Homesteading Forum banner

1 - 20 of 28 Posts

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
5,937 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
My daughter came home from school in tears today. It seems that some of the kids in her class were saying that I must be stupid because I always wear the same clothes.

Now, to put this in persepective - i do always wear the same clothes. I work in agriculture and my boss provides us with jeans, fleeces, and work boots and wellies. In the morning, I drop DD at school, go straight to work and then straight back to collect DD. After lunch I take her back and then go and work on the smallholding for the afternoon so I don't get out of my work clothes until we have done the animals in the evening - no point in having 2 sets of mucky clothes!!

But this has irked me - it is obvious that it is a bunch of 5 year olds repeating what they have heard their mothers sniping about and I really don't care what they think of me - I wouldn't swap lives with ANY of them for all the tea in China - but I don't really know what to tell my DD.

We have talked about the fact that my clothes are a sort of uniform and that if I was a policewoman or ambulance driver I would wear the same clothes everyday. I also told her that if the same kids say it again to say to them that they also wear the same clothes every day (school has a school uniform). I also pointed out to her that I would look pretty silly dressing up in a skirt to go and drive the tractor LOL

I am having to bite my tongue as I want to tell her what I think of some of those other mothers (not very Christian thoughts I can assure you :( ) but feel that that would make me as bad as they are.

I know on a scale of 1 - 10 of disasters this is a -2 but I just don't know what to say to her - this has obviously hurt her feelings.

any suggestions ?

hoggie
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
19,129 Posts
Anytime I had my kids come home with that kind of crap I told them that it was terribly sad that these kids have parents who are so unhappy with their own lives that they have to verbally cut happy people down to make themselves feel better. I usually pointed out that I bet that my child was happy to live with a mom that didn't have a mean heart. I refused to dignify it beyond that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
948 Posts
Hoggie, I think your ideas are great. It may take some repetition for them to sink in, and outweigh the hurt from the other kids, but she'll get it.

And if that doesn't work, show up to school one day in a wedding dress, veil and all! That should get the mamas talking! :)
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
5,937 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
wr - when I quizzed her a bit, she doesn't want me to change LOL. We talked about it a lot but I think she is just very hurt by people being like that - we try very hard to keep things very positive even about people I don't like I try not to pass that on to her too mucj so I think this is a bit of a shock to her.

WIHH - LOL I am in the UK and they have another week to go here.

hoggie
 

·
Milk Maid
Joined
·
2,873 Posts
LOL. I believe hoggie is in the UK somewhere WIHH.

ETA: Hoggie beat me to it, teehee :)
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
6,751 Posts
I would explain to her that uniforms are worn by very proud people, people who love their job. Such as people in the army, airforce, navy, Dr., nurses, policemen, firemen, cowboys, nuns and even business people (most business people wear suits--that look alike) and that they are NOT the same clothes--even though they look just alike. Don't let your anger bring you down to the same level as the other parents! You can use this as a lesson for your daughter and make her feel good about her and her family! I would say something like "Aren't they silly, to think I would wear the same clothes every day! Sometimes, people say things that hurt others, when they really feel sad about what they have/do." Queen Bee
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,799 Posts
If it helps, here's a story from my childhood: When I was little, maybe around your daughter's age, I remember a neighborhood kid telling me that Japanese women wear kimonos because they don't know how to use a bathroom; they just squat down in their kimonos wherever they are to "do their business". She insisted it was true because her father told her so. I went home and asked my mother (who is Japanese) and she said no, it wasn't true, but it was a good example of the ignorant and silly things people sometimes say. She taught all of us kids that people all over the world, even grownups, even people who love their families and are helpful in their communities and are kind to their dogs etc, can say things about other people that are unfair and unkind. She told us it didn't necessarily mean that they were bad or stupid people, just that they were being thoughtless and speaking out of ignorance. The lesson was not to lash out against those people, but to watch our own mouths so we didn't do the same.

Obviously your clothes are exactly appropriate for your work, just as scrubs are for me in my work at a hospital. I wonder if those little kids would call a surgeon in scrubs "stupid"?
 

·
bunny slave
Joined
·
4,389 Posts
I think you're doing great. You just need to keep making it clear that what's important is the work you do, not the way you are dressed while doing it.

I'm with you on having negative thoughts about women who get their self-esteem from their clothes, but best not to even go there. That doesn't help anyone, and makes you look unnecessarily defensive.

(but at least you know that your daughter will someday be able to drive a tractor, and theirs won't :dance: )
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
7,230 Posts
Hi Hoggie-

My DD4-5 then never noticed it at our school gate but I felt selfconscious amongst all the dressed for success or by wealth mums whilst I had American casual, gardening, or walking/bikeriding gear on (jeans mostly, or even SWEATS!). There were a few other American mums and they all dress better than I do. At least one other (English) Mum- whose family runs the local kids play farm- was usually in farming gear/wellies as was the dad when he came (and how lucky for that girl to get to see her dad everyday unlike most of the other children- London commuter town). Once or twice mums would express appreciation of my attire when I was actually 'dressed' for work outside home- which looked like normal English casual actually. Maybe politely trying to reinforce good behavior....

Do you chat with the mums? We had to park and walk over to wait, no drive by dropping off (does anyone in UK get to do what I take for granted in US...). I of course befriended the mums dressed the most casually (and sometimes with the older more reasonable priced cars if I knew). Sadly the place is so dear (we got free tuition from the US govt) some of my less pricey looking friends had to change schools.

My worst trouble- starting with I think catty older sisters, not the mum because she is an angel- was DD's best friend; jealous? of our coming move to America. She poisonously told DD "I wouldn't want to move to America because there are lots of poisonous snakes and tornados and floods there!" Had to ask the mum to ask the child to stop the badchat- DD was nervous enough about moving from the only home and place she knew.

Sorry you encountered this. Do you think the teacher would let you come in and tell what you do? I, and DH (well he wore in his British Plate Society suit of armour for a show), came in to the nursery school and spoke of our work with props.

Best, Jenn
 

·
CF, Classroom & Books Mod
Joined
·
9,934 Posts
Wind in Her Hair said:
where are you that your children are going to school in July? What new form of torture is that?
Many places have year round schooling available, WIHH -- my niece in Ontario did "year round" schooling for several years when they tested it out there some years back -- the kids get longer breaks between semesters (two weeks, if I remember correctly), and no summer vacation.

It's an excellent alternative for some children who have difficulty getting back into the swing of things in September after having two months off.
 

·
Big Front Porch advocate
Joined
·
44,852 Posts
Columbine High in Littleton was "concept 6" year round, alternating long vacation periods between tracks A, B, and C. We had a student live with us during a year of schooling there.

This was 1980.

Angie
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,134 Posts
Wind in Her Hair said:
where are you that your children are going to school in July? What new form of torture is that?
Glad I'm not the only one who had that thought...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
713 Posts
Well, I am with you....kids don't think up that stuff on their own at 5 yrs old!! It is obviously the snotty moms!

Tell your DD just to explain when they say that how absolutely cool it is that you don't have to wear clothes to impress other people.....that you are too SMART for that. And have her mention that those clothes are what you wear to a job you enjoy, working w/ animals(what kid wouldn't think that was cool?) and how happy she is that mom is doing something she enjoys and not sitting in an office all day. If it is true, she could even regail them w/ stories about going to see your workplace/animals/etc. Not that it really matters to you, you shouldn't care what they think. But, this might help her if she has to go to school w/ these kids.....and who knows, maybe if she handles by talking to them about it, they will find out what an awesome kid she is and how much her mom loves her. Maybe, just maybe, she will teach them a lesson about what REALLY matters.

Good luck, Rachael
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
7,230 Posts
Jenn said:
At least one other (English) Mum- whose family runs the local kids play farm- was usually in farming gear/wellies as was the dad when he came ...
Let me note that THEIR child may have heard from mine a very positive "My mom wishes WE had a farm like you do!"
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,553 Posts
Is 5 years old, old enough to suggest some humor. Such as, "My mommy would like your mommy to come over and teach her how to dress like your mommy and still do her job." :)


Give your daughter a hug from me,
Marlene
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
4,283 Posts
does anyone in UK get to do what I take for granted in US
I don't think so - I was quite shocked when I moved here and saw people delivering their children like mail to the school :p

I can't think we ever lived so far away from a primary school that driving was necessary - of course the school here is within walking distance too but they send a bus. :shrug:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
474 Posts
Nowadays most parents seem to take their children to school by car even if they live very near. Oh how happy it makes me to see the narrow lanes clogged with people carriers and 4x4s - especially as the drivers seem to lose all memory of normal driving habits when dropping off their darlings!

Kaitlin - mother of 4 who always walked hers to school!
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
7,230 Posts
I was really incensed when the British Army camp put up signs telling us we had to park 1/4 mile away from the nursery. I mean! I'd be walking 3 four year olds through the rain once in a while! Isn't that a violation of my rights....
 
1 - 20 of 28 Posts
Top