Anyone remember being a teenager?

Discussion in 'Countryside Families' started by Becca65, Dec 9, 2006.

  1. Becca65

    Becca65 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    4,534
    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2005
    Location:
    Michigan
    I've been trying to think back when I was a teenager, and how i acted and treated my parents.. I can't really remember but i imagine i didn't want to spend alot of time with them, I wanted to be with my friends.
    I'm just wondering about my DD15 she seems distance these days, and it makes me sad, We don't have alot of money to just go out shopping or out to eat alot of the time, and i feel at times thats the reason she will spend time with me, maybe it's a teenager thing, but i sure do miss her when she was younger. anyone have any ideas something fun i can do with her, that doesn't involve alot of money?
     
  2. roughingit

    roughingit knitwit

    Messages:
    660
    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2005
    Location:
    Oregon
    I remember, but having had an abusive childhood I spent most of it in hiding. One bright spot was that my best friend's family semi-adopted me for family camping trips and such. I *loved* camping and hiking, and both are cheaper than shopping!
     

  3. Wildwood Flower

    Wildwood Flower Halfway, OR & Wagoner, OK

    Messages:
    3,306
    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2006
    Location:
    I live in Oregon part time, and Oklahoma part time
    My mom always took me "garage saling" and thrift store shopping. She always took me grocery shopping too (which was only once a month back then)...I was her helper to line out the sales and we'd hit several stores.

    When it was all over, Mom would take me to the drug store and she'd buy a See's Candy Rum Butter Cream (2 in a pack) and we'd share it.

    When she was older she'd rope me into going to Costco on the weekend to get a few things, but mostly to graze through the free samples. She'd laugh when I was so embarassed I'd walk 10 steps behind her.

    She also had me help her with all of the Christmas baking and we had fun. She made me help with the laundry (and there were piles and piles of it) but she played Big Band tunes and we'd dance with each other for a break. That's how I learned to do the Jitter Bug.

    My Mother played board games and card games with me (and anybody else she could rope into a game). She always had her games handy at the dining room table. We'd laugh and horse around at the same time...or have a little "girl talk" if it was just the two of us.

    My mother would brush my hair, not to fix it, just to brush it. And we'd talk.

    I sure miss my Mother. I hope you can connect with your daughter too. It doesn't take a whole lot of money. Whatever you are doing, ask her to help you. And give her some little rewards that the others don't get...like staying up a little later.
     
  4. Deb862

    Deb862 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    594
    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2005
    Location:
    Upstate NY currently
    The teenaged years are very difficult for mother/daughter relationships. When my daughter was that age there wasn't much of anything I could do with her that she would find interesting or like except shopping to buy her things; thus, we didn't have to much to do. However, the good news is that my DD is now almost 21 and we have a great relationship and can even just sit and chat over coffee whereas before she was just to rebellious and immature to do so. It takes awhile but the girls generally start coming around after they turn 19/20 or so or get out on their own.
     
  5. LVMorgan

    LVMorgan Member

    Messages:
    8
    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2003
    When my grown girls were teenagers, we had a weekly "girls' night", so named because my husband wasn't invited! It started when we had no money for Christmas (ever!) and we were home-crafting all our gifts. We each had something to teach the others, and just sitting around quietly working on things was very precious to all of us.

    We still do it, to a limited degree. Every year we get together and make a baby blanket for the local Crisis Pregnancy Center. And it is still precious.

    Linda Morgan
     
  6. culpeper

    culpeper Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,187
    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2002
    Location:
    Australia
    I remember it vividly, even though it was a long time ago.

    Wish I didn't! I wouldn't be a teenager again for a king's ransom!
     
  7. Anita in NC

    Anita in NC Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,064
    Joined:
    May 10, 2002
    As a teenager my parents used to take me to rabbit shows on weekends so I could exhibit my Old English Lops. We also used to go to the local pub (I was raised in England) and sit and chat in the beer garden and we'd go to the social club on a Friday night to play pool, darts and dance to disco music. The social club was for families - kind of like a bar set up for people with kids.

    Could you go to a dollar movie?
    How about a nature walk?
    How about coffee somewhere?

    My 10 year old son comes to Weight Watchers with me because he likes to get away from the other kids, we chat on the drive there and back and sometimes we'll go and run some together afterwards. He's tags along to keep me company.
     
  8. Ardie/WI

    Ardie/WI Well-Known Member Supporter

    Messages:
    15,516
    Joined:
    May 10, 2002
    What's going on between your DD and you is perfectly normal and it DOES hurt. Your DD has to grow away from you before she grows toward you. Make yourself available but don't push the "friendship" aspect of your relationship---it doesn't work.
     
  9. FarmboyBill

    FarmboyBill Well-Known Member Supporter

    Messages:
    23,037
    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2005
    Dad worked construction, and every night at the dinner table he would have to talk about who said what , and so on and on and on. I was sick of it. Mom sometimes talked some about her job. I made up my mind I would leave my job at the job and not talk about it at home. It was somewhat like they lived in another world, literally, and one I didnt want to be in, and at that time didnt think I ever would be in. I kinda figured it had somthing to do with the depression, and maybe they had to go to work early in life, and never got over it. Im positive they didnt really understand my world either. Dad never finished 8th grade as grandpa pulled him out to help farm, and mom broke her arm in her sophamore year and never went back. She was born in 08, and dad in 19, so of all decades they never had a clue about the 50s and 60s
     
  10. shelljo

    shelljo Well-Known Member Supporter

    Messages:
    1,238
    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2005
    Location:
    SW KS--Cowboy country
    I don't guess I was typical. I talked to my Mom about EVERYTHING. I had very few secrets from her. We used to travel an hour away to grocery shop, so would talk in the car on the way and coming home. I remember walking through the mall and holding hands with my mom.

    But, she also gave me lots of freedom. And, as a mother of a teenage son, I find it very difficult to let him go (and not WORRY!).

    But, Mom never judged, tried to answer my questions honestly. It was a good relationship. I know I'm lucky. I remember my friends being jealous on one hand and hating the fact that they knew that my Mom knew so much. And yet, many of my friends are also close to my mom, and were then. So I guess she did something right!
     
  11. Ramblin Wreck

    Ramblin Wreck Well-Known Member Supporter

    Messages:
    7,215
    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2005
    Location:
    NW Georgia
    What Ardie said. It's natural, and always rougher on the Mom.
     
  12. Chuck

    Chuck Well-Known Member Supporter

    Messages:
    3,286
    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2003
    Location:
    WV
    I kept a journal for my entire teen years. It's pretty hilarious reading now... Oh, the drama!
     
  13. michiganfarmer

    michiganfarmer Max Supporter

    Messages:
    6,615
    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2005
    Location:
    Near Traverse City Michigan
    I must have been a freak. I couldnt wait to get home from school and go to the barn with my parents. I felt so much pride at school about my families dairyfarm. I talked about it a lot with teachers. I never could understand why the other kids made fun of me, and why they talked so badly about farming.

    I enjoyed my parents even though they were very authoritarian.
     
  14. SFM in KY

    SFM in KY Well-Known Member Supporter

    Messages:
    9,233
    Joined:
    May 11, 2002
    Oh, yes! Me too!

    I actually got along with my parents quite well (except for the last year of high school, when I'm sure there were times they wanted to strangle me) but I was an only child and had a very difficult time dealing with other kids.

    I think the "best times" for me as a teenager were the days (and there were a lot of them) that I could get on a horse and ride from daylight to dark checking cattle or fences and never see another person. I felt like I had a real job to do but it was something I really enjoyed.
     
  15. reese

    reese Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,994
    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2004
    Location:
    NO VA
    HEAR HERE!! :nono: I never wanted to be around my mother, but then again, she was completly disrespectful of me. Moved out at 17 and never looked back. Reese
     
  16. momlaffsalot

    momlaffsalot Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,398
    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2004
    Location:
    Kansas
    Take heart! The teen years are a time of seperation but as they get older, if you have a good foundation (which it sounds like you do), they start to become your friend. I don't have a daughter, only sons, but I can tell you my oldest and I had a tough time together when he was a teen. Now he is 21 and he is this amazing young man and when we see each other it's fun! We go to lunch or to the grocery store together and we talk and listen to each other and just really like each others company. Hang in there. She'll be back!
     
  17. Ardie/WI

    Ardie/WI Well-Known Member Supporter

    Messages:
    15,516
    Joined:
    May 10, 2002
    Oh, isn't that the truth! As a teenager EVERYTHING is a drama and it's God's way of teaching them how to handle real drama in the future.
     
  18. hisenthlay

    hisenthlay a.k.a. hyzenthlay

    Messages:
    2,024
    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2005
    Location:
    Southwestern PA
    I'd say as a teenager I had a pretty good relationship with my parents, but mostly we spent time together when they took me out to ride at the barn or at horse shows, when they drove me to school, incidental contact around the house, and vacations/holidays. I was an only child, and my parents didn't get along, so there weren't a lot of sit-down dinners or family outings or that type of thing.

    Mostly, I was at school, or out with friends, or shut up in my room studying, talking on the phone, or listening to music. Once I got a car, I saw them even less. I would've been very embarassed to be seen shopping for clothes, etc. with them--so we didn't even do the shopping thing that you guys do.

    I clashed a lot more with my mom than my dad--there were semi-regular screaming fights (well, mostly her screaming and me crying), and I would complain endlessly to my friends about how bad things were and how I couldn't wait to get out of the house and get to college. It took a few years of being out of the house for me to get the visceral memory of those clashes and negative feelings out of my system and want to come home and visit and hang out again, but it happened in due time. I think it happened when I felt like I was really independent--when I felt like she COULDN'T tell me what to do anymore, I started realizing that it was up to ME to do the RIGHT thing.

    But now--I'm 26--I'd say we have a pretty great relationship. I talk on the phone with my mom maybe 4-5 times a week, and my dad about 1-2 times a week. It's (almost) always nice to talk to them. I can't remember the last time we actually had an argument with raised voices (ok, well, now that I think about it, I can--two years ago we were on a mother/daughter 8 day vacation and really got on each others' nerves trying to coordinate 24 hours a day--we have very different styles of doing things). We all have busy schedules and live in different states, but we visit when we can and it's (almost) always fun.

    I think it's normal--like what Ardie said. I think most teenagers need to distance themselves from parents to find out who they are. They come back, eventually.
     
  19. Becca65

    Becca65 Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    4,534
    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2005
    Location:
    Michigan
    thanks everyone for your posts, least i know it's a normal thing.. She still does come to me if she has a problem or question, just doesn't seem to talk as much as she use too.
    She knows we're here for her though, she's a good kid never gives us any problems.. We're thankful for that, just miss the old times sometimes.
     
  20. tiffnzacsmom

    tiffnzacsmom just me Supporter

    Messages:
    1,770
    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2006
    Location:
    Allegheny National Forest
    I moved out of my mother's home at 13 and spent the next part of the next 5 years hidden in my room until I left for college. I most definetly remember them and wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy.