Avoiding Funerals

Discussion in 'Countryside Families' started by Cindy in NY, Nov 29, 2006.

  1. Cindy in NY

    Cindy in NY Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Does anyone else try to avoid funerals? I have never been comfortable attending funerals but will certainly go for family, close friends, or family of close friends. A church member passed on early yesterday and he was a very nice man but I barely knew him. Would you feel obligated to go to the funeral? I'm going to the church later today to set up the fellowship hall for the reception after the funeral and to drop off some food. Do I need to go to the funeral?
     
  2. moopups

    moopups In Remembrance

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    I am retirement age, I went to my fathers funeral, I have been to no others; mothers was a beast. I am not even going to attend my own...
     

  3. NJ Rich

    NJ Rich NJ Rich

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    Cindy in NY,

    Close friends and family are required. Some people at my church are close friends and others I really don't know that well. Since you are helping at the church for the reception and are taking food you have certainly done something to show you care. I would think the church members staying to help serve food and clean up after should let the family know you "helped out and bought food".
     
  4. Ardie/WI

    Ardie/WI Well-Known Member Supporter

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    We attend if we knew the person well or if we know family members.

    Then there are people who don't know anyone but attend to eat a free lunch. Oy!
     
  5. MaineFarmMom

    MaineFarmMom Columnist, Feature Writer

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    In my opinion funerals are for the living, not the dead. If there is a living person who will appreciate or needs you being there then yes, go. If you don't know this person's family and friends I don't think it's necessary. Your time this afternoon and a card are sufficient and respectful.
     
  6. fordson major

    fordson major construction and Garden b Supporter

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    ever since highschool, been too my grans, a great aunt, my daughters and my paw in laws. lost a whole lot more friends and relatives but can not stand seeing them gone. hope too avoid my own too, just flick a bic and scatter the ashes too the wind! :angel:
     
  7. NWMO

    NWMO Well-Known Member

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    If you simply knew the gentleman, don't feel an obligation to go. As posted earlier, the funeral is for the living to grieve.....if you need to be around others to aid you in grieving, by all means, go.......if someone there would directly benefit from your presence, then I think you should go.....otherwise, don't consider it an obligation and something you should do.....much more good you can be doing for family and friends in another way. Don't beat yourself up over it.
     
  8. Kung

    Kung Administrator Staff Member Supporter

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    You know, when I go, I'd sort of like to go out like Hunter Thompson did. (Well, not the suicide part.) Put my ashes in a cannon and *blam* blow 'em out over the back 40. Then go back to what was my house, have a few, put on some tunes, and talk about all the funny and dumb things I did. :goodjob:
     
  9. tinknal

    tinknal Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Only my own. So far I've been quite successfull..........
     
  10. Helena

    Helena Well-Known Member

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    I seem to be the one to attend funeral..husband doesn't. Last year when my step-mother passed away..the night before her death my Dad had a MI..major heart attack. He was 7 days in ICU etc. We put her on "ice" so to speak and had the funeral after he came home from the hospital My husband did drive the 250 miles to see my Dad in the hospital but did not come back down for the funeral. That was fine with me. I agree with him..visiting the living..not the dead. Being the "women" in the family here I suppose women do things like this more so than men. I personally don't care who comes to mine or not..I won't be there. A waste of time and $$..and people should get on with their living..and not spend time crying over me. Life is short. You are doing your part by being there to help in your own way. Send a card and perhaps stop by the family a week or so later to see how they are doing. A hug in the grocery store when you see them..I think that means more to the family then a crowd of people all at one time hanging around. Do what is comfortable for you and the family should understand.
     
  11. Old John

    Old John Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Yiup, I have similar Plans, all written down. DSW Sharon, youngest DSD,
    Good hearted DB, Fred all have copies.
    I have money, set aside for a case of good Irish whiskey, Songs picked out for the funeral, & Plans for the Wake, the Band to use asf.
    DSW knows where my "apron" is stored.
    Got a few personal things, listed as gifts/behests for the Kids, a few dear Friends, & Siblings.
    I definitely would NOT consider suicide, Living is Too Much Fun.

    But, Cremation, cheaper, takes up less room, afterward, lottsa +'s.
    Have Fun.
     
  12. A.T. Hagan

    A.T. Hagan Guest

    Just went to one last week only a few days before Thanksgiving.

    I avoid them when I can, but when they're family or close friends then I feel an obligation to the survivors (family or other close friends) to be there. As others have said funerals are not for the dead, they no longer care, but for the living.

    I was a pallbearer for that last one so had to sit up front and appear attentive. There were two preachers (it's what the deceased wanted) and they went on and on and on...

    .....Alan.
     
  13. Old John

    Old John Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Yeah, Funerals are sometimes unpleasant.
    But........They are a Family and Social Obligation, if it is dear Friends or Family, who are deceased. It's tacky, Not to go, in these cases.

    For Aquaintances, I guess it depends on how well you know the Family, and
    how well you liked the Person. There are degrees of Obligation.
    However, I would never shirk my real Obligations.
    That's up to you.

    But, I think, I'll get there soon enough. No Need to rush
     
  14. Cindy in NY

    Cindy in NY Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I didn't know him well at all. I thought that his only family lived in AZ but turns out he has a daughter that lives here.

    I think I'll stick with my original plan and just help with the reception set up. Thanks for all your thougths!
     
  15. heather

    heather Well-Known Member

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    I doubt that anyone is ever comfortable attending funerals.......IMHO they are all uncomfortable, no matter if it is a praise service or a mourning fest.

    I wouldn't think you need to go to this funeral of a man you barely knew. But it is nice of you to set up the hall & drop off some food.....even if the family never notices what you've done, you should feel well in your heart that you contributed.

    will you send a card? You could say, "I'm sorry that I didn't know John very well, but I am very sorry for your loss." (something along those lines)
     
  16. slnj

    slnj Well-Known Member

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    I don't go to funerals. I'll help out any way I can with the reception,wake or whatever, but I don't want to go.
    Possibly a leftover bad memory, when I was 6 my great great granny died, and was waked (Irish style) at home. My grandmother lifted me up to the coffin, and made me kiss her goodbye. Not a good thing to do to a child.
     
  17. janandkenny

    janandkenny Well-Known Member

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    Cindy, when someone in our church dies, I volunteer to set up the luncheon afterwards, receive food, make sure it is hot/cold etc. I do not go to the service at all, I don't know most of the people in our church, but I do feel that I am helping in a way that I am comfortable with.
     
  18. Reptyle

    Reptyle Well-Known Member

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    What he said...
     
  19. culpeper

    culpeper Well-Known Member

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    Funerals are the opportunity for those left behind to say their final farewells, pay respect to the departed, and share their grief. If you don't want to do any of that, then don't go. It's as simple as that.

    Also, remember that there are many times in our lives when we have to do what we don't want to do, for the sake of others. I can't imagine anybody enjoying a funeral.
     
  20. tinknal

    tinknal Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I have a friend who is a former Pastor. He told me he would rather officiate a funeral than a wedding any day. Less drama and no suprises.