Joined:
    Dec 21, 2004
    Have not been on-line in a few days---what a delight to find this little gem. I tried really hard not to laugh (truly I did); but this is funny---thanks.
     
  7. deedler

    deedler Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    73
    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2004
    Location:
    Crosby, TX
    :worship: My soon-to-be-ex called tonite (very inebriated!) and I
    was bummed out even after seeing my FIRST Christmas Eve snow.
    I was just trying toget my mind back and ran across this little gem first thing.
    I'm afraid I'll keep my self awake tonite laughing.

    God Bless You! Dee
     
  8. Clara Bell

    Clara Bell Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    72
    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2003
    Merry, Merry Christmas! To all of you the best of this holiday season. Happy 24! I guess its already a celebration. Time to pack the stockings in this farmhouse above the fire keeping us warm.
    Keep reading.
     
  9. Clara Bell

    Clara Bell Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    72
    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2003
    Dee, keep with what you have in your heart. Enjoy that first snow of yours.
    I'm waiting for a full snow up here.
    Keep going with the seasons.
     
  10. mamabear

    mamabear Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    652
    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2004
    Location:
    NW AR
    I woke up before the rest of the bunch, and now I'm afraid I'm going to wake them up giggling. I can picture something like this happening. There is a commercial that I saw on television that was similar to that where a woman got in the car and let one fly before the man could get in on the other side. When he got in, she feigned innocence of anything. About that time, he introduced her to the folks in the back seat.

    I wish you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year with plenty of baked beans thrown in!

    Love to all,
    mamabear
     
  11. Clara Bell

    Clara Bell Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    72
    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2003
    Yes! I love pinto bean cooked saucey, with tomatoes and garlic, and a little salsa.
    And I love giggles and laughs!
    I can't imagine being confronted with guest in the back seat.