Amazingly Simple Home Remedies

Discussion in 'Homesteading Questions' started by collegeboundgal, Aug 25, 2006.

  1. collegeboundgal

    collegeboundgal -Melissa

    Messages:
    924
    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2005
    Location:
    springfield, MO area
    AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

    1. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you
    from
    rolling over and going back
    to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

    2. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you
    will be
    afraid to cough.

    3. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
    someone else to hold them
    while you chop away.

    4. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by
    simply
    using the sink.

    5. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for
    a
    three minutes, thus reducing
    the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

    6. Have a bad headache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will
    forget
    about the headache.

    Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:
    You
    only need two tools:
    WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If
    it
    shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape. When all else fails, toss
    down a
    good shot of whiskey and take a nap.


    TEN COMMANDMENTS OF MARRIAGE

    Commandment One.

    Marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning.

    Commandment Two.

    If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every
    word you
    say, talk in your sleep.

    Commandment Three.

    Marriage is grand; and divorce is at least 100 grand.

    Commandment Four.

    Married life is very frustrating: In the first year of marriage, the
    man
    speaks, and the woman listens.
    In the second year, the woman speaks, and the man listens. In the
    third
    year, both speak, and the neighbors listen.

    Commandment Five.

    When a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one
    thing:
    Either the car is new, or the wife is.

    Commandment Six.

    Marriage is when a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when
    they
    try to decide which one.

    Commandment Seven.

    Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night, thinking about
    something
    you said. After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish
    talking.

    Commandment Eight.

    Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and
    a
    good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

    Commandment Nine.

    Every woman wants a man who's handsome, understanding, economical, and
    a
    considerate lover.
    But again, the law allows only one husband.

    Commandment Ten.

    Man is incomplete until he marries. After that, he's finished

    Live Simply, Love Generously, Care Deeply, Speak Kindly, Leave the rest
    to
    God.

    -Melissa
     
  2. suitcase_sally

    suitcase_sally Well-Known Member Supporter

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  3. whodunit

    whodunit Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Mar 29, 2004
    Number 2 is the best...
     
  4. Bink

    Bink Well-Known Member

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    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2003
    Location:
    Beautiful Kentucky
    Laughed out loud over that one. Problem is, I can't get anyone here to go along with it.
     
  5. Wolf mom

    Wolf mom Well-Known Member

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    Appalachian Foothills